Chapter four: Crave you

Dave's P.O.V

So I guess it's legit then right? Going to hell for trying to rape a priest's son? I run my hands through my hand and watch John leave, I smile as he takes out the paper and turns to look at me with this kinda face like, really?

I nod, hoping John wouldn't just throw it away. I did say I wanted to get to know him better, maybe raping him wasn't the best choice. But, well, god damn I just want to be inside him. I blush just thinking about him underneath me, pure, virgin, innocent.

I'm not worthy for him. But I love him.

How?

I walk down the steps of the church and to my 1969 red and white mustang, I unlock the door and get in, placing my head on the wheel.

It's stupid really, I was in a fight with some guy over money in front of a bar which of course I couldn't get in. but he thought I looked like his friend and I told him to step off before he was going to get his ass kicked, we were in the heat of the moment when all you hear is, "May the grace of god guide you through this journey, and hopefully no one gets hurt." I turn and see this, this angel.

He has rosary beads around his hands and is praying for us.

I suddenly don't want this boys eyes to see a violent fight so I take all the money I have and shove it to the drunk, yelling at him that I'm not the person he thinks I am. Then I go over to the boy.

He's short, way short. He has pitch black hair, ivory skin, square glasses, blue eyes and a cute little over bite. He's dressed like a school boy and I'm wondering, what is a cutie like him doing out here so late?

He looks up at me and smiles, I look down at him scanning his face and realize that he's Catholic and will never be interested in me. So the only thing I think to ask him is, "What church do you go to?"

He tells me, hugs me and leaves to go into a food mart.

Right then and there? I decide that I have feelings for this little angel. It's wrong, and I have never been interested in a male before so I really wouldn't know how it would feel. But now? And a Catholic guy?

Why am I being punished?

I start up my car and take a joy ride, driving nowhere in particular. I drive to Wal-Mart and go through the five dollar movie bin, I find three movies. Brave, The Aristocrats, and The Lion king. I buy all three and go back to joy riding, mostly thinking and driving which is dangerous as hell, well I guess that's okay since that's where I'm going to end up.

I finally decide to go home which from in Texas a big apartment on the top floor to a small two bedroom apartment on the bottom floor in this little community? Kinda a drastic change. I pull into the empty spot next to Bro's car and get out locking my baby.

I go through the front patio and try the front door, its open, ugh, Bro needs to learn to lock the doors. I open the door and go inside dropping my keys in the bowl and going to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

"So, how'd seeing your little religious crush go?" Bro asks from behind me.

I blush as I grab a vitamin water and stand up straight, "Let's just say I'm basically going to hell."

"Did he say that?"

"Yes, and that God will never forgive me."

"Wow, what'd you do, touch the kid?"

I am silent and don't move.

"Oh, well.." for once Bro doesn't know what to say.

"It's alright, he says it's all in confinement and all I have to do is pray."

"You're going way fucking overboard for some Catholic guy who will never love you back."

I turn and glare at him, "You don't know how I feel, so don't butt in."

I walk past him and go into my room and close the door, locking it. Sometimes I wish I was in college or had a job, but right now my focus is John, John Egbert. That's all I can think about. I can't get him out of my mind and I'm such a sick person. Looking up pictures of him on the internet because his father is famous and masturbating to his face. Sometimes even getting my cum on the computer screen where is face is.

I cover my face in my hands, taking in a deep breath.

My hands began to clasp together, and I began praying.

"Father God, take it that I'm not a true Catholic okay? I'm just doing this to get close to the one I love who will never love me, but I kinda feel better confessing my sins to you, you know? I've done something horrible today and I hope you forgive me, my chest feels so tight and all these feelings feel wrong but right you know?"

I clasp my hands tighter.

"It is true that I have been always interested in catholic but have never perused it. John, John will never love me like I love him. But maybe, maybe should I get to know him first? Would that be a good, better, solution? Homosexuality might be a sin, but, are my feelings a sin too? Am I a sin?"

I take in a shaky breath. "In Jesus' name, Amen."

I take off my shades and wipe my eyes, laying back in my bed, I felt depressed. I didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to go back church, I go ever Saturday and Sunday, only to see John. I love watching him smile, greeting people, he seem's so happy.

I close my eyes, am I tired?

Bzzzt

Bzzt

Bzzt

I feel my back pocket vibrating and take it out, seeing a number from this area code and answer it.

"Hello, this is Dave's phone right?" says the male voice.

"Yes," my eyes lit up and I sit up, "Is this John?"

"Yes."

"Hi John, I didn't think you would ever call."

"Oh," he chuckles, "Well I did didn't I?"

I smile, "Yeah."

"I just want to remind you that what we did is in all confinement, between you and me okay?"

I nod, but then he can't see it, "Yes I know."

"By the way, you knocked my glasses off, um, during that time and when we went back to the church they were broken."

"Oh my god I'm so sorry."

"Um, its okay. I'm at the eye glass shop right now getting a new pair."

"Oh okay."

"So, um, what were you doing b-before I called?" he asked with a stutter.

I blushed, I always found that stutter so adorable, "Praying."

"Oh, okay, well I'm glad."

"John?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to know how sorry I am."

"I know, even though its kinda not okay, I'm okay with it, I forgive you."

"You do?"

"Yes, I thought about it and you cannot contain your homosexual feelings for me, but that doesn't mean that we cannot be friends, right?"

"..Right, John, you have impacted me and my life so much and I want to thank you."

"Really? Well, thank you," I can imagine him blushing.

"Yes, do you want to hang out sometime?" I ask hoping he will say yes.

"Um, I have catechism after church, so after the eye glass appointment I have to go back to the church so my father can teach me."

"What are you, like sixteen?"

"No, eighteen."

I blush, "Oh alright."

"We'll plan something on the weekday okay? I'll call you."

"John?"

"Yes?"

"May I call you just for the sake of calling you? And confessing my sins?"

"Of course, now I must go we are being called."

"Okay, have a nice day."

"You too, goodbye."

The line goes dead and I hold my phone to my chest after saving the number. I lay back down in my bed and stare up at my ceiling, I decide that I will get to know John better and just like him in secret. Forcing him to like me is not the right thing to do, it's a sin and..

I turn on my side, curling up into a ball, "I love you John, I'm so sorry."