Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget

Chapter Three

Elena couldn't help the knots in her stomach as she entered the Salvatore house. It was as imposing as her father's but that wasn't what made her feel almost sick. She was going to meet Giuseppe and Stefan for the first time and although John decided to come along to the Sunday lunch she was nervous about the encounter. John had said that Katherine seemed to look forward to visiting the Salvatores and that the brunette woman seemed to enjoy Giuseppe's company more than her own fiancée's. He even admitted to Elena that sometimes he felt jealous because Giuseppe was the closest Katherine had been to anyone other than her parents.

As the days passed Elena could finally understand her father better. She had thought the main reason why he had asked her to take Katherine's place was because of the impeding wedding but not once had John talked about it. He told her about the reasons why Katherine started dating Damon in the first place and while it shocked her it also showed that she and her sister had something in common: they were willing to do anything they could for their parents. While Elena's first motivation had been to have a relationship of any sort at all with John, Katherine sacrificed her own happiness to make sure her father didn't see his company being sold to people he knew didn't care about all the sacrifices and hard work he had to do to build his empire. Elena also sacrificed her own happiness by leaving her mother and fiancé behind her but it was only temporary. Katherine was willing to spend the rest of her life with someone she didn't love. It was shocking for Elena to learn that Katherine didn't fall in love with Damon. Actually it seemed nearly impossible but at least her sister had a genuine relationship with her future father-in-law.

"I don't have any idea of what those conversations Katherine constantly had with Giuseppe were about but I expect he'll lead you there. It may be about the company and I know you didn't have time to get used to everything we do but you could always change the subject and propose something different," he suggested as they waited for the Salvatore men to come to the living room where the maid had brought them.

"Okay," Elena nodded quietly.

"I'm so sorry about everything you've been through because of me. I've been thinking about it and while I don't want to let you go I know that's what I should do. I was shocked to know you broke up your own engagement to be here, that's not what I want for your life, daughter. I want you to be happy with the man that makes you happy. I'll fix it soon, I promise," John offered and before Elena could answer her father was standing up to greet his old friend. It had come to a shock to him to know in one of their night conversations that Elena had her own engagement ring before she traveled to New York. The more he knew about his estranged daughter the less he understood her. Elena was incredibly selfless. It almost felt too much, nearly impossible and he wondered what the reasons behind such altruistic actions were. Maybe she missed him as much as he had missed her for the past twenty-one years. That hadn't been a day that John went without thinking about the daughter he only saw for a few days. Or maybe she wanted to know more about the sister she would never meet. He highly doubted she was after his money as he was about to lose his companies and although selling Gilbert industries would bring him a lot of money, he knew that she and Isobel were aware that he was willing to give them a part as he had done during all his life. Her life wasn't luxurious like Katherine's but it seemed like Elena didn't needed it. She appreciated it but it wasn't what she was looking for. Or at least not that he thought.

"So your daughter still lives after all," Giuseppe saluted the man in front of him but he didn't realize that both Elena and John became pale. It was a lighthearted greeting but it hit close to home to the Gilberts.

"I missed you, Giuseppe," Elena followed her father's initial movements and actually reached the Italian before her own father did as John was suddenly rooted in his place.

"It seems like you're acting on this feeling lately. Damon doesn't talk about anything else other than your newly acquired warmth," he quipped and Elena breathed somewhat calmer as she realized he was teasing her.

"I think he's exaggerating a little bit, as usual," Elena added. She used to take a lot of risks with remarks about the people she was supposed to know. She followed her instincts and what her father had shared about Katherine and the Salvatores and she hoped it wasn't too far from the reality. Giuseppe only laughed while shaking his head slightly and walked by to greet her father.

"John, it's nice to see you too," the older man addressed.

John was still answering Giuseppe's greeting when Damon entered the room, a big smile on his face as he walked straight to his fiancée, kissing her softly on the lips before also acknowledging her father.

"Can I steal my beautiful girl for let's say the rest of the day?" Damon asked both of the older men that were already moving to their seats, about to start some conversation.

"As if you'll let Katherine stay if we say no," Giuseppe chuckled and John forced a small smile on his face. He cared about those people. Giuseppe was one of his best friends, if not the only genuine friend he had. He had seen both, Damon and Stefan, grow and he felt sick in his guts to deceive them like that.

"Well, I see you later Giuseppe," Elena offered to the older Salvatore as she followed Damon outside the room.

As soon as they were out of sight from their fathers, Damon reached for Elena's waist and pulled his body against hers, kissing her passionately. Elena was surprised by his actions but she soon followed suit by cupping his head in her hands as she answered the kiss with as much passion. Truth was every time she met Damon in the past days she was more and more involved by his flirting and charming ways. He was a seducer that knew his game inside out and he didn't care if Katherine was the woman he was about to marry after having a relationship with her for more than one year, he felt like he had to make her fall in love with him every day. Elena never felt something like that because Matt was accommodated about their relationship, especially after he proposed and she said yes. Some days she felt like he took her for granted. Their relationship while warm didn't have the fire she felt in 'her' relationship with Damon. He seemed to be absolutely crazy about Katherine and made sure to let her know it every day as much as he tried to make her feel the same about him.

"I missed you so much," he said between kisses while they both stopped to take some air.

"We just saw each other yesterday," she offered a soft smile and Damon couldn't resist but bring her lips to his again. He loved that new smile of hers. Katherine didn't smile a lot. She smirked or just plain laughed about something she thought was very funny. Normally something his father said. But now she had showed him that pure and childish smile more than once in their encounters and he loved it.

"I miss being with you for real," he clarified and Elena who wasn't that innocent knew what he was talking about and widening her eyes and feeling her heart rush in her chest she was stiff in his arms. She was speechless; no words come to her mouth because she had no idea how she was going to have that conversation with him. She had thought about a few things before but she didn't know if she actually had the guts to have such an intimate conversation with someone she hadn't known for more than a week. She was attracted and enchanted by him and his personality but he was relatively still a stranger.

"Is everything okay?" he asked seeing how she became pale and quiet as they walked towards his bedroom.

"Yes, it's just that there's something we need to talk about," she answered avoiding looking at him.

Damon frowned slightly but preferred to finish their walk to his bedroom before questioning her about it.

He opened the door and motioned for her to enter. As soon as both were inside he closed and locked the door. Elena took a deep breath as an attempt to dissolve the lump in her throat.

"More things happened during my reflection time," she started as she walked towards his bed, paying attention to every detail of his contemporaneous decorated bedroom. It was beautiful and simple. It wasn't very modern but it contrasted with the classical style downstairs. There were a lot of books, just like she expected because they talked more than once about their reading habits. Katherine also shared her love for literature so it wasn't a big lie to talk about the books she had read and that were in her sister's bookshelf. There was also a big plasma TV, a powerful sound system, many albums and DVDs and a table with a couple of chairs. It was a beautiful bedroom.

"Tell me about it," he said cautiously as he sat by her side on his bed.

"I felt like something was missing in my life Damon. I tried to look for answers; I tried to find some meaning and to feel something. I ended up in a church and it was an amazing experience. Suddenly I felt things I've never sensed before," she told him the truth, which was a rare occurrence. She was sharing something that had happened to her six years ago and although it was back when she was a teenager she felt like the experience would be the same to a young adult like Katherine.

"I asked you so many times to go to church with us. Father had insisted a lot – I'm sure he'll love to know that you finally went. I'm actually happy you decide to go," Damon smiled relieved that this was what Elena meant by 'some things'. He wasn't a religious person but his mother was Catholic as were most Italians and Giuseppe liked to go to the Sunday service as well. As kids Stefan and he were forced to go but their parents gave them the freedom to decide if they wanted to keep going as adults. The boys preferred to keep going although as time passed they missed the services more often than not. But then Cecilia died and they started accompanying their father every Sunday again as it seemed to help Giuseppe.

"I went to a Baptist Church," she clarified and he raised his eyebrows in surprise as his mouth formed an O.

"I guess that's okay. You know I personally don't think religion is important. I was sure you wouldn't even agree to marry in a church," he spoke again after the shock wore down. Katherine was one of the most skeptical people he had met in his life and it was hard for him to believe in what she was saying to him in that moment. Especially when she seemed to have opted for Protestantism. There were much less 'demanding' and milder religions or even more rational ones that he would have guessed if anyone said to him she converted to any belief.

"I definitely want that. I believe in all the principles, I believe in God and I want my marriage to be blessed, not only officiated," she let it slip. It was so automatic for her to think those things that she didn't think for a moment that Katherine wouldn't be so confident about it like that.

"That's… good," he said finding himself more and more shocked by the minute, not knowing why she was bringing it up now. They had met three times in the past week and talked every night. She had had plenty of chances to bring this subject up in any of those occasions but she never did. He decided to hear her out and try to understand why she suddenly wanted to talk about religion.

Elena took a deep breath and finding the courage inside of her she closed her eyes. When she opened them again she looked determined and reached for his hands. She looked at him before she spoke again, "I can't have sex with you Damon."

"What?" he nearly screamed and she was confident his eyes were about to pop out of their sockets.

"I agree about what they say at church, it should be a privilege between spouses and I know what's happened in the past and it might be very difficult for you but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to do it anymore. I know what I'm asking is very hard and I know it's almost unfair…" she was explaining but he cut her off, "Almost?" he asked slightly angry.

"As I was saying I know this is hard for you but I hope you can understand me too. I don't like to impose my ideas onto you, I don't like to force you to have things my way but this is something very important to me and as much as I wish there was a way for me to make it easier or fairer to you, I know there isn't. I can't do it, Damon and I hope you won't force me to do it," she stroked her thumb on his hand and he could feel that she slightly shaking.

Katherine didn't shake. Katherine didn't do God. Katherine didn't do warmth. Katherine didn't do talking every day. As each day passed she surprised him more and he was starting to think someone brainwashed his fiancée. He almost didn't recognize the woman by his side. He liked most of the changes, although he missed her sassiness and acid humor but this was too much, too shocking, too unexpected. He was getting dizzy by the many changes. It seemed like she was a totally different person. It was scary and he didn't know what to think about it. She had now shared something, another piece in the puzzle and while he had heard about people that had changed their lives drastically after they converted to any religion he didn't think they would change their personalities that much. The only thing that actually made sense was her sexual restraint as it was a consequence of her new believes. All the rest was more than some posture change. It was more than having new principles in life. Some of the changes were so radical that he was starting to get confused and lost around her. But what other explanation was left? He certainly didn't believe they cloned his fiancée but it seemed the most possible explanation in his head.

"I don't know what to say," he honestly answered, trying to figure out what to do next. Sex wasn't something that he could talk her into if she didn't want to go through with it.

"If you think that you can't respect what I want, how I feel… I could… we could…," she started and she felt the tears shimmering in her eyes. She knew what she was offering. She was a virgin because of what she believed not because someone said she had to be. That decision was one she made for her own. She wasn't one of those believers who never questioned what they were said. There were many things she heard in the services that she disagreed and didn't think it was what God was expecting her to do but in this case, she was positive that was what she wanted. But what could she do if Damon objected to it? She knew all the risks she was taking when she accepted what John proposed. She expected Damon and Katherine to have an active sexual relationship. If she wanted to be convincing in her acting she couldn't deny it if he wanted to keep sleeping with her.

"Katherine… this is… how can you handle it? If anything I was the one who had to keep up with your sexual appetite. You're so insatiable and now you're just saying that you won't have it anymore? If both of us had made that decision together I would bet that it would be much more difficult for you to live without sex than me. I just don't know how you can do it," Damon explained his shock. Ever since they started dating he knew Katherine was a force in bed. She was a feline, she had a hunger for sex that he truly appreciated and matched. But then he stepped up in the family business and he was getting more and more tired while her desire only grew bigger. He couldn't keep up with her double and many times triple journey every time they met but he put an extra effort because he felt that during the sex was the closest he got to her heart, it was when he saw more of Katherine because some of her walls didn't resist the act of passion. A few months passed and he finally couldn't take it anymore and they had cut a little the many times they had sex by week. He noticed she was clearly disappointed and unhappy because of it but it was inhumanly impossible for him to keep their rhythm. And now here she was in front of him asking to totally cut sex off from their relationship. It was crazy.

"It's not me Damon… I'm a new person. I was born again. It's hard to explain for someone who hasn't experienced it and I know you have your own believes and I don't want to turn this into something it's not. This isn't about me wanting to imprint my believes on you. This is about you and me finding a new place in our relationship as a consequence of the changes I've been through in my life. I don't want to discuss religion; I don't want to bring religion up in any of our conversations. I'm only telling you how I feel and what I need. If you can't take it, we'll try this in your way and then if I'm the one who can't take it, then I think maybe we should reevaluate this relationship. As I said, this isn't a whim, this is how I feel, this is my need and desire and I know you have yours and I respect them you just tell me if respecting mine is something you can't do," she explained and she hoped she was risking too much. She was yet to have the conversation she needed to have with John about how long their farce would last. While she realized it had less and less to do with the sacrifice Katherine had agreed to herself, she wasn't totally sure if her father expected her to marry Damon or not. It seemed like John was just plain lost and the least of his concerns was to save his industries. She didn't feel like he wanted her to do the same as Katherine did but she wasn't totally sure about it. Yet there was only so much she could take and as much as she had said to Damon that if he couldn't deal with the lack of sex she was willing to give in, she knew deep inside she wouldn't and that was why she shouldn't lead him on. At least not more than she was already doing by pretending to be her sister who would never wake up and resume her role in Damon's life.

"What? Are you considering ending our relationship because of sex?" he asked stunned. This conversation just moved from weird and unexpected to a territory that had haunted Damon many times. He knew the biggest motivation for Katherine regarding their relationship was to save her father's business. It wasn't about the money because he was positive John would receive a lot of money for the negotiation. She didn't want her father to lose what he had worked so hard to build. She even knew that Giuseppe was willing to buy the business to avoid any opportunists to buy it. His father made it clear to Katherine more than once. And that was what made Damon the least confident about their relationship. She wasn't with him because of money, because his family could easily give it to hers and even offer John and Katherine executive positions in the business. It wasn't only because of their friendship, but because Giuseppe knew John's businesses were sinking as he wasn't investing the time in the business that the industries required and Katherine was still studying. The many activities the industries had were still very lucrative and all they needed was a full time CEO and probably an injection of some money and the empire John built would once again be an empire. Yet John wasn't into the business like he used to be, as much as he loved what he built. And having Damon or anyone from the Salvatore's to take care of it was more than John needed and wanted. Katherine didn't need to be with Damon to get it and she knew. But just because he had this small proof that she wasn't a gold digger it didn't make him any more confident about them.

What he feared the most was for Katherine give up on him. He was afraid she would never warm up to him and when she seemed to finally do it, it came with a big if. What she was asking was more than he could offer but would he refuse to do it and risk losing her forever?

"You said you've been postponing those oversea trips you need to do ever since you became the new CEO, maybe now it's a good time for you to do them. I'm not looking forward to breaking up with you Damon, it's not what I want and it's not what I'm considering as you put it. It's just something that may happen if we can't handle this. I know this is something very important in a relationship but if we can't agree how we feel about it then it makes things complicated. I don't want to destroy what we have; I like what we have," Elena confessed her feelings and for a moment she forgot she was playing a role. It was how she felt. She liked Damon's company; she liked the way he made her body react when he was around or by simply hearing his voice over the phone. She wanted to keep enjoying it but maybe this sex subject would be the perfect excuse. If she was to step out from her sister's shoes in the near future, breaking up with Damon would make it easier to everybody.

"We'll try it. I'll do my best. Maybe you're right; maybe it'd be a good time for me to travel around. Father had been asking me to visit the branches oversea for a couple of months. It would definitely make it easier," he quickly answered after her admission. If she didn't want what they had to end, if she liked it, he would do any sacrifice to keep her.

"I'm sorry about this," she looked down at her hands, breaking the contact she was keeping with his.

"Hey, look at me, Katherine," he refrained from reaching for her chin because he didn't know what to expect from his fiancée.

She didn't even try to resist. She looked at him and when she met those beautiful blue eyes she felt herself melting. The word beautiful would never be descriptive enough to do justice to Damon's eyes.

"I love you, Katherine. You just asked me the hardest thing you could ever ask me but I'm willing to try it because I can't see my life without you. You're the woman I chose to spend my life with and I'm going to do everything I can to keep you because I can't lose you, I don't want to lose you. If that's the price I have to pay, I'll pay it. I'll do whatever it takes to be with you because there's no one else I want. But I must say I don't know where you stand lately. You seem like a totally different person and there are things I love and things that I'm not quite sure I like. But I'm not your owner or your boss. I'll respect you as I always did I just need some time to adjust to all those changes. I don't want you to change because of me. What I want the most is to make you happy. If I can do it, I'll do it but if I can't, if what we have is something that will make you sad, I'd rather let you go. You're the only woman I want but I'll only have you if I can make you happy. I love you too much to see you sad especially if I know you could be happy if you weren't with me. I want to have a chance to sweep away the sadness I always see in your eyes. That's the change I'd give everything for. I just want you to be happy, I've been selfish until now and only thought how much I love you and how much I want you to be my wife but if that's now what makes you happy, it'll kill me but I'll let you go," he moved his hand to her face and caressed it as he spoke and the truth, the love, the pain she could see in his eyes was the most beautiful, honest and sad thing she had seen in her life. Because what Damon wanted wasn't possible. There was no way the constant sadness in Katherine's eyes would leave because she couldn't open them anymore. And there was no way her own sadness would leave her eyes because the man, stroking her cheek didn't deserve to be deceived like that. She was incapable of looking happy or letting go of her sad gaze as long as she knew she was lying to him. But now she felt something different. Elena knew in that moment that when all those lies stopped and she came back to Florida her sadness would be even more prominent because even if he really didn't mean to say those words to her, she was the one who heard them and her heart broke in her chest knowing that she wouldn't be the real target of such love, compassion and passion. And just for a moment she wondered if pretending to be Katherine for the rest of her life, as long as she passed it by his side, would really be something she couldn't live with.

AN: So that's why Elena is a virgin in this story and she finally shared something that is true about her with Damon. And we could have a glimpse of how he feels about Katherine. He fantasies a lot about their relationship but he truly loves her. I know the initial chapters aren't as fun as you expected (based on how I've been receiving less and less reviews as the story progresses) but there's a lot of explaining to be done in this story before things start to get out of control. Next chapter is surprising and although there's no Delena a lot of questions are answered and that conversation Elena wants to have with John will happen. Except that John won't talk about it with Elena. Thanks for those who reviewed and for those who didn't, show me some love guys :P

Thanks to Avecia, my beta.

xoxo

Babi