Disclaimer: The Characters are not mine. Someday I'll have my own. For now I'm just borrowing them.
A/N I'm changing the rating of this story to M for reasons. If M stories are not your thing, you know what to do.
Thank you to my Beta Diana for all your help. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
And to Sarah, thanks so much for your encouragement. You're awesome!
When Moving On Means Something Different Chapter 4
Rick Castle makes his way into the shower, but when he gets there the only thing he can think of is what it would be like to have Kate with him. What it would be like to have her. Now all he has is the ghost of hope lost.
Rick makes quick work of the shower and heads for his bed. He's so tired. Every muscle in his body aches. He thinks this must be what a truly broken heart feels like. Pain everywhere.
He climbs in bed, thinking it was just yesterday that Kate was holding his hand in the middle of the precinct. It didn't last long; Esposito and Ryan had come around the corner with information about the case, so she let go. Her hand was warm and soft, yet strong.
"So tired, so tired" Rick mumbles to himself as sleep strengthens its grip on him.
"Rick. Rick?" Castle opens his eyes slowly, fogged with sleep. He doesn't understand. He just fell asleep. And why is he hearing voices, he wonders. He remembers watching Alexis turn for the stairs. It can't be her. "Rick. Castle. Can you hear me?" He hears Kate's voice and it startles him. He raises his head and looks for Kate but she's not there and she won't ever be. Castle rubs his eyes and lets his head drop back to the mattress.
He should have known better than try to sleep. Too much happened today. But he needs to sleep, he has to sleep. He wants to be there for his daughter tomorrow. Dealing with the stress of losing Kate will be enough. And now he's what, hallucinating? He has to rest.
Rick finally feels the comfort of sleep overtake him. He snuggles down into his pillow and stills. As Rick falls into a fitful sleep, the dreams begin. Dreams of hope lost.
She lays her hand gently on his chest, sliding her fingers against the broad expanse of his skin. Her lips find their way to his cheek and she slowly makes her way to his lips, working her mouth over his slowly, sensually.
Rick opens his eyes only to find Kate's beautiful green orbs staring back at him. He knows there's no way this can be happening. Kate's not here. His mind is playing a cruel trick.
"It's true Rick, I'm here. I'm your Kate, the Ghost of hope lost."
Rick still doesn't understand fully but he feels his arms winding their way around nothing. A nothing that feels incredibly real. As he wraps his arms around this vision of hope lost, this amazing vision of Kate responds to him. She continues to kiss his lips, his jaw, working her way to his pulse point, suckling gently and eliciting a very pronounced reaction.
All the while Rick continues to fight the idea that this is happening, until Kate's hand slides down his chest, over his abs and cups him, running her fingers over his length. "Do you believe me now Rick? I may be a dream, but I'm the only hope you have left. We need each other if we're going to make it through this night. Let me love you, Castle".
"Oh, Oh Kate" Rick says as he gently rolls her over, his eyes never leaving hers. He can't spend another minute trying to figure out how this can possibly be happening. He can only act.
Rick's lips come crashing down on Kate's and he feels every touch, every nuance, every single second. He looks into her eyes and they lock, and he realises he no longer cares how this is happening, how she is in his arms, naked underneath him.
Rick buries his face in the hollow of her neck, lips seeking the tender flesh as he lavishes kisses on her pulse point, continuing down toward her breasts. He begins to feel as if he's in a fog as he reaches out to lay his fingers between Kate's breasts. He glances up at his Kate for an answer, but all he finds are questions. "Why can't this be real Kate?" Why"
"I'm here now Rick. Be with me. Please.." begs Kate.
Rick gently parts Kate's thighs and with one smooth stroke, Richard Castle connects himself to this Kate of his vision, his reality. Is she really the ghost of hope lost or has all that has happened just caused so much stress that he no longer knows or cares what's real?
Kate wraps her legs around Rick's hips and they begin to move, synchronized together in a way that only they would ever be able to attain.
"More Rick, please, I love you, you know I do. I love you."
As their rhythm increases, Rick knows they are coming closer and closer. And then as suddenly as Kate appeared in Rick's dream she is gone. Rick collapses on to his bed left with nothing to do but finish what he obviously must have started on his own. When he's done, he goes to his bathroom cleans up and returns to his bed. He lays his head back on the pillow, one hand behind his head, staring off into space, tears falling, as sleep takes him, with only the sound of Kate's name on his lips for comfort.
Kate, Kate
Kate looks herself in the mirror, wondering how her life could have gone so horribly wrong. She towel dries the last bits of water out of her hair and makes her way into the bed and under the covers.
She looks to her nightstand for her brush and something to tie her hair up with. As she finishes with her hair, she starts reaching for a book, just out of habit really. Something to take away the sting of the day. Until she realizes she has his book in her hand, his book about her.
Lanie was right, these books are nothing more than a long love letter to her. Well, there is no reason to read any of those so called love letters now. All those books are going to remind her of now, is what they'll never have. It's as if Castle has become a ghost to her.
Kate slides down her pillow, turning from side to side, finally just facing the middle of the bed in defeat as sleep overtakes her angry mind.
"Beckett, Beckett?". Kate sits straight up eyes flying wide open. She looks around in a panic, swearing she heard Castle's voice.
"There's no way, no way he could've gotten in here. He's out of my life." Kate mutters to herself. "Besides, he has to know I'd probably shoot him if he had the nerve to come back here," she thinks to her tired, stressed out self.
"Like hell you would!" Castle reappears, sitting on the bed, to her side.
"Castle, what the fuck! How are you here? Get Out!"
"I'm not him."
"Well I'm him, your version of him. Your Castle. You know, not the building, the me ver…."
"Enough, Castle!" Says a clearly exasperated Beckett. "I don't understand. How can you be here?. And how can you possibly be as frustrating in my dream as you are in life. You left me," she states, as a strangled sob leaves her mouth. Kate's Castle, her vision, whatever this amazing thing that she sees, leans into her, gently wrapping his hand around her neck and kissing her. She pulls back, startling as the memory of the one time she kissed Richard Castle comes flooding back.
" Because I am your dream. I'm here for you Kate, I may feel like the ghost of hope lost, but I'm here for you. I just want you. I love you."
Kate responds to Castle's kiss, not understanding how it feels so real. Every inch of her body comes alive with the sensations she's always wanted to feel. As she kisses him back, she realizes this is no time to be analytical. It's only time to be.
As Castle lays Kate Beckett lovingly on her bed she reaches for him, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, sensually sliding her hands across his chest. She loosens his shirt from his pants and slides it over his shoulders, letting her hands run over the taut muscles of his back. Their eyes lock as she unbuckles his belt. In one short move, she tugs his pants down over his backside, helping him to shrug them off. Castle makes short work of her T-shirt and shorts. Finally, naked and together, Castle begins kissing Kate with a fervor that can only be a dream.
It's not the first time Beckett has dreamed of him. It is the first time he has ever been so real. Castle scatters kisses down the length of Kate's neck and to her breasts, pulling her hardened nipple into his mouth and laving it with his tongue. Kate runs her hands down his back and over the curve of his ass, pulling him toward her, feeling his hardness, and wanting him where she needs him so desperately. Kate parts her legs for him and he enters her, causing sensations she thought were lost to her forever, feeling the fire pooling low in her belly.
As they begin to move in unison, Kate feels the tension building. They continue to move, gazing intently into each other's eyes, never breaking the stare. They are rising, together, closer and closer, when Kate can't help herself any longer. She has to speak. "I don't know how this is happening or why, I just know I love you. I just want you Rick…"
And just as the ghostly Kate had disappeared from Rick's dream, her Castle is gone and Kate is left to finish what now was clearly the weirdest dream she's ever had.
Kate brings herself down slowly from the saddest orgasm she's ever had. It's so sad, only because it's not real. She lays her head back on the pillow, reaching over to her nightstand to find her phone. It's four thirty am and the realization hits Kate. There's no point in staying in bed dreaming of what she'll never have. It's time to stop by the cemetery on her way to work. Kate needs her mom.
TBC