Sorry for the wait I had a lot going on and then once that was done the computer didn't work…so here it is!

Speeding

I panicked. I started to breath hard and sweat. My hands began shaking again. I needed them; they were the only way I was going to relax. I slowly stood and went to the bathroom. I was uneasy and my stomach hurt. I ran a bath and splashed my face with water.

'You do not need this.' I told my self. 'It's stupid and sick.' I need to believe in myself more often. I keep telling myself these things but I'm too stubborn to listen. Even to myself. I know I don't need the drugs I just want them. My bath is done I strip and gently lower myself in to the steaming water. Once my body adjusts to the heat I plunge my head under the water. I remain under the water with silence. It is calming, I open my eyes and the water stings them. I keep them open and I watch the ceiling. As soon as my lungs can't take the pressure I come out of the water and breathe deeply.

I stay in the tub until the water become cold. I climb out and cover myself with a yellow bath towel. I change into a pair of pajamas Gideon packed for me, and an old t-shirt. I lay on one of the twin beds, one for me and one for Gideon. I lay there for about an hour before Gideon comes in. The open door let in light that filled the whole room. Gideon made his movement quite. I heard him open a bag and change, and then get into bed.

"Good night Spencer."

I never fell asleep that night I kept awake for some reason. Maybe because I didn't want to dream. The next morning Gideon woke me up at seven forty six, and asked if I wanted to go to breakfast with him. I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer so I agreed. We met the team at a small diner around the block from the hotel. I think I walked by it last night.

We ordered and I thought for sure we were going to talk about the case, but we didn't. They talked about the news, weather, politics, every thing but the case. I never joined in on the conversation. I didn't really want to say any thing. I reach across the table for the maple syrup for my pancakes. I poured the syrup and the top fell off. I quickly grabbed the top and put it back on the container.

I groaned, today was not starting out too good. I then excused my self to go wash my hands. When I came back from the bathroom, I saw some one I thought I knew. I wasn't sure but, I might as well look. When I got over to the counter where she was I knew for sure.

"Nicole?" I asked. She turned around and her face light up.

"Spencer!" She practically screamed. I'm sure the team heard. She jumped up and through her arms around me. "Ohmigod how are you. It's been forever."

"I good Nic what about you?"

"I'm fantastic I just celebrated my daughters second birthday."

"Wow, so are you married?"

"Four years in December."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. So what are you doing here?"

"I work for the FBI, were here investigating a murder."

"Madison's?"

"Yeah, it sad huh?"

"Spence every one hated Madison. You should know that. But still I don't think any one would want to kill her."

"Yeah that's true.

"Oh god," she says looking at her watch. "Sorry but I got to go I'm late. I have to pick up Allison, my daughter at a friends house."

"That's okay it was great to see you Nic."

"You too Spencer." She gave me another hug. "Now take care of yourself."

"Yes mom." I gave her a half smile and she pulled me into another hug and whispered in my ear.

"I did it I got the Spencer Reid to smile." Then she left, and I felt happy. I returned to my seat with the team. They were all smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Who was the lady friend?" Morgan asked.

"A friend for high school and sorry Morgan she's taken even has a kid."

"Damn I thought I had a chance."

"With a girl like that? Morgan you had no chance." JJ said. They laughed.

We arrived at the station and were stopped at the door by the sheriff.

"Jack Riley was killed after we let him go last night."

"Where is he now?" Asked Hotch.

"Still at the crime scene, I'll take you there now."

We pilled into the cars and drove for about six miles from the station. We got out at a park, and walked across the street from the park and down an ally. Behind the dumpster there was the man who terrorized me for all my high school years. Just like Madison and Eliza he was shot.

"Each murder was different there was hardly any similarities between the killings." Emily said. "The Riley's deaths and Eliza's has no connection."

"Let's see about that." Morgan said pulling out his phone. He dialed a number and waited. "Hey honey can find a connection between the Riley's and Eliza Evers." There was a pause then Morgan smiled. "Ok well we'll see about that when I get back. Thanks darling." He hung up the phone then turned to us. "They all went to the same high school."

They all looked at me.

"Did you know them?" The sheriff asked.

"Not Eliza, I never met her." I answered honestly.

"Were they all friends?" The sheriff asked me.

"I don't know." I just told him I didn't know Eliza what is he doing. He looked at me disbelieving. I watched him begin to open his mouth again and my cell phone rang.

"Sorry." I said walking a few feet away to answer the phone. I checked the called I.D. I wish I hadn't.

"Hello Amy."

"Spencer I'm very sorry but, you mother just had a stoke." Amy said. I almost dropped the phone. Could anything else go wrong? I walked farther away from the team, wiping my eyes.

"Um is she stable?" I can barely speak.

"For now she is. Spencer she was asking for you. Would you like to come see her?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'll come. Thank you." I hung up and rubbed my temples. Once I collected myself I walked back to the team.

"Reid, is everything okay?" Gideon asked.

"Uh no, not exactly. Um I'm goanna need a day off." I looked over at Hotch.

"That's fine." He said give me a worried look.

"Thanks." I say and I just walk away. I don't even look back. I cannot let then see me cry.

I had called a cab and the ride was slow and quiet. I felt exhausted and angry. Exhausted from no sleep and angry because the cab driver had no idea where he was going. What would have been a half an hour ride ended up as about an hour. He probably just wanted more money. He most likely had a system worked out. Pretend you don't know where you're going and let the meter run.

When I arrived I stayed outside the building. I could not go inside yet. I was too scared. Too scared that she would not recognize me even thought she knew who I was. When I was brave enough, I went inside.

I knew where to go. I went to Amy's desk.

"Spencer! Oh I didn't think we would see you for awhile." She was happy.

"I was here on work." I was not happy.

"Oh dear I'm sorry."

"It okay, c-can I see her now?"

"Sorry their just getting their meds now, could you wait."

"Uh…I could give my mothers hers. If that's okay?" I looked at her hoping.

"Sure. The list of meds she needs is on the door." She was smiling.

"Thanks." I was happy.

I quickly checked the meds mom needed then open the door to the room. As soon as I was in I shut it. I pulled out the drugs that she needed then the ones I needed. I took them from the back row so that no one would notice. I opened my book bag and placed the bottles carefully in. I took four bottles, mostly pain killers. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

No one stopped me that was a good sign. I reach my moms room and I could see her. She looked helpless. Vulnerable, just like me. I stepped into room and she noticed me instantly.

"Spencer. Oh it is good to see you I missed you so much." She was talking to me but she wasn't looking at me. She stared up never at me.

"Hi mom." I couldn't think of any thing else to say. She smiled up at the ceiling. "Um I have some pill for you." I placed the pills next to her on a table.

"Spencer I don't need those."

"I know you don't but let's make the people here happy."

"No! I won't take them!" She was yelling at the ceiling.

"Mom you just had a stroke theses will help." I got up got a glass of water. "Here." I put the water in one hand and the pills in another. I though for sure she would yell again, but she didn't she just swallowed the pills. Then she started talking.

"Your father said he was mad at you. Said you weren't going to a class. I didn't believe him, because you are always in you class. Right?"

"When was this?" I asked curious if this was something she made up or if she was remembering aloud.

"When you were in high school. He went to parent teacher night and your teacher Mr. Hale said that you didn't come to his class any more."

I just stared at her. Those were not memories I wanted to bring up. My breathing was getting fast; I had to get out of there.

"I have to go." I didn't even give an explanation. I just left. I even forgot to say goodbye.

I called another cab, which drove me back to the hotel. I practically ran to the room. I was shaking so bad I couldn't open the door at first. Once inside I went into the bathroom, closed the door and slid down the door. I emptied my book bag and grabbed the pill bottles. I opened one at a time pouring them all out and counting them. I then put then all back in their bottles. I closed my eyes and picked a bottle at random. I poured some into my hand and brought them to my mouth.

My hand was trembling so bad I dropped a couple of the pills. The one that I didn't drop I put in my mouth and swallowed. I leaned my head back and waited. It took a while, but when I felt then I felt them.

I was scared, utterly terrified and scared; what had I just done. It took me a moment but I finally dug my cell phone out. I called Gideon's phone, and it just rang and rang. When I got to his voice mail I could hardly speak.

"Gideon I'm sorry…sorry. I just wanted to forget. I'm sorry. I want to forget everything, Tobias, my dad, my teacher. I just want to forget everything. I'm sorry…"