Hey guys, just wanted to give you another chapter before I go on vacation just in case I don't get a chance to update then. I hope you guys are enjoying this story and I hope you guys have an absolutely wonderful day. Please review and as always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
The sun filtered through the curtains as Natasha opened her eyes. The quietness of the room having woken her up. As she moved to get up she noticed that Loki was still in the bed, looking so peaceful while sleeping. She smiled moving to trace his angled jaw line with her fingers. The skin underneath her fingertips was surprisingly soft and she couldn't find it within her to pull her hand away. She was shocked that he had stayed and she let herself be happy at the fact that for once someone hadn't left. Her face fell when her brain reminded her that he wouldn't be able to stay much longer, and no one could stop that. She immediately regretted agreeing to kill him, knowing that it was going to be one of the hardest things she would ever have to do. Her fingers moved from his jaw and they soon found their way to his pale lips, tracing over them slightly as to not wake him. Suddenly she felt her thoughts betraying her wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Her other hand reached up and wove itself into his long black hair, loving how soft it was. Her fingernails reaching to scratch at his scalp ever so lightly, before dragging them down to the ends of his hair. As she moved to be closer to him, so that she could put both hands in his hair, she suddenly felt her lips brush his own. She gasped loudly when instead of pulling away he kissed her back. She found herself melting into the kiss, her fingers reaching to the back of his neck to pull him closer to her. One of Loki's hands tangling itself in her unruly red curls and the other gently cupping her face. As his eyes fluttered open, before the two finally had to pull apart both gasping for air. Loki smiled as his eyes opened all the way.
"That was-" Natasha was the first to break the comfortable silence that had began to settle between the two of them, her voice soft from the lack of air. Leaning forward touching her forehead to Loki's.
"Amazing," Loki finished her words for her, showing that he shared the same sentiment. Before reaching his hand out again, tucking a red curl back behind her ear, so that he could see her eyes.
"Can I kiss you again?" Natasha asked unsure of whether or not he had meant to kiss her and before she could doubt it any longer, he answered by pressing his lips against her own. They both smiled fully through the kiss, each feeling a happiness they hadn't felt in a very long. Having to break the kiss because of how much they were both smiling. Just as Natasha was leaning in to kiss him again she heard her phone ring and let out a sigh. She turned her head to look at who it was that could possibly be calling her now. Her face went pale as she realized, who it was that was calling. The caller ID showed that it was Tony again and she realized she hadn't thought about telling him that she wasn't going to be able to finish the mission without him sending someone else to do it instead.
"Are you alright?" Loki asked from the other side of the bed, concern deep in his voice. The fear in her eyes almost palpable as though he could reach out and hold it in his hands.
"It's Tony, I don't what I'm going to say. He's going to ask me if I have finished the job yet. If I tell him I killed you, he might assign me another mission and I already promised you that I'm not going to leave you to die alone. If I tell him I can't do it then he is simply going to send another to finish the job and I can't let you die like that. They will torture you Loki, they will stop at nothing to feel like they have gotten revenge for what happened in New York. I don't think I would ever be able to live with myself if I let that happen. I know I'm going to lose you anyway, but I'm just not ready to let go yet. No matter how selfish it might be." The tears were rolling down her face before she could even try to stop them, and the phone and her hands started to shake.
"Tony's you friend right?" Loki asked her trying to calm her down, knowing that the rest of her team would do anything for her. Seeing as she was the one who tied them together as a team, the one who made sure they didn't murder each other.
"Yes, he is Loki. He has his orders from SHIELD though," She said knowing exactly what Loki was saying and hoping that maybe just maybe he was right. "Stark's never been one to follow the rules though." Loki got up and wiped the tears from her face, accepting the call for her, before bringing the phone up to her ear.
"Tony?" Natasha's voice was shaky as she spoke, hoping that he would be able to give her more time.
"Have you found him yet?" She could hear the impatience seeping into his voice even though it was clear that he was trying to not let it be noticable.
"Yes, but there is one problem," She said trying not to let her guard slip as she spoke, tears stinging her eyes.
"What's the problem, are you alright?" His voice was so full of concern and she hated having to ask him do this for her, but it was her only choice.
"I'm fine, it's just I can't do it." She said he voice starting to shake a little again, and Loki wrapped her up in his arms, letting her know that she could do it.
"Why not?" Tony asked his voice dripping with confusion, he had never known her to find something that she couldn't do.
"I've discovered that I have feelings for him Tony. He is not well and I made him a promise to stay with him, no one deserves to die alone. He is going to die soon Tony and to kill him now seems pointless and cruel. I know you have your orders from SHIELD, but as my friend can you please not tell them that I've found him. Please Stark just tell them that I need a little more time to find him," Tony Stark had never heard that vulnerability in her voice before and quite frankly it scared him shitless.
"Natasha he is dangerous and nothing will stop him from feeling the need to belong with whatever it may be. I don't want you to get hurt, they'll kill you if they find out. You know how dangerous this is right?" His voice was thick with concern, he had always hoped that she would be able to find someone, but not someone who was either going to kill her or get her killed.
"Loki's not well Tony and he needs someone who is willing to take care of him. He is no condition to hurt me let alone kill me. And so what if SHIELD tries to kill me, it would be just another person added to the long list of those who have tried and failed. I have been through hell and back Tony I'm not afraid of them." Her voice was unwavering conveying all of the strength she had with just her tone alone.
"They are unlike anyone you have ever dealt with before Natasha and they will stop at nothing if they find out. You l
"Loki's not well Tony, he needs to be taken care of. And so what if they try to kill me it would just be another person added to the long list of ones who have tried and failed," Her voice was unwavering conveying all of the strength she had in her tone.
"They are unlike anyone you have ever went up against before, and they will stop at nothing if they find out. I will buy you as much time as I possibly can, I just ask that you are careful. We need all the members of our team." His voice was warm and caring for once and it shocked Natasha.
"I will Tony, thank you," She said before she hung up the phone sitting it back down before turning to face a very shocked looking Loki.
"T-They'll kill you?" He asked his voice full of concern at what she was risking, never having considered what would happen if she didn't follow her orders. It was in that moment that he realized just how trapped she was in SHIELD.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be alright, I know how to take care of myself. Plus if they can't catch me than they can never kill me. Tony will buy me some time and they will never know." She said giving him a quick reassuring peck of the cheek.
"I'm not worth all of this Natasha. I am not worth your life, I have never done anything to deserve it, in fact I have done the complete and utter opposite. So desperate to belong, to feel like I had a place I never realized all the wrong I was doing nor did I care. This is my price to pay Nat not yours. I know you can take care of yourself, but it just doesn't make sense for you to pay a debt that you don't owe." He asked hoping that she wasn't about to follow through with getting herself killed just to protect a dying man.
"The same reason you insist on paying your own debt. I was raised from the time I could walk to be ruthless and murderous in every way. I didn't have the want to belong, I just felt like what I was doing was necessary to survive. You are not the only one with a debt to pay and yet you are the only one to be punished for it. You are not the only monster here Loki." She said and she knew that they were both very much one in the same. Each having done terrible things and never having thought of their consequences until it was too late.
"You are not a monster Tasha, you are the furthest thing from it. You were raised to be that way, you didn't have a choice. I was raised to be more than I ever should have been, I had a choice, hell I even had a second chance. I threw that all away. You however have made yourself so much better, you are willing to do whatever it takes to save others and you have become truly selfless. No monster would ever do what you did." Knowing that there were many things she had done to repent from her sins. That she didn't deserve the terrible fate that was in his cards, the fate he practically made for himself.
"I want to save you so badly and for once in my life I don't know how to what's wrong. I'm not used to it Loki, I'm used to be able to do something to stop the situation and now I can't. It's killing me because everything I've ever wanted is standing right here with me and yet I know that I can never have it." She said her voice shaky as she spoke tears running down her face as she finally broke, she just couldn't understand why there wasn't another way.
"There is only one way to save me and that option was long ago taken away from me. So I know exactly how helpless you feel and I'm so very sorry that I can't stay. That I can't fall in love with you and have a life with you." He said feeling so terribly guilty at what he was putting her through. He had tried everything already to save himself and nothing had worked.
"What is it?" She asked a glimmer of hope shining in her eyes, as she thought that there was a way that she could save him. A way that she could fix what was happening.
"An apple from Asgard, but in order for me to get one I need to have enough magic to travel all the way to Asgard. Unfortunately I am without the amount of magic required," He answered sadly shaking his head as he spoke.
"Is there a way to restore you magic enough to get you to Asgard?" She asked curiosity seeping through her words as she hoped that there was a way to get it back.
"Sadly the only option is unavailable to me, it requires you having someone who loves you so much that their love alone, undos your sin. Honestly quite cruel, no one could ever love me enough to undo all the wrong I have done." He said his voice resigned as his eyes found their way to the floor.
"I can't promise that I can, I'm not sure that my heart is even capable of love anymore." She said letting another tear roll down her face as the hope she had was crushed again.
"I would never ask you to love me Tasha, it would be so terribly unfair to you to have to love a monster. You deserve someone who can give you a good life, not one where you're always on the run," He said knowing that Natasha deserved so much more.
"From what you said of monsters earlier Loki, it proves that not even you are completely a monster. You will never be a monster, at least not in my eyes. Nor would it be unfair of me to love you, I wish that I could, I hope that I can. It's just I've never loved anyone before." She said her eyes too looking downcast at the floor.
"Nat, it's okay to let me go. It does not make you a monster. There will be someone else that comes into your life, where love will come easy and you won't have to try. Just do me a favor Tasha, live life enough for the both us. Do everything you have ever wanted to do. See everything you have ever wanted to see, and go everywhere you've ever want to go. Don't give up all of that just because of me. Nobody's worth all of that." He said.
"You are not a monster Loki, at least not in my eyes. Nor would it be unfair, I wish I could love you. It's just I've never, I've never loved anyone before." She said her eyes too looking downcast at the floor.
"It's okay to let me go. There will be someone else where love comes easy and you will not have to try. Just do me a favor Nat, live life enough for the both of us. Do everything you've ever wanted to do. See everything you've ever wanted to see and go everywhere you've ever wanted. Don't give up all of that for me, I'm afraid that nobody is worth it." He said.
"At least let me keep my promise to you, let me get to know you. And when the pain becomes too much for you I will let you go. Until then I will have Stark cover for me," She said pulling him close into a hug.
"Okay, but if they figure it out, you'll have to let me go a lot sooner," He said knowing that she would still try to keep him alive even if she was figured out.
"Okay, I-I promise," She said burying her head into his should, letting the fabric wipe away her tears as she promised to herself to be strong and to learn to let go.