A/N: Happy Grey's Day! I sadly have class during it, so I'll have to watch tomorrow. I'm so excited to see where Shonda takes us next, though! Here's a little treat for you all before the episode tonight :D
Chapter Five
She senses him before she sees him. He move slowly – glides almost –and he is beside her. She props herself up on her forearms in her bed, covers pooling at her waist as he moves even closer.
He speaks to her then, voice like honey, and she feels warmth spread over her entire body. He steps even closer, leaning toward her. His hand covers her shoulder, and she thinks to herself that something cold should not create such warmth. But his touch sends something through her, setting off every nerve until she feels like she is on fire.
His lips touch the hollow of her neck, breath tickling her skin, and then there is pain.
Buffy woke suddenly, her hand immediately going to her neck. Relief filled her when her fingers found nothing. She laid back down, staring out her window. First she dreamt of strange men hunting Spike. Now she dreamt of Count Dracula? She laid her hand on her forehead, and glanced up.
"What in the world is going on up there?" she murmured to herself.
BBBBB
Buffy was able to fall back to sleep, and was not bothered by any other strange dreams. She pulled on her robe and padded downstairs into the kitchen, responding to the siren song of freshly brewed coffee.
"Morning Buffy," Willow said. She passed Buffy the cup of coffee she had just poured for herself. Buffy went to protest, but Willow said, "Looks like you need it more."
"Thanks." She sat down at the table, taking a small sip.
"More dreams?" Willow guessed.
"Yeah. They're really getting in the way of my beauty rest."
"What'd you dream of?"
"More nonsense," Buffy said, planting her heels on the seat and pulling her knees to her chin. "Nothing ground breaking to report."
"Well, as long as it wasn't a nightmare," Willow said off-handedly, working on some pancakes at the stove. She looked back at Buffy and said, "I have enough here if you want some."
"Yeah, sure."
"Just a warning, I'm not usually the pancake maker around here. That's usually Tara, but she had a paper to finish."
"Any pancakes sound fine," Buffy answered. Willow gave her a little smile and continued making breakfast. In the silence, Buffy's thoughts drifted back to her dream. It had felt so real, even with something so ridiculous. And it was ridiculous. Who honestly dreamt of Dracula? She laughed lightly and Willow glanced back.
"Oohh, a funny?" Willow said. "Share!"
"I was just thinking about my dream," Buffy shared. "It was so weird. I dreamt that Dracula came into my bedroom and he bit me. He was all glide-ey and stuff. I mean, how ridiculous is that?"
Willow was staring at her with this unreadable look. Behind her the pancakes began to burn, and Buffy pointed out, "You might want to check the pancakes."
Willow jumped a bit and turned back to the pancakes, quickly giving them a flip. She returned her attention to Buffy, eyes inexplicably bright, and asked, "So, you dreamt about Dracula?"
"Uh huh. Please don't tell the others. I already think they think I'm a little insane. Especially Xander after we ran into that Warren kid."
"What was your other dream about?"
"My first one?"
"Yeah."
"Um, I was moving through some college campus with these uniformed guys." She purposely left out the Spike part, not wanting Willow to know she was dreaming about them. Buffy was surprised by Willow's reaction. The red head moved toward her quickly, dropping in the seat beside her.
"Oh my God," she breathed out. "You're remembering, Buffy!"
"What? Will-you probably shouldn't leave the pancakes."
"Oh!" Willow quickly got up and scampered over to the stove, sliding the pancakes on a plate. She left them on the counter when she returned to her seat besides Buffy, and the latter looked longingly at them. She thought of what Willow had said, though, and her attention was easily reclaimed by the redhead.
"Hold on, what do you mean I'm remembering?"
"Those dreams aren't weird or ridiculous, Buffy. They're memories."
"I don't understand," Buffy said slowly. "Those uniformed men were real? Dracula is real?"
"I know. A lot to take in," Willow said soothingly. "But those are memories, Buffy. You're dreaming about your past. About your life."
"I met Dracula?" Even with the revelation that her memories were returning one way or another, she couldn't get past that fine point. Willow smirked and nodded.
"Yeah. Believe it or not, that's not the strangest thing we've encountered."
"All of this keeps surprising me," Buffy said. "Just when I think things can't get weirder."
"Hey, one person's weird is another person's normal."
Buffy frowned. "Let me guess, this is my normal?"
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Willow said. "Usually you're just dealing with vampires."
"Oh. Because that is so normal."
"Well, for you it sort of is."
"Right, because I'm The Slayer," Buffy said, wrapping her hand around the coffee mug. "I don't even know what that means. I don't know what any of it means."
"You will. You're going to start training with Giles again, aren't you?"
Buffy nodded. Giles had mentioned something about it in passing yesterday.
"That should help," Willow said. "Getting back in the swing of things, you know?"
"Yeah."
Willow was silent for a moment before she said, "We should set up a Scoobies meeting."
Buffy looked at her strangely. "A what?"
"Oh, a meeting for all of us at the Magic Shoppe. The others will want to know about the dream thing."
"Oh, okay. That sounds fine."
Willow grinned wide. "I'll call everyone."
BBBBB
"Buffy, this is fantastic!" Giles said, face breaking into a wide grin as he strode forward and enveloped her in a hug. She no longer stiffened at her friend's hugs, of which there were alarmingly many, and she stood still long enough for Giles to pat her back and back up. "Have you had any other dreams?"
She shook her head.
"Just the two. The military men and Dracula."
"This is good," Xander said. "The remembering. It should lead to more remembering, right?"
"I sure hope so," Willow said brightly.
"It's pretty strange it's coming out through dreams," Anya piped in. "Especially considering you knew who Warren unaided yesterday."
"I didn't know him," Buffy said, feeling the all-too-familiar guilt at finding someone who supposedly was a sorry excuse for a man more familiar than her supposed best friends. "I recognized him."
"Fine. Your subconscious knew him."
"Warren bunking in Buff's subconscious?" Xander said, wincing. "I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it."
"Let's focus on the dreams, yes?" Giles said. "If these are revealing bits of your past, perhaps there is a way to speed up the process?"
"Oh, like artificial sleep?" Willow said excitedly.
"Yes. If we can get you to a dreamlike state, Buffy, perhaps we can extract more memories."
"I'm game," Buffy said, sitting down at the table. "So, what's the plan? How do I get to this dreamlike state?"
Giles moved over to a shelf of books, crouching down as he searched for a specific title.
"There is a spell," he began. "It allows one to delve into the subconscious. It unravels the fabric of the dreamstate, revealing ones innermost thoughts and memories."
"Loprum Mente," Willow said, drawing Giles' attention. He looked at her in surprise and said, "Why yes, that's it exactly."
"I know it," Willow said a bit sheepishly. "I've been reading up on spells and I came across it. I think I can do it."
"It requires a very experienced witch, Willow."
"I can do it," she held. "Let me at least try. What's the worst that can happen?"
"Well, for starters Buffy becomes lost in the dreamstate and is unable to return to lucidity," Giles said.
"Oh. Okay, that's a pretty bad worst. Still, though, I can do it Giles." She moved toward Buffy, imploring her to let her help. "I brought you back, Buffy. I can do this."
Buffy remained silent, imagining what it would be like to remember. What it would be like to no longer live in a haze. To really see and understand, so different from the muddled state she was in now. She looked at Willow levelly and asked, "When can we start?"
BBBBB
"I need it to be only Buffy and I," Willow said, setting two pillows on the ground of Buffy's bedroom. "I have to be completely focused, otherwise it won't work."
"I don't know, Will," Xander said. "I know you're all broomsticks and brimstone lately-" she shot him a look, "-but what if something goes wrong?"
"I have to be completely focused," Willow repeated.
"It's fine guys," Buffy said. "I trust Willow."
Buffy was surprised to find that she actually meant that. Willow smiled gratefully in her direction, and then looked back up at the Scoobies.
"Guys, I need you to trust me, too. I can do this."
"We'll be right outside," Giles said, leading the group out of the bedroom. "If you need anything..."
"We'll be fine," Willow said resolutely. Giles nodded, the worry not quite leaving his eyes. They left, though, and closed the door to leave her and Buffy on their own. Willow smiled encouragingly, but Buffy noticed her hands tremble.
"You can do this," Buffy said. "You brought me back, right?"
"Yeah. That spell? Not exactly smooth sailing."
Buffy frowned. "But I thought…"
"Oh, it worked," Willow said, gesturing obviously at Buffy. "It was the during that I tend to block out. Bugs under the skin. A big ol' snake coming out of my mouth."
"Willow!"
"It's okay," Willow said. "That spell made me realize my strength—what I'm capable of. This is a piece of cake after that."
"Okay. What do you need me to do?"
"You sit there," Willow said, gesturing to one of the pillows. Buffy sat down, watching Willow as she took two candles from her dresser and spaced them out evenly between them. Willow struck a match and lit both of the candles before settling on the pillow opposite Buffy.
"Okay, take my hands," Willow said, giving her a reassuring smile as Buffy placed her hands in hers. "You ready?"
"What do you think they're doing in there?" Xander said, pacing outside of Buffy's bedroom.
"I believe Willow said they are doing a spell to recover Buffy's memories," Anya answered reasonably. She looked to Giles for affirmation and asked, "Isn't that what she said, Giles?"
"Yes, Anya. Quite right," he said distractedly, his gaze on the door.
"Yeah, but what's actually happening," Xander said. "What's even in her subconscious? Maybe she's not supposed to see that. Maybe she'll be emotionally scarred from it. Willow, too!"
"But she'll have her memories back," Anya added.
"Yeah, An, but if she's emotionally scarred-"
"She will not be emotionally scarred," Giles interrupted. "Buffy is strong. Stronger than we know."
"I know," Xander sighed. "I'm just worried about her. And Willow."
"Me too," Giles echoed.
It was like walking into a dystopian Sunnydale. Everything was there right in front of her, but slightly off. Her and Buffy stood in Sunnydale High, the hallways narrower and more oppressive than she remembered. It occurred to her, then, that she was seeing things from Buffy's perspective. She hadn't realized how oppressive Buffy had found the late and great Sunnydale High.
There was an overwhelming feel of monotony – never-ending-monotony. One face bled into another, an endless line of people that she would one day have to save, until one stood out from the crowd.
"It's Xander," Buffy said beside her.
Dream-Buffy went up to him and fell into step beside him as they headed to class. Dream-Willow followed, Xander throwing his arms around both of them as he said something. The girls laughed, exchanging a look in front of his chest.
"We look happy," Buffy remarked.
"We were."
The room shifted, a roaring sound filling their ears, and they were in the basement of some mansion. Dream-Buffy was chained up against some wall with Cordelia beside her.
"Oh! I forgot about this!" Willow breathed out. "Our life really does suck sometimes."
Buffy didn't understand, but she got a quick education when a large serpent rose from a well at the side of the basement. She cried out, a hand flying to her chest.
"I hate my life," she breathed out.
"This isn't even the worse of it."
"I survive, right?" Buffy said, watching Dream-Buffy mouth off to some guy in a hood. "I have to survive."
Willow's eyes darkened. "Yeah, you survive here."
Dawn walked up the stairs, stopping short when she found Anya, Tara, Xander and Giles all gathered outside of Buffy's bedroom. Her mind jumped to the worst and she flew toward the door, only to grabbed by Xander and pulled to the side.
"What's going on?" she demanded. "What's happened?"
"Nothing," Giles said, gesturing for Xander to let go of her. "Nothing happened, Dawn."
"Then why are you out here? Where's Buffy?"
"She's in there with Willow," Tara said, pointing to the closed door. "Willow is helping her get her memories back."
"How?"
"A spell," Tara told her. "But she needs complete focus for it to work, so we need to wait out here, okay?"
Dawn exhaled loudly, slumping against the wall.
"You could have told me that before I went all crazy person," she said.
"Yeah, well, you went all crazy person before we could tell you anything," Xander said.
"Yes. You did overreact quite a bit," Anya noted. "You might want to work on that." Xander shot her a look. "What? Self-improvement is an integral part of being human. At least that's what Dr. Phil says."
"To bring the conversation back to topic," Giles said dryly. "We are simply waiting, Dawn. We're waiting to see if it worked."
"Do you think it will?"
Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them on the bottom of his shirt.
"I sincerely hope so."
"Who's that?" Buffy said loudly, pointing to the naked man cowering on the floor of the deserted mansion. She tilted her head to the side, admiring the view. Willow glanced over at her, laughing at the look on her friend's face. Seems attraction was based more on instinct than memory.
"It's Angel," Willow said, lips pressed into an amused smirk. Buffy noticed the way he was trembling, curled into a ball on the floor. Dream-Buffy approached him tentatively, and he lashed out.
"He-he's a vampire!" Buffy cried out.
"Yeah. You have a thing for those."
"What's wrong with him?" Buffy said. The last thing Willow said hit her and she said, "Wait, did I date him or something?"
"He was your first love," Willow said, glancing at Buffy for a reaction. Her friend was gazing at the pair thoughtfully, face unreadable.
"What happened to him? He's not here anymore, is he?"
Willow shook her head. "He left for your own good. He's in L.A."
Buffy watched the dream her handle him gently. She could feel the anguish, the rush of emotions so strong that her own eyes filled with tears.
"My own good," she bit out. "It ruined me when he left, didn't it?"
"Yes. It did. You got better, though. You moved on."
The roaring in their ears returned, and both wondered which moment they would find themselves spectators at next. Willow found herself selfishly hoping one would involve Oz. Just one. Buffy was waiting for Spike, indescribably curious as to their initial meeting.
They ended up in Giles' living room. Buffy, having never been there before back in reality, looked around in confusion. Willow glanced behind them and swallowed hard. This was going to be confusing. Dream-Buffy sat on Spike's lap, a palm laid tenderly on his cheek. They were bantering about something – not unlike how they normally were, to be honest – but then Dream-Buffy leaned in and-
"Oh gross!" Willow said, turning around quickly. Buffy turned to see what Willow had seen, and her arms dropped to her side, eyes hungrily roving over the sight of Dream-Buffy and Spike entangled on the armchair.
"I'd like to clarify that this is due to a spell," Willow said. "You would never in your right mind do this."
"Why not?" Buffy asked distractedly, unable to tear her eyes from the pair.
"Um, for starters it's Spike. Gross. And, again, it's Spike."
"But-"
The roaring returns, and before Buffy can fully explore why making out with Spike would be such a bad idea (in her mind it seems pretty darn good) they were back in the Summers home. Buffy almost thought they had come back to reality before she noticed a few things different. A picture out of place. An errant chair. She turned and her stomach fell.
"Buffy," Willow breathed out, feeling her own heart slam against her chest as she felt Dream-Buffy's stop.
The couch.
It was such an innocuous piece of furniture. Naps were taken there. Movies were watched. It was such a silly piece of furniture, until it wasn't.
Buffy never talked about how she found her mother that fateful afternoon. Willow realized that now. They knew that Buffy had found her dead in the house, but they had never gotten specifics. No one thought to ask. To be honest, no one wanted to.
Dream-Buffy stepped forward at the same time as Buffy did beside her. Buffy didn't say anything as her dream counterpart called out for their mother, shaking her shoulders futilely. Buffy watched her absolute worst day with an eerie stillness. For all intents and purposes, she didn't know this woman. Her memories were still murky at best. All she knew of this woman was the picture that stood on the mantle of the fireplace, yet she felt an indescribable sadness. An insurmountable pain.
It burned through her veins, grief so intense that she could barely see. The only thing she could see, in fact, was her mother's body on that couch. Her mother. It was undeniable now. That woman was her mother. She might not remember conversations or holidays, but she knew more than anything that she was her mother. And she was gone forever.
Buffy dropped to the ground and Willow ran to her side. The roaring filled her ears again, and Willow reached out for Buffy, realizing a moment too late that it was only her ears ringing. Buffy was still on the ground, captured in the one memory she should have never returned to.
"No!" Willow cried out, coming to in Buffy's bedroom. Her eyes snapped open and she breathed heavily, looking around the room. Her eyes fell on Buffy, her chin on her chest. Panic filled her chest like rocks. "Buffy! Buffy, wake up!"
The door burst open and the Scoobies rushed in. Willow shook Buffy roughly, eyes filled with terror.
"Buffy! Buffy, you need to wake up! You need to wake up now! Buffy!"
"What happened?' Giles demanded.
"I thought you said you could do this, Will!"
"I can and I did!" Willow threw back hysterically. "This isn't my fault. It was going fine, but then…"
"But then, what?' Giles prodded. "Willow, you need to talk to us!"
"She saw Joyce," Willow said, tears running down her cheeks. "She saw Joyce when she found her on the couch. She…"
"Dear Lord," Giles murmured.
"She collapsed. I went to go to her, but then the roaring started. I tried to go to her, but I ended up here."
"Well, can you go back?"
"Not without her awake," Willow said, her chest growing heavier with despair. "I can't intrude on her subconscious without her being a willing participant. She no longer is."
"What do you mean?"
"I think she pushed me out," Willow said. "I should have never seen that moment. I should have never felt what she did in that moment, Giles."
"Then why did you take her there?" Anya interjected.
"I didn't! I don't control where we go! It is wherever her minds chooses to go-"
"So, what, she's stuck there?" Xander asked. "We can't just leave her in her mind!"
"There might be a counter spell," Giles said, running a shaky hand through his hair. "Or perhaps something that would allow us to communicate with her."
"This isn't my fault," Willow repeated shakily, voice catching. "This-this isn't my fault."
Tara crouched beside her, putting her arms around her shoulders. "We know that, Willow," she murmured. "We know."
Spike was touching up his black nail polish when Dawn burst into his crypt, eyes wide with something that was alarmingly close to terror. He quickly screwed the top onto the nail polish and hopped off the sarcophagus.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's Buffy," she said, voice breaking. "Something's happened. You need to come. Now."
A/N: I know, still a bit slim on Spuffy. But the plot needed to be progressed! He will be featured prominently in the next one, though. I know it's been a while since an update, so let me know who's still reading!