Chapter 4 – Fate

Hawke

Well, things have certainly been tense in the city lately. Luckily, I have been in much better spirits, otherwise I don't think I could handle all of the viscount's problems, Arishok's demands, and blood mage conspiracies floating around.

While it is still hard without Bethany here, it has grown more bearable. She sent a letter the other day and it seemed the most optimistic she has been the last two years. She mentioned that she has been assigned a number of the youngest apprentices to mentor; I am happy for her, for this is something I know that she will enjoy. Perhaps there is some hope to be found in her situation after all.

Best of all, perhaps, is that Mother seems to finally be feeling better about Bethany as well. I think that our relationship is on the mend – it is definitely the best that we have gotten along since we moved to Kirkwall!

Mother seems to have finally given up on me finding a husband… at least for now. She still hints at it occasionally, but I think that she accepts that with how much I'm away, the type of work that I frequently do, and with the friends I keep close, it is perhaps not the best of ideas right now.

Speaking of friends, I suppose a lot has happened with them as well these past two years. Well, some of them, anyway.

Varric is the same as ever. I can't walk into the Hanged Man without seeing him telling people about all of our adventures (some of his tales are even partially true!). I think that he is recovering slightly from his brother's betrayal. He says that the buckets of gold we made have helped to ease that particular sting… It's either that, I think, or the ridiculously expensive ale he bought barrels of!

Aveline. Now here is a tale that I don't think even Varric could elaborate on much to make it more unbelievable. I never thought of Aveline as anything but completely sure of every course of action she has ever taken. She is always so solid and reliable. Imagine my surprise when it finally came out that she was madly in love with one of the Guards! Maker, that's not even the best part: she is, without a doubt, the worst person with men that I have ever seen! And I thought that I was bad! Oh well, at least everything turned out in the end. Why she couldn't just come out and tell Donnic how she felt in the first place is beyond me, though. It certainly would have saved all of us a lot of time, and several of us a great deal of embarrassment.

Isabela and Merrill have been acting more and more strangely. I'm worried about both of them. Neither of them could be considered quiet or withdrawn. In fact, most of the time it's hard to get a word in edgewise, especially with Isabela! What worries me is that nobody seems to be able to get them to talk much. Merrill's obsession with the strange mirror in her home is certainly the cause of her melancholy: after I refused to aid her in repairing it, she barely spoke to me. Usually she calms down after awhile and recognizes that we were right. This time it has been different. Isabela, meanwhile, is a bigger puzzle to me. Oh, I know that damned relic has been on her mind ever since we met, and now she thinks that it's closer than ever. What concerns me is that the closer we come to finding it, the more and more withdrawn she becomes. It doesn't make any sense: you would think that she would be excited about the prospect of this fiasco finally ending, wouldn't you?

Anders is the person I am perhaps the most worried about. He barely visits any of us anymore, and looks constantly on the verge of either screaming or passing out. Maybe both. Yes, he did take it rather hard when I turned him down yet again when he alluded to the two of us romantically, but I don't think I can take full credit for this alarming transformation. I still can't shake the feeling that I have had for years now that he is hiding something. I find myself thinking that when this big secret does come out, I hope that we all survive it.

Fenris is someone I am glad to say is doing better than before! Oh, don't get me wrong, he is still as moody and terse as ever, but I can see some small changes in him that lighten my heart. Last year we tracked down Hadriana, one of Danarius's delightful protégées. After she told Fenris that he not only had a sister, but that she was also alive and not a slave, he subsequently went all glowy and did his signature punch of death. Once that was over with, he was perhaps more angry than I have ever seen him. I think his anger, though, was a good thing in many respects. He has finally started to open up more and confide in me, and I think that his overwhelming amount of anger and hatred is finally being channeled into something purposeful. I have a feeling that we will meet this Danarius sometime not too long from now.

Well, I suppose that I should stop writing for now and get ready; I am supposed to be meeting everyone at Varric's room in just a few hours. Today is my birthday, and we are all celebrating at the Hanged Man! Maker, I can't believe that I'm getting close to thirty! Mother brought home some sort of pink, frilly monstrosity masquerading as a dress yesterday, and says she thinks I would look "sweet" wearing it. I don't think she realizes that if I were to ever step outside our home wearing that thing I would completely lose the respect of friends and enemies alike! I did, however, consent to letting her do my hair for the occasion. I suppose that will take the better part of the afternoon seeing as it's grown so long. Even if I will be wearing my hair down, I think that tonight will be great fun… hopefully everyone will relax and, maybe, just maybe, we can all forget our troubles for a few short hours.

Alistair

I had forgotten how good it feels to be free from the oh-so-tight constraints of royal obligations! I must remember to thank Teagan again for convincing Eamon that some fresh air would be good for me (but more importantly, for not telling him exactly where I was going).

Oh, there are certainly the ups and downs to not being recognized. The good thing is that nobody is fawning over my ever word and seeing to my every desire (whether I've expressed it or not!) or giving me sage advice on how best to approach this problem or that situation. The bad is that service is nowhere near as good as I've grown used to. Liam, I'm sure, is laughing heartily at me right now. It came as a shock when I ordered an ale and a loaf of bread with cheese and the delightful proprietor here brought me a dirty mug of what I'm certain was just muddy water – or maybe something less palatable than that, even – and a moldy piece of bread with no cheese. Oh well, I suppose that one has to make sacrifices when one is attempting to hide their royalty.

I don't think I even mentioned where I was, though! After a rather tortuous journey by ship, I landed in the Free Marches. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see solid ground – I am extremely glad that my journeys throughout Ferelden never required us to travel on water very often.

Kirkwall is an absolutely glorious city… Gloriously run down, that is. The ship landed in the harbors outside of the area they call The Gallows. Appropriate name, if you ask me, as the whole part of the city was downright creepy. I looked at some of the templars as I wandered through, and can't help but wonder if I would have turned out as serious and menacing as the ones in Kirkwall. Maybe I'm just biased, but I feel like the templars back home aren't nearly as intimidating as they are here.

Intimidating? Did I really say that? They weren't intimidating to me of course; I just think that, perhaps, the average citizen would find them rather threatening.

Well, after I got out of the Gallows I wandered through the rest of the city for a bit. I thought about staying somewhere in Hightown, which is certainly nicer than the rest of the city, but I have a nasty feeling that some nobleman or other who has an estate up there will have connections with Ferelden and recognize me instantly. Paranoid? Me?

What was interesting is that I saw that one of the estates near Viscount's Way announced itself to belong to the Amells. Strange. If I recall, Liam's surname was Amell… I wonder if he has relatives here? Perhaps that might be worth checking into later on.

No, instead I find myself here in Lowtown. This is exactly the type of area I've been needing to travel to in order to get away from everything! It's dirty, filled with people who just want to mind their own business, and I strongly doubt there would be anyone here who would recognize me, especially without my good clothes and ceremonial sword on! My old sword is more comfortable, anyway, and far more practical.

I've taken a room for a few nights at a delightfully shady tavern called the Hanged Man (hence the watery ale and moldy bread I mentioned). While I'm not sure that I'll leave this place any cleaner than when I entered, it seems comfortable enough. Best of all, though, everybody here seems to mind their own business! There are lots of interesting types who seem to gather here… there was a dwarf downstairs earlier who was telling the most ridiculous tales! The strangest thing, though, was that the crowd seemed to actually believe every word he was saying! Well, maybe not every word.

There is a rather loud group across the hall in a large room tonight. I think that I'll head back down to the bar and see what the rest of the night brings. The barman said that they had some sort of stew for dinner tonight… I'm sure it can't be worse than the charred sludge I make. Who knows, maybe that crazy dwarf will show up again – he was certainly good entertainment earlier! I've only been here one short day, but I'm glad that I took this time off. If only I had someone to share it with.