I must look ridiculous, Maura lay curled up against my side, head half rested on the pillow, half on my shoulder, and me? I'm laying like an awkward teenager, legs out straight on the bed and my arms stiffly by my side.

I don't dare move move. I daren't breathe. I sure as shit can't look at her, if I look at her I know I won't be able to stop myself, the picture would be all to perfect, to look to my side and see her happy and content using me as her human pillow like she always does would be the most brutal form of torture.

I can't do this.

I don't understand what's happening, my Jane is very much with me, by my side, but once again it's like it's not her. The swagger and charm of my detective usually radiates from her very being, bringing an air of cool and cockiness that is nothing but gorgeous.

She is gorgeous.

But today she is stiff and distant; the warmth that I usually feel from her is tainted by an awkwardness that I have never felt myself feeling with Jane.

I snuggle in more, trying to find my safety and comfort in Jane, I feel her shoulder press against my cheek, the sensation of skin on skin is magnificent, I want to reach out and run my hand down her arm, I want to draw patterns on her palms and kiss her scars, scars that are a true testament to the incredible person that she is.

If I angle my head just right I could brush my lips across her neck, run sweet, soft kisses along her jaw and ghost over her lips with my tongue.

My hands would roam her amazing form and I would moan into her body as I roll us over, letting her pin me down and give myself to her completely.

I would do this, if only I had the strength.

As Maura snuggled into me more I tried to relax, 'you can do this Rizzoli' I told myself as I tried to loosen up and put my mind at ease. She's your friend, your very best friend. Don't fuck it up.

But I can't help but wonder what it would be like to touch her, to run my hands up and down her arms and trace patterns absentmindedly across her skin. I wonder what it would be like to tease her neck with kisses and lightly pass my lips over hers.

I want to know what it feels like to have her underneath me, giving herself to me completely and moaning my name as my hands roam over her.

I want to kiss her and feel her bare skin on mine, I want to moan her name as hands and mouths explore bodies. I want to feel her trembling beneath me and whimpering for me to give her what she wants, I want to fuck her, and I want to make love to her, I want to make her feel things she never thought possible, I want to give her everything I've got.

I want to give her everything I am.

I want her, I want all of her, all she has and all she is, I want it and I want it for mine. My Jane, I want her to be my Jane, only mine. I want her to belong to me and me to her. I want to feel her trembling beneath me and whimpering for me to give her what she wants, I want to fuck her, and I want to make love to her, I want to make her feel things she never thought possible, I want to give her everything I've got.

I want to give her everything I am.