Possession – chapter four

"A lot of people get so hung up on what they can't have that they don't think for a second about whether they really want it." ― Lionel Shriver, Checker and the Derailleurs

Morgan paced the quiet corridor of the hospital, listening to Hotch as he explained why he wanted them back at the precinct as soon as possible. He agreed quickly and hung up. He expelled a breath and continued to pace. Morgan was sure Hotch heard the annoyance in his voice and he was sure the Unit Chief would be watching him and Emily when they walked into the precinct. There was little they could do to hide, Hotch would see through it.

He knew exactly what was bothering him after the briefing, and listening to Emily console the young officer tipped him over the edge. His frustration with her had been building since before tonight, starting when she came back from Paris. He thought he could handle her deception and be strong for her while others gave her a hard time, back her up like he always had. But he couldn't forget the anger he felt towards her during the hours after discovering her role in the apprehension of Doyle. He felt betrayed and foolish for not being able to see through her façade and it had felt like their friendship was built on a lie until he found out her reasons. He was still hurt because she never trusted him with the truth, never believed him when he said she wasn't alone.

"You know Emily, you really need to trust people," Morgan told her as he navigated the traffic.

"I trust people," Emily lied. She knew he could see through her.

"No you don't. You don't because you can't. And I get it. Every time you tried to count on someone they let you down, so you go it alone. You'll never admit that because you're too damn stubborn. It's all right. It doesn't really matter. But I'll tell you what does matter. That you can trust me Emily, with anything. I'm serious. No matter how awful you think it is, I promise you, you are not alone. I just wish you would believe that."

"I do."

She lied to him and he lost her because of it. And this case was bringing it all back for him. He couldn't help but compare Rachel's situation with Emily, and he was having trouble keeping the feelings that riled up separate from this investigation. It wasn't just the physical similarities between the women; it was the parallels in the undercover part of the investigation. He heard the familiar footsteps drawing closer and he kept his back to her.

"You could have been a little more sympathetic towards her," Emily told him accusingly as she came up behind him. "Her partner was just killed by the Unsub."

"Yeah, he was," Morgan fired back defensively. He was usually much better at keeping his anger under control but he couldn't hold his tongue as he turned to face her and saw the fury in her eyes.

"Her memory hasn't returned yet and being aggressive with her won't help bring it back."

"I wanted to know why she agreed to it," Morgan argued. Morgan knew he shouldn't have been that abrupt with Rachel, she was recovering from a head injury and her memory was sketchy at best. Any upset could be detrimental to those memories coming back. It was a valid question which he should have phrased better and she wasn't the only one who should answer it, her commanding officer needed to answer to that.

"Does that matter?" Emily asked. "Yes, she's young, ambitious and has never been in this situation before. She volunteered to help with an investigation and the op went wrong. Mistakes happen. I thought you would understand how guilty she feels right now for being the one who survived."

"No, that would be you," Morgan snapped and Emily's eyes flashed angrily.

"That's what this is about?"

Morgan didn't reply. Emily stopped in front of him and he fought the urge to fold his arms over his chest. Neither waivered as they stared the other down. They were as stubborn and this could go on for a while and Morgan wanted to wait it out. Maybe this was what they needed. There was a part of him which wanted to brush it off and continue as they had been. It wasn't that simple. There was no way they could move past this without getting it out in the open.

"This is about inexperienced officers choosing to go undercover as bait without thinking it through."

"That was her commanding officer's call, he could have turned her down if he didn't have confidence in her abilities," Emily countered. Her voice lowered but she was still seething. "The Unsub made them."

"He was in control of the entire situation; he knew where they were because he told them where he was going to be. He wanted to kill a cop and they played right into his hands."

"That's not her fault," Emily replied her eyes narrowing.

Morgan breathed in deeply but instead of serving to control his rapid heartbeat, rein in his temper, it continued to flare inside of him. It was the doubt he had in their connection which fuelled his temper now. His mouth could run away from him when he was angry, and he knew what he said next could damage whatever relationship, professional or otherwise, they were trying to hold on to. He had a barbed comment on the tip of his tongue and from the look on Emily's face she knew he did.

"Come on Morgan," she said through gritted teeth. Her voice was low and dangerous, the warning evident. "Who are you really angry at?"

Instead of backing off, he stepped into her personal space. His own voice dipped lower as he glowered at her. "You."

"Why?"

"I expected more from you; I never thought you would be as reckless as you were with Doyle. I didn't think you would do that for a profile." There was no reason to keep pretending this was entirely about their current case.

"What bothers you more Morgan? That I slept with him for the job? Or I never slept with you because of it?"

"This isn't about us," he whispered harshly looking around the abandoned corridor. Around the corner he could hear the muffled voices of the nurses at the desk. She knew him better than that. There was part of him that was jealous of Doyle for knowing her that way but that wasn't what this was about.

"So you would still feel the same if earlier went differently, if we made a different decision?"

If anything he would have felt worse, more protective than he already was. Then it struck him, what had really been bothering him since she returned. She was too complacent, accepting the jibes, the anger, anything to get them to welcome her back without so much as an argument. No one would have gotten away with that before. He hates how Doyle has destroyed that spirit inside of her. Despite the circumstances part of Morgan is glad he has elicited this response from her. He can see the spark in her eye, the one he's missed.

"Then we would be different people," Morgan answered softly.

Emily deflated and retreated apologetically. She opened her mouth but he didn't want her to apologise, he wanted her to keep hold of that fire. It was the first time he's seen it since her return. He could handle it if it was directed at him so he cut her off.

"Hotch needs us back at the precinct, the Cleveland PD are pissed one of their own is dead and another in the hospital. Their Captain is bearing the brunt of that, Hotch wants our help interviewing the rest of the surveillance team."

…

They walked through the precinct door stiffly and Emily gestured to the hall way to the right of the main desk, telling Morgan she was going to use the rest room. He acknowledged her with a lift of his head and continued towards the squad room they were directed to by the desk sergeant.

She knew she shouldn't have said it but she was too furious to regret it right now. Neither of them was shy, nor did they hold back their frustrations on the rare occasion they got annoyed with each other, but they had never gotten this personal before. He had been so supportive since her return she had been completely blindsided by his fury. She couldn't help but snap back at him when he directed it at Rachel. She knew what the young woman was going through, waking up in a hospital without any idea what was going on. Emily couldn't help but feel protective of her.

Emily knew she shouldn't have accused him of making it about them, she knew him better than that. She should have kept her ire under control like she had with Reid, take his jibes because it was her mistakes which hurt him. Seeing him lash out at someone who wasn't involved pushed her over the edge. It was one thing to direct them at her; she lied to him and she could understand his anger but whatever was or wasn't going on between them shouldn't interfere with an investigation.

She turned the corner into the corridor which led to the bathrooms and bumped into JJ as she was walking in the opposite direction. Emily reached out to steady JJ as she regained her balance. The blonde blinked in surprise and they recovered their composure.

"Hey," JJ smiled and then she looked at Emily, her lips falling into a thin line as JJ saw the pained expression on Emily's face. "Is everything okay?"

JJ stared at her, searching. Emily fought every urge to duck her head and brush past the blonde but she doesn't. They've grown closer over the last year and Emily tried to hold onto their connection as JJ was the only contact, however sporadic, she had with the team. Out of respect for JJ's support and friendship she doesn't want to hide what was troubling her, knowing JJ wouldn't hold it against her or Morgan.

"Not really."

JJ hesitated and Emily knew she wanted to say something. That was another reason she was glad JJ was the one who found her. JJ wouldn't say something unless Emily gave her the sign it was okay to. Even then JJ would carefully consider the words she spoke but Emily could trust her to tell the truth. Emily knew JJ wouldn't tell her what she wanted to hear, she would give her honest opinion and good advice even if it wasn't just to placate her. That's all Emily wanted. JJ's blue eyes were full of sympathy as they glanced around Emily obviously looking for something, someone.

Morgan.

When she didn't see him, she looked back at Emily. Taking in Emily's stance and the fact she wasn't brushing past her to avoid talking about what was bothering her JJ started to speak. "Where's Morgan?"

The question didn't surprise Emily; the whole team had seen her go after Morgan. "He went to meet Hotch in the squad room; I was just going to use the bathroom."

JJ stared back at her understandingly; she hesitated again when Emily didn't elaborate. The pause was momentary because Emily wasn't going anywhere, giving JJ a silent signal it was okay to continue. "Is everything okay between you two?"

"No," Emily sighed. "And I think I just made it worse."

JJ's face softened. "He just needs some time."

"I know," Emily started. "I just thought…I," she stumbled and she folded her arms around her waist to fight the urge to start biting her nails. She sighed again. "He's upset about this case and I guess it blindsided me because I thought we were getting past this."

"Maybe he's angry because he thought he was past it too."

Emily averted her eyes guiltily. She hates being the cause of this pain. She hates pushing him away. Their connection was almost instant, falling into an easy friendship which she rarely experienced when working with others. She was able to be herself with him. Now he doubted her, doubting himself for trusting her. She desperately wanted his trust back.

"I can't keep apologising, and I don't know what else I can do," Emily admitted in a small voice leaning against the wall.

JJ shrugged and laid a comforting hand on Emily's elbow. "He just needs time, let him cool down."

Emily's tongue darted out to moisten her lips. "I'm scared if I give him more time, he's going to get angrier."

"Emily," JJ sighed. Emily fought the impulse to pull back and walk away as she realised she wasn't going to like what JJ was about to say. "Everything happened in such a rush and he needs time to process it. He was holding it together for everyone else while trying to find Doyle. Morgan hasn't had time to deal with it himself. I think he needs time to be angry."

Emily nodded thoughtfully. She knew JJ was right. She just hoped the wait wouldn't cost them their partnership or their friendship. "I'll give him time," she agreed reluctantly. JJ offered her a sad smile and squeezed her elbow gently in reassurance. She looked at the bathroom longingly. "I just need the bathroom, I'll catch you up."

"I'll tell Hotch you're on your way," JJ replied as she noticed Emily's glance. With that the blonde slipped past her to the squad room.

"Thanks," Emily said to the empty hallway as she quickly walked to the bathroom. She bypassed the stalls and went straight to the hand basins. She turned the hot tap and cupped her hands underneath and leant down to carefully splash her face.

She needed to focus on the case, finding the Unsub. She couldn't shake the image of Morgan walking away from her; she had never seen him look so wounded. She was scared giving him time wouldn't help the situation. She was worried if she didn't confront it the situation would only get worse.

Emily wanted his forgiveness.

She was worried she didn't deserve his forgiveness.

Author Note – Thank you to everyone who's following and reviewing. I'm glad you're enjoying the new version. I would love to know any thoughts you have on the story so if you a few moments please let me know with either a review or send me a PM if you're uncomfortable leaving a public comment.