"What about this?"
I appraised the pencil case that Vee wiggled in her hands. It was a blue, fuzzy cylinder case with a zip on the side. Googly eyes glued on the front. She held another one identical to it in her other hand, save for the colour which was green.
"The green one." I held up the plastic white basket, she plopped it in and loosely chucked the blue one back to its original place. I gave the nearby store clerk a sheepish glance as he gave us both a dirty look in return. Vee didn't seem to notice- or care.
It had been a full week of pacing in my room, stuck in my own restless bubble of trepidation. In a way, this gave me something to focus on other than my currently questionable sanity. The whole adjustment was more than a little disconcerting and reality warping.
Soloan had booked several appointments for me. I'd been to a few since my time in the US. The doctors told me it was possibly retrograde amnesia, and I failed to mention the part where I possibly hallucinated a TV show character- that being Liz Forbes. It just felt like too much, and I was surprised I was holding it as together as I was.
I wished it would leave my mind. That I would stop self doubting and just accept that I'd been through some awful traumatising shit that somehow caused memory loss and move on but...
Truth be told, it was the only thing I could think about- I obsessed over it. I couldn't move on because nothing about my circumstances made any lick of sense. The more I tried to understand it, the worse my headache.
At least this whole high school preparation and anxiety gave me something else to worry about.
Soloan had sensed something was wrong, other than the obvious. She didn't press me, simply said something about supplying myself for school and practically hauled me out of the house. Something about fresh air is the cure to the unquiet mind.
Vee volunteered to come with me. Thus, we were walking around the town, in and out of shops to find things that we'd need.
"What grade am I going to be in?" I was wrapping my head around the differences. At home I wouldn't be in school, but college. College here for them was university, as far as my small understanding went.
"Twelfth." Vee answered helpfully. "I'm in ninth."
I picked up a novelty pen. On the tip was a panda's head with boxing gloves attached just underneath, buttons on the side to press the panda into action and punch the air. I moved it near Vee's face with a cheeky smile and she gave me an unimpressed stare.
"It's cute." I defended, putting it in the basket.
"That," she made a show of pointing down at it, "is impractical."
"You're fourteen, you shouldn't care." I shrugged off her disbelief. It was obvious that despite our age differences, she tried to act the mature one.
"Do you want to be bullied?" She asked. I wore an amused smile at first, but was disheartened a little by her words. I hadn't even taken that into account. Am I going to fit in? ...do I even want to? Vee seemed to sense my change in mood and looked worried. "What's wrong?"
"I just…" I absentmindedly picked up a notepad, flipping through it and not really paying attention to the action. I didn't know how to explain myself, my situation, and I was dying to speak about it. But I couldn't.
"Avis?"
I frowned, realising I'd been staring down at the blank page whilst trying to find a way to answer her. I closed it, put it in the basket and sighed. "I wake up, and expect to find myself in my own bed, back… home, home. y'know?"
"Well, dude. You lost your memory, that isn't exactly a thing you can move on from."
I swallowed.
It wasn't the only thing I lost.
I murmured. "Is it okay if we drop it?"
She didn't say anything more on the topic, instead dragging me toward the check out point.
"That's four dollars." The dark haired man at the counter said with a monotone. I glanced over him briefly, noting the tired bags under his eyes, to the name tag on the breast of his yellow shirt. George.
I passed him the money and we left.
"What next?"
I bit my lip, glancing at the remaining money in my wallet. I zipped it back up and shoved it into my jean pocket. A firm respect and affection warmed me, remembering that Soloan had left a little bit extra, and also told me to grab some clothes. I'd been using some old hand me downs that previous foster kids left before they got adopted or moved on with their lives. I didn't know how I'd repay her back.
I pointed to a nearby clothing store. Vee shrugged, and linked her arm with me. The contact rustled the plastic bag hanging off my elbow.
I stared at the calendar.
Lifting my hand, I crossed off the last day. In a few hours, I'd be going to high school.
Vee was downstairs having breakfast, along with Kyle. A recent stray Soloan's bleeding heart took in yesterday. He was around fifteen, and he hadn't spoken a word even when everyone greeted him. I wondered if he'd stay in his room for a while, just like me.
I showered, and after ward grabbed a brush and ran it through my hair. I didn't style it. I just let it dry by itself as I scanned my limited amount of clothes I laid on my bed. I had the choice of worn down jeans and my old t-shirt. Or the outfit I bought the other day; a cute lavender skirt with a plum coloured tank top. I opted for the latter along with my own pair of roughed up vans.
My fingers hesitated over the laces, and I shakily exhaled. My brother gifted me these, on my fifteenth birthday.
"Fuck," I murmured.
My eyes stung, that familiar tightening happened in my throat. Stop. I forced myself to think about something else.
Thankfully there was a knock. I cleared my throat, "come in."
Vee walked in with a notepad. It was enough to distract me.
She sat down on her bed, facing me. I glanced over her paper curiously. One of my weird talents was reading upside down fairly easily, and I realised it was a checklist.
"Soloan made pancakes, you're missing out." She pointed out, then tapped her nail on the paper. "I told her I'd help you get ready."
"So you wrote a check list."
"Yup!" She said, popping the 'p' cheerfully. Vee smiled at me, blissfully unaware of my previous dark-cloud-over-head mood. "Let's begin, do you have your headphones?"
"I don't own headphones." I said, tone a little flatter than I meant. I immediately felt bad at the discouraged look on her face and tried to sound more enthusiastic about the idea. "Thanks though, keep going."
"Let me just cross that off…" She mumbled. There was a scratching on the paper as she scribbled out that option. "Okay, pencil case and everything in it."
I leaned to the side, pulling out the drawer to the bedside table. My case wriggled with the movement and I picked it up, ripping off the tag and chucking it aside. I peered inside, before zipping it back up. "Check."
"Cute clothes." Her eyes flickered over my outfit, and she sent me a sweet smile. "Check."
I chuckled, suddenly grateful to have Vee as my roomie.
"Bra."
I shot her a look. She gave me an innocent shrug. "It could happen. I had an older sister that did it once."
I squashed down the instant curiosity and suppressed the urge to ask. Instead I simply slinked my hand through the collar of my shirt, feeling on my shoulder for the familiar strap. Confirmed that I was indeed wearing my bra, I nodded and said, "check."
"You don't have a phone, so…" she scribbled on her checklist, after peering over her shoulder I saw that she'd crossed it off entirely. "Okay, that leaves… Notepad."
"Check."
"You didn't even look."
I held open my bag pointedly. She leaned forward, peering inside. Wordlessly, she put a tick next to it before setting her own notepad aside.
"You nervous?" She inquired.
"Think Soloan would be mad if I pretend my amnesia is worse today?" I put a dramatic hand to my mouth, injecting an obvious sarcastic tone to my voice. "Oh jinkies, suddenly I don't know who you are."
Her mischievous smirk almost made me believe she was going to go along with it, but then she softly exhaled and shook her head. She gave me a sympathetic smile. "You'll be fine."
"What if they do bully me?" I asked, trying to put a light hearted smile on my face and failing. "What if they don't like the new cool Brit in town?"
"They're a bunch of bratty teens." She swatted her hand dismissively. "They don't deserve to be your friend, then." Vee grinned. It was a shit eating grin. "Besides, even if they don't like you, I'll beat 'em up."
"You're a tough kid," I admitted, my smile becoming genuine. "But I don't think you'd be able to take on people a lot bigger and meaner than you."
"Soloan takes me to a jiu jitsu club on Saturdays, I'm probably a lot more able than most of them." She seemed smug and my eyebrows shot up in surprise.
It was hard to imagine this small girl being able to chuck me into next Tuesday. I was almost tempted to ask her if she could, just so I could skip today. However, I didn't feel like the black eye would be worth it.
"Come on, if you don't get downstairs soon, Noah is gonna horde all the pancakes." She inclined her head, and we both headed to the kitchen.
The stairs creaked loudly, and as we came into the living room I noticed with surprise that Kyle was already out of his room. His head was ducked in a book, and Vee wandered over toward him. She sat next to him on the couch, doing most of the conversation for them. I felt a twitch on my lips at them.
I noticed Noah sitting on the floor, watching something on the old ass TV. I recognised the animated movie; Peter Pan. I stared at it, a faint smile on my lips. When all the children were travelling to Neverland I heard Soloan call me.
I glanced over the sofa, looking to the kitchen. It was a connected room with no door, so I could see her hovering around the stove. She effortlessly flipped the pancake. It was an impressive sight. "Honeypie, you woke a bit late. You gotta stuff your face in the car, alright?"
Her hair was in multiple braids, peeking out from underneath a floral green and pink durag. Soloan was wearing navy jeans and a viridian blouse.
"I can eat very fast." I assured her, and took a seat at the dining table. It was placed in the living room because the kitchen was just a small one.
"Good," she said, then placed the pan down and opened a cabinet. "Do you want maple syrup?"
"Yes please." I watched as she took out a plastic tub, put the rest of the pancakes inside and then doused it with maple syrup then closed the lid. She brought it over to me, placing a fork on top of the enclosed tub.
"Alrighty let's go gang," she clapped her hands to gain Vee and Kyle's attention. I lifted open the tub, slicing a corner off the pancakes so I could shove it into my mouth. Noah's head turned from the screen. "Gotta go."
We all quickly piled through the door. I had to squint through the bright sunlight, and thank the lord I wore a skirt.
As soon as I was in the front seat and everyone was buckled in, I was already on my second pancake, scarfing them down. Soloan started the car.
"Welcome to Mystic Falls High School, Miss Clarke."
The civil tone did nothing to stop the absolute dread I felt the moment I stood in the office.
The principal seemed oblivious to my apprehension. I stiffly gave him a small once over. The man had a receding hairline with a shiny forehead, the remainder of his hair was grey. His eyes were green and he was in a black suit.
Never trust a man in a suit, I recalled my mother saying once. So far I had followed that advice and so far I'd avoided trouble with them. His attire certainly didn't rest the haywire nerves inside of me.
"Thank you." I strained the corners of my mouth upward, trying to be polite. I could still taste the syrup around my lips and subtly licked them.
I eyed the nameplate on his desk, briefly wondering why he had it since his name was painted over the glass on his door.
"I'm sure you'll find your stay here a pleasant one." He easily smiled. It seemed like the type of smile you'd practice in a mirror. Unease stirred my stomach. "When you leave the office, make sure to go to reception next door. Miss Shelby will help you will your papers, your schedules, and if you have any questions she'll be more than happy to answer them. That applies throughout the school year."
He was quiet for a moment, and I didn't like the analytical gaze.
His tone became softer, a little guarded. "And if you feel ill or feel like you need some air, just ask. Miss Altoer has enlightened me to your circumstances and I've informed your teachers and the nurse of your… incident."
Incident.
Like it was an inconvenience instead of reality changing. Like it was a minor little thing that happened around me instead of a surreal transition that happened to me.
My fingers twitched over my lap, and I clenched my jaw, trying to smile over my annoyance. His expression didn't change, and I hoped I wasn't being as see through as I felt. "Thank you, Mr. Weber."
He nodded. He moved his arm and glanced at his watch. "I've also assigned you a welcome guide. Someone you can go to if you get lost or if you need someone to talk to other than the nurse. She'll be keeping an eye on you."
"Sorry, keeping an eye on me?" I didn't like where this was going.
"If I may speak bluntly?" He waited for my response and I just gave him a patient, expectant look. "You have retrograde amnesia. That is not something I'm going to treat lightly and we're going to keep an eye on it. If you need to go to the nurse, even if it's a false alarm like say- a headache, your assigned guide will escort you immediately for a check up just to make sure everything is fine and dandy."
I sighed irately, unable to help it. "So, a babysitter?"
"Essentially." He gave another practised smile. "It's just a precaution. The safety and well being of our students is an utmost priority."
Before I could protest, conjure an argument, appeal to his logical side- there was a knock on the door. An oddly precise pattern.
"Come in." Weber called. The door opened.
I had a heart attack.
An attractive girl with long legs walked in, some expensive looking pink handbag hanging off the crook of her elbow. Her luscious blonde curls bounced healthily with every step. She wore a zaffre shirt that complimented her fair skin and went nicely with her eyes. As soon as her cobalt gaze locked with mine, I nearly fell off my chair.
"This is Caroline Forbes. Caroline, this is Avis. You'll be spending a lot of time with each other."
Unbeknownst to Weber, I wasn't breathing.
Caroline's eyes trailed over me, and I didn't have to be a mind reader to know she was calculating who she was dealing with, thinking about what mask to put over her face and what card she had to pull in order to win me over. I caught the judging flicker across her face when she saw my worn vans, but it quickly faded.
"Hi," she bared her pearly whites at me into a charming smile that I was sure explained part of her popularity. It was full of enthusiasm. The type of smile I knew she was only wearing because we were in front of the principal.
The room span.
"Caroline…?" I wheezed in disbelief, not wanting to believe my eyes. No. No, no, no, no, no.
"Miss Clarke?" Weber's concerned voice was distorted, muffled.
I can't breathe.
The world turned upside down, and the last thing I saw were Caroline's ankle boots.
Black faded into my vision.
Something wet, soft and cooling touched my forehead.
It hurt to open my eyes, and it was too bright. However, I eventually pried them open.
Vaguely I registered that I was laying down. Underneath me was a slightly uncomfortable bed with a metal frame. A shadowed figure was leaning over me and I blinked to adjust my vision, squinting at the stranger.
A plain face entered my gaze, concentration wrinkling his forehead. I blinked again rapidly when the same bright light was shined purposely into my eyes. He said something, but it felt like someone shoved cotton into my ears. A high pitched noise faintly screeched, but it quickly faded. His voice became clear.
"Do you know your name?"
"Avis." I answered, and grimaced at my slightly dry throat.
"Do you know where you are?"
"School?" My voice croaked. "Who're you?"
"I'm the school nurse, Carlos Mendoza." The cooling touch vanished, and I realised that was his hands. "Do you know what happened?"
My mind was blank. It took me a few moments to acknowledge his question.
"No."
"You blacked out in the principal's office," he stated bluntly. I turned my head slightly as he shined the light in my other eye. I grimaced. "Sorry, you took a heavy fall to the head, I needed to check for concussion." I heard a light clink, the light turned off. "It was likely a combination of stress, anxiety, nervousness and considerable mental and emotional strain. Not that I can blame you of course, considering your circumstances."
"How long…" I tried to sit up, instantly I felt a little dizzy and paused.
"Here, take it slow." He helped me, and then handed me a plastic cup of fresh water. I sipped and felt the relief of cold water trickling down my throat. It made me feel a bit better. "You've been out for less than an hour."
I massaged a spot on my temple, and he immediately took notice. "Are you feeling any discomfort? Pain? Nausea?"
"I'm okay," I dismissively shook my head, and I took a moment. The room wasn't spinning anymore, but my body felt a little weak. My face flared sheepishly. I fainted. Why the hell did I-
I froze as a memory flickered to life like a flame.
Caroline.
Fucking.
Forbes.
"Fucking hell." I muttered, and the nurse's eyebrows shot up into his hairline. The temperature rose even more. "Sorry."
"Just this once, I'll refrain from telling Principal Weber about your interesting language." There was a spark of mirth in his eyes, but it was quickly gone, replaced by more serious tone. "Normally, I would suggest an ample amount of rest, take it easy for a day or two and do something relaxing to de-stress yourself. But in your case," he briefly glanced down at the files in his hand. "Well, I'm a nurse, not a neurologist."
"And I'm late for class." I glanced up at him, feeling the hint of a smile on my face. Despite the turmoil whirling out of control and the burning image of both Forbes in my head- I managed a joke, albeit a weak one. "I won't get detention on my first day, right?"
"You wouldn't," he said, turning back to his table and scribbling something onto a note. "But just in case your teacher may have missed the memo…" he handed me the note. "
"Thank you," I submissively took the note, about to put it in my jacket. I realised I wasn't wearing it. I looked around, noticing that it was folded on his desk. I felt tired all of a sudden.
"Usually people in your position would be more than happy to take the free excuse to get out of class and go home," he joked. "You sure you don't want that? It wouldn't be much of a trouble, and I'm sure Principal Weber will be more than accommodating to your request if you wish it."
I thought about it.
On one hand it would mean I could skip a day of school. I wouldn't have to do introductions today. I wouldn't have to deal with all the pitiful glances and making new friends to feel less lonely. I could stay home, snug the blankets and go to sleep. Soloan would be understanding.
If I stayed I wouldn't have to play catch up. I could deal with these people now and get it out of the way but there was also-
Caroline.
I didn't want to be around Caroline, at least not today. I wasn't ready. The thought made me feel ill. Her presence pretty much confirmed that I was either crazy or that I wasn't and that I was really... in Mystic Falls.
I didn't know which was more terrifying.
I didn't have enough energy to deal with this. I didn't want to think about it.
"Can I go home today?" I found myself asking.
"I'll permit it this one time," he said. "Do try not to make it into a habit, or the next letter I'll be writing for you is a recommendation of suspension to the principal."
"Yes, sir." I gave him a meek salute.
He passed me my jacket, and I shrugged it on. I kept the note, to give in as evidence that I was excused, and then I left the room.