Sorry guys, but all future updates will be pretty sporadic from now on. I hate to do this, but I've got a lot going on. I hope that's still okay!
Also, remember how some of you kinda were okay with Edd's dad? Ahaa...
SUPER BIG thanks to my reviewers last chapter: Ern Estine 13624, KawaiiLoner69, Eriolchan, FaolanLupa, Chakra-hoothoot, and Iamoteen
Chapter 4: Usual Overanalyzing
Eddy grumbled as he watched Kevin and Ed climb into the backseat of his mother's SUV. He fumbled to get comfortable in the passenger seat.
"I can't believe any of this," he muttered. His black, gelled hair drooped in his face, and his mouth was set in a contemplative frown.
"Can't believe what, Eddy?" Ed gave him a doofy smile. Eddy turned around towards the back of the SUV to answer.
"I don't know. Double D's a lot worse than I thought." Eddy rubbed his temples. "And it was my fault, too. Ed, you don't get it 'cause you can't do anything wrong. I screwed up, big guy. And I know for a fact he won't forgive me any time soon." His mother gave him a eyeliner-rimmed glance but left him alone. She felt it was best to have him figure things out himself.
Kevin nodded. "I get it, Dorky, but don't act all high and mighty. It's my fault, too."
Eddy suddenly barked with laughter and smirked at the other. "Look at us. We're competing for who's more guilty about Sockhead. What kind of idiots are we?"
Kevin joined into the laughter, and Ed giggled a bit, although he was a bit confused about why.
They pulled up to the Barr's residence, and Kevin waved a quick thanks and goodbye before shuffling towards his house.
Oh man. His mom was going to murder him. And his dad? He was lucky if he survived the night.
He turned the doorknob with building trepidation. Sucking in as much oxygen as his lungs could handle, Kevin pushed the door open to find his parents sitting on the couch watching some crime show on TV. His mother, Kathleen Barr, immediately stood up at the sound and sight of her only child walking into the house. Her short, fiery bob bounced with her movement. His father, Daniel Barr, just gave him a steely look over his rectangular glasses before focusing back onto the television. Kevin figured he'd get a mouthful from his father later.
"Kevin!" She screeched. "Where were you? Are you okay? Why couldn't you answer me?" Her bare feet padded heavily against the hardwood as she stormed to her son.
"I left school early. The school didn't call you?"
Kathleen threw her hands into the air and groaned. "Of course! Those idiots wouldn't know jack shit about parental notification!" She ran a hand through her hair. "And you, Kevin. Where did you go? Why was this excused? That reminds me. One more skip, and I'm homeschooling you, young man. And why couldn't you call me? All I do is worry about you, I swear."
Kevin gulped loudly. He shrunk under his mother's stern gaze. "There was a kid who almost killed himself, Mom. I went to the hospital with him 'cause...I dont know. I felt guilty, I guess. Fuck." Somehow, in the middle of talking, he started shaking. He heard a soft, "Oh, honey..." and suddenly he was engulfed in a hug.
He would fervently deny it later, but he shed his fair share of tears in her arms.
Mr. Daniel Barr slowly got up. He walked over to Kevin and rubbed his shoulder. "I bet you're starving, Kev." And with those words, Kathleen was jolted into Super-Mom mode.
"Let's get you dinner. Hospital food is disgusting, I know. You did eat, right? I gave you emergency money for a reason. C'mon, sweetie. I'll heat up some baked ziti, and you can tell me the whole story."
Kevin gave a shaky smile. "Thanks mom."
"Don't think you're off the hook. You didn't call me," she said, scooping out a portion of the dish.
"My phone was dead!"
"Excuses, excuses."
After he had eaten the baked ziti, he had talked more about Edd to his mother.
"Do I know who it was?" Kathleen whispered, rubbing circles into his back.
"Yeah…you know Eddward Vincent, right? He lives in the house across from ours." She gasped quietly.
"Oh Lord. Were Child Services there?"
Kevin paused and looked quizzically up at his mother, "No...? Why would they be there? Is that procedure or something?"
She cursed under her breath and pulled out a chair for herself. "You know how Eddward usually ends up alone most of the time because of his parents' work, right, hun?"
"Yeah," he annunciated slowly. He wasn't liking where this was going.
"Whenever I do hear them come home, they end up making a lot of noise over there. I don't know why, but that boy is so shy, I figure it was something bad."
Kevin gripped onto the edge of his chair with sickly white knuckles. She continued, "One time, back when we had block parties, the mother-Martha was it?-she went on and on about how ungrateful he was. That was back when we had a lot of parties around the cul-de-sac, so I remember we had Eddward over several times. I told her that couldn't be true since he was so polite, but she blew up on me as if I'd caused all her problems." She shook her head. "I don't think Eddward's had a good home life, Kev. You have to be careful with him."
Kevin nodded stiffly, "Who the hell do they think they are? He's not their slave, Mom!"
"Sweetie, I know you're angry, but you can't get involved with his personal affairs. We don't know the whole story. We aren't even completely sure if anything is going on," she whispered. Kathleen proceeded to rise from her chair and ruffle Kevin's hair.
"I don't know what to do," Kevin muttered.
Kathleen grinned softly and picked up Kevin's empty plate, "You'll figure it out as time goes on. In the mean time, you should get to bed. You have school tomorrow, and you're going and staying whether you like it or not. After school, you can visit Eddward again if you'd like."
Kevin felt the corners of his lips turn upwards, "Thanks, Mom."
"You aren't off the hook, mister. You're still getting punished for not contacting me." She flashed him a stern look and went back to the living room where Daniel was pleasantly snoring.
Kevin then dragged his feet up the stairs and into his room. He glanced fondly at the shrine to Star Trek on one side and the shrine to his favorite baseball team in the other. Ah, home.
He plugged in his phone, and, as it lit up, he was bombarded with unanswered text messages and missed calls. There was an overwhelming amount from his mother alone. He was grateful he fixed the misunderstanding with her. Another abundance of messages came from Nazz. Of course. He never checked in with her. Figuring he better call her to tell her everything, he dialed Nazz's familiar number.
It rang once. "Nazz?"
"It's about time you called."
Edd woke up to the sound of the machines buzzing. He had a rough night. His mind couldn't stop reeling about how much he enjoyed spending time with Kevin, Eddy, and Ed. It was almost like seventh grade again. It was all he had ever wanted. It was perfect.
But then he couldn't help to realize why it was so perfect.
They all pitied him. Edd should have known better than to blindly accept their pity. He had mistakenly taken it for actual concern. They must be laughing at his ignorance.
The logical part of his brain told him he was being his usual overanalyzing self. He knew there was a possibility, no matter how slim, that they might actually be concerned about him. It was just hard to feel they truly cared now when, just yesterday, he was sure no one cared at all.
Yet, they looked honestly sorry for alienating him all those years. Eddy even shed a few tears for his sake which was rare in any case. It was like they were still best friends, and Edd hadn't just tagged along for the last hundred hangouts. It was like he mattered.
Sick joke, huh?
Kevin, too, appeared just as sorry as Eddy. What Edd liked about Kevin's guilt is that he played pretend with him. He'd decided to treat him as if they were friends all along. Edd knew it was fake. He only wanted immediate companionship. Although he had yet to hear an apology from both of them, he just wanted their friendship now. He got it from Kevin, but it was a stupid thing to ask from Eddy, considering the reality of the situation. Their concern had a time limit, and once that time was up, Edd would be back where he was yesterday.
Some time passed, and Edd had his IV drip exchanged for a brand new one. His parents returned briefly-his mother still looked angry about the day before, but his father just seemed apathetic. The doctor hurriedly ushered them out of the room to talk. He could hear the murmurs of a serious conversation. The murmurs suddenly spiked into shouts.
"No! Absolutely not!" His father's voice bounced off the white walls.
"Sir, your son is mentally unstable-"
"This is ridiculous. You can't tell me how to raise my son."
"I'm trying to save him!"
Edd gnawed at his bottom lip. He felt pressure behind his eyes but didn't give in to it. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't.
He knew how his father felt about mental illness. Samuel Vincent had a no tolerance policy for the physically weak but an even stricter policy for the mentally weak. He didn't really believe in it, even though he was a scientist at heart. He thought it was a pathetic excuse.
"My son does not need therapy! I will not allow you to control how I raise my son," he bellowed.
He needed to toughen up. He needed to be stronger, to fix himself. He needed to show everyone he could handle being himself. If the doctor somehow won the argument, and Edd had to go to a therapist, his father would never look him in the eyes again. He needed to prove he could survive without it.
But first he needed to convince himself he didn't need it.
His parents walked back into his room, and Edd wasn't alone. His parents were just sitting uncomfortably in their business attire. He would almost rather be alone. At least, if he were, he could think properly to himself.
All the thoughts running through his head with his parents beside him lmade him extremely anxious. He should talk to them, but they wouldn't listen. They were disappointed in him already, why not spill his guts? Except then they might as well disown him. Then, where would he go? Eddy's house? Not after his suicide attempt. The atmosphere would just ooze pity. Ed's house? Not with Sarah there. She still loathed him. Kevin's house?
That's what shook him out of his thoughts. It was a completely ridiculous notion. Edd didn't even know Kevin. They were neighbors, acquaintances. Nothing more. He only started talking to the teen recreationally yesterday. And yesterday was his suicide attempt. There was no real attachment or care towards Edd. It was like a get well soon card. Pleasantries and surface-deep concern. There was absolutely no way he could live with Kevin if his parents disowned him. Plus, the idea was fictional in its entirety since he was never going to talk to them about his emotions and issues.
"Eddward, dear, please talk to us," his mother begged. His eyes remained trained to his hands. Oh, the irony!
"Son, if you don't tell us, they'll force you into therapy. Vincents aren't weak-minded, Eddward. You aren't weak-minded," his father loomed over him, "Just tell us the truth. You were only craving attention, right?"
That made Edd's muscles freeze. Did he just do it for attention? He wanted attention, yes. He certainly didn't get any attention from his parents or from friends.
Oh, Charles Darwin! What if he was just being a needy teenager? Maybe every one of his peers felt just as lonely as he did. Maybe they all were handling it just fine.
For the first time in his life, Edd somewhat believed he was being a child about everything. The bitter loneliness. Losing all his friends. The bullies. The taunting. Being used as a toy for Eddy. Being a social outcast with Ed. He was overreacting. Normal teenagers faced similar, possibly worse situations all the time.
But, if he was simply overreacting, why did he always feel this gnawing entity ripping at his soul? Why did movies depict holidays with a warm family, not a child reading in an empty house, alone? Why did it feel so unbearable to just live?
"Eddward, please."
"Grow up, Eddward. The world doesn't revolve around you."
He was just overreacting. He was a self-centered child. It was all a scam for more attention. Eddy and Ed had moved on, and he just couldn't accept that they didn't need him. That they didn't want him.
He was so focused on keeping what could have been that he didn't realize it could never be.
"I...guess I have been searching for attention, and maybe...yesterday was the product of my selfishness." His mother scowled with disapproval, and his father gave him a knowing smirk.
"And to think therapy was honestly an option. Doctors these days are so quick to diagnose mental disorders."
Title mention! The title for What Could Have Been is really important to the plot in a couple of different ways. Thanks for sticking with me!