Love? How did I know for sure that I loved him? Could I say it back? Did I want to say it back? It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, and a lifetime to forget someone. DId I want to forget Justin? Could I?
The next couple of days went by smoothly. I hadn't said 'I love you' back to Justin yet, I'm still not sure If I love him yet. The girl's day search to look for my grandma was a bust. I hadn't found much on her, no one who she was. And the one person who might have known something about her refused to say anything. That she would 'get back to me.' Whatever that means?
Aleaya has been, well not so good. She's sad a lot now. Really misses are mom. I'm doing all I can for her but she's still so sad. Last night she cried in her sleep for hours. How can I comfort her without replacing my mom?
Carter is well she's carter. She visits her grandfather a lot and is constantly shoved up Chaz's ass Though I don't blame her, from what I hear it's a really nice ass... Sometimes I miss hanging out with her. Just me and her, we need one of those days.
Between taking care of Aleaya, spending time with Justin, and everything else in general, Carter and I havent had much time to just hangout. I'm in desperate need of a girls night out! Maybe then I could sort my feelings out for Justin.
I need him.. I know this much. I want him... But do I love him? This I don't know. We've only been dating for almost 2 weeks now, and he said I love you within the first week. That can't be good can it? How many times has he said 'I love you' before me?
"What are you thinking about, babe?" Justin ran his fingers along the base of my stomach, his fingers sending shivers up my spine.
I leaned back into his arms snuggling him tight. "You," I breathed, my eyes fluttering shut. He kissed my head running his finers through my hair.
"What about me?" I could hear the smile in his voice.
"I was thinking... that I might love you." I opened my eyes waiting for his response. It took him a couple minutes before he said anything.
I sat up watching him intently. "You might love me?" He sounded hurt. "I love you, Samantha Marie Laker. From the moment I first met you I knew... I just knew you were the one for me.. When I told you that I loved you the other night. I didn't say it for you to say it back, I said it because I love you. I want you to know that no matter what I will love you. Us, getting together happened to fast, but that was fate babe. I never want to lose you, I need you!" He kissed my lips seductivly. When he pulled away we were both breathing heavy. "I love you, Sam."
"I know." I smiled. I wanted to say it back so bad, I just couldn't. Something was holding me back, timing? "Justin, I l-"
From the baby Monitor on the night stand I could hear Aleaya start to cry. Sighing, I kissed Justin on the lips. "We will continue this later." I said before crawling out of the bed. Was I really going to say it?
In the other room Aleaya was screaming at the top of her lungs. Tears spilling down her red rimmed eyes. "Awe, whats the matter baby?" Picking her up, I rocked her back and forth in my arms, soothing her.
"I have bad dweam." She sniffled.
"Shh, its okay I'm here now."
"Its about time someone shut that demon child up! I thought I was gonna have to suffocate her or something!" Carter, looking like a zombie, spoke from the open door way.
"Jeez maybe your the one giving her these nightmeres! Talking about suffocating her. Cater she is three!"
"And i'm seventeen! I have work in the morning and don't need to lose another hour of sleep over this!"
"Carter you don't have work because you don't have a job." I laughed, still rocking Leah back to sleep.
"So? If I did have a job I'd be losing sleep over it." Even she couldn't help but laugh at this. Sometimes Carter scares me, she says the weirdest things and well she isnt exactly normal. "So what was wrong with her?"
"She had a nightmere i guess. She's been getting them for a couple days now. They get worse and worse each night she has em."
I really was starting to worry about her. A baby should never have to go through losing there mother, especially Aleaya! She has never done harm to anything in the world. Why would my mother walk out on her like this? What was more important than raising your children?
"I don't know what to tell you about that. I'm no infant genious. But what I do wanna know is what's up with you and Justin?"
Uh-oh here comes the Carter lecture. This is just what I need right now... "What do you mean? We're fine. I'm still a virgin if that's what your asking. He doesn't want to have sex yet. He's eightteen! What eightteen year old boy doesn't want to have sex?... I'm afraid he still might love Selena. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to be with me like that."
"What? No way! He loves YOU! Any one can see that. Besides if he still loved Selena don't you think he would be with her?" She had a point. "Instead he's waisting his time on you. And the sex thing?-"
"Uh? Waisting his time? Is that what I'm doing?" That kinda stung a little bit when she said that.
"You know what I mean Sam. Back to the sex thing. Ive got answers to that. 1) He's gay. And 2) Maybe he's a genetlemon and don't want to have sex till you're both for sure in love. Other wise sex without love is pointless."
"I'm litterally a 101% sure he is NOT gay. So I'm going to stick with your second guess."
"Whatever," she laughed.
Now that Aleaya was sound a sleep again I put her back in her play pen. Let's hope she's out for good this time.
"Do you love him?" She asked after a couple minutes.
I thought about this for a second. "I love him. I just can't tell him how I feel. I choke up every time. I don't think I'm ready to say those three simple words yet"
"Hun, your heart will tell him when your heart is ready. For now just be patient and- What is that?" Carter looked across the room at a white monitor.
"That's Aleaya's baby monitor, so I can hear her when I'm in the other room-" Uh oh! "Shit!" I muttered. How could I be so stupid?! I mentally slapped myself in the face.
"So Justin can?"
"Yes!"
"Damn..."
"Im going to bed!" I sighed. I had poured my heart out none stop to Carter about Justin... AND HE HEARD THE WHOLE DAMN THING! How was I going to be able to face him now?