Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I not a huge fan of Weird Al's 1985 parody of Cyndi Lauper's 1983 Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, but it still was the thing which came to mind as I looked around for a chapter title.

Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch

[last week, as you recall, we left our heroines locked in an abandoned mine with the fuse burning towards the... No... Must be another story I'm writing. Kim had gone to Club Banana and found Monique applying her employee discount to workout clothes Shego was purchasing.]

"Can we change the subject, please?" requested Kim. "What's with the workout clothes?"

"Oh, I'm teaching some women's self defense classes at the Y," the green woman explained. "You know me, always sweet and helpful – spreading joy wherever I go."

"You're spreading something all right," muttered Monique, "and spreading it way too thick."

Shego just smiled, "Oh. let's celebrate Kim escaping her house at the food court, my treat. Or is there nothing there the invalid is allowed to eat?"

"I can eat," Kim told her, "but I–"

"Wonderful then," Shego interrupted before Kim could explain she would rather eat lunch with a cobra or a grizzly bear with a toothache. "Noonish? Remember, my treat."

"I'll pay for my own meal," Kim told her.

"Me too," seconded Monique.

"It's almost like you don't want me to be nice to you two."

After waiting in lines at different food vendors the three women found a table together at twelve-twenty-two.

Shego put a piece of sushi in her mouth, and found it too bland – not enough wasabi. She looked at Monique's bowl of jambalaya from Cajun Goodness and wished she had ordered that.

The jambalaya reminded Monique of her father's cooking, but wasn't nearly as good. Monique looked with envy at Kim's salad. She knew she should have ordered one herself, mall jambalaya had too much rice and not enough meat and vegetables. She resolved for extra gym time at the Y to work off her lunch. She wondered if she should have warned Shego there was always way too much wasabi on the mall sushi.

Kim liked the food court sushi. She found the wasabi level just right, but suspected her mother the doctor wanted her stay with bland and healthy fare. She looked at the plastic tray in front of Shego with envy.

Shego raised her twelve ounce cup in a toast, "Here's to crime."

"No way," Kim told her. "What's this about you teaching a self-defense class?"

"I asked for a lesson or two while she was here," Monique explained. "And a couple women heard us talking at the Y and asked her if she could teach a class."

"You never asked me for self-defense lessons."

"You're the busiest person I know! When would you have time?"

Shego added another argument, "And you're way too nice. You'd leave an attacker in a condition where he could attempt to escape. I say leave an attacker in a condition where he's begging for the police to come and take him to the hospital. I always make an exception with you."

Monique didn't understand, "An exception for her?"

Shego held her arms out, palms up, in a gesture of 'who can explain it'. "I don't know why you were worried about me attacking Princess here. I've never started a fight with her in my life. Drakken and I will be relaxing in a comfortable lair, not hurting anyone, while the blue guy works out a new way to fail, and suddenly Cupcake here and Rufus break in and start a fight. I swear, if she wasn't such a trespasser I'd never have met her."

"Me a trespasser!" protested Kim. She turned to Monique, "She's broken into my room twice since she got to Middleton."

Shego yawned, "Strictly social visits. I asked how she was feeling. Honestly, I mean, I try and be a concerned friend and she implies I'm a trespasser?"

"You crawl in my bedroom window after midnight, and it's not trespassing? There is something called a front door, you know. And there is something beside it, a little button. It causes something called a doorbell to ring. Obviously you are unaware of this fact."

The green woman looked puzzled. "You're asking me to wake your parents up after midnight. That strikes me as exceedingly rude. The courteous thing to do is clearly to let them sleep." She turned to Monique, "I'm there to assure her I want a better relationship with her while I'm around here. I tell her I want to bury the hatchet and be a friend. I promise to take her out for a nice dinner after graduation. You would never guess what she suggested I do."

"Suggested what you should do? That doesn't sound like Kim... I mean, she didn't suggest anything like, uh... that you should..."

"She'd never say anything like that. She suggested we learn to play chess."

Monique looked puzzled, "She suggested learning to play chess? Seriously?"

"Swear to God."

Kim blushed, "She's not exactly... She was talking about fighting! But she said we couldn't do it physically and–"

"You can't."

"I know. The point is, she was saying these clueless things and I make a reasonable suggestion. I mean, I don't play chess, but they say it is the classic battle of wits. So, she says she wants a non-physical challenge. I mention one. And now she's busting my chops over it. She's being totally unreasonable. I don't know how you can live with her and–"

"She didn't have a lot of choice," Shego reminded Kim. "And, hey, I'm pulling my weight around the place – watching her brothers after school so she can save money for college. She owes me."

"Owes you?" Kim asked. "You said earlier you owed her. And one of you said something about barter or something."

"Oh, just keeping track of favors," Shego remarked casually. "If one of us does the other a favor we owe the one doing the favor. I owe Monique here for suggesting I get out more, for getting me the Y job, the discount on active wear... You know, stuff like that. And she owes me for watching her brothers and self-defense lessons."

"So, do they cancel each other out?" asked Kim.

"I wish," Monique muttered softly.

"Nope we save them up for valuable prizes," explained Shego. Monique looked nervous.

"Like what?" Kim wanted to know.

The green woman shrugged, "The usual stuff. A Japanese transistor radio that only picks up AM stations. Or a toaster oven. The big one, a statue of a naked lady with a clock in her stomach. Wouldn't that add a touch of class to the lair?"

Kim hesitated, "... Uh, sure."

Shego turned to Monique, "What's wrong with Pumpkin today? Here was her chance for all kinds of sarcastic comments, and that's the best she can do?"

"She has been sick," Monique reminded Shego.

"I could be dead and come back with a better line than that."

"You have a little more experience being snarky," Kim pointed out.

Shego grinned, "Nice dig at my age, Princess, but I'm not that much older than you. There're lots of happy couples with a greater age difference between them than the difference in our ages." Monique wondered why Kim suddenly blushed crimson. "Say," the green woman continued, "what is the age difference between your mom and dad?"

"S- Seven years," Kim stammered. "Sh- She was a freshman in college and he was the TA for-"

"Should always wait until after high school graduation," Shego interrupted, and winked at Monique. Kim wondered what Shego might have told Monique about the older woman's invitation to attempted seduction.

To the relief of Kim, Monique steered the conversation to the new line of clothing and the three talked fashion until Shego glanced at her watch, "Oh, got to go. Steve and Nelson need picking up from the Y." She turned to Kim, "Can you give me the phone number for Doofus? Just had an–"

"No! You can't!" Kim told her angrily.

"Chill," Monique warned. "Let her finish the sentence."

"But she... I'm stressed, okay?"

"I know some marvelous stress relief," purred Shego.

"Why do you want Ron's number? You wouldn't..."

Shego glanced at Monique, "I fear she has a dirty mind. She seems to think I have wicked plans for him. I just want to ask him what her favorite flowers are so I can order a bouquet for her as a peace offering."

"Like Ron would know that," Monique giggled. "I don't know why you want to call him, but I'll give you the number."

"Thanks, I–"

"Unless you tell me that you owe me one. Then it's no go."

"You act like you don't trust me," Shego pouted.

"We don't," Kim reminded her, and told Monique. "She's up to something."

"Always," Shego agreed.

Monique wrote the phone number on the outside of one of Shego's shopping bags. The green woman left for the Y, Monique returned to work, and Kim returned home.

Ron answered, "Hello?"

"Doofus?"

"Why are you calling me?" sighed Ron.

"Run out of flies to pull the wings off of. Hey, I'm thinking of doing something nice for Cupcake. She's big into this saving the world thing. So I was thinking, since she's laid up and all, maybe I could take up a little of the slack. Now, the fact you and Kate were dumb enough to go out and try to stop Drakken and me makes me think you might be interested in going along as side kick. Notice, I'm not agreeing to go out and rescue cats from trees or some of the rinky-dink shit Red takes care of, but I might, and that's a might, do something if it's big enough. What do you say?"

"You're up to something."

"You sound like Kim. Maybe I want to do something nice for her. Maybe I'm bored. Maybe I happen to live on this world too, or maybe I'm taking out Drakken's competition. Does it really matter what my motives are?"

"Maybe."

"Let's just keep it simple. If Wade asked me to do a big mission, and I agreed, are you in?"

"I... uh... I guess so."

"Great. Now give me Wade's number so I can give him the good news."

"No."

"Whatdaya mean, 'no'?"

"He doesn't like his number going out."

"I'm talking about doing him a favor!"

"How about I call and give him your number?"

"That'll work... I can get his number when he calls me." "Sure. But remember, I'll only do something if it's big."

Shego expected Wade to call in minutes. He didn't. It was two days later, Monday afternoon, when her phone rang. There was no number for the incoming call. The app which was supposed to decode the number and caller showed nothing. "Hello?"

"Shego? This is Wade. Ron said you might take a mission?"

"If it's big and important enough."

"Big enough for what?"

"Help cure boredom. I get no kick from helping little old ladies across the street."

"You know I don't trust you."

"And I know that with Kim out of commission you don't have a lot of choices for illegal operatives."

"Illegal! We stop–"

"You, Kim, Ron, and Rufus stop crooks that a hundred other agencies or police forces could stop. But you stop them first. You stop them first 'cause you're doing illegal hacking and discovering the plans. Global Justice or the police have to wait before a crime is committed. You send in Kim to stop it before any crime is committed or anyone hurt. That's probably why the Feds aren't looking to bust you. Frankly, I don't care that you're doing all kinds of illegal shit. I'm offering to, maybe, accept a big mission. It's got to be big, and I'm not promising to take it. You're free to assume I have some kind of ulterior motive. I'm certainly no saint. But let's be honest with each other. I have my reasons for offering to do a big mission, and you're breaking laws with the stuff you're doing. Now, you got something or not? I think you do, or you wouldn't have called."

"Maybe," agreed Wade. "A researcher in agricultural science discovered–"

"Not on the phone. I want to meet in person. Where do you live?"

"No way I'm telling you that!"

"No deal."

Shego breathed a sigh of relief as Wade hesitated. "You want to meet in person?" he asked.

"Yep. Those are my terms."

"Does it have to be my place?"

"I... No. I was just trying to make it convenient for you. What do you propose?"

"Public library, Third and Oak, twenty minutes?"

Twenty minutes later Shego stared in wonder. She had seen a picture, but in the flesh she had to demand, "You're Wade?"

"Yes, now let's make this fast. I develop a nervous tic if I'm away from my computers too long."

"So why didn't you have me go to your place?"

"You might have damaged the computers."

"Hello! You're here! I could damage you!"

"I'm more worried about my computers."

"Geeks," sighed Shego.

"Nerds," Wade corrected her, "not the same at all."

"Whatever. What's up?"

"Well, like I said," Wade began, "an agricultural researcher discovered a way to speed up the growth process. It would enable him to find result in hours or days instead of weeks or months..."

Shego agreed with Kim, "Yeah, like you said, it reminded Wade of the first time you faced Duff Kiligan. His original plan was probably just to use it to keep the links near his home in repair when he stole the damn thing. Only it turns out the device had a lot of potential for destruction. Original researcher has destroyed all his notes and models. And that makes the one Duff has worth a lot of money to a lot of people. He plans to auction it off. Whoever buys the thing can probably reverse engineer the thing, modify it, and mass produce it as an especially nasty weapon. Dementor and WEE will be bidding, and some other people you know. But it may go to some national bidder. Don't want the North Koreans getting their hands on the device. Of course some of the potential bidders may want to murder Duff and steal the thing before the auction is even scheduled to happen. Wade thinks we need to work fast."

Kim chewed her lip nervously, "And the price you're asking is me in bed?"

"No," Shego explained again. "Pay attention. You agree to regular dates with me, starting after graduation and going until... Well, not clear when Monique's mom will get back and I clear out. You may not enjoy a single date with me. Yes, I'm trying to get you in bed. But it will be your choice because you want to – not because I'm threatening you. You get some nice dinners and some movies out of it, if you don't want sex I won't try and force you."

"And what if you and Ron get the device, and you decide to keep it for yourself or Drakken?"

"Good question. I'll be honest. You don't know what I'll do. But remember how many times I've saved your life this year. What choice do you have?"

Kim closed her eyes and thought for a minute. "I wish I wasn't sick. Let me call Wade."

"Sure."

Wade sounded far more anxious and worried than Shego. "Were you able to convince her to go?" he asked Kim.

"Me, convince her?"

"Yeah, she said she needed to talk with you about things. Said your input was important. This is big, Kim. You've handled a couple this big, but not many."

Kim looked over at Shego, who raised a questioning eyebrow. "I talked her into taking the mission," Kim sighed, and Shego smiled. "When can you–"

"Within the hour. We need to secure things quickly."

After turning off the Kimmunicator the cheerleader looked at the thief, "All I did is agree to accept dates. Period."

"Absolutely." She leaned down and took off the ankle bracelet. "Let's keep Monique, shall we? If I give this to you, you promise to not let Wade scan it, and you'll give it back to me when I hand the device over to you?"

"You're asking me to help keep my friend hostage?"

"You're asking me to risk my life," Shego reminded her. "Oh, and can I borrow one of your mission outfits? It wouldn't look good for Shego to be seen, might even put Drakken in danger if people thought he had it. Red wig, some makeup, your clothes and you will get credit for the win."

Kim worried for the next six hours, until the news came that Ron and Shego had succeeded. Even then her fears didn't go away, she didn't trust Shego to turn the device over to Wade as promised.

And Shego didn't exactly turn it over to Wade.

Ron was happy to report, "She destroyed it. Said she didn't want anyone to grab it from us... And, uh, I'm not sure she trusts you," he said, looking at the camera on the Kimmunicator Kim held.

"Didn't trust Wade?" Kim asked in disbelief.

"It's dangerous," Shego assured her. "It was dangerous. Some of the people who wanted it might try to hack Wade's computer if they thought he scanned it and had an analysis of the thing."

"Just to play Devil's advocate for a minute," Kim told the pair, "how can Wade and I be sure it was the real thing and not a fake?"

"I was monitoring when they got it," Wade told her. "They got the real thing. If Ron says they destroyed it, I believe him. And Shego was right, it probably was the safest thing to do with it."

"She's really good, KP," Ron enthused. "I mean, not as good as you, but really good."

"Thank you, thank you," Shego told him with an air of false modesty, "but I'm really hoping Princess will get to find out how good I am for herself."