Chapter 4 - Touched

Rogue stopped outside the doors leading into the Hospital wing, her nerves raw both from the argument – if it could be called that – with Bobby, and the distress of being so close to Remy LeBeau once again. She stood there, hovering, wondering how to feel – how it would feel again when she saw him there, lying in the bed just as he had been before – just like the clone, just like so many years ago when he'd been wounded with a stab wound before he'd even been one of the X-Men.

She shivered, a cold breeze of air swept against her cheek and she wondered if it was just due to the draughty cold corridors of the sub-basement, or if maybe Remy LeBeau really was now some kind of spirit, and was here with her. That thought scared her and thrilled her at the same time. Passion burned deep within her, passion she'd tried to forget for over five months now. Passion that she just couldn't feel for anyone else but Remy LeBeau.

She leaned back against the wall, wishing she knew what to do. Remy had kept so much from her she wasn't sure if she could ever really trust the man again, and to let him back into her life to go through the same ordeals again and again was leaving her in more and more a state of depression.

I fought long and hard to get through what I did, Rogue thought, she slid down the wall and sat upon the cold tiled floor, she hugged her knees. Therapists, anti-depressants, help groups...I was in such a good place before he got caught in Illinois. If they have never brought him back...

A soft tickle brushed her jaw, she raised her head and looked around, "Remy?" she asked in a soft whisper. Her reply was with another touch, a sliding tingling moving across her right cheek, it was tender, like the touch of a feather. "Are you here..."

Her hair shifted from her shoulder, as if it had been touched, or moved by unseen fingers, tingles brushed her bare neck, she arched her neck away from the touch, "oooh, you are, aren't you..."

There were long pauses between the touches, sometimes they felt almost human, and at others barely a caress of the wind. How he had the power to do so was unfathomable. She sighed softly, tilting her head back as what felt like soft lips brushed that tender area that tickled just under her jaw.

Sometimes the touches were so light she could barely feel anything at all, but that touch, that being able to feel something more, left her yearning for it, left her unable to pull away no matter how wrong it seemed. She tried to reach for him but her fingers passed through nothing but cold air. She despaired, it felt unfair he could do as he wished and she couldn't touch him, couldn't see him.

"I need to see you, Remy..." she breathed softly, "it can't be like this," she left out a tiny moan as ghostly lips tugged on her right ear.

The touches stopped as if he understood he had to let her go and step through the doors. She pulled herself up, her breath uneven now, she had to recompose herself before she pushed the doors open and stepped inside.

Remy LeBeau was hooked up to monitors, his heartbeat showing as slightly irregular on one, his brain activity showing nothing on the other. Rogue hugged herself as she moved over. Jean Grey was checking the laser wound for infection.

"How is he?"

"He's stable," Jean answered, "but it might not be a good idea for you to be in here right now," she said softly, "after everything--"

"I know, I know," Rogue sighed, "But if it were you...would you be able to stay away from Scott?" she asked pointedly.

Jean was taken aback by the question, she stepped away from the bed, "fine," she agreed, "I'll give you a little time alone with him..."

Rogue smiled a little, "thanks, Jean."

Jean left, the doors closing quietly behind her.

Rogue stepped up to the bed and took a seat on it, by Remy's hip, taking a hold of his arm in her gloved hands and laying it across her lap, she held onto his hand tenderly, and watched him. It looked as if he were just peacefully sleeping. She sighed softly and stroked back his hair from his forehead.

The cold presence shifted behind her back, stirring her hair.

"I keep praying I'll never have to see you again," Rogue admitted quietly, "and now it seems so unfair that I can see you but...can't..."

She stroked Remy's cheek, his presence touched hers, and she closed her eyes.

"I don't know if things can ever be the same...if...if you can get out of this...this thing you're in..." she sighed. "So much has happened...I don't think I can trust you again Remy...I don't think I can love you again..."

There was a strange pulling from somewhere in his stomach that he didn't quite understand – especially in the intangible state he was in. If he'd had his heart beating within his presence he was sure it would be breaking. As he reached out to touch her, his fingers merely passed through her.

The soft almost steady beeping of his slightly irregular heartbeat on the EKG machine was slowing. He wasn't a doctor, and he couldn't read the spiky and bumpy lines on the display, but something told him the longer and longer pauses between each spike was not a good thing.

Alarms began to sound, loud, and shrill.

Rogue jumped up from the bed as Jean and Hank both ran in, Jean began to read the print out from the Machine, Hank, grabbed a stethoscope and began listening for Remy's heartbeat.

"His heart is slowing down..."

"Rogue, you need to leave the room..." Jean said.

"What's happening to him?!" Rogue demanded, she was still holding onto his hand.

Remy watched the whole scene, helpless, nothing he tried to touch would move, nor feel it. He looked to his hands, which to his eyes were a colourless grainy image like an old movie. His hands were flickering, fading, so that he could see through them.

Am I dying? He wondered.

"Rogue! Out! Now!" Hank yelled.

"No!" Rogue cried, tears were beginning to brim in her green eyes.

"You're in the way!"

"I'm not leaving him!"

Jean frowned and raised a hand towards Rogue, and Rogue raised up into the air, and was thrown back as the hospital wing doors flew open. She was telekinetically tossed out into the hallway and the doors swung closed behind her. He saw the doors judder and heard thudding of her fists as she tried to hit her way back inside but the doors – telekinetically sealed, Remy could only guess – wouldn't budge for her.

Remy watched the scene in shock, he watched them work on his body while his mind stayed on the sidelines helpless, the chaos around him far too much to keep up with.

I'm dying, he thought, he heard them discussing quickly how they could keep him alive but he couldn't watch anymore.

If I'm going to die...there's only one person in the world I want to be with when I do, he thought as he floated towards the doors and into the hallway, Rogue was sitting on the floor in the hall. There were tears trickling down her cheeks.

"Remy..." she whispered.

"Rogue, you must not lose hope," came the voice of the Professor as he came down the hall, his chair made a soft squeaking which left Remy absurdly thinking the man really needed to oil the wheels although there were definitely more important things to be worrying about at the moment.

"Professor...I can't go through this again...I can't...I can't go through these deaths. I've been through this, mourned him before..."

"They are doing all they can for him. His condition was stable, they're trying to understand what has sent his heartbeat slowing dangerously down," the Professor came as close as he could to her and he touched her hair tenderly, the only contact between them that wouldn't harm him.

"I felt him, Professor...not just in the kitchen...I felt him with me..."

I am here with you, Chere, Remy moved beside her, I'll always be with you. If I remain a ghost for the rest of my life...I'll be here with you...

The professor paused, "I can hear him...but very barely now..." he gave a soft sigh, "he...wants you to know he is here with you, and that he always will be."

"He knows he's dying..." Rogue let out a shuddering breath."Professor, you can't let him die...he's too young, he has his whole life ahead of him...so much to do still...he can't die."

Remy tried to touch her face but his fingers sailed through her as if she were the one who didn't exist. If I can't be with you anymore, chere, I got no life. You are my life. Maybe this was meant to be...

Professor Xavier's face became very grim, "he...thinks this was maybe fate..."

Rogue sobbed, she moved over to rest her cheek against the Professor's knee. He stroked her hair tenderly, in the way a father might.

Remy felt himself fading more, Professor, I think I'm going now...I'm disappearing...there ain't much of me left to see...not that you can...

"Remy, hold on as much as you can..." Professor Xavier said softly, "they're doing all they can to keep you alive."

Not sure how I can hold on...I'm weak...feelin weaker...

"Remy!" Rogue cried out in a heartwrenching sob.

Professor Xavier paused, "his breathing has stopped..."