Disclaimer: Okay… you caught me. I don't own the Office. Sue me… well… don't sue me, please?
A/N: Okay…I just want to say thanks for all the reviews. You guys are so awesome! Thanks for your suggestions and your great encouragement. I take them all to heart. Now, back to your regularly scheduled program.
December 14, 2007
9:34 am
The camera panned the office. Stanley and Kevin were carrying boxes of lights and garland. Oscar and Kelly were creating mistletoes in the conference room. Pam was standing on a crate while Phyllis was taking measures of fabric to make her gown. Michael was giving directions to Phyllis about the gown and Dwight was making a sales call.
Pam looked down at Phyllis, "Are you almost finished?" She was starting to fidget from standing on the crate.
Phyllis nodded, "Almost, just a little bit longer." Phyllis removed a straight pin from the corner of her sweater, pinning the fabric around Pam's ankle. Phyllis looked up at Pam, "You're gonna look so beautiful on the float. This shade of red looks stunning on you, Pam." Phyllis bit her lip, "You're really gonna be the queen of the parade."
Pam smiled, "Thanks, Phyllis. For everything." She spoke in a softer voice, "I wasn't really sure I could trust Michael to pick out my gown."
Phyllis nodded, "Yeah. Good call."
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"Michael had suggested picking out my gown." Pam gave a look at the camera, "I figured I had two options: 1. Michael would pick out my gown and I would look like a Christmas slut, which I'm pretty sure Angela will call me that, or 2. Anything else." Pam gave the camera a thoughtful expression, "I chose option 2."
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Michael looked over Phyllis' work, "You need to make that shorter. We're not having "The Christmas Prude Parade", are we? Hike it up. Live a little." Michael crossed his arms expectantly.
Pam looked over at Michael disgusted, "You're being gross." Phyllis nodded in agreement.
Michael looked stunned, "Gross? I'm not being gross. All I ask is for you to show off your beauty. You're supposed to be a queen. Queens are sexy. Queens are hot!"
Dwight nodded in agreement, "Hell yeah! Queens are so hot!"
Michael looked over at Dwight with disgust, "Okay, you're being gross." Pam and Phyllis both nodded. Dwight simply shrugged his shoulders.
Toby walked into the conference room and noticed Pam in her bright red fabric. He came in closer, "Wow." Pam smiled and Phyllis nodded.
Michael, not noticing Toby continued to pester Pam, "C'mon, do it. Show off those gams!
Toby looked at Michael, speaking in his usual low monotone, "Michael, what are you doing?"
Michael noticed Toby for the first time, "Ack, not you. I thought I told Corporate to ban you from festive celebrations."
Toby looked confused, "Michael, I am Corporate." He sighed exasperatedly; "I need to talk to you for a minute."
Michael looked annoyed, "What about? If it's about my Christmas card list, you really shouldn't be surprised."
Toby rolled his eyes, "C'mon, Michael."
Michael looked towards Pam smacking his lips, "Oh, c'mon. Shake it up, Pam. Sex it up! Go nuts! It's Christmas, for crying out loud! Take a chance and be sexy."
Pam gave Michael a sullen expression worthy of Angela, "No."
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Michael and Toby were in Michael's office. Michael was facing the window, trying to escape the vision of Toby. "What do you want?"
Toby sighed, "Michael, you can't pressure female coworkers to be sexy. You do realize that you gave Pam fuel to sue you for sexual harassment."
Michael turned around in his chair. Speaking softly, yet firm, "How dare you, sir. You are gross."
Toby ignored Michael's comment, "And considering your recent financial situation, the last thing you need is a lawsuit."
Michael raised his voice, "What the hell are you talking about? Pam and I have a very good relationship that knows no boundaries! She's seen my penis, for Christ's sake! If anything, I should file a complaint on her!"
Toby was stunned by this revelation, "When did she see your… um… member?"
Michael looked disgusted, "Why do you care, you perve."
Toby rolled his eyes, "Why didn't you tell me sooner. I could have done something at the time. Did she see it on purpose? Where did this happen?"
Michael sighed loudly and spoke quickly, "I was changing in my office for the Fun Run when I said she could come in and I was still half naked, but that's not the point. The point is…"
Toby looked at the camera with a mixture and disgust.
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Toby was sitting at his desk, looking glum, "Pam saw Michael's penis. Well, that settles it. I'm clearly the most unlucky man in the world."
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Michael sighed, "All I was doing was trying to build up her self-esteem. Give her some confidence. Make her feel beautiful."
Toby looked shocked, "By showing her your penis!"
Michael yelled back, "No, you skiving little twit! With the encouragement in the conference. I was praising her for her body that God gave her. After all, Christmas is the day about our Lord. We should be praising everything He ever created, which includes Pam's bod." Michael folded his arms and winked at the camera, seemingly proud at his reasoning.
Toby shook his head, "Pam has plenty of confidence. She has class and dignity and poise and a gentle grace. She doesn't need any improvement."
Michael looked confused, "Wait a minute, do you –
Toby tried to keep his composure, "Look, just don't harass Pam, okay. Or any other female here for that matter." He started to leave, but stopped, "It's Christmas, Michael. Try to have some decorum, please?"
Michael smacked his lips, "God Toby. When are you gonna stop being such a killjoy. You're such a lame."
Toby left Michael's office without another sound. He walked past the conference room again and looked at Pam. He looked over at Jim, who was talking to Angela and shook his head. If only I spoke up sooner. He than walked back to the annex with his head hung low, keeping his feelings locked up inside.
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Jim was over at Accounting with Angela. He was sitting at Oscar's desk talking on the phone, "Thanks again, Mrs. Horwitz. See you tomorrow afternoon." He hung the phone and wrote down something on a piece of paper. "Okay, so we got five packs of balloons, six packs of streamers. Two of each color: green, red and white. Very Christmas. We also got two containers of helium and some festive decretive ornaments. All for the low, low price of $50!" Jim crossed his arms and looked at a stunned Angela.
Angela was seemingly impressed by Jim's thrifty manner, "Very good. Thank you, Jim."
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"Do I think Jim Halpert perhaps has lost his lovesick puppy dog ways and immature manner and has actually become a decent human being?" Angela made a thoughtful expression, "No. No I do not."
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Jim checked off some of the items off the list, "Okay, I just need to call the bakery on Marsh for those Christmas treats I told you about, remember? God, I remember when I was like thirteen –
Angela stopped typing on her computer, "What? I thought I was making the treats?"
Jim shrugged, "Well, I just thought that since you were overwhelmed and pressured, that I thought that I would delegate some duties to someone else. Take the pressure off you." Jim gave Angela a smile.
Angela however didn't return it, "What are you trying to do here? Take it over like you tried to do with that absurd idea of "Combined Birthdays Party?" She chuckled, "I don't even know why I thought you could be trusted." She proceeded to snatch the lists away from Jim, "Gimme those." She straightened them out sighing loudly, "Don't let an amateur do a work for a pro."
Jim nodded, "Okay." He slid out of Oscar's desk and walked back to this desk. Angela scoffed as he walked by, "Complete waste of space." Jim's eyes widened and made a look at the camera.
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"Do I regret helping Angela? Do I regret going out of my way to help her?" Jim smiled, "Absolutely I don't." Jim chuckled, holding up a stack of notes, "You see, I have enough material for pranks on Andy and Dwight for next several months. So yeah, definitely no regrets."
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Jim was walking to his desk when he saw some red in the corner of his eye. He turned toward the conference room and saw Pam wrapped in red fabric, making her cheeks rosier and magnifying her auburn tendrils. He walked up to the doorway and leaned on the frame, "You look amazing." He folded his arms over his chest and admired his girlfriend.
Pam's cheeks turned a deeper crimson, "Thanks." She winked and caused Jim to chuckle. Pam rolled her eyes, "Stop looking at me like that. It's not even finished yet."
Jim simply shrugged, "You still look amazing. Maybe Michael was on to something with this whole 'queen of the parade' thing. You definitely look royal."
Creed walked into the conference room, "What's going on?"
Jim looked over at Creed, "Oh. Pam's just getting her gown made for the parade."
Creed looked confused, "What parade?" He looked around for answers, but everyone looked just as confused.
Oscar looked up from the mistletoes, "The Christmas Day Parade."
Creed shook his head, "Got nothing."
Kelly stood up, "You know, the parade. Michael's been talking about it all week."
Creed shrugged, "Still nothing. Did you say 'Christmas'?" Kelly nodded.
Creed scratched his chin, "Christmas already? It's December?"
Pam nodded, "Yeah, what month did you think it was?
Creed shrugged, "I don't know. At least March. I thought they changed the metric's system a while ago. Go figure." Creed turned around and walked out the door.
Everyone followed Creed with his or her eyes as he walked out the door. Jim cleared his throat, "Okay… um… that wasn't random."
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Pam was behind her desk once again, faxing some forms when the phone rang, "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Sure I'll transfer you." She hung up the phone and looked up to find Jim leaning over has desk. She smiled, "Hey you."
Jim smiled back, "Hey yourself. Um…I owe you an apology."
Pam look confused, "Why? What did you do?" She rolled her eyes with a smirk on hr face, "Do have to testify for you?"
Jim laughed, "What? No. I just wanted to say sorry for ditching you for a ploy to get dirt on Andy and Dwight. But I can make it up to you."
Pam seemed intrigued, "Really? I'm listening."
Jim showed Pam his notes from his time with Angela and slowly saw Pam confusion become an elated grin, "Oh my God! This is amazing. How did you –?
Jim shrugged, "I told you I make it worth your while." He winked, "But man, Angela is a tough cookie to crack."
Pam stifled a giggle, "Tough cookie?"
Jim shrugged, "Sorry, I've been talking to little old ladies for the last two hours. Guessed it rubbed off." Pam smiled and continued to laugh.
At that moment, Ryan walked into the office looking rather upset. Pam looked over at him concerned, "Hey Ryan, what's going on?"
Ryan looked around the office, "Where's Michael?"
Pam nodded, "Oh, he's in his office." As Ryan walked fiercely towards Michael's office, Pam shrugged at Jim as he turned around to watch.
Ryan opened up Michael's door without knocking, "Michael."
Michael was looking over the final plans of the float, "Ryan! What's up, my brotha?"
Ryan took a seat, "We need to talk, now." He opened up his briefcase and took out several folders.
Michael looked at Ryan, "What's going on? What's with all these –?"
Ryan halted Michael, "What the hell have you been doing this past week that would have you neglect five out of the twelve clients you had this week? You do realize that you're in breach of several contracts and under infraction of –
Michael waved him off, "Chillax, Ry! We're just participating in the Christmas Parade in downtown Scranton."
Ryan looked confused, "I thought you were banned with anything dealing with the Chamber of Commerce after what happened at Thanksgiving?"
Michael looked shocked, "How did you –?"
Ryan shrugged, "I have my ways. Look, forget that. Why aren't you doing your job? Everybody else seems to be able to do theirs." He sighed exasperated, "Goddamn it, Michael! David is on my ass everyday because you keep screwing up down here." He saw Michael giggling and knew his favorite joke was not too far away, "Christ, Michael! Would you learn a new joke!"
Michael stood up, "Hey! I don't go to your office and yell about the crappy job your doing as flipping Vice President. I don't go embarrassing you in front of your staff!"
Ryan raised his hands in frustration, "But you do! Do you know how embarrassing it is to know that your employees are screwing up and it's up to you to fix it! It sucks! So look, do us both a favor and do your job!" Ryan collected his belongings and made his way out the door, "Do your job, Michael. That's all I ask. Make your phones calls and sale paper. If you have time, than do the float. But for Christ's sake, do something other than that if you want an office to come back to in January." With that, Ryan closed the door and left without another word.
Michael looked shaken up and smiled sheepishly at the camera, "That's my friend."
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More to come. Angela and Andy have a fight. Stanley gets creative and Michael announces the 'King of the Parade". Hilarity guaranteed.
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