Dear Sasuke,
Well, obviously, you're never going to read this, because I won't send it, and even if I wanted to I couldn't because, you know, you're a freaking missing nin. But even though you'll never read this, I need to say it.
He's mine, you. Keep your filthy, snakepedo-loving, missing nin, village-deserting, heartbreaking hands off of him! Do you have any idea what you do to him? I'll admit to… well… it's not stalking, per se, but… I sometimes hang around outside his window at night, okay? It's my way of asking if he's all right. And you know what? Do you have any frigging idea how many nights he cried himself to sleep over you? No, of course you don't. You couldn't care less, could you, you stone-cold, arrogant sonuvabitch, and you absolutely don't care that he is in love with you.
Which, by the way, makes you my rival. And I don't intend to lose.
Of course, that's not to say I don't have rivals more… close at hand, too- I mean, I'm no idiot, I've seen the way Sai looks at him, and the Kazekage, although that kinda gets off the "close" track. And then, of course, there's Hinata. Sweet, shy, lovable Hinata- one of my best friends ever. She's still hoping, and still trying, and I know that, if I do 'win', it'll break her heart, and I don't pretend not to feel bad about that. Hell, it makes me feel terrible just writing it, but I also can't just… I'm in love with him, Uchiha, and even the thought of breaking Hinata's heart can't dull that feeling. I feel horrible thinking of her as a rival, too, but she is, and I just… can't help it, okay? I can't help it, because he's… he's just so… he's brave, and funny, and bright, and bubbly, and happy, and kind of an idiot, and he laughs a lot, even though he's gone through so damn much pain that it hurts just to think about it, and he's just… Naruto. And nothing- no one- will ever take that away from me if I can help it. And that includes you. You wanna know why I agreed with Sakura so easily when she told us she was going to kill you? You're hurting him. The longer you're alive, the more it hurts him. True, at first you being dead will hurt him too, but then… well, I have plans, emo boy, about how to make him forget how much it hurts.
So keep your mitts off my Naruto.
-Kiba