Hehe well here's chapter 4…and while writing this I came to a realization while having a fight with my alter egos…THIS STORY HAS A PLOT believe it or not….
Inner Jordan: that's what we've been trying to tell you since you started writing this thingDark Jordan: Jesus…do we have to go over this again? GET WITH THE DAMN STORY!
Normal Jordan: oh right hehe…well 4 stories for the next chapter have one vote each…not that I mind! I don't mind writing the ones that have already been picked! yeah…4 REVIEWS! YOU ALL OFFICIALLY ROCK! And I got a sweet CD from a friend that was kind enough to burn it for me-
Dark and inner Jordan: GET WITH THE DAMN FIC!
Italics hand seals
Bold jutsu names
'Anything in bold thought quotes' Inner Kari
Underline sign language
Underline and bold things that need emphasis.
Warnings: swearing…OOC ness…slightly AU I can't think of anymore things worth mentioning
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto….just seven sins punishment no jutsu and seven sins illusion no jutsu…which you may be thinking are the same thing but they aren't…punishment is the second part….(you don't know how much thought I put into it…)
The Akatsuki members were sitting at the table in the kitchen…waiting for Kari to get up so she could cook breakfast…ah the wonders of poptarts…so many flavours.
"She's late." Sasori said.
'She's probably still asleep.' Itachi rolled his eyes. Just then Kari walked into the kitchen. Her eyes were closed and she walked right into the fridge and fell over…still asleep.
"Mikoto-chan…I don't want to go on a mission today…I wanna stay home…and help you make onigiri…" she mumbled. "What's with all the apples and bananas…why aren't there oranges….AHH! I'VE UPSET THE GODS OF APPLES AND BANANAS!"
Kisame walked over and was about to nudge her with his foot when she grabbed onto his leg. Itachi's eyes unconsciously narrowed.
"Kari-kun.." kisame started. Kari let go and stood up.
"I had the weirdest dream! Samehada turned into a Popsicle…and you were swinging it around acting all proud…Hidan-san was god, Kazuku-san was a banker, Tobi-san was a bad ass, Deidara-kun had a scope in his eye and Sasori-san was a puppet." Kari explained.
Deidara shook his head and pulled the fringe of hair above his eye "The last two are true un."
Kari cracked a grin "You forgot Itachi-kun Kari san." Tobi added.
"I don't really care what she dreamt about me." Itachi responded coldly.
Kari wanted to get this question off her chest "Kisame-kun samehada shaves right?"
"Yes." Kisame answered.
"well since I'm gonna have a shower can I borrow it?" Kari asked.
"What?" Kisame answered. it took him two seconds to get what she was asking "HELL NO! YOU AREN'T USING IT FOR THAT!"
everyone shook their heads at Kari's stupidity.
"Just asking." She walked out of the kitchen.
'That part she spoke out loud just before the fruits was a memory…' Itachi thought.
Kari stepped inside the shower and turned on the water 'my dreams these past nights have been strange as if they were-' 'trying to tell you something.' 'Yeah…and it's always about the massacre.' 'Don't worry about it kiddo…it'll probably sort itself out in the near future.' 'I guess you're right…' 'But right now you have to finish here…don't forget to wash behind your ears.' Kari frowned at her inner. Then finished her shower. She was now walking to her room clad in only a towel. She met Kisame in the hall that lead to her bedroom.
"Do you hate Itachi-san?" he asked.
'Do I hate Itachi-kun?' she sighed "I'm mad at him for what he's done…but I feel that I can't hate him entirely cause of all we've been through." She answered truthfully
Kisame nodded "I see. Itachi told me about what happened to make you two grow apart. It's not all that you think it is…Itachi word for word told me "I will be the one to tell her and only when I feel the time is right. If I found out you told her anything I'll have your head."" Kisame did a macho impersonation.
Kari snickered "same old Itachi huh?" 'See didn't I tell you it would sort itself out?' 'I wonder what is so important…it better not be some cruel joke those two are pulling.' Kari clutched her towel just realizing what situation she was in "so why tell me this NOW!" she gestured at her body.
"Cause I know Itachi is trying to pry Deidara off his back. Uh…I'll go now. Hurry and get dressed so you can cook poptarts." Kisame left. Two sneezes and a thud were heard. Kari entered her room and ruefully began to put on the ridiculous outfit. Luckily she had it covering herself when deidara came barging into her room not even two seconds later.
"Deidara-kun! What the hell are you doing!" Kari screeched. Deidara was panting and sporting a large bump on his head.
"Hiding from Itachi-kun un." He gasped. Kari rolled her eyes and shook her head. She walked over and placed a hand on his bump and healed it with purple chakra.
"You're a medic un?" Deidara asked. Kari nodded. Right now she was trying to get the zipper up on her back. "you helped me let me help you un." Kari sighed as she turned around and Deidara did the zipper and the bow up.
"Thankyou…um can you go…so I can finish?" Kari asked. Deidara nodded and left. After some cursing and frustrated sighs she got everything else on too. When she was walking down the hall she realized for the first time how cold it was in here, not so cold that everyone had to wear their cloaks inside (they normally didn't) but there were days, especially in the winter. She angrily opened up the kitchen door and said "I really hope you guys are happy now…cause I'm freezing my ass off. And that I stopped you from homosexuality…for a day…" she then went to search the pantry for the sacred poptarts and tea.
The guys however brushed off the homosexuality comment as they stared at her. Now Kari didn't have a model body, just one that you'd probably get after years of doing ninja work…unless you were an Akimichi…then you had problems…
AN: I don't hate fat people it's just that my brother is being a dildo. And he's chubby (he reminds me of chouji)
Kari had slightly toned arms and legs with a few noticeable scars, a fair sized bust, and a few curves…more of an athletic build but not with all the heavy muscles and six pack abs and all that. They never really would've saw this cause she wore baggy clothes most of the time. Kari put the poptarts in the toaster and the tea on the stove and sat down at the table.
"Kari-kun's a medic un." Deidara commented. He got no answer. Tobi was happily drumming his fingers on the table. Kari then saw it.
"Oh my frickin god." She murmured and looked at everyone's hands.
"What's your problem!" Kazuku commented rubbing his temples cause he could feel another headache coming on.
"I'm too late." Kari sighed.
"Too late for what Kari-san?" Tobi asked curious.
"You're all homos." Kari said dramatically. Then the toaster buzzer went off. "Ha! You can't kill me since I have your precious poptarts!"
"Deidara-sempai what's a homo?" Tobi asked.
"I don't know un. Sasori-danna what's a homo un?" Deidara asked.
"Homo milk." Sasori answered.
"Why are we homos?" Hidan asked angrily.
"You all painted your nails, hell you even manicured them…the shame! The horror!" Kari then got serious "This is one fruity toot club, so…do you have to throw away all manly pride to join?" everyone remained silent drawing hidden weapons out of their pouches "I mean what guy in their right mind would paint and manicure their nails, I mean except you guys since you're all mentally unstable psychopathic killers but-"
Kari was cut short, just as they were about to get up and kill her the lights shut off and they were shrouded in darkness. They all remained silent, the powerful crash of thunder and the soft pitter-patter of rain reached their ears.
"Great time for the power to go out." Itachi sarcastically remarked.
"Wow your first full sentence today." Sasori commented. He got no answer from the uchiha.
Kari could feel the dog brush up against her leg, she picked it up and summoned flame into her hand. With the small light Zetsu grabbed some candles and all the flashlights in the cave/house. They all still haven't left the table.
"So…I held up my part of the bargain…you have to tell me everything you know about Orochimaru." Kari stated.
Hidan answered "we really don't know much about him ourselves. Sasori was his partner before he left Akatsuki, I do know that 1 of our objectives is to kill him." He and everyone else were eating poptarts.
Sasori sighed and scratched his head "I barely know much more than you guys. Just that he had a thing for little boys…and Itachi-san though mostly Itachi-san. I think he came up with the nail polish part of our dress code. Itachi-san and Orochimaru had a big fight and orochimaru left soon after that. Rejected!" sasori explained. Everyone chucked but stopped cause of a cold glare from Itachi.
"We did fight and I should've killed that scum when I had the chance." Itachi responded coldly.
Kari could see hate, pain and the thirst for revenge in his sharingan eyes and aura. It made her wonder what did Orochimaru do to Itachi to make him say that. 'Did he have something to do with the bit that Kisame mentioned?' 'with that snake bastard who knows?' "Well thank you…for telling me what you know. Some years ago Orochimaru attacked 'hidden light' and annihilated it leaving the village in ruins and many people that I know dead, missing or living in tents in relocation camps. So I'm out for revenge." Kari explained.
"Now that we're on that subject, you're from hidden light but you have black hair and eyes. Does that mean you have powers like the rumours say?" Kisame asked.
Kari laughed surprising everyone "and that's all they ever were…were rumours. What I have is a "reverse albino" effect going on. I have no god like powers, the only powers I have came from being born in a long line of priests and priestesses." Kari sighed thinking back on her younger years "I actually have a twin sister…my complete opposite in appearance and attitude. It showed since she went to be a geisha and I went to be a ninja."
There was silence…it was really annoying.
"Did I just say that out loud?" Kari asked. More silence 'actually…it was my father who suggested I become a ninja…to protect my onee-chan and since I inherited spiritual power so strongly they saw it as a waste if I became a geisha like my mother and sister. Besides I'd rather wield a sword than a fan any day cause I wanted to be like Tsunade-sama when I was younger. To show that women could do anything men could do, that and be the first girl to enter the academy in 20 years. I had a good life there and strangely enough the kage's oldest son only teased me. Not cause of my appearance but because of my entering the academy. So I challenged him to a fight and right when I was about to win an ANBU member showed up then that brat said I was trying to kill him and then I found myself trying to do the deed and I got kicked out. That was the worst and best day of my life.' Kari was in la la land for so long she didn't realize the same conversation had been going on for 15 minutes.
"I'm bored un." Deidara said.
"I know." Tobi answered.
"What are we gonna do now?" Kazuku asked.
"I don't know." Hidan answered.
"Why don't you play some sort of game." Itachi couldn't keep the agitation out of his voice. And then there was silence.
"Hey it's silent." Zetsu's white side informed
"No more rain." His black side responded.
"yeah…it was mentioned earlier." Kisame commented pointing at the computer screen above them.
FLASHBACK
There was silence…it was really annoying
END FLASHBACK
"Was the flashback really necessary? The readers have eyes." Itachi coolly remarked.
"Whatever…I'm gonna take the dog out." Kari stated taking a flashlight…but was attacked by…sasori?
"I'm afraid of the dark…and you're taking the biggest flashlight!" Sasori growled (seriously…my brother did this to me…)
"Fine…" she grabbed a smaller flashlight and took the dog out. When she finally did find her way outside the ground was wet and springy from the storm and cool on her bare feet. The clouds still lingered like a bee hovering above a flower until he got enough nectar. Kari looked ahead and saw a silhouette in the bushes. She couldn't quite see what it was but it was human judging from the aura around its body it was human and it definitely wasn't woods-crafty as she saw it crashing through the bushes. Kari shrugged it off, there were 8 fully capable ninja in there if it was an intruder.
(BTW: an aura is slightly different from chakra, though an aura is partly made out of the 7 chakras, I personally think that you can't completely hide your aura since it is an electromagnetic field...I think)
"You've lost, it's over. Say it." Itachi's voice rang through the dark desolate cave tunnels. Kari peeked her head in time to see Itachi and Kisame sitting at the table facing off from eachother on other sides of something. She couldn't quite get a good look. The others were watching intently.
Kisame bowed his head in defeat "you sunk my battleship." Kari anime fell.
"I'm bored un. Sasori-danna do you know what we should do un?" Deidara asked.
"Well don't you guys have a group game like monopoly or blurt?" Kari asked making her appearance.
"Kisame and Hidan wrecked the board and Zetsu ate all the pieces…and we were yelled at by leader-sama cause we yelled too much." Kazuku explained.
"That's because we're always drunk when we decide to play blurt." Hidan corrected his partner, which earned a glare.
"We could always blow something up…" Kari sighed…she and deidara got along good since they were pretty much the same age and they had a lot in common.
"Oh Sasori-kun!" a snobbish female voice called.
"we should eat her…" Zetsu's black side spoke.
"It'd give us unwanted attention." Sasori answered then left. He returned with a geisha or at least she was supposed to be. This must've been the thing that Kari had seen while outside for she had twigs and leaves stuck in her black hair, she wasn't wearing makeup either but the kimono she was wearing must've been very expensive, it was a soft pink hue with white flowers that looked like cut-outs all over, with an obi that was orange and yellow. Though she was a geisha like her sister she was nowhere near as beautiful as she was.
"Why is it so dark in here?" the geisha asked.
"the power's out." Sasori answered.
"Why not get the maid to fix it?" she asked again.
"cause that's not in my job description." Kari said sharply back. It was silent again. Kari was playing songs in her head while petting Mika. Then all the sudden the lightbulb in Kari's head went off and she cursed at herself for not thinking of it sooner. She got up and walked to the phone hanging on the wall and dialled the power outage emergency hotline. She quickly got off. "the power shouldn't be out for too much longer an hour at the most." She sat back down then the lights came back on.
"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi fixed the power!" tobi entered. The leader then barged in the kitchen.
"Tobi is now the newest member of Akatsuki! Come Tobi! Lets watch 'Days of our lives in the living room!" he and tobi left. Kari then realized why he was the leader. He was the craziest one of them all. She sweat dropped at this fact. The others were also creeped out by this, they knew the leader had a soft spot for soaps but it never really sunk in…
"This sucks." Hidan commented.
Kisame's stomach rumbled. "How about some lunch Kari-kun?"
"Alright, how about ramen?" Kari asked putting a large pot on the stove and grabbed a bunch of packets and put them in. while waiting for it the outfit was starting to make her itch "How long have I been wearing this stupid thing!"
"Two hours." Kazuku commented.
"I'm gonna go clean something…if the water's bubbling the noodles are done.." Kari began to leave.
"it's about time the made started doing her job. This place is filthy!" the geisha commented. That was when she made two critical errors. 1. she said she didn't do a good job. Well it's a cave for Christ sakes! 2. She pissed off a constantly PMSing teen in a maid suit that itched constantly and made her girly.
Kari continued walking 'this one is ruled by lust.' Tiger, boar, ox, horse, tiger Seven sins punishment no jutsu. She relayed in her head the vision she wanted that girl to see, her burning in fire and brimstone with Asmodeus watching and fuelling the fire. 'STOP!' her inner yelled as indeed burns were starting to appear on her skin as she screamed in agony. The screams stopped and the burns disappeared. Kari was already gone and cleaning the cave. 'a little over kill no!' 'I guess..' 'a kunoichi should have control over her emotions. I'm ashamed that you're my outer.' 'I love you too.' 'God you piss me off! I'm leaving.' "God I have such a sensitive inner…" she spoke out loud.
LATER….
"Why'd you do that to the girl?" Kisame asked. He was playing with the dog on the couch.
"Why do you pull her whiskers?" Kari was vacuuming the living room.
"Because it makes her play harder. Answer my question."
"I can't stand girls who sell away their virginity like it's worthless…well that's part of being a geisha but I mean having sex as fulfilling your needs…not cause you love someone."
"Are you a virgin?" Hidan asked.
"That's none of anyone's business…and you aren't using me for any of those crazy rituals you have." Kari left to find more housework.
EVEN LATER THAN THAT….
Kari cleaned everything she could think of and made some effort on supper McCain French fries. She grabbed her knitting and brought it to the living room. Which the others immediately cracked up.
"Men knit you know." Kari stated holding her yarn ball as a weapon just incase anyone had something to say about it.
"Yeah ok. Name one." Zetsu's white side spoke.
"yeah." His black side added.
"I do. It's really fun!" tobi said.
"My point exactly." Kari stated. Kisame opened his mouth to say something but Kari reading his mind chucked the large yarn ball at his head…and if you've ever been hit with a yarn ball…that you rolled up yourself…it really hurts.
They then watched TV for a while and then it was only Kari, Itachi, Deidara and Zetsu.
"well I think I'm going to bed." Kari stated.
"You're gonna need all the sleep you can get cause tomorrow you have to garden." Zetsu's black side commented.
"Huh?"
"Nothing." Zetsu's white side answered. The other Akatsuki members up then realized that Kari had been working for them for about a week which was about as long as the last one lasted, and died trying to do some chores in Zetsu's garden.
Lets just say the Akatsuki members had a slight idea of what was gonna happen tomorrow.
End!
Well I just wanna say…the fifth chapter is gonna be really really long…probably twice as long as this…I have one story almost written and It's about 9 pages long on loose leaf…which it's gonna be 5 pages on the computer…just for one but that's an estimate. And well I would like reviews…especially from those who put me on favs and alerts. It makes my day brighter! Oh and if you have time…check my homepage for some sweet Naruto pics I've been collecting! I just wanted to say that…hehe! The story polls are still open…and those that aren't written on chapter 5 will be written on chapter ten…though I still have more ideas for short fillers. I'll tell more about that next time.
Peace out! please review! i accept constructive critisism and flames...though i use them to keep warm!
Sakura Sama 101