On the third day, Ishida made his first escape attempt. However well-intentioned Ikkaku was, the quincy knew he was still trapped. Mentally, he took stock of the situation. He had no money and virtually no belongings. Where could he go?
The First division was responsible for scheming with his father to abduct him here. Next.
The Second division he knew too little about. Same with the Seventh and Eighth divisions.
The Third division fed and housed him at present. But as some religious authorities would say: Man cannot live on bread alone. That had to be the understatement of the century.
Returning to the comforts of the Fourth division was a horrifying possibility. On the pride of the quincy, he couldn't bring himself to go there. Ever. For a long time. In the near future. Umm…yet. Ok, actually it was rather tempting. Then Ishida imagined himself spending decades servicing countless very ugly women who couldn't get laid, and the alternative involving beakers and pumping machines. And steeled himself.
The Fifth and Eleventh divisions were clearly in cahoots with the Third. No respite there.
The Sixth division contained Abarai Renji. The idiot redhead would probably side with Ichigo and hand him over to the tender mercies of the Fourth. For the same reason, Rukia's presence in the Thirteenth division excluded that possibility too. Next.
The Ninth division sounded like a good possibility. Hisagi Shuuhei seemed like a decent guy, considering how little Ishida had dealt with him during the Bount crisis.
The Tenth division sounded equally good; except that employing Matsumoto's oh-so-altruistic help in his fight against slavery to members of her own gender seemed like a disaster waiting to happen.
The Twelfth division…forget it.
If Ishida escaped Sereitei, he could possibly search for Shiba Ganju as well. Once he had a chance to settle down, he could try to return to the human world, though he had no idea what he would do from the point onward. For now, Ishida settled on the most practical option within Sereitei. He decided that reasoning with the single lieutenant of the Ninth division was the easiest course of action. Now all he had to do was wait for his chance to sneak off.
Which brought him to where he was now. Ishida's great escape involved fifteen energy pills and two hours of non-stop running as soon as the Third division and Hinamori's forces stopped for lunch. Chemically-enhanced, he was impossible for any shinigami to catch and it seemed that Ikkaku and Hinamori didn't even join the pursuit. Kira wasn't there to begin with. He yawned as he lazily backflipped over a twelve foot wall, skipped across an open courtyard at sixty miles per hour, bounced onto the roof of the Ninth division's five storey main office building, down the other side and landed on the doorstep. He knocked quietly and turned the handle of the door.
It swung open, and Ishida strode in. The golden rays of the sun filtered through behind him, glinting off polished lenses and framing the silhouette of the young archer. Outside, the wind blew small, pink flowers off a tree, causing them to drift in the breeze while making his robes flutter in a suitably dignified way. His sandaled feet rasped against the worn wooden floorboards as they creaked to announce his passage. The Last Quincy had entered the building.
Seated at his desk, Lieutenant Hisagi Shuuhei barely glanced upwards at Ishida before taking in the Fourth division medical pack he carried. He gestured over his shoulder down a nearby corridor.
"The clogged toilet is that way…"
Ishida very, very quietly closed his eyes and asked himself why he ever gave up wanting to kill shinigami. But there were more pressing issues at hand than skewering the ignoramus before him with a Seele Schneider.
"Shuuhei, it's me."
The lieutenant looked up from his paperwork again, this time recognising his guest. "Oh, sorry. Hey, when did you join the Fourth? I didn't think you were the sort."
The Seele Schneider was beginning to sound like a bloody good idea. Ishida went directly to the crux of the matter.
"I need your help, Shuuhei. Two days ago I was kidnapped from the human world. I am being held prisoner in Sereitei, and…" his voice trailed off. He wasn't exactly sure how he could truthfully explain his predicament without sounding like a complete idiot.
"And…?" Shuuhei's brow rose in enquiry.
"…the Fourth division wants to use me in a breeding program." There, he'd said it.
Shuuhei sat and stared at Ishida, shocked and horrified. This was, in Tousen's words, a gross injustice. He mentally put himself in Ishida's shoes…alone, taken away from school and family, so young and yet confined for the rest of his days to be used and abused by countless women; or be mechanically, systematically milked of every, last drop…
His eyes widened and glazed over at the thought. "You lucky bastard! Do you have any idea how much I've prayed every single night to be in your position...urgh!" Shuuhei's lust-filled rambling was interrupted by Ishida grabbing him by the collar and lifting him off his seat. Glasses pressed against tattoos and scars as the quincy yelled into his face. "Idiot! Unlike you, 'sex life' for me does not equal 'life'! Get it into your stupid, thick skull that -"
A pair of Ninth division shinigami walked into the room and was treated to the sight of their lieutenant wriggling in the grasp of an infuriated Fourth division medic. Before Shuuhei or Ishida could stop them, they drew their zanpakutous and slid one against either side of Ishida's neck.
Had he been there to watch, Hanatarou would have experienced a case of déjà vu. First Ishida released Shuuhei. Then Shuuhei ordered them to release the quincy. He continued, this time with greater seriousness. "Ishida, I know someone else, a close friend of mine, who is in the same situation as you." The archer looked up in surprise.
"I know you don't see it that way now, but hear me out. It's not as bad as it sounds. The Fourth is nothing like the Twelfth. They take great care of anyone under their roof. They'll provide you with food, exercise facilities and a private, comfortable room. You won't be confined as long as they can trust you not to attempt escape, you get to refuse and provide a sample instead if you can't stand the sight of someone, and you can even do other work in Sereitei when you are not otherwise occupied, if you catch my drift... When the kids are born, you can spend lots of time with them. In your case, that's probably a must – to teach them how to be quincy."
Damn, why am I actually starting to like the idea? Ishida thought. But then, there was no way of telling if Shuuhei was lying. He regretted not having stayed around long enough for Unohana to explain anything to him. For some reason, as he rode the huge energy boost the pills gave him, he was starting to feel incredibly horny.
"Wait, how do I know what you are saying is true?"
Shuuhei glanced at a nearby clock. "I'd bring you to meet him now, except that he's shy and it would be polite to ask him first. He's busy right now anyway. But I'm sure he'll agree to meet you tomorrow morning. Are you staying at the Fourth?"
Ishida vigorously shook his head. "I've come seeking safe harbour, Shuuhei."
"Well, I've got to ask my captain's permission to grant you that, Ishida."
"You've got a captain now? Who is it?"
"Oh, she's Orihime Inoue."
Like a tape on rewind, Ishida bolted out of the door, bounced onto the roof of the five storey building, down the other side, skipped across the courtyard at sixty kilometres per hour, flipped over the wall, and slunk back to the Third division.
Needless to say, his absence had not gone unnoticed. Ikkaku coldly banished the quincy to the room and placed him under guard while the bald captain pondered his next course of action. He summoned Kira, who complained he was tired. After some thought, he summoned Yumichika instead.
That evening, Ishida glanced into the mirror, noticing with shock that he actually had a five o' clock shadow. The resulting flush of pride in the manly achievement was immediately dampened when he returned to the sink with his shaver and discovered that Ikkaku had a bathroom use for Houzukimaru. Zanpakutou against chin, he snarled with annoyance at Ishida, who backed out swiftly. Unfortunately the captain mistook this for yet another escape attempt, and despite the vehement protests, had Ishida tied securely to the bed frame with rope before retiring to bed himself.
Even in a four-point restraint, Ishida still suffered. The blasted, demonic Hinamori was pleasuring herself and completely ignoring him as usual, and the ruckus next door was louder than ever before. As he tried to will his raging hard-on into submission (it was making a very visible tent under the blanket she oh-so-tenderly placed on him), Ishida couldn't help but wonder just how much fucking the slutty little lieutenant next door could take.
Tonight's fun involved loud ecstatic howls punctuated by thrusting so vigorous that the bedsprings literally echoed. The minutes ticked by on the clock hanging from the opposite wall. Ikkaku and Kira had been going constantly, without pause, for about half an hour. The wails reached a crescendo and died down, and Ishida sighed thankfully. Then it started again, just as vigorous as before, and his relief turned to sheer frustration. It seemed the blond slut and his captain was multi-orgasmic too.
He whimpered as the process repeated itself for a third time.
In Ikkaku's room, Kira lay back in a chair with a paperback novel in hand, moaning theatrically. Ikkaku uttered several loud gasps and gave the OK signal with his fingers to Yumichika, who began jumping on the bed again for the next step of his favourite aerobics routine.
The next morning, Ishida awoke in what to him seemed to be the cold, grey light of dawn, though to Hinamori it was a brilliant sunrise. She yawned and snuggled under the sheets for a little while longer. Eventually she stretched, rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and rolled over to check on her captive.
Simultaneously, two visitors were in the hallway chatting to Ikkaku. Shuuhei was accompanied by his taller companion and surprised to see Yumichika slip out of Ikkaku's room on silent feet. He stared perplexed at his retreating back before returning to the conversation. "We went to the Fourth division to look for the quincy, and they directed us here…"
They were interrupted by Hinamori's piercing scream. All present drew their zanpakutous at once and burst into Kira's room, knocking over Hinamori in the process, for she had backed up against the door in alarm. A vaguely humanoid shape, completely covered by long, shaggy black hair, was tied to the bed in the exact position Ishida was the previous night. It even looked like it sported an erection.
Sajin Komamura, Captain of the Gotei 13's Seventh Division, perked his furry ears with interest and turned to Shuuhei with an almost hopeful look on his face.
A/N: I've been working on real life stuff and have been really busy, but I haven't forgotten about this story! Sorry for the update delay.