DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note, Hellsing, The Get Backers, Weiss Kreuz, Gravitation, Inuyasha, or Bleach. All of those wonder entities of blissful entertainment belong to their respectful owners.
Anger Management?! Ha—Psycho-Therapy is the Name
By: CelticPyroPrincess
Chapter Three: Separation
"You all have serious problems," I said, pacing before all of my maniac patients. I paused at Farfarello. "Especially you, buddy."
"Having serious problems hurts God," he said, and I slapped him in the face.
"AS A CHRISTIAN, I FIND THAT HIGHLY OFFENSIVE!"
Farf, not one to be screwed around with, jumped up out of his seat and approached me in a threatening manor.
"Look here, you crazy little bitch," he began with a sinister grin...only to receive a rather nasty shock from Kisuke….who by the way, was enjoying his moment of power.
[As you may or may not know, Farfarello, the resident psycho of Weiss Kreuz CANNOT feel pain. But because Kisuke is so amazing, he now can^^]
"Thank you," I said with a sigh.
"Words aren't enough my dear." He winked.
"SHUT UP!" I smacked his hat off of his head.
"My lucky hat!"
And so, I continued pacing, making sure to stay the hell out of Farf's way.
"As I said, you all have some serious problems…."
"Hell yeah," Ichigo muttered.
"And we are here to help," I continued with a dramatic sigh. "Now, my loves, I decided that to best help you get over to crazy urges, you need to have courses tailored to your level of craziness. You see, there are those who are psycho-killers…" I looked over at Farf. "Psycho-battle-obsessed-nuts," I glanced at Kenpachi, and he pointed to himself innocently. "And there are the 'I-wanna-be-the-most-powerful-being-in-the-world-and-I-will-do-anything-to-get-that-power.'"
"I'M DAMN PROUD!" Raito shouted. "OW!"
"Kisuke!" I exclaimed.
The sexy shopkeeper extraordinaire shrugged.
"I don't know why, but I find that kid to be very annoying…"
"Now," I continued through gritted teeth. "I want to separate you all…"
Shcu whipped out his notebook, and looked at me.
"Do I have to wear the glasses?" he asked.
"Yes," I whined. "They make you look yummy!"
"JAIL BAIT!" yelled someone.
"HEY, BITCHES, I'M IN THE 11TH GRADE NOW!"
"You weren't when you started this fic," Schuldig pointed out.
"Hey! It was during the summer, so technically, I WAS! Now, please, repair the fourth-wall, and let's get back to this story!"
Schuldig rolled his eyes, and droned. "I have no idea as to what the hell is going on beyond this fanfiction, and I don't know that 'Kilala'-cough-BREE-cough is actually only 15 years old."
"I MAKE 16 IN NOVEMBER!" I shrieked. "AND DON'T USE THE B-WORD!"
**but November has past, and I'm 16, ya'll!!!!!**
"What about the fourth wall?! Let's move on!"
"Okay," I sighed, and smoothed back my hair and checked that it was still neatly drawn back into a bun. "As I was saying, we are going to be separating you guys."
Schuldig grumbled, and put on his glasses. "I can't even see straight through these fucked-up things," he muttered and turned a few pages in his note book. "Okay, the fucked-up-in-the-head-killers are as followed:"
Alucard
Kuroudo Akabane
And, Farfie…
Schuldig tossed some of his hair out of his face. "Go stand over there in the corner, you three."
"The I'm-going-to-rule-the-world-and-make-everyone-suffer-because-I-lack-self-esteem-nuts are:"
Naraku.
"I RESENT THAT! I DON'T HAVE SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES, KNAVE!"
And, Raito Yagami.
"OW!" Raito cried, falling from his chair, convulsing.
"KISUKE!"
"It was a mistake, I swear!" I would've believed him, if not for the dark chuckle that followed shortly after his seemingly innocent statement.
"Up next are the battle-addicts…." When Schu turned the page to start reading the list, Ichigo interrupted him.
"You know who you are, you battle-obsessed nut!"
Kenpachi glared at him. "Let him read the freaking list, Kurosaki!"
Kenpachi Zaraki.
"Is that all?" he demanded.
"Um…yea…"
"I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL!"
"And lastly, the just-plain-creey-slash-in-need-of-mental-help are:"
Gin Ichimaru
And, K….
Schuldig closed his notebook, and threw his glasses off. "Thank God," he sighed.
"BAD GLASSES MAKE---ARGH!"
"Thank you, Kisuke," I sighed, rubbing my forehead.
The shopkeeper grinned, but before he could respond, Ichigo slapped his hand over his mouth.
"Just...please. No more. Please."
"..." Kisuke glanced at Schuldig, and the telepath shrugged.
"He doesn't seem jealous to me."
"WHAT?!" Ichigo shouted. "JEALOUS OF WHAT?"
Kisuke chuckled, and Schuldig looked at him like he was crazy.
"SHE'S ONLY 16!"
"Ugh....I don't want to know...." I muttered, walking away.
Dude, this was short...and it took me FOREVER to update. Sorry guys, but I've been busy with school and my other series at you should go check'em out...and leave a sista some comments, please!!!!! Oh....and most of the stories are catered to females, so yeah....