Chapter 4: The Hand that Rocks the Mabel
Another two weeks, another adventure. As I went in through the portal, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos were watching "Tiger Fist".
"The tiger was badly injured in the explosion, but we repaired him… with a fist!"
"Tiger's the hero!" Dipper exclaimed as Mabel and Soos expressed their excitement as well.
"Tiger Fist!… will return after these messages."
The show cut to its commercial break, and the first commercial started off with a handful of doves being released and flying off, then cut to a picture of some mountains with a sunrise in the background. "Hey, look! It's that commercial I was telling you dudes about!" Soos said.
"Are you completely miserable?" A voice asked dramatically, then cut to a guy crying while sitting on a bed, just as dramatically saying "Yes!"
"Then you need to meet… Gideon." The voice said, showing a silhouette of a man with hands on his hips dramatically.
"Gideon?" Dipper asked.
"What makes him so special?" Mabel asked, puzzled.
As if answering her question, the voice continued on. "He's a psychic."
"A-roo?"
"So don't waste your time with other so-called 'men of mystery'." The voice continued, cutting to a video of Stan walking out of an outhouse trying to shake a piece of toilet paper off of his foot as the word 'fraud' was stamped on the screen. "Learn about tomorrow tonight at Gideon's Tent of Telepathy!" The voice said, showing a star with an eye in the middle before zooming out to show the Tent of Telepathy, then it proceeded to list off its terms and conditions in a very fast manner; a rate that most likely would have had to be a recording sped up, and the words on screen scrolled too fast for anyone to read it without pausing it, reading the text on-screen, then un-pausing it for a split second and repeating this process.
"Wow! I'm gettin' all curious-y inside!" Mabel said.
"Well, don't get too curious-y!" Stan said, walking into the room with a scowl. "Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town I've had nothing but trouble!"
"Well, is he really psychic?" Mabel asked.
"I think we should go and find out." Dipper said.
"Never! You are forbidden from patronizing the competition! No one that lives under my roof is allowed under that Gideon's roof!" Stan said.
"Do tents have roofs?" Dipper asked.
"Not to mention I don't even live here." I said.
"I think we just found our loophole… literally!" Mabel said, holding up a piece of string tied into a loop knot. "Mwop-mwop!"
"Good one." I said.
"So come down soon, folks! Gideon is expecting you…." The voice in the commercial said ominously.
As we walked on down to the Tent of Telepathy that evening, we talked about all kinds of things. At one point, the conversation turned to me and how I seemed to know so much.
"How do you know so much, anyway, Nathan?" Mabel asked me.
"Yeah, like how you knew that Norman was a bunch of gnomes, and that you knew about the living wax figures." Dipper said.
"Yeah, dude. Are you a psychic?" Soos asked.
"Heh, no, I'm not a psychic." I told them. "If you really want to know, though, I can show you later on."
"Yeah, okay." Dipper agreed.
We continued with the conversation, and after a few more minutes, we arrived at the Tent of Telepathy. Several other people were entering as well. "Step right up there, folks! Put your money in Gideon's Psychic Sack!" A man said, Bud Gleeful, holding a sack with the Tent of Telepathy's logo on it as people walked by, doing just that. When we got in, most of the seats were filled up, so we sat near the back.
"Whoa, this is like a bizarro version of the Mystery Shack." Dipper said, looking around. "They even have their own Soos." Dipper said, pointing to a man carrying a bunch of tools and wearing a nametag that read "Deuce". Soos glared at said handyman.
The lights began to go out as the show began. "It's starting. It's starting!" Mabel said excitedly.
"Let's see what this monster looks like." Dipper said, as a spotlight shone on the curtain as the silhouette of Gideon grew bigger and bigger as he drew closer to the curtain, though when the curtain was rolled away, it showed that Gideon was much smaller than the shadow on the curtain. He had on a small, light blue suit, and his hair was white and rose up about 5 inches above his head. With hair like that, you could hide a cat in there and nobody would even know as long as said cat stayed put and silent.
"Hello, America! My name is Lil' Gideon!" He said, clapping as a flock of doves flew out of his hair. The entire crowd went wild at this.
"That's Stan's mortal enemy?" Dipper said incredulously.
"But he's so little!" Mabel said.
"Ladies and gentlemen it is such a gift to have you here tonight! Such a gift." Gideon said. "I have a vision. I predict you'll soon all say 'aw'." Gideon said, turning his back to the crowd, then turning back around facing the crowd with the cutest face he could muster. The majority of the crowd did, in fact, say "aw".
"It came true." Mabel said.
"Not entirely! The four of us didn't say 'aw'!" I said.
"Hit it, dad!" Gideon called out to Bud, as he began playing on the piano. Gideon tossed his cape into the crowd, and one of them caught it, though several others ran over to try and fight for it.
"Oh, I can see what others can't see. It ain't some sideshow trick, it's innate ability. Where others are blind, I am futurely inclined. And you, too, could see, if you was 'widdle' ol' me." Gideon sang, dancing all the while. "Come on everybody, rise up! I want y'all to keep it goin'!" Gideon said, making everyone stand up. Nobody else seemed to think much of it, since they probably would've stood up anyway, though since Dipper had no intentions of standing—and neither did I—he was aptly confused.
"W-what?! How did he—?!" Dipper exclaimed in confusion.
"Keep it going! You wish your son would call you more…" Gideon sang, pointing to an elderly woman still sitting down. "I sense that you've been here before…" Gideon continued, pointing to Sheriff Blubs holding a ton of Lil' Gideon merchandise. "I'll read your mind if I'm able…" Gideon sang, standing right in front of Mabel. "Something tells me you're named Mabel." Gideon said, having seen Mabel's sweater with her name on it. "So welcome all ye to thee Tent of Telepathy. And thanks for visiting 'widdle' ol' me!" Gideon finished, now thoroughly exhausted as the crowd cheered and applauded. "Thank you!" Gideon said, after taking a drink of water. "You people are the real miracles." Mabel applauded, though Dipper just looked on in confusion.
As we left, Dipper spoke his thoughts. "Man, that kid's an even bigger fraud than Stan. No wonder our uncle's jealous!" Dipper said.
"Oh come on, his dance moves were adorable!" Mabel said. "And did you see his hair? It was like whoosh!"
"You're too easily impressed." Dipper told her.
"Yeah, yeah." Dipper and Mabel began laughing as we left. I turned back and saw Gideon staring at us, though he ducked back behind the tarp at being found out.
The next morning, Mabel came in with sequins covering her entire face while holding some sort of gun that she probably used to do it. "Check it out, guys! I successfully bedazzled my face!" Mabel said. It proved to be difficult to blink, though, as she had difficulty doing so, and sequins came flying off as she did so. "Blink!… Ow."
"Is that… permanent?" Dipper asked with slight concern.
"I'm unappreciated in my time." Mabel said, before the doorbell rang again.
"Somebody answer the door!" Stan called.
"I'll get it." Mabel said, using her hands to remove all of the sequins off of her face.
Mabel ran over too the door, and opened it up to find Gideon there. "Howdy!" Gideon greeted.
"It's 'widdle' ol' you!" Mabel said.
"Heh heh, yeah, my song's quite catchy." Gideon said. "I know we haven't formally met, but after yesterday's performance, I just couldn't get your laugh out of my head!"
"You mean this one?" Mabel asked, before making a somewhat forced laugh.
"Oh, what a delight!" Gideon said. "When I saw you in the audience, I said to myself, 'now there's a kindred spirit; someone who appreciates the sparkly things in life'."
"That's totally me!" Mabel said, laughing, then coughing up a bunch of sequins she somehow managed to swallow, and even more bizarrely, they all managed to land perfectly on Gideon's collar, decorating it with the sequins.
"Enchanting. Utterly enchanting." Gideon muttered in awe.
"Who's at the door?!" Stan yelled.
"No one, Grunkle Stan!" Mabel called out to him.
"I appreciate your discretion. Stan's no fan of mine." Gideon said. "I don't know how a lemon so sour could be related to a peach so sweet."
"Gideon!"
"What do you say we step away from here and chat a bit more?" Gideon offered to Mabel. "Perhaps in my dressing room?"
"Oh! Makeovers! Woo!" Mabel cheered, poking Gideon in the stomach, though it apparently hurt him a little.
They left, and about an hour later, Mabel came back, with her "makeover". Mabel waved her hands in front of Dipper's face, getting his attention. "Hey, Dipper. What's going on?" Mabel said. Dipper slapped her hands away, and closed the journal he was reading.
"Whoa! What's going on with those fingernails? You look like a… wolverine." Dipper said.
"I know, right?" Mabel said, playfully roaring and clawing at the air. "I was hanging out with my new pal Gideon. He is one dapper little man."
"Mabel, I don't trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head." Dipper said.
"Oh, leave him alone!" Mabel said. "You never wanna do girly stuff with me. You, Nathan and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time."
"What do you mean?" Dipper said. Before Mabel could answer, though, Soos came in holding a package of hot dogs.
"Hey, dude! You ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave one by one?!" Soos asked with a big grin.
"Am I?!" Dipper said.
"Sure. Why not?" I said. We went into the kitchen, and Soos placed the hot dogs in the microwave and we watched them explode, creating a mess of the inside of the microwave.
Later on, Gideon came by and he took Mabel with him, who came back later. After she got back, Dipper and Mabel were playing video games on thee TV and I was playing on my phone. While doing so, Mabel started talking to herself about her most recent situation. "It's not a date-date, it's just, y'know, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And so I figured I'd throw him a bone."
"Mabel, guys don't work that way." Dipper said. "He's gonna fall in love with you."
"Pfft, yeah, right." Mabel scoffed. "I'm not that lovable." An explosion sound came from the TV. "Kaboom! Yes!"
"Okay, we agree on something here." Dipper said, as I held back a laugh. Immediately after, the doorbell rang. Mabel went to open it again. When she did, a horse stuck its head in and neighed, startling Mabel enough that she fell back into a sitting position and backed away a few feet, screaming. On top of that horse, of course, was Gideon, dressed as usual with the addition of a cowboy hat that matched his suit.
"A night of enchantment awaits, milady." Gideon said.
"Oh boy…" Mabel said, already regretting her decision.
Not even an hour later, when me, Dipper, Soos and Wendy were all gathered around the counter doing our various things, Stan came in. "Hey, hey! What the Jekyll is Mabel doing in the paper next to that greasy pickpocket Gideon?!" He said angrily.
"Oh yeah, it's, like, a big deal. Everybody's talking about Gideon and Mabel's big date tonight." Wendy said.
"What?! That little shyster is dating my great niece?!" Stan yelled, even more angry now.
"I wonder what the new name will be for the power couple." Soos said. "Mab-ideon? Gide-abel? Ah! Ma-gid-bel-eon!"
"I didn't know! I didn't hear about it! And plus, I told her not to!" Dipper said, making a paradox statement (a statement that goes against itself).
"Yeah, well, it ends tonight. I'm going right down to that little skunk's house. This is gonna stop right now!" Stan said.
"Dude, wouldn't it be funny if that was a closet, and he had to come back out again and walk out the real door?" Soos said, walking over to the door and opening it. "Nope. Real door."
"That would be funny, though." I said.
A couple hours later, Mabel returned again.
"Hey! How'd it go?" Dipper asked, hopeful.
"I don't know… I have a lobster now." Mabel said, putting her new lobster into the fish tank.
"Well, at least it's over and you won't ever have to go out with him again." Dipper said. Mabel didn't acknowledge Dipper. "Mabel? It's over, right? Mabel?"
"Blargh! He asked me out again and I didn't know how to say 'no'!" Mabel said, stressing.
"Like this: 'no'." Dipper said, pointing to his mouth as he said the word "no".
"It's not that easy, Dipper! And I do like Gideon—as a friend-slash-little sister. So I didn't want to hurt his feelings." Mabel said. "I just need to get things back the way they used to be. You know, friends." Mabel left again to meet up with Gideon, returning much later at night.
The next morning, I woke up to Mabel pacing about, talking fretfully to herself. "—he's so nice, but I can't keep doing this, but I can't break his heart! Ah, I have no way out!"
"What in the heck happened on that date?" Dipper asked, catching her attention.
"I don't know. I was in the friend zone. And then before I knew what was happening, he pulled me into the romance zone!" Mabel said. "It was like quicksand! Chubby quicksand."
"Mabel, come on. It's not like you're gonna have to marry Gideon." Dipper reassured her.
"Great news, Mabel!" Stan said, walking into the living room wearing a shirt that read "TEAM GIDEON". "You have to marry Gideon!"
"WHAT?!"
"It's all part of my long-term deal with Buddy Gleeful!" Stan said. "There's a lot of cash tied up in this thing. Plus, I got this shirt!… Ugh, I am fat." This was enough to make Mabel run out of the room screaming in fear. "Bodies change, honey! Bodies change." Stan said, misunderstanding Mabel's screaming.
Dipper quickly followed after Mabel, and I followed after Dipper. Dipper opened the door to the attic, and found Mabel hiding in her sweater. "Oh no. Mabel?"
"Mabel's not here. She's in Sweater Town." Mabel said grimly.
"Are you gonna come out of Sweater Town?" Dipper asked her. Mabel just shook her head. "Alright, enough is enough. If you can't break up with Gideon, then… we'll do it for you." Dipper told her.
"You will?" Mabel asked. Dipper nodded his head and I gave a thumbs-up. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Mabel exclaimed happily.
Later that evening, Dipper and I walked into a fancy restaurant called "The Club", where it's logo was a club like you'd see on a deck of cards, while Mabel waited outside. We walked over to where Gideon was sitting, reading a menu, and Dipper cleared his throat, catching Gideon's attention, as he set his menu down.
"Oh, Dipper Pines and Nathan, how are you?" Gideon asked us. "You look good, you look good."
"Thanks. You, uh…. Look, Gideon, we've gotta talk." Dipper said.
"Yeah. Mabel won't be coming tonight." I said.
"Yeah. She, uh… she doesn't want to see you anymore. She's kind of weirded out by you; no offense." Dipper said.
"So what you're saying is… you've… come between us." Gideon said, his mouth and eye twitching.
"No, it's actually that she wanted to break up with you but she didn't know how to do it, so we're doing it for her." I said.
'Yeah, and, uh… you're not gonna freak out or anything, are you?" Dipper said, noticing Gideon's scowl.
As soon as this was said, Gideon put back on his friendly façade. "Of course not! These things happen. Bygones, y'know." Gideon said.
"So, okay, cool. Well, then again, sorry man, but, uh, hey, thumbs-up, huh?" Dipper said, as we headed for the exit.
When we got back outside, Mabel threw a bunch of questions at us. "How'd it go? Was he mad? Did he try to read your minds with his psychic powers?" Mabel asked.
"Don't worry, Mabel. He's just a kid. He doesn't have any powers." Dipper reassured her.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Mabel said as we left and headed back for the shack again.
The next morning, after Dipper and Mabel charged into Soos who had stuffed a pillow under his shirt, Mabel began thinking out loud. "I'm so glad everything's back to normal!" This didn't exactly last long as the phone started ringing.
"Your turn." Dipper and Mabel said, though Dipper was just a split second later than Mabel. "Aw, man." Dipper headed inside and picked up the phone. "Hello?… Oh, hey man. Sorry for accusing you of murder last week.… Oh, finally! I thought nobody would ever ask! I have notes and theories!… Uh-huh.… Uh-huh.… 4-1-2 Gopher Road.… Uh, tonight?… And bring Nathan with me?… Got it." Dipper hung up the phone.
Later that night, Dipper and I headed down to the address written down in Dipper's notebook. Dipper opened the door, and we walked into what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse. Except it wasn't abandoned. "Hello?" Dipper called out, his call echoing throughout the building. When it seemed that no one was here, Dipper turned around to leave, only for the door to slam shut in front of him. Dipper ran and pounded on the door a couple of times, before the overhead lights turned on. And in a chair at the far end of the building was Gideon, of course.
"Hello, friends." Gideon said sarcastically.
"Gideon." Dipper said, fairly annoyed.
"Dipper Pines. How long have you been living in this town? A week? Two?" Gideon said to him. "And you, Nathan, you don't seem to even live here, yet you visit rather often. Anyway, you like it here? Enjoy the scenery?"
"What do you want from me, man?" Dipper asked, still annoyed.
"Listen carefully, you two. This town has secrets you couldn't begin to comprehend." Gideon told us.
"Is this about Mabel? We told you, she's not into you." Dipper said.
"Liar! You turned her against me!" Gideon said, outraged, walking towards us, grabbing onto his tie, which started glowing, because it wasn't a tie at all. "She was my peach dumpling!"
"Are you okay, man?" Dipper asked, before me and him were lifted up into the air for a brief second before being thrown back into the boxes.
"Reading minds isn't all I can do!" Gideon said threateningly.
"But-but you're a fake."
"Oh, tell me Dipper. Is this fake?" Gideon asked, using his "tie" to levitate up a bunch of Lil' Gideon merchandise, before throwing it all down at us. Me and Dipper ran for our lives, avoiding all of the projectiles by mere inches. After a short while, when Dipper ducked out of the way of a falling shelf just in time, Gideon finally paused for a moment. I used this much needed time to catch my breath.
"Grunkle Stan was right about you! You are a monster!" Dipper said.
"Yeah! You're not a psychic! You're a psycho!" I said.
"Mabel will be mine!" Gideon said, laughing. When Gideon was distracted talking to a doll version of himself, Dipper grabbed a bat and charged Gideon, though he saw Dipper coming and used his powers to levitate Dipper up in the air again.
"She's never gonna date you, man!" Dipper told Gideon.
"That's a lie!" Gideon yelled. Gideon then grabbed me with his levitating powers, an pulled me next to Dipper. "And I'm gonna make sure you never lie to me again, friends." Gideon said, using his powers to make a pair of large "lamb shears" come towards us, opening up, ready to cut us in half. That is, until Mabel came in the nick of time.
"Gideon, we have to talk." Mabel said.
"M-Mabel! My marshmallow! What are you doing here?" Gideon said, dropping the shears.
"I'm sorry, Gideon, but I can't be your marshmallow. I needed to be honest and tell you that myself." Mabel said.
"I… I don't understand." Gideon said, tightening his grip on his tie, choking me and Dipper.
"Uh, Mabel? This probably isn't the best time to be brutally honest with him." Dipper strained.
"I can… barely… breathe…" I muttered.
"Hey, but we can still be makeover buddies, right?" Mabel said, walking up to him. "Wouldn't you like that?"
"Really?" Gideon said, hope clear in his voice.
"No! Not really!" Mabel said, her anger showing at last as she took Gideon's medallion off of his neck. causing me and Dipper to fall to the ground. "You were like attacking my brother and my friend! What the heck?!"
"My tie! Give it back!" Gideon said, reaching for the tie, though Mabel threw it over to Dipper and he caught it.
"Ha! Not so powerful without this, are you?" Dipper taunted, though Gideon charged Dipper, knocking him back into me, and sending the three of us falling out of the window and falling to certain doom. Dipper and Gideon exchanged a round of slaps until they noticed the ground approaching, when all three of us began screaming. I knew Mabel would save us, but even knowing that, it was still scary. Right before we hit the ground, the three of us were surrounded by the glow of Gideon's tie, which had been knocked out of Dipper's hand when we were sent falling out the window. Mabel floated herself down to us, holding Gideon's tie, and floated herself to right in front of Gideon.
"Listen, Gideon. It's over. I will never ever date you." Mabel said, releasing the three of us from the tie's hold, before throwing the tie onto a rock as it shattered to pieces.
"My powers!" Gideon cried, getting up. "Oh, this isn't over. This isn't the last you'll see of 'widdle' ol' me." Gideon threatened, backing into the forest.
We headed back to the shack and relaxed for a bit when Stan came in, hanging up his stolen crying clown painting.
"I could've had it all." Stan muttered, then turned to us. "What the heck happened to you three?"
"Gideon."
"Gideon."
"The midget, Gideon."
"Gideon." Stan said. "Yeah, the little mutant swore vengeance on the whole family and your friend Nathan. I guess he's gonna try to nibble my ankles or something!" Stan joked.
"Oh yeah." Dipper said. "Yeah, how's he gonna destroy us now, huh? Try to guess what number we're thinking of? Ha ha!"
"Know what number I'm thinking of?" I said. "32,768! Let's see him get that number!"
"He'll never guess what number I'm thinking of!" Mabel said. "-8! No one would guess a negative number!" After this, we all shared a good laugh, and then I decided it was time for me to head back. Before I left though, Dipper caught my attention.
"Hey, Nathan. Could you maybe, I don't know… show me and Mabel just how you know so much in the first place?" Dipper asked me, Mabel coming up right behind him.
"Sure." I said. "Just promise you won't freak out, okay?"
"Um… okay?" Dipper said, slightly skeptical. Which is understandable.
"Alright, then. Follow me." I said, heading into the attic as Dipper and Mabel followed. When we got to the attic, I stopped, and pulled out my portal remote. "You already know that I'm not even from here, right?" I asked them, to which they nodded their heads. "Well, not only am I not from Gravity Falls, I'm actually not even from this dimension. I found this remote that opens up a portal between our dimensions, which I'm fairly sure are parallel dimensions." I explained. I pressed the button on the remote, and Dipper and Mabel's eyes widened as the portal materialized in front of them. "Follow me." I said, stepping through the portal and into my room at my own house. Dipper and Mabel followed.
The first thing that Dipper spotted was Journal #3 sitting on top of my desk. "Wh-wh-what?! When did you—?!" Dipper said in shock, before realizing he still had the Journal in his vest. The next thing he noticed was my computer sitting open on the site with our wax adventure on screen. "Fan Fiction?" Dipper asked.
"I'll explain that in a little bit." I told him. "But first, you need to see this." I grabbed my iPad that was sitting on my bed, and navigated to Amazon Prime Video, pulling up Gravity Falls, and pressing "Play" on episode 1, Tourist Trapped, and motioned for Dipper and Mabel to come and see.
"Ah, summer break." The episode began. "Wait, is that my voice?!" "A time for leisure, recreation, and taking 'er easy.… Unless you're me."
On screen, Dipper and Mabel crashed through the billboard riding on the golf cart, screaming. I paused the episode there, and turned to the shocked faces of Dipper and Mabel.
"You see, in my dimension, Gravity Falls is a TV show that follows the two of you along your summer in Gravity Falls. At first, I thought it was just a work of fiction, but when I found that remote, I realized it was anything but. While there's no doubt that the timeline between the two dimensions is impossible to understand, why the show was made is up for debate. I think it's a glimpse into your dimension, while my brother, Zach, thinks it's a cover-up of some kind. Your entire summer has already been documented in this fashion, and I have seen the entire thing, hence my knowledge on your summer." I explained.
"As for that fan fiction thing, I knew nobody would believe me if I told them that this actually happened, so I figured, 'hey, this might actually make out to be an interesting story'. So I typed our adventures down onto my computer, titled the story as 'From Our Dimension', and published it on the site." I said. "Also, the way time flows is crazy. You see, every two weeks in my dimension, I'd come to your dimension, and go on an adventure with the two of you. But in your dimension, only a couple of days would pass between each of my visits. And when I'd get back, no time would have passed at all. Yet for some reason, on our last adventure, three hours passed between when I left and when I got back. I'd always leave at 2:00, and except for the last time, I'd get back at 2:00. Look, my alarm clock even has 2:01 on it right now!" I said, gesturing to my alarm clock, which did, indeed, have the time as 2:01. "And every time I'd get back, I would spend the next 4 hours typing up our adventure, and then publish it."
"Well, this is certainly a lot to take in." Dipper said.
"At least we know how he knows so much now though, right?" Mabel said.
"Yep." I said. "Also, while your summer still has a long ways to go before it's finished, mine is almost over. The date here in my dimension is August 19, and I start school again on the 21st. So… yeah." I said. "Oh, and also, that Journal you saw, Dipper, was made by the 'creators' of the show. Or should I say, filmers? Anyway, you asked me how I know so much, and now I've told you." I finished. "So… would you like me to open the portal back up so you can go home?" I asked, to which they silently nodded. I pressed the button on my portal remote, and Dipper and Mabel walked back through the portal without another word, then I pressed the button again and the portal closed. "Anyway, I should get to typing up my latest adventure so I can publish it." I said to myself. "Don't want to keep the internet waiting!" And with that, I sat down and began typing on my computer.