My eyes snapped open to the roof of my small room. I let out a loud yawn and brought my legs over the side of the bed, rubbing my eyes. I hoped Misato's scolding yesterday when I got out of the Eva satiated her maternal instincts, I didn't think I could take another brow beating like that.

I leaned back against the wall and turned my head to the left, eying the NERV logo, 'God's in his Heaven, and all is right with the world.'

"What the hell were you doing out there, I gave you an order, you can't just charge in like that!"

"It would have just chased after me."

"Even so, you could have been killed! I'm the tactics officer for a reason Shinji, you need to listen to what I say!"

I gave her that one, she was indeed the tactics officer, and her plan worked perfectly, despite being an extremely simple one. However, there was still the fact that my classmates were caught in the middle of that mess. "I was worried about those two, I didn't want them to get hurt if the Angel followed me back to HQ."

"That's just an excuse, you know as well as I do that they could've been hurt either way! Did you do it out of some stupid sense of honor?"

"Maybe," I said honestly.

Her glare only sharpened, "Don't do it again!"

I yawned again. I couldn't blame her; it was clear as day that she was worried about me, so I wasn't too annoyed at getting yelled at, but it still irked me a little.

I decided to start my morning routine and reached under my bed, pulling out a small paper notebook with a black pen in the spiral.

I took a deep breath and opened it.

A list of names with words under them greeted my eyes, the words were various emotional states.

'Misato Katsuragi: optimistic, unsure, maternal, happy.(Hiding something?)

Ritsuko Akagi: grounded, calm, calculating.

Kensuke Aida: excited, optimistic, hyper, curious.

Touji Suzuhara: angry, worried, hopeful.

Hikari Horaki: calm, maternal, open, short fuse.

Gendo Ikari: ...'

The pen found its way to my mouth and I chewed on it slightly. My father I didn't care much about filling out anymore, so I moved on to the next name.

'Rei Ayanami.'

This one was already filled in.

I remembered what I saw when I looked at her, what she let me know when she spoke to me. What her body language said, what the bandages said. I let the shiver roll down my spine. I felt like I was missing something as I closed the notebook. I decided that my top priority was to get to know Rei; she seemed like she could use it. I stood from the bed and pulled the earbuds from my ears, pocketing my SDAT player and walking out of my room. A grumpy Misato sat at the table with bed hair that looked like it was about to jump off her head and eat me.

Pen Pen waddled around under the chair and I smiled, "Does yelling at me really take up all that energy?"

She turned her glare towards me and I decided to keep my mouth shut.

She sighed and brought a hand to her face, "It's been a long night," she grumbled.

"You eat yet?"

She mumbled something incoherent and let her head fall onto the table. I shook my head with a laugh and made my way to the kitchen. Luckily she had a coffee machine, and here I was thinking she ran on beer all day, come to think of it she probably did. "Japanese?" I asked.

"Western."

I was surprised that she could speak coherently with the way she looked at the moment. I opened the fridge and set about finding some eggs.

About ten minutes later and the breakfast was set on the table. She lifted her head up, still with the bed hair, looking slightly better for the wear, "Where's yours?" she asked, her voice slightly raspy from her dry throat as she grabbed for the coffee and the chopsticks.

I shook my head and tapped my left wrist, "If I stay any longer I'll be late."

She smiled at me, her mood slightly improved, "Oh you're such a sweetheart. Thank you Shinji."

I nodded, "Anytime."

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Empathy

Episode 4: Routine

"Dude, that was sooooo awesome!"

Kensuke was gushing and in my face the second I entered the class, but it didn't bother me too much. Honestly, whenever I got into the Eva I felt anything BUT awesome. I felt calculating, terrified, weary... mad.

But I didn't want to mess with his outlook, so I just smiled.

As usual, the trio and Rei were the first ones there, followed closely by me, the rest of the class didn't seem to like coming in until the last minute. I didn't mind much, as it gave me time to get to know the people around me. Hikari scowled at Kensuke, "Leave him alone, he's probably still tired from the fight."

Touji stood from his seat suddenly and walked briskly towards me. I made to defend myself, but when he spoke I wasn't expecting what he said, "Hit me."

"Wh..."

Kensuke stepped aside.

"Hit me," said Tuoji. "I was an idiot and I want you to hit me."

I nodded.

He stumbled back into the desk and I shook my right fist off. Touji looked satisfied and tossed me a smirk, "You look puny," he said, "But you're pretty tough aren't you?"

"Job security," I said.

Touji stood straight and put the desk back in place before turning back to me. He bowed slightly.

"His sister really chewed his ass, it was embarrassing," said Kensuke with a laugh.

"Shut up," growled Touji, shoving Kensuke.

"Getting chewed out by a little kid huh?" I asked, smirking. "Listen, you were worried about your sister. I probably would have hit me too." Tuoji turned back to me, giving a hesitant nod. I continued, "I don't just pilot the Eva because I'm supposed to. I pilot it because I chose to, because I knew it would help to protect people, even though I didn't really want to do it."

Hikari nodded with a look of approval, "He's pretty cool," she said.

"Wait, you ARE the pilot!"

My eyes widened and I turned around to the source of the voice, a short brown haired girl with glasses stood in the doorway flanked by several more students.

Crap...

The class erupted in chaos.

I was surrounded by gushing students before I had the chance to get away.

"Hey, hey why'd you lie about it?"

"Is it fun?"

"Were you scared?"

"How hard is it, is it like playing a video game?"

"Alright alright, quiet down everyone, sit down!"

I thanked the stars that Hikari chose that time to interfere.

Now I had something else to worry about on top of nearly getting killed by eldritch abominations.

I sat in the small room adjacent to the Eva dock. The lone bench against the wall was hardly comfortable, but whenever I got done with a training session I would go there to think. The NERV logo constantly loomed behind me, reminding me that I was working in a top secret facility. My shoulder had finally stopped hurting just yesterday, but now I had something else to worry about.

When the plug was put into the Eva...

My eyes narrowed.

It was a hallucination.

I was probably losing my mind.

Sometimes I felt like I had already lost it, and being sent into battle on a constant basis wasn't helping the matter.

I'm sorry...

I had heard those words very clearly, as if they came from everywhere. I tried to concentrate during the training session, but I was... off after I heard that, so Ritsuko told me to go take a break.

"You alright?" Misato asked as she stepped off the catwalk and through the door.

"Something weird happened," I said.

She sat down next to me, "What happened?"

I brought my hands to my head, "I heard a voice." I turned my head and looked past her, eyeing the Eva through the doorway before it shut, "When I was in the Eva."

Misato didn't bother to hide her worry, "Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?Sometimes people think they hear stuff when they aren't feeling well."

"Yeah, no I'm fine, it's just..."

Misato wrapped her arm around my shoulder and smiled warmly, "You probably just need a break. Don't come in tomorrow, I'll take care of Ritsuko and your dad for you. You know... you've saved a lot of people, you should be proud of yourself."

I felt like I was slightly unhinged. While I was glad we made up I was still worried about Touji's sister, and I had nearly killed him and Kensuke. "That last battle," I muttered.

"Hm?"

"That last battle. I almost crushed them."

She leaned her head on mine, but she didn't say anything.

What could you say to something like that?

"They don't make a very big deal out of it, but for some reason... I keep thinking... if I had landed just a few feet lower..."

She ran her hand through my hair and smiled softly, "They don't mind because you're their friend."

I nodded slightly.

"It may still bug you," she continued, "But if they're okay with you then there's no reason to beat yourself up about it." She ruffled my hair and grinned, "You're doing a lot better than I thought you would all things considered. You should be under twice the amount of stress you are right now. Don't worry about it too much though, stress, regret, these are natural reactions. It's still too soon for someone your age to be doing this."

I nodded.

Despite all that I knew, despite how much I tried to help people, despite the fact that I could do this to help people...

I smirked, "I'm fourteen."

She laughed a bit, "Yeah, yeah you are."

This was the second time Misato had helped me.

I wondered to myself if she had a reason for caring so much about me. She had been acting like this before she even knew me. I decided to think about it later, and simply took in the moment for what it was.

I paced back and forth in my room, letting the SDAT player go on its own.

25: Beethoven's 9th.

I'm sorry...

Those words had stuck with me ever since I got back to the apartment, and no matter how much I tried to let my thoughts wander, they always came back to those words.

I sat on my bed and rubbed my forehead.

It definitely had not come from the communicator, so it was nobody on the bridge or in the training room, nor had I imagined it; it was clear as day when I heard it.

Add that onto the fact that I fought monstrosities on a regular basis and the natural conclusion was that I was slowly losing my mind.

But...

26: Midnight Sonata

I didn't FEEL like I was losing my mind.

Insanity: doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result.

I eyed my SDAT player and let a memory surface in my mind.

"I'm sorry!" shouted the girl, bowing to me deeply, "I'm so sorry!"

I didn't say anything.

She looked up at me wearily, "What's your name?"

I froze...

I didn't know what to say. Should I tell her my name, what did I do in this situation? "Shinji... Ikari..." I finally ground out.

"My name is Haruko Otome, you can just call me Haru-chan, all my friends do."

Friends...

Right...

"I'll call you Shin-chan, kay?"

I nodded hesitantly.

Who was this girl?

What did she want?

"You look confused," she said with a pout, "You shouldn't be, you also look a little lonely." She brought a finger to her chin, "And maybe just a teensy bit sad, or maybe a lot, I can't tell much. C'mon, let's go cheer you up!" she shouted excitedly, grabbing my hand and dragging me down the street.

25: Beethoven's 9th

Haru-chan...

I let my eyes close and drifted off to sleep.

"One more day."