The sections are a little uneven in this one, but that's going to happen from time to time in this story, depending on where my focus mainly needs to be. Plus, Nick was giving me grief so I just wanted to get him written without going in to too much detail.

Brace yourselves. We're going to learn a bit about Jeff today.

Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.

Jeff.

When Jeff woke to find himself curled into a ball at the foot of his bed, he wasn't at all surprised. The nightmare was already fading from his mind as per usual and he stretched out properly before freezing as he remembered where he was. Nonchalantly, he glanced across to the other two beds. Blaine was still fast asleep, phone clutched in his hand, and Jeff had to smile as he realized that the boy had probably been texting Kurt half the night. But as he glanced over to Nick's bed, he realized the other boy was awake and was looking away as if he had been watching Jeff.

Well, crap.

Jeff had wanted to conceal the presence of his nightmares for as long as possible from the other boys. He already knew he didn't scream or cry when he had them - even if he was doing so in the dream state - but Nick had almost definitely noticed his sleeping position. That said, Nick hadn't exactly been the most pleasant of people to room with so Jeff could only hope that he wouldn't say anything about it. It certainly didn't look like he was going to.

Sighing, Jeff swung himself out of bed and grabbed his hair care products and a change of clothes, slipping into the bathroom. He dressed quickly, thanking whoever created the camp once again for including the bathrooms in the rooms instead of across the campsite, before beginning the long process of styling his hair. By the time he was finished, he could hear the sound of Blaine stirring back in the bedroom and realized the other boy probably wanted the bathroom. As that thought occurred, another hit that left Jeff smirking. Yesterday morning, Blaine had already been up by the time Jeff woke and his hair had been gelled down as usual. This morning, however, Jeff would get to see whatever it was that Blaine was hiding behind the helmet.

With that thought in mind, Jeff quickly swung open the door, only to have his thoughts derailed as he took in Blaine, standing beside his bed with no shirt on. Jeff allowed himself a few seconds to stare, realizing that he could. Yes, Blaine had a boyfriend and he probably wasn't Jeff's type anyway, but Jeff didn't have to feel like he was committing a crime if he checked another guy out. Plus, Blaine was kind of hot.

"Morning, Jeff," Blaine said cheerfully, grabbing a shirt out of the pile he had pulled out of his drawer and holding it up against his body. "Does this look okay? Kurt usually judges my outfits on presentability."

Jeff stifled a laugh. "It's a black t-shirt, Blaine. I don't think you can go wrong with that."

It was only when Blaine had pulled the shirt on that Jeff remembered the reason he had rushed out so quickly and eyed up Blaine's hair. The second he did, he was searching for Blaine's gel, catching the other boy's attention. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for your gel so I can burn it," Jeff said quickly.

Blaine self consciously raised a hand to the mess of curls on top of his head, tugging at one. "Come on, this looks awful!"

Jeff paused and slowly turned to the boy, raising an eyebrow. "And wearing a mask of gel doesn't?"

"It's better than this," Blaine said, his tone suddenly defensive. He brushed past Jeff into the bathroom, shutting the door quickly only to reopen it a few seconds later. "That was rude, sorry. I'd just rather not discuss my hair." Jeff nodded and Blaine smiled sheepishly before closing the door again. Honestly, he had no idea what the deal was but decided to let it go. After all, Jeff had his own secrets and he certainly wasn't going to try and make Blaine relinquish his.

Nick had gotten ready when Jeff was in the bathroom and was already heading out the door. Jeff didn't try to stop him this time but watched him go curiously, wondering what was going on with him. Sometimes he would seem like he wanted to be friends and join in with conversations, but then a mask would snap into place and he would shut everybody out. Usually Jeff would leave it, but for some reason he was too curious to let this one go. He wanted to crack the mystery that was Nicholas Duval and work out what it was that he was hiding from the world.

Maybe it's because you can relate to him just a little too well -

Stop it, Jeff told himself firmly, crossing to his bed and digging his phone out from under the mattress. He had another text from his mom and smiled ruefully at it, pressing his fingers to the xx at the end before putting the phone back. He would reply to it later.

The bathroom door opened and Blaine emerged again, smiling as usual. "Oh, did he leave already?" he asked, nodding over at Nick's bed, and Jeff nodded. "What's the go? Do you think we did something to make him feel uncomfortable?"

"No, I don't think so. I think there's just something going on with him personally, or maybe he just really hates it here."

Blaine nodded. "I don't blame him, I kind of hate it too. No offense to you guys but if it weren't for Kurt, this would royally suck."

Jeff shrugged, trying not to show Blaine that the words had actually stung a little. I'm never going to be enough for anybody, he reminded himself once again. Not really.

"It must be nice, having a boyfriend," he said instead before jumping as the breakfast bell rang out.

"Sometimes," Blaine said once the last chimes had finished ringing out over the campsite, heading for the door. "I mean, I'd wouldn't trade Kurt for the world and I love him to pieces, but sometimes it really sucks because we're two guys in love in Ohio. We can't be a 'normal' couple here, all of our dates are either coffee dates or group dates because we can't go to a restaurant and ask for dinner for two without a huge struggle and probably making a scene." Blaine held the door open for Jeff before closing it behind them. "But the actual 'having a boyfriend' that I know you were alluding to? Yes, it is great."

Jeff ducked his head a little, trying not to draw attention to himself even though they were the only people there and of course Blaine would be watching him. "You and Kurt look very happy together."

Blaine stopped walking and Jeff followed suit, frowning at him curiously. "Hey, your day will come, you know?" Blaine said softly. Jeff bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions back because damn it all if Blaine hadn't just gotten right into his head. "I was in your shoes just a few months ago, feeling like I'd be alone forever and all that. But you won't be, okay?"

Jeff put on his best brave face and smiled, nodding his agreement even though he knew Blaine was wrong. Because if someone ever got close enough to Jeff that he would give them his heart, they would have to know everything, and nobody could love him when they found out the truth about his life. He wasn't that naive.

Blaine smiled back, putting a hand on his shoulder gently. Jeff resisted the urge to flinch. "Come on, let's go get breakfast and find that elusive roommate of ours."

The scene was almost identical to the previous morning except this time Nick was seated with both Scott and James, leaving Jeff to wonder whether he chose to sit with them or they singled him out. Deciding it was best not to think about it, Jeff took a seat on the other side of Blaine who had cheerfully plonked himself down next to Nick. "Good morning everybody!"

Scott grinned at them, always one to match Blaine's enthusiasm. "Jeff, Blaine, good morning. Are we ready for a fun-packed day of activities?"

"Activities?" Jeff asked, already hesitant. He hadn't thought to do his research before he came and was definitely coming to regret that considering the small amount he had seen in the past few days. Jeff knew there was plenty more to come and was beginning to wonder whether he was actually strong enough to endure the camp or whether it would be better off requesting his parents to come and pick him up.

Scott seemed to pick up on his worries. "A lot of it is about teaching us to be 'real men'," he said, using air quotes and rolling his eyes. "So I think today is mainly about sports and competitiveness and all that crap you can still easily do as a gay man. And we have a hike in two days time."

"Great," Nick muttered under his breath, Jeff raising his eyebrow in response. Not that the boy was actually looking at any of them, instead staring down at the table like it held the answer to all of life's great mysteries. But Jeff's reaction, although internalized, was very similar, because hiking meant getting hot and getting hot meant rolling up sleeves and no way was that going to happen and this was just going to suck. Maybe I can fake sick, he thought to himself, beginning to mentally weigh up his options. One thing was for sure though: he was not going to wear a short sleeved shirt, no matter how much attention that would draw to himself. In fact, Jeff didn't even think he had packed any.

Ms. Taylor entered the room with a clipboard in hand, calling everybody to attention and cutting Jeff's inner musings short. Alana traipsed in after her, winking at the boys behind her mother's back before dutifully standing to attention and waiting with the other counsellors. "Good morning, boys!" the woman chirped, Jeff wincing at the over-emphasis in her voice. "Let us proceed to eat this food that the Lord has given us today, and let it be blessed to us as we embark on our exciting day of self-discovery and enlightenment!" Jeff smirked, knowing that at least one thing every morning could cheer him up a little and that was the ridiculous combination of characteristics that was Ms. Taylor. Seeing how laid back and comfortable Alana was, it didn't even seem plausible that the two were related.

Jeff joined the throng of boys heading over to collect their food, already prepared for disappointment. And okay, maybe porridge wasn't the worst thing possible but it was definitely high on Jeff's hate list, even though he reluctantly scooped some into a bowl and took it back to the table. As the last of the boys got their breakfast, Ms. Taylor cleared her throat again. "Counseling sessions for today," she read off her clipboard. "Mr. Evans straight after breakfast, Mr. Sterling at ten, Mr. Indrum at one and Mr. Nott at three."

Jeff grimaced, poking at his porridge reluctantly. He had forgotten all about his counseling session and already his heart was beginning to race at the thought of what could be happening. "Blaine, how much do they know about you already before you go in?"

"They knew way too much about me." Blaine ran a hand through his hair absently, an act that never failed to make Jeff shudder, thinking about all the gel that must be coating his hand. "But I think my Dad might have filled them in - I wouldn't put it past him. They knew about Kurt, knew about my life before Dalton... so yeah. But I think it'll be different for you," he added quickly, "because your parents didn't throw you in here."

Jeff nodded, focusing on the plate in front of him and trying to stop his face from going white. The last thing he needed was for somebody here to find out details about his past, or his present for that matter. He quickly pushed the porridge away, already feeling like he might vomit from nerves and really didn't need something to help that process along. "So does that mean I have to do this morning's activities?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible, directing his attention to Scott who was staring at him. Jeff felt the intensity of the stare and realized that Scott had sensed his nervousness once again.

"I don't think so," Scott finally said. "Pretty sure we start at nine and there's no point in you getting all sweaty before you have to go sit in there. At least that's what I'd do if I was going to my counseling sessions." He paused, looking over Jeff's head. "Jessica, my darling. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Jeff twisted around to see the girl standing in her usual pose, hands on hips and glaring. I wonder what her story is, why does she hate us so much? "It's been brought to my attention that you didn't go to your counseling yesterday?"

Scott shrugged. "I had more pressing issues to deal with."

"Like?" There was a moment of silence and Jessica snorted. "I knew it. If I find out you've been playing poker again, I won't hesitate to find a worse punishment for you. For now you can come to Isolation with me." She turned her glare to James who was whistling innocently. "Zach will be escorting you personally to your session to make sure you go."

"Wouldn't dream of missing it," James said cheerfully, clearly throwing Jessica for a loop. "After all," he added, "I'd just love to let this guy get to know me."

Scott stood and pressed a kiss to the top of James's head. "See you tomorrow morning," he said before allowing Jessica to take his arm and practically march him out of the dining hall. Jeff watched them go, shaking his head. He had completely forgotten that Scott should have been in his session yesterday and realized that the boy was holding true to his statements at the start of camp - he was definitely going to stir the pot as much as possible.

"Well, here comes my escort," James said, nodding in the direction of Zach who was approaching their table. Jeff quickly looked down at his bowl again, not even caring how disgusting the contents looked because it was better than looking at Zach. "See you later, gentlemen."

"I suppose we'd all better head off too," Blaine said after a few moments of silence and Jeff chanced looking up again to see the boy looking at his watch. "Scott said we start at nine and I want to text Kurt quickly before we go." Jeff nodded, standing and pushing the bowl away completely. "You didn't eat anything?" Blaine asked, his voice suddenly full of concern.

Jeff shrugged. "Not big on porridge," he said simply, leaving everything else unsaid. He knew if he began talking about anything else now, he wouldn't be able to hold it together and he had to put a lot of work into keeping his masks strong if he was going to survive this session.

And not just this session but all of the ones after that, and group therapy, and living with these people every day and not giving in…

Jeff threw up a wall against the thoughts and focused on the simplest thing he could find - taking steps across the campsite. As long as that was the front of his focus, nothing else could penetrate unless he let it. And by the time they had reached their room, Jeff knew he was as calm as he was going to get, albeit completely fake.

Blaine had pulled his phone out from under the mattress, fingers flying across the screen as he tapped something out to Kurt. "He says hi to you guys," he said absently as he replied, and Jeff smiled.

"Tell him I said hi too."

Blaine nodded, finishing off the text before looking up. "Did Nick actually come back with us and leave really fast or…?"

Jeff glanced around to see that Nick indeed wasn't with them. "Oh, I have no idea," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. "I'm just letting him do his own thing really. I'll be his friend if he wants to be but if he doesn't, that's cool."

"Sounds like a plan." Blaine tucked the phone under his mattress and checked his hair in the mirror before smiling at Jeff. "Well, good luck with counseling. See you after."

Jeff nodded, attempting a smile as Blaine left. "Yeah," he said softly, knowing Blaine couldn't hear him. "Luck. I'll need it."

Alone for the first time in the past few days, Jeff took a moment to stare around the room and properly resign himself to the fact that this was his home for the next few weeks. He shook his head at the mess on Nick's bed and raised an eyebrow at Blaine's which was only slightly better. His side of the room was, of course, immaculate, and Jeff knew it was going to take a bit of getting used to to curb the tendency to clean up the entire room. Maybe Blaine would appreciate it but Nick most likely would not.

Sitting on his bed, Jeff propped his head up in his hands and sighed. "Counseling," he said to himself, beginning to mentally prepare himself. Just as he was beginning to put up the walls over his emotions, he remembered the text from his parents. With a fond smile he dug under the mattress and pulled out his phone.

Hi, honey. How's the camp going? Remember, we love you. - Mom and Dad xx

Jeff deliberated for a good ten minutes over what to write. Camp is awful, get me out of here right now… I'm about to go to counseling and I'm petrified… I don't know how much longer I can hold out without giving in…

Hi Mom and Dad. Camp isn't what I expected but it's too early to tell just yet. I've made a few good friends so that's something. I love you too. - Jeff xx

Jeff couldn't shake the feeling that he had just lied but really, there was nothing else he could say. After everything that had happened that year, his parents were incredibly overprotective and if they got a hint that he wasn't coping well, they would come and get him straight away. And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing, except Jeff had promised himself that he would stick it out, if only to prove that he could. Plus, it was nice to be able to spend time with some other gay guys, even if the circumstances weren't fantastic. Blaine, Scott and James were all great guys and Nick had the potential to be.

With that out of the way, Jeff began the process of pulling up every mental wall he had created over the past year. It was a strong defense - obviously things still affected him badly, but he could hide it from the people who were hurting him and that was really all Jeff could ask for at this stage of his life. Right now he was too vulnerable to even try to just shake off the words.

So, of course, this camp is just the best place for me to be.

Sighing, Jeff stood and began to slowly make his way across the campsite towards the small counseling cabin. As he reached the door, it swung open and James came wandering out, whistling nonchalantly. "Jeff! Your turn for torture, is it?"

"How bad was it?" Jeff asked immediately, his heart beginning to race. If James, one of the most put together guys he had ever met, considered it to be torture, how was Jeff going to survive it?

James shrugged. "The guy hates me now, but I couldn't care less about that. I just can't believe I have to do that every five days, and he's going to be out for my blood now." Jeff winced and James must have picked up on it as he added hastily, "But don't sweat it. Just act natural and he'll have no reason to pick on you. I stirred the pot intentionally, you can just fly under the radar."

I hope he's right, Jeff thought to himself, only barely resisting the urge to flinch when James pressed a hand to his shoulder briefly before disappearing across the campsite. Steeling himself, Jeff walked up the steps and pushed the door open.

"Mr. Sterling." A tall balding man turned around, neither smiling nor frowning at him. "I am Mr. Peterson, the therapist. Please take a seat."

Jeff sunk into the seat that the man had gestured to, twisting his fingers together as subtly as possible. He was already nervous enough about this, but when the man reached over to his desk and pulled out a file, Jeff began to panic. He has a file on me? What's in there… where did he get that? Is that from my last counsellor? Can he legally do that? Oh my god, he's going to know everything!

"Mr. Sterling?"

Jeff forced his attention back to Mr. Peterson who was watching him closely. "Yes, Sir?" he asked, trying to pretend he hadn't just had an internal freak out even though he knew it was pretty much hopeless trying to hide it from a psychiatrist. The man probably saw this happen every single day after all.

But instead of calling him out on it, the man simply scribbled a note in the file which was a lot worse in Jeff's opinion. At least if he had been confronted he would know what was going on. "Let's see if we can start this session off on the right foot. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?"

"Um," Jeff replied intelligently. "I - I don't really know what to say. I'm Jeff… I'm sixteen years old…" he trailed off, looking for an indication that he was saying the right things, but the doctor's face remained impassive. "I like singing?" he ventured. Clearly this wasn't the sorts of things the man was looking for as his lips pressed together into a thin line, but there was no way Jeff was going to sit here and spill his guts about the more personal details of his life. It was hard enough to do that with his first counsellor.

Mr. Peterson sighed. "Well, thank you Mr. Sterling. But as you know, these sessions are designed to talk about things of a more serious nature. Now that we've covered the small talk aspect, shall we get down to business?" Jeff shrugged, eliciting another sigh. "So, Mr. Sterling." The psychiatrist consulted his file before proceeding to make it extremely clear what 'getting down to business' meant around this place. "It says here you've suffered with severe bouts of depression over the past year to the point of attempting to take your own life?"

How the hell did he find that out?

Jeff winced, considered lying, then realized there was no way he could make it convincing enough. He was already fighting himself to not hyperventilate anyway. "Yeah. The bullying at my school got really bad and I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm glad I didn't go through with it, though."

"What was the subject of the bullying?"

"My sexuality."

The man nodded, placing the file on the table and staring at Jeff over his glasses. "So, you tried to kill yourself as a result of you considering that you are a homosexual?"

Jeff blinked. "Um, no. No, I tried to kill myself because people hated me for being gay."

"Mr. Sterling. There is no such thing as 'being gay.' There is simply the mindset that we choose, and you have clearly chosen to develop this attraction. And as much as you say that your depression comes down to the bullying, I find myself believing that there is a much deeper cause. The fact that you know the life you are leading right now is wrong, that it's sickening and detestable. And that is why you hurt yourself and tried to kill yourself."

Jeff's jaw dropped, even as he unconsciously pulled at his sleeves, tugging them further down his wrists. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." The man frowned, leaning further forward. "Do not make me make the point clearer, Mr. Sterling."

Jeff began to take deep breaths, strengthening his masks. He remembered Scott's warnings about therapy all too clearly, but he didn't know what he could do to get out of there. "Yes, sir," he muttered quietly.

"Excellent." Mr. Peterson straightened his papers again, glancing down. "It says here that your parents are accepting of your current lifestyle choices?" Jeff nodded, not trusting his voice. "So that's something you'll need to work on when you've recovered, making sure they don't encourage you back to your old ways." Biting his tongue, Jeff simply raised his shoulders in a gesture that the man could take whichever way he wanted. The therapist's face hardened - clearly he was used to seeing people shut off in this way. "We still have half an hour here, Mr. Sterling, and I would like to discuss this in much greater detail."

Jeff rolled his eyes in response. There was absolutely no way he was going to talk about this further to someone who had no idea what was going on in Jeff's mind. It had been hard enough to discuss things with a therapist who actually had his best interests at heart - this man wanted to change Jeff completely and he wasn't going to lie down and take that. Yes, there were things that needed to be changed but not if it resulted in Jeff losing his identity. He would rather die, and coming from someone who had actually tried, that was saying something.

"Well, it looks like I have the floor then." Reaching under his desk, Mr. Peterson pulled out another file and opened it, beginning to spread pictures out on the desks. Jeff took one look at them and immediately turned away, squeezing his eyes shut but knowing he would never be able to get the images out of his mind. That is NOT legal! "What you see here is images of other supposedly homosexual teenagers who have taken their lives or attempted to as a result of self-hatred. Would you care to look at them?"

"I think the answer to that is obvious," Jeff bit out, unable to help himself. "Nobody would want to look at those, what is wrong with you?"

There was a few seconds of tense silence. "I have given my time to try and help you young men understand that the lifestyles you are living are degrading, destroying and just plain wrong. Someday you will all thank me for the work I have done here because you will end up as one of these photos here if you don't listen to my words, Mr. Sterling."

How dare he!

Jeff wanted to run out, to run and never stop running until he was home, in bed, safe. But he held his ground, refusing to back down. It's just one person. You can handle it. It's not like the entire camp knows - out there, you're just another guy.

And that thought was what kept him grounded. He was finally in a place with people just like him, people who knew what it was like to be hated for something they couldn't control, people who just didn't care that he liked guys. As long as those people could keep seeing him as 'just Jeff', there wouldn't be a problem. And he could handle these sessions - no matter how rattled he was feeling right now, all he needed to do was hold out a little bit longer.

So for the rest of the session, Jeff kept his silence. The man prattled on about gay teen suicide rates, triggers of homosexuality, different methods he wanted to try to 'cure' Jeff - which all just sounded awful and there was no way Jeff would voluntarily sit down to one of those. And Jeff just stayed silent. Finally, with another long sigh, Mr. Peterson glanced at the clock. "Your time is up, Mr. Sterling. I will see you again in five days time."

Refusing to look at the man, Jeff stood and made his way out the door. As soon as he had left the building, Jeff was heading towards the far end of the campsite. He wasn't sure whether the counsellors were waiting on him to return and couldn't care less - right now he just needed to be as far away from anybody else as he could. Finally finding himself some seclusion, he collapsed against the back of the dining hall and attempted to catch his breath. Jeff could feel himself trembling and knew he was dangerously close to a panic attack. And after fighting himself back into control, Jeff felt the masks break. Dropping his head into his hands, Jeff finally allowed himself to cry.

You're used to this, he tried to tell himself. You've always been alone, you've always been the outcast, this is nothing different, this is just someone else who thinks there's something wrong with you. Deal with it.

Usually this was enough to help Jeff pull himself together, but being at the camp had shown him a couple of things, namely in the form of Kurt and Blaine. Two outcasts, just like himself, who had found each other. When Blaine had come out of his session, Kurt had been the one he had gone to for reassurance, and Jeff knew that was the way their relationship worked. He also knew Blaine had been alone for a long time before he met Kurt - at least that was what he had alluded to - but he had him now. Which made Jeff think that maybe it was him that was the issue, that his life wasn't normal, that maybe he should have someone like Kurt.

But Jeff didn't have Kurt, or anybody like him. Jeff was alone.

Nick.

Just go after him.

Nick watched Jeff disappear across the campsite before forcibly pulling his gaze away from the boy, turning back to the other guys. Scott, James and Blaine were all talking avidly about something - Nick hadn't been paying attention - as the four left the dining hall. As a result, Nick had been the only one to notice Jeff leaving his counseling session looking an absolute wreck. And something unfamiliar and wrenching had tugged at Nick's heart, telling him that he should just go, screw being safe.

But he pushed it aside. Jeff will be fine, he told himself as they continued towards the other side of the campsite. He probably just needs some time alone. You don't even know him and after the way you've been acting, he probably doesn't want to know you. And that's the way you want it.

"So," he said instead, cutting into the conversation and not really caring. Or at least telling himself he didn't really care. "What's next?"

Scott glanced over, one eyebrow raised in such a manner that Nick felt like he had been burned. Okay, yeah. I deserve that. But when the reply came, it was nothing short of friendly. "I think it's basketball this afternoon. You any good?"

Nick raised a shoulder in a half-shrug, zoning out as Blaine resumed their prior conversation of telling the other two boys about Kurt. He suppressed a sigh as the basketball courts came into sight. First football, then basketball. Great.

Team sports had never really been Nick's thing. In school, he was always picked last or not at all and nobody had really ever made an effort to include him, which left him pretty much standing on the sidelines wondering why he was even bothering to pretend to be a part of the team. And it wasn't that he was bad at sports either, it was just his reputation around school that made people decide he wasn't worth getting to know or involving in a team environment. Maybe part of it was his reluctance to join or try out, but Nick knew what would happen if he did. It was better to stay aloof and pretend you were the one distancing yourself than try to get close and get hurt again. And again, and again.

But those thoughts were better saved for another time when Nick could write them down. For now he pushed them aside and focused on trying to be a part of a team again. When they had played football earlier, there had been an uneven number and Nick had immediately volunteered to sit out, claiming he was awful at the game. But since Shane had gone to his counseling session and Jeff hadn't returned, the numbers had evened out and Nick knew he had no choice but to play. Luckily they were divided down the middle which negated the demeaning process of picking people for teams.

Nick had never been big on basketball. All he knew was that you had to get the ball in the hoop and pass it a lot and it involved teamwork. So immediately the boy knew he was going to be awful at the game, but he hadn't anticipated quite how bad it was going to be.

It all started when Scott had decided to single him out and pass the ball to him as frequently as possible. This meant that Nick would more often than not be in a position where he had to try and get the ball to another of his teammates, which involved working with that person and trusting them. No matter how small the level of trust was, it was still trust that Nick couldn't give, and every time he would fumble the ball or try to get past the people blocking him and naturally get taken down. And before long, his team was down twenty points and the resentment was beginning to show.

As they resumed their position after yet another shot by the other team, Nick glared at Scott as he jogged past. "Stop passing me that damn ball," he hissed.

"Just join in and have some fun!"

Oh right, like that's going to happen.

And that was pretty much it. Without caring at all, Nick turned on his heel and walked off the court. There was a stunned silence, then a quiet cheer came from one of the boys on the other team. "Thank god, I hate this game. Does that mean I get to sit out now?"

Nick could vaguely hear the sound of Scott and Blaine beginning to talk, no doubt about him. His blood boiling, he wanted to turn around and yell at them that what he did was none of their business, but then Nick knew he would have to face up to why he was leaving and, yeah, that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Making his way down to the lake, Nick sat on the small dock and kicked off his shoes, allowing his feet to dangle in the water. None of the counsellors appeared to be coming after him - Zach had been refereeing and Nick had already realized that the boy really didn't care what they were doing as long as they weren't making out, and even then he didn't care but it was a part of his job to throw them in Isolation. The rest of the counsellors were nowhere to be seen so Nick knew he was safe at least for now.

Allowing his thoughts to drift a little, Nick stared down into the water, wondering what it would be like to let himself slip under the surface and enter that darkness, that muffled silence, the feeling of weightlessness, and just never come back up. Never having to deal with the surface life again, never having to see his father again and know that he wasn't good enough to be a Duval, never having to look at his mother and feel ashamed of her. Never having to go back to that school where everybody hated him or ignored him. To just be himself and the water and free.

I need to journal.

That decision made, Nick stood and grabbed his shoes before turning around to find James walking over to him. "What?" he asked tersely. "I'm on my way out if you don't mind."

"I do actually." James stood in his path, reminding Nick far too vividly of the same scenario being played out so many times in his school. Except the vindictiveness wasn't lurking in James's eyes. "What's your deal?"

"I don't have a deal."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh yes you do. You know, if you just tell us what's going on, we can help you?" Nick snorted, not deigning to reply. "I'm serious. Okay, maybe we can't stop stuff that's going on in your life, but there is a lot of benefit in talking to people. And everybody here gets at least one part of your life, the part where we're not meant to like the people we like. We all understand that, you're just like everybody else when it comes to that -"

"Bull."

James stopped and Nick inwardly hit himself. Why did you say that you idiot? But he knew he had to continue. "You have no idea what it's like to be me. Not one single part of me. Don't try to pretend that we are at all similar because you are so wrong." There was so much more he could have said, especially when it came to his sexuality and being 'just like everybody else', but Nick chose not to. Instead he shoved past James and headed to his room, hoping like hell Blaine wasn't there.

Of course he was, and the boy looked up the second Nick entered the room, mouth open to talk. "Don't say a word," Nick said quickly and warningly. "I don't want to hear it."

After a few long seconds, Blaine nodded. Nick quickly pulled his journal out from under his mattress and grabbed a pen, uncapping it and poising it over the paper for a second.

This camp is a nightmare, suddenly came out in big scrawled letters, almost illegible. I hate my father for putting me here. I hate my mother for letting him. And, most of all, I hate myself for not fighting back. It's always down to me and I always fail, no matter who or what.

And that was really all he needed. If Nick had felt the urge to cry at all since he had arrived at camp, it would probably have been then. But instead he felt numb, like every single capability for emotion had been ripped from him upon his arrival and Nick couldn't tell whether that was good or bad. After all, his emotions had been his biggest enemy in the past and he had them down to a fine art of control by now. But watching everybody else who was not just living but alive made Nick sometimes wish he could feel something too. Maybe there was a reason for him to be alive, something to make him happy.

But until Nick found that, he had nothing.

"Are you coming to dinner?"

Jerking out of his thoughts, Nick glanced at the clock in surprise. He had been lost in his thoughts for close to an hour and, sure enough, it was dinner time. Glancing back at Blaine who was hovering by the door awkwardly, Nick nodded and stood, burying the journal back under his bed before following the boy across to the hall. A small part of his mind noted that Jeff still hadn't shown up, but Nick pushed it aside. He had no time to be worrying about others when he was such a mess himself.

When they entered the dining hall, Nick quickly realized that Scott and Jeff had already seated themselves on the opposite side of the room and couldn't repress a cringe. Yeah, that's my fault. Blaine looked a little lost but took one of the empty seats, Nick sitting reluctantly next to him as Ms. Taylor rambled on about something unimportant. At least Nick hoped it was unimportant, he certainly hadn't been paying attention.

Dinner was a mess and Nick couldn't even try to guess what it was meant to be. He only ate a few mouthfuls before giving up and resting his elbows on the table, staring down at the plate in front of him blankly while the rest of the room continued to chatter around him.

Story of my life. When is it ever going to change?

Jeff.

It was getting dark by the time Jeff felt he was ready to come out. He had heard the rest of the boys enter the dining hall for dinner about fifteen minutes earlier and knew he could easily get back to his room without being spotted. There was no way he was going to be able to go into that hall and eat, let alone pretend everything was fine and he wasn't still shook up about what had happened earlier. Bypassing the front door, Jeff quickly crossed the campsite and entered their cabin which was, of course, empty.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Jeff let out a sigh. His hand edged towards the bottom of his mattress and, without really thinking, Jeff pulled out his phone and lit up the screen, finding one new message waiting for him.

You know we're only a phone call away if things get rough, honey. Good to hear you're making friends though! - Mom and Dad xx

Jeff left his thumb hovering over the call button for a good five minutes, fighting the internal battle. It would be so easy to just call them, tell them how awful his counseling had been and ask them to come and pick him up. But then he would have to deal with the knowledge that he was a quitter once again, that he couldn't stick anything out. He had already tried to give up on life and everything in it, and that hadn't worked. To Jeff, that was a sign that he had to keep going, no matter how miserable. This was what he had been handed right now and this was what he had to deal with.

It didn't stop Jeff from curling into a ball on his bed and staring at his phone, letting the tears begin to fall again. "Will this ever get better?" he whispered to himself. "Will I ever stop hurting like this?"

Jeff didn't know, and that scared him more than anything.

He had no idea how long had passed before the sound of footsteps echoed down the path and Jeff quickly turned so his back was to the door, staring at the wall. " - didn't see him anywhere, do you think he's okay?" The door swung open and the footsteps stopped. "Oh," Blaine said quietly.

Jeff lay perfectly still as the two boys entered, listening to the sounds in the room. It appeared that Nick had gone straight to his bed and Blaine was headed towards the bathroom, the sound of the running tap coming through a second later. Jeff waited until the tap switched off, hoping Blaine would just go to bed. But, of course, things never worked in his favor and Blaine was crossing the room, heading straight for his bed. "Jeff?" he asked quietly, and Jeff felt the bed sink as Blaine sat on the edge of it. "I know you're awake."

"How?" Jeff had to ask.

"You snore a little," Blaine said, sounding like he was smirking. "Come on, look at me?" Jeff shook his head, knowing his eyes were probably still bloodshot, and Blaine sighed. "Judging by the fact that we haven't seen you all day, I'm going to say your counseling didn't go too well. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jeff contemplated it for a second. It would be so nice to just be able to tell someone what was going on and what had been done to him in there. Yes, Scott knew a bit of what was going on but Jeff had still heavily edited the story he had given the other boy. To tell someone everything was still a luxury Jeff couldn't afford. "No," he finally said. "Not really."

Blaine sighed again and then a hand was resting on his shoulder. This time, Jeff couldn't hide his flinch and Blaine noticed. "You remind me of Kurt when he first arrived at Dalton," Blaine said quietly. "He would flinch any time someone touched him too, and he had a lot of things to hide. But when I finally got him to open up, he never regretted it for a second. I'm not saying you should tell me everything, Jeff. I know we've only known each other for a few days and you don't have any reason to trust me yet, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you're really struggling, let someone in. It will help you, I promise." Jeff couldn't say a word and Blaine waited a few more seconds before standing. "Goodnight, Jeff."

The light flicked off and Blaine made his way back to his bed. Slowly, the other two boys fell asleep, the sound of their breathing echoing through the room - Blaine's deep breathing with the occasional murmuring sigh, Nick's near-silent breaths as if he was scared to make so much as a noise.

But Jeff continued to stare at the wall, the tears slowly dripping down his cheeks.

Next Chapter: Masked.