"I dare you to tell us your three most embarrassing sexual experiences," said Garcia devilishly. For all Hotch knew she could have been giving him a death sentence, and he felt his face pale.
Thankfully, the lawyer in him chose that moment to surface.
"I said Dare, that means I need to do something," he argued, giving her his best glare - Glare 42: Known side affects include shaking, wetting oneself, or in rare cases fainting.
"Oh, Mon Capitane, when does answering a question not count as doing something?" returned Garcia, and it appeared she was immune to the most powerful glare in his arsonary.
"Well actually, you could saying doing something means some sort of physical act," piped up Reid, and even wearing Emily's blouse Hotch wanted to hug him.
"Trust me Doctor Reid, there are plenty of physical things one can do with their tongue," Garcia deliberately made her voice husky, before adding in a perky tone, "Talking is one of them."
Reid went five shades deeper than red at her remark, and Hotch caught the 'Sorry, I tried look,' in his eyes.
Well it wouldn't be Reid getting extra paperwork this week!
"Aaron, you can't forfeit. What kind of example is that to set for the team?" asked Rossi, looking as if he was very much enjoying Hotch squirming.
"Better than shagging Strauss in the supply closet," muttered Hotch darkly.
"I used to respect you, man!" yelled Morgan, glee evident in his tone.
"Hey, you never saw her back in the day," Rossi's eyes took on a look that showed he wasn't just thinking about Strauss in a platonic way. A shudder went around the other occupants in the room.
Garcia cleared her throat, "Hotch, I believe you have some answers to give."
Oh, crap. For a moment he had forgotten the Sword of Damocles was hanging over his head, only getting lower by the seconds.
"You could start with your first time," said Emily, looking too happy for the moment.
She was definitely getting the extra paperwork.
"It was with Haley. We were in her parents beach house. They were out for the day going around the town, and we had wriggled out of it-"
"Before or after you wriggled horizontally?" asked Rossi.
"Shhh!" shushed most members of the team.
"Well, uh, everything was going smoothly, and we were just about to finish when her dog Baxter rushed in followed by her parents. It had started to rain and so they had came back early. Dinner was an awkward affair that night," Hotch could still see the mortification in Haley's eyes combined with the embarrassment in her parents. It was one of those memories that was burned into his skull.
"Your first time?" asked Morgan, crumbling into fits of laughter.
"It's nice to note that SSA Aaron Hotchner wasn't always so smooth," laughed JJ.
"That reminds me of the time you came round and found me with Kevin in the shower," said Garcia to Rossi, and if Hotch never knew better, she was trying to take some of the heat off him.
"I saw much more of that man than I ever wanted to see," grumbled Rossi.
"Anyway!" yelled Prentiss over the laughter, "What's the next one?"
"Um…" Hotch really did have to think about this, he wasn't often embarrassed in matters concerning the bedroom. "I guess after Jack was born. He used to walk in on us. We had to go over the whole 'special cuddle' story and after that romance wasn't really on our minds." He still cringed from Jack asking him outside school why he wouldn't give him a special cuddle like he did with mummy. The looks the Principal shot him made him thankful social wasn't involved.
"Wait, wait, wait!" called Morgan, "That's like almost a thirty year gap!"
"Yeah, Boss Man, what happened in between?" asked Garcia.
"A lot," supplied Rossi, grinning.
"No way! Hotch is the last person that would sleep around!" objected JJ, and Hotch threw her a grateful look.
"He wasn't always with Haley, that's all I'm saying," said Rossi.
"Thanks, Dave," bit out Hotch, "Haley and I were 'off' and 'on' a lot. It's part of the reason why we married so late. In that time I know she saw other men, and so I thought 'Fuck it'!"
"That's understandable," said Emily, and reason returned to the room once more.
"So, who was the lucky lady?" asked Morgan.
"Was it Kate Joyner?" asked JJ, and Hotch felt a brief smattering of grief assault him.
"She was… One of them," he said finally.
"I knew it!" yelled Prentiss.
"How the Hell did you guess?" asked Hotch, running his hands through his hair and wincing as a few strands pulled free.
"A woman knows," said Garcia mysteriously.
"Oh please, anyone could see it, female or otherwise," said Reid.
"Aaron, you may have a good poker face, but remember that other's don't," answered Rossi, and Hotch guessed she had acted pretty familiar with him when they consulted.
"I think we've embarrassed our Fearless Leader enough," said Garcia in an unusual moment of mercy. Spinning the bottle, she squealed as it landed on Rossi.
"That can't be good," muttered the older profiler, and Hotch couldn't help but agree. "Truth."
"So… Strauss… Supply closet?" Morgan made the words sound like a question.
"We were young. She was getting some paper for the copy machine. I saw an opportunity," said Rossi, oblivious to the looks of horror on all the other Agents faces. Reid looked like he was going to be sick.
"Is she as feisty in that department as she is in her work?" asked Morgan casually.
"Ew, Morgan!" yelled Emily, slapping him on the arm.
"You can't blame a guy for being curious," he shrugged in response.
"Put it this way. She's made my top five," said Rossi cryptically.
"Personally I would like to stop thinking of Strauss in that way, that's almost as bad as some of the scumbags you ask me to look at. Next!" called Garcia, spinning the bottle once more.
Emily gulped as it landed on her, her arms instinctively wrapping around her chest protectively. Hotch had to admit, there WAS a lot to protect. No… He was not going to be done for sexual harassment just because a subordinate had her top off in front of him. Was he really that pathetic?
"Truth," Emily finally answered.
In an effort to get his mind away from sex, Hotch then blurted out, "Why did you join the FBI?"
Everyone's expressions clearly said: "Lame question!"
He shrugged as if to say: "Whatever."
"I wanted to be an FBI Agent ever since I had a security detail when I was younger. The confidence, the freedom, and the idea of helping people directly appealed to me, and I fell in love with the idea of going into law enforcement instantly," replied Emily.
"Wait… Wasn't Hotch part of that security detail?" asked Rossi, and Hotch wished for a moment that he had never came out of retirement. He wasn't worth this much trouble!
"Yes," answered Emily, her brown eyes flashing to his for a moment.
"Ooooh! What was SSA Aaron Hotchner like as a young man?" asked Garcia greedily.
"Less stressed, still wore suits, " Everyone rolled their eyes at this, "He laughed a lot, and made some very boring days interesting," replied Emily.
"Was this when he was 'off' with Haley?" asked Morgan jokily. His expression turned to shock when Hotch answered the affirmative.
"Did anything happen between you two?" asked JJ curiously.
"Not in the way you're thinking," replied Hotch stonily.
"Not for lack of trying," replied Emily cheekily, grinning slightly.
"On his part or your's?" asked Morgan.
"Mine of course. Since when have I not been a predator?" laughed Emily.
"How could you turn down thee Emily Prentiss?" asked Garcia incredulously.
"She was drunk," deadpanned Hotch.
"Futher proof that Hotch's morals override junior," chuckled Rossi.
"Can we get on with this?" asked Hotch impatiently. He was getting rather uncomfortable at his sex life being brought up again and again. Surely there was something more interesting on the planet!
Something more interesting came up on the next spin.
It was Reid's turn.
A/N: Thank you for the feedback! I'm sorry at how long this has taken me. Life hasn't been that great the past few months, and I lost the will to write humour. However, fighterchick asked me to write more and I hate disappointing so here it is. I'm sorry if it isn't as good as expected. I'll try and wrap this up soon, it definitely won't be as long a wait as last time!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds. :(