There are nights, much like this one, when my body has been through so much turmoil in such a short amount of time that my mind cannot cope.
Dead brother.
Soul mate.
My vision was blurry, and my breaths were coming from my mouth in short, gruff pants. The rattling sound in my chest wasn't something I hadn't heard before, and yet the sound terrified me even still.
Just keep breathing.
They'll be here.
The mantra in my head, they'll be here, it didn't comfort me as the spots in my vision became larger. Sam and Dean should be far too busy to stop to wonder where their third musketeer was.
Besides, it had been my idea to venture off on my own to follow my seemingly alive brother who I knew to be dead.
My own fucking fault.
I twitched, sending pain careening through my veins. If I wiggled my right hand, I could feel the tendons stretching across my broken skin like an accordion. There was no denying the fact that this particular fall (all of three stories and one large paned glass window) should have killed me.
Yet, here I lay, bleeding out as I have so many other times.
This time is different.
This time the emotional and mental pain I was feeling was far more exponential than ever before; and it was making it damn hard to find a focal point for all the physical pain I was feeling so that I could manage it. So I could stave off the panic that was working its way well into my system as my body began to go into shock.
The smell of iron was heavy in the air, and I knew for certain that if I moved my left hand, my guts would most likely literally spill from my body like some kind of metaphorical phrase.
Spill your guts, spill your guts, spill your guts.
The burning sensation that tugged and tingled around the edges of my frayed skin was now throbbing in time with my lowered heart rate. As I stared up at the brilliant night sky, the sounds of passing traffic and just a hint of the ballroom music beneath me became increasingly louder until they were nothing more than a buzz in my ears.
They'll be here, they'll be here, they'll be here.
Briefly I wondered how I'd lost my first vessel; I wondered if I'd died in much the same way...painfully and tragically and in my opinion, far too soon.
Of course, it didn't yet resonate with me that if these were my last few moments here on earth, I hadn't taken the time to appreciate the two men (and one very important angel) who were undoubtedly searching for me frantically on some level of this hotel. I hadn't stopped to tell Dean or Sam that I loved them, that I appreciated every moment we'd spent together.
That I adored them as they were meant to be adored; that every single fight, case, holiday, and previously underappreciated moment or memory meant more to me than most humans were able to feel.
More so because apparently, I'm a fallen angel.
Now, all of my sins seemed to dance before my eyes as my body momentarily erupted into what seemed like hellfire itself before a soothing, cool sensation drifted across my skin. I couldn't feel anything from the waist down, and the only thing I was absolutely positive of (besides the fact that I was shivering so hard my teeth were chattering) was that if I were to push my shirt aside right at that moment, I would be able to see directly into my chest.
Where my human heart was barely beating.
They'll be here, They'll be here, they'll b-
This was it.
I wasn't exactly sure how I knew it, maybe because I'd been dead before, maybe because when you're about to die you just fucking know it.
My chest made a sickening garbled sound as I coughed up what was surely a disgusting amount of more ruby-red liquid, sending it spewing across the tattered edges of my beautiful, torn gown.
The ripped material was painted with even darker Crimson spots that were only growing larger by the moment.
Red love, true love, sticks like glue.
Blood.
There's so much fucking blood.
My eyes landed on a wavering figure moving towards me, their lean body slowly coming into focus. My gaze lingered on a familiar ring that glinted in the bright moonlight.
A face I'd come to recognize smiled tenderly at me, and I felt my body involuntarily flinch as the chattering of my teeth became more intense.
"Good evening, Melody. It's been quite a while since I've seen you," Death said softly.
I tried to incline my head in greeting, but my body wouldn't allow it.
Gingerly, Death reached out a hand towards me, and the strangest feeling overwhelmed me- separation. I was beginning to feel less and less, my body becoming lighter and lighter. That's when I realized that my spirit was almost completely out of my body and that I was literally dying.
It was then, when I was literally on the brink of death, that I felt the change in the air- the static electricity that crackled around me could only belong to one person, and he was the last person I wanted to see right now.
Castiel.
His determined, inhuman, blue eyes landed on me quickly- I think he swore at the situation that was unfolding before his eyes, because he had his hands on me in less than a second. His gaze washed over my features in a way that could only be described as panicked as he kneeled before me.
His dress shoes slid across the glass covered ground and the noise made me want to cringe. His calloused palm reached forward, and then he pulled me towards him.
"I am going to heal you. Don't you dare take his hand."
His words held no room for argument, and this surprised me for only a moment, because when he placed his palm against my forehead I couldn't think about anything. Death himself only nodded his head in my direction before he faded from the room completely and I was left quivering in the arms of Castiel.
The pain was blinding.
Otherworldly.
I felt my back arch of it's own accord, and a scream I'd never heard the likes of before tore from my chest as Castiel's steely gaze remained on my face. He cringed, murmuring something in my direction, but I couldn't hear him. The agony my body was experiencing took precedence over anything and anyone else because I was positive my body was going to split in half. I weakly wrapped a hand around his thick wrist, trying to anchor myself to this world.
"Settle your mind. It will be over soon," Castiel said gruffly.
Yet his eyes told me a different story.
They were burning with everything that hadn't been said between us, decades worth of memories that were all of a sudden coming to life behind my eyes.
Castiel's eyes worked as mirror as my reflection caught my attention; my usually completely normal human eyes were glowing as blue as Castiel's did when the angel in him kicked on.
Images, as if on a reel, began to dance in my mind; moments I'd spent with Castiel many years before.
Kissing, laughing, making love.
Happiness-pure and innocent happiness.
Pain.
Heartbreak.
Loss.
Mourning.
The last thing I could coherently understand was the distinct picture of Castiel kneeling before some celestial entity, pleading.
Begging.
Crying.
But this pain we both felt was surely never going to end, and I was going to die here in the arms of someone who didn't appreciate one single cell of my previous existence as I bled out all over the floor-
It was then that I noticed that Castiel's nose was bleeding, and that there was a soft blue light coming from the palm of his hand and seeping into my skin. That part, the blue light, well that didn't hurt at all; in fact, it felt so good that for reasons unfathomable to me I began to get aroused, and the moan that escaped from behind my lips was nothing short of pathetic and embarrassing.
Castiel made no comment, more than likely because he's a true gentleman, but I watched him closely as my skin fused back together rapidly.
The air around us seemed to quiet, thicken, bloom for a moment before all of a sudden, the entire room exploded in fiery white light. I closed my eyes against the pain that still held me captive in its clutches, and attempted to turn myself into Castiel's body.
Yet he wasn't there anymore.
I blinked a few times, fighting the urge to sleep, just sleep, but Castiel was no longer anywhere to be seen.
As my frazzled mind tried to make sense of what had just happened, I heard Dean yelling my name, and the small smile that graced my features held all the adoration I felt for both of the Winchester men in its quiver.
"We're here."
They're here, they're here, they're here