To: Himura Kaoru, Kamiya-Kasshin Asst. Master
of Kamiya-Kasshin Dojo, Tokyo
17 May 1883
Kaoru-san,
I'm still sorry about having to leave town so suddenly. I'd explain, but it's the family business, and you know how Aoshi-sama feels about any ofthat being written down. I can promise it was definitely important, though.
But I have really good news! I'm pregnant. I found out right before I left Tokyo. Aoshi-sama and I didn't really get a chance to talk about it until we got back home. But he says he's happy. Well, he actually says it's worth the risk, but that's about the same as him jumping up and down in joy.
Omasu-san and Okon-san are helping me find a proper licensed midwife. I haven't even really had time to call on them, yet. Our first day back was full of unpacking and spreading around the good news, and then the very next day we had a huge last minute party from somewhere up Miyagi for Aoi Matsuri. (Just because the procession doesn't happen anymore doesn't mean the festival doesn't, and there are rumors that the Emperor will let us have our festival officially again soon. I hope so; I never got to see the procession. It'd be nice if my child could.)
I know I've mentioned it before, but Aoi Matsuri is very special to us here at the Aoi-ya. (I love making that joke! Jiya must have named this place just for that.) Jiya still decorates with hollyhock everywhere, which of course brings in any geiko who aren't out entertaining. And that means our tea shop is full all day of geiko and people who like to be around them without having to pay. And every year some knucklehead or other always makes the mistake of talking to one, and then we have to throw him out for shouting in the teashop when she bills him for her time.
Actually, this year we only had to throw two men out and we didn't have to ban anybody. The geiko are slipping! I'm kidding, of course.
And to top it all off, our new hand, Akamaru, has been totally useless. Lucky for him he's Shiro's cousin and we won't send him away. He can't cook, his hands shake so he can't carry trays, and he can't talk so he can't greet people or show them to their rooms or anything. Well, I guess he could, but he'd creep the guests out! So we've been scrambling to find some use for him, or at least a place to put him during the day so he's out of the way and doesn't bother the guests.
So as you can see, I've just been far too busy to go talk to midwives. Aoshi-sama made me promise to go call on a few tomorrow.
Omasu-san is urging me not to be so stubborn, but I only want to talk to the ones who learned German obstetrics. Everyone says the German way is very modern. Modern has got to be the right way to go for childbirth, don't you think?
I just want to do this right, Kaoru-san. You've been here, so I'm sure you can understand. I want to do all the right things so I have the perfect pregnancy and the baby comes out perfect. Healthy and good-tempered and easily entertained and normal. Not sickly or cranky or something.
I haven't told Aoshi-sama or the others any of this, but at night I run my hand over my stomach and wonder just what could possibly be in there. What does it look like right now? Is it a really tiny person, or is it some kind of persony-fish-thing like you sometimes hear of being stillborn? And what will it look like when it's born? The past few nights I've been really scared it's going to come out wrong and die soon, or be sickly, or even die while it's still inside of me.
I wish I could talk to Aoshi-sama about this. I know he'd just smirk at me and tell me that between us, we could make a perfect baby if I ate dirt and hung upside down from my ankles the whole time. Well, maybe not so ridiculous or in so many words, but he'd tell me that there's surely nothing I could do to hurt his child.
But inside, I think he'd be afraid of the same things. And he's got extra things to be afraid of, like people who don't like him suddenly targeting me, or birth taking me away from him. Or maybe people targeting our child once it's born. So of course I can't talk about any of that to him.
I don't know what to do, except try to have a modern pregnancy.
I'm sure I've written about all of this long enough. This letter feels so old it might come alive in the mail and eat the postman or something! Write back soon and tell me everything that's happened since I left!
Misao
To: Shinomori Misao
of the Aoi-ya, Kyoto
Congratulations, Misao-dono! Tell Aoshi I'm happy for both of you. I would be happy to hear from him if he cared to write, that I would. — Kenshin
May 26, 1883
Misao,
That's wonderful news! I was going to tease you and say that I'd believe you were pregnant when I saw the baby, but I'm much too happy for both of you. So is Kenshin, as you can see. Yahiko said to tell you congratulations and to see if there's something you can eat so your baby doesn't come out cold like his father. (He suggested anko and inarizushi, but Megumi says eating sweets will make the mother fat before it makes the baby happy.)
Actually, I read that part of your letter to Megumi, she laughed and told me she was the doctor who told you, and then she insisted I let her read the rest of the letter. I can't believe she knew before anyone and didn't tell me!
On the good side, I'm sure you'll have a letter full of advice very soon. I'm sure you can imagine what the bad side of that might be. I'm just going to apologize in advance for whatever she says the next time she sees you.
Not much has changed since you left. Kenji is growing every day, of course. According to Gensai and Megumi, children do that. But to me it still feels like yesterday that he took his first step, and just last week that Kenshin and I saw him for the first time.
He hasn't said any new words yet, but he's putting together the old ones in surprising ways, and he's using words we've said almost as if they're new words of his own. The teapot and fire are "don't touch," the stray dog he isn't afraid of is "weasel," no matter how often we tell him it's a dog, and the engawa is "shoes off."
Oh, and please ask Aoshi-san if he can teach Kenshin or Yahiko that trick he did with the cherry blossoms. Kenji hasn't figured out what to call it, but he keeps grabbing things and smacking his hands together to make them disappear. Naturally he's very disappointed when they don't; we've been trying to explain that it's Aoshi-san's trick and none of us knows how it works, but you know children his age.
He's getting along with his father a little better, though. He's learned that Kenshin can climb even higher than he can, so now, whenever Kenji "want up" (new phrase! Much better than "Up up up!") he goes to him rather than climbing on his own.
I've had three new students since you left. The old ones are improving bit by bit, and one of them is even good enough to help bring the newest students up to speed. I have Yahiko keep an eye on them, just to be sure nobody learns any bad habits.
I think Yahiko will always be my best student. Maybe it's because he went through so much so young, or maybe it's just natural talent. I do know that as he's grown older, the Kamiya-Kasshin philosophy has started to suit him more and more.
I've been thinking about negotiating with the other masters of kenjutsu schools here in Tokyo. I think it's time I become an accredited master of my father's style and take an assistant master of my own. (Three guesses who.)
Yahiko has forbidden me to tell you anything about how things are going with Tsubame, but you saw them at Mt. Ueno. I'm not sure who he thinks he's fooling.
That's really all I can think of about us. Well, all that's easy to put to pen and paper. We'll have so much to talk about the next time we see each other! (And next time, bring your marriage certificate. Aoshi-san surely did not break into a government office and burn it. Not even he would be so bold.)
It's perfectly normal to worry about how your child will turn out. I was afraid, too. I thought about all the things you talked about, and the bigger inside me Kenji got, the more I worried.
That first moment Kenji was in my arms could have been yesterday, but the fear seems far away now. The thing that helped me was talking to Kenshin and Megumi about it and having some kind of plan to do everything I could for a healthy pregnancy and baby.
I think the fear will be easier to manage (it never goes away, ever; now that Kenji is born and walking, I'm torn between thinking he's perfect and being terrified he's going to get hurt) if you have a plan. And I think you do need someone you can talk to about this. Although I guess you'd have to be careful where and when you did it, if you didn't want Aoshi-san to hear and worry more.
If it were as easy as just picking up Kenji and taking the train down, I'd do it in a heartbeat. And if you need me to come down, I really will do it. (I'm sure he'd love the train for at least a few minutes.) I hope you know that you can count on all of us for whatever you need.
Tell Aoshi-san I said hello and congratulations. And please write me back as soon you can.
Kaoru
To: Himura Kaoru, Kamiya-Kasshin Asst. Master
of Kamiya-Kasshin Dojo, Tokyo
5 June 1883
Not much time to write so I'll try to keep this short. The Aoi-ya is so busy these days! At least I'm not as tired as I used to be.
I found a midwife! I know they're all old women, but this one's pretty young, just barely over forty. Her name is Chiba Inko and she says she studied obstetrics at the Red Apricot School. I've heard good things about that place, so I'm happy.
She's got all sorts of weird ideas about things I should do and eat during pregnancy. She says if I drink enough milk I won't crave chalk or dirt. She also says that no matter how hungry I am, I should just have lots of very small meals and no big ones. She says it helps with digestion, but I haven't really had any heartburn problems yet.
Aoshi-sama basically hates her; now that he's decided she isn't an assassin or something (typical Aoshi-sama), he finds a way to be in a completely different part of the inn every time she stops by. And she stops in almost every day, at least to check on me and see how I'm doing.
Oh yes! I talked to Aoshi-sama about showing Himura that sleight of hand. He says he has no reason not to show him the next time he can. And, by the way, he didn't sneak into a government office to burn just one marriage certificate. That would be suspicious! He burned a lot of them, not just ours. (And don't forget to burn this letter once you've read it.)
I'm so glad to hear Himura and Kenji are getting along better! i've never understood why Kenji never wants his father. Don't children usually want both parents? Is this some sort of of normal thing, or just an odd little toddler quirk?
Myoujin is fooling himself if he thinks none of us know. Tell him there is no secret. We've all known for years! But it's good to hear him doing well with more responsibility in the dojo, and I'm just thrilled that you're getting more and more students. That must be so exciting!
I don't think Megumi-sensei's going to be quite so terrible as you think the next time she sees me. She seemed very worried in the letter.
Oh, and Kaoru-san? I really have no idea what you'd have to do to be accredited, but if it doesn't involve some crazy journey across the length of Japan or something, I'd say go for it. There are more than enough stuffy old man dojo masters around. You should shake things up a bit!
All right, that's all from me. Tell everyone I said hello!
Misao