Three

Serena Van Der Woodsen sighed as she entered the door of the coffee shop. She hated when Vanessa wanted to meet here, especially because V would inevitably be late per usual leaving Serena far too much time alone to reflect on all the memories this place held. Her only small consolation was bittersweet. Over the years the shop had added a section for books and poetry. On the one hand, this was fantastic for distracting her from waxing nostalgic. Too often though, it only served to complicate her feelings more since the very subject of her recollections had his name plastered all over any place someone wanted to actually sell books. She wasn't surprised during med school when the name Dan Humphrey started working its way back into her life, bookstore after bookstore, glaring at her from the "what's new" table as she'd worm her way back to the textbook shelves. She was even less shocked when he became an overnight sensation and continued his popularity through the years. She had even laughed when she tried to order a book online once and one of his novels had shown up in her "we think you'd also enjoy…" section. It was undeniable how talented he was, even back in prep school when he'd shared his early work with her. Though she'd never admit it, she still sometimes pulled out the original copy of the story he'd written for her and treasured the fact that something by this world-renowned writer had been meant just for her. However, despite her feelings of good will for his success, all Serena had ever wanted to do was forget about a one Dan Humphrey, a feat made harder every time she saw his books on shelves, name in the papers, or face on morning talk shows. There is a reason that I'm done with him, she silently scolded herself, angry she continued to let him occupy her thoughts as much as he did. A new display was smartly set up at the front of the coffee shop's book section and she frowned as she walked over. There was his latest offering, an epic tear-jerker about a father and his dying wishes for her troubled son. It had been hailed as a hit and only a few copies were left littered on the stand. She was about to pick one up and self-torture some more when she noticed another set of freshly minted books on a table nearby. The author was not one she recognized-someone named J.D. Smith-but the cover intrigued her somehow. It was plain black with a little broken heart drawn in the corner and was titled The Forbidden Letters. Glad to have a reverie from her thoughts, she reached for a copy and opened the jacket, somewhat taken aback to find no author's bio. "How curious" she muttered softly as she flipped to the opening page and began to read…

Preface

I am just a man. I found a woman. She was bright and witty, beautiful and kind. She was the woman of men's dreams. I was just a man lucky enough to find her-so I did what everyone thought was right (and what I thought I wanted) and I married her. She was mine. Trouble was, I was never hers. I had already taken another lover…or at least my heart had. Foolishly I thought my wife could make me forget her and all our pain and passion.

I was wrong.

After what I've been through before, I do not believe in divorce. So I stayed with my wife. I was fond of her and she was fond of me. We were comfortable and almost truly happy.

Until she found the letters.

"Sorry I'm late!" Vanessa boomed, causing Serena to jump out of her enraptured state. "Gosh V, you scared the crap out of me," Serena chided, closing the book with a start. Vanessa peered curiously at the hardcopy in Serena's hand. "Serena," she started with a mildly warning tone, "you aren't looking at one of Dan's books again, are you?" Serena defensively flashed the book at Vanessa to prove her innocence and smiled weakly. "No suffering for me today, aside from having to come to this place again," Serena quipped, letting Vanessa feel the effects of her words. Vanessa's face softened. "I'm so sorry S-I always forget what this place does to you. I promise I'll try to remember next time. Let's get out of here and discuss the clinic plans somewhere else." Serena knew her face showed her relief and she started to turn to leave when she realized she was still holding the book. "Um, V, just one second," she said as she headed to the register. The book was just too intriguing to leave behind. Beside, she thought to herself as she handed the barista her credit card, someone else's weepy love problems is just the "vacation" I need to keep me out of my own head for a little while.


At home later that evening, Serena pulled out her purchase from the coffee house and laid it on the table, ready to jump back into her earlier distraction after she got something to eat. Her thoughts replayed the day and she sighed as she remembered Vanessa's gentle reminder to her as they wrapped up their meeting. "He's going to be at the wedding Serena-are you going to be ok?" Serena had just smiled at her friend and made a joke about being a grown up who could spend a half a day with an ex-boyfriend if it meant free food and a bouquet toss. Her acting was getting better…even she'd almost believed that her past with Dan was as simple as that. She sighed as she loaded a pre-made lasagna into her oven. Vanessa had always done an excellent job of being a friend to both her and Dan without judgment to either one, not surprising given that she didn't know nearly the whole story. She respected Serena's wishes to leave Dan out of conversations and had mostly been successful at not announcing what was going on in his life. There were only two times she had slipped up. One was about five years ago during her fourth year and Serena's third year at medical school when she gave Serena a head's up that she was being excused from a weekend call on their shared OB/GYN rotation. Serena nagged at Vanessa for days to find out what was so important that she was lucky enough to miss a boring weekend at the hospital with her and she only had herself to blame when Vanessa finally caved in. "Dan's getting married and I'm in the wedding party" was her clipped answer. Serena had waved it off and told Vanessa she was happy for him. Truthfully, she felt like she was suffocating. She had been shocked at her reaction, realizing that after all those years she still thought they'd have their happy ending. The only other slip up was a few months back, but it was a doozy. They were out shopping for shoes for Vanessa's wedding dress and Serena could sense her distraction all the way down Fifth Avenue. Finally, when V picked a black dress to try on instead of focusing on Manolos and Loubitains, Serena inquired as to what was wrong. Vanessa broke into tears in the middle of Bendel's, mumbling incoherently about how she didn't feel right getting shoes for a wedding when what she really needed a dress for a funeral. Serena finally got her to calm down and gently prodded her for details, her curiosity getting the best of her. Regrettably, Vanessa, in her weakened state, decided to share. "Dan's wife died!" she bawled. "Now he's all alone, with a four month old to care for none the less!" Vanessa again dissolved into a puddle of tears, crying for her oldest friend's loss. Serena absently patted her back to comfort her, but was reeling from the news herself. Dan was 30 and a widower. She could feel her heart breaking for him all over again. Further yet, he had a baby with her. As she held Vanessa on the dressing room floor, she couldn't help the guilty feeling she was having, her head screaming at her how it should have been her baby with him and how different both of their lives were supposed to be. The oven dinged and brought Serena back to reality. She wiped the tears that were pricking at her eyes and tried to calm down her racing mind. She had been dangerously close to playing the blame game with herself again and she knew just how unhealthy it was. After eating some of the cheesy store-bought dinner, she sat down and opened her new book. Soon, her emotional day took its toll, and she slipped into a deep, thankfully dreamless sleep.