See Me (4/?: The Epiphany)
Angelus angelus1317@hotmail.com
See first chapter for disclaimer, etc.
~*~
Seth Cohen could probably count on one hand the number of times in his life he had been rendered speechless. Hell, he probably didn't even need a whole hand. Words had never been a problem for him; if he couldn't think of the right ones, he could still open his mouth and words would come out. Maybe not the most appropriate ones, maybe not the most coherent ones, but words nonetheless.
Times like these, however, he just could not seem to make a peep; times like when his best friend was standing in front of him, her eyes big and blue, professing her very un-friend-like feelings towards him. Well, maybe it wasn't the feelings themselves; no, he'd known those were there. It was her casual tossing around of the words "I love you" that petrified him.
She loved him? She...loved him. The information, those three little words...they were alot to process. Only trouble was, he didn't even know how to begin processing them. Did he love her? He tried to imagine himself holding her hand, kissing her lips...he could imagine them easily, but the problem was that he just couldn't bring any non-platonic feelings to the surface.
Anna was hot. He wouldn't deny her that. She was also sweet and smart and funny and an incredible kisser. Plus, the fact that she was into him immediately made her much more attractive. But at the end of the day, well...
She wasn't Summer. No matter how many times Ryan reminded Seth that there were, in fact, other fish in the sea, he was still head over heels for Summer Roberts. You didn't just stop loving someone - especially not after more than a decade. So she wasn't perfect, and she wasn't exactly right for him...but something had made him fall in love with her so very long ago, and as long as she was going to be around him, that something would still be there. *She* would be there. And at the end of the day, right or wrong, Seth Cohen was in love with Summer Roberts. He cared for Anna deeply, but he wasn't going to let himself get involved with her just because she loved him. Especially not now, when there was the possibility that something could be happening between Summer and himself. He just couldn't lead her on like that.
"Anna..." he began. She cocked her head to the side and gave him that *look* - the one where she seemed to look right through him.
"Don't," she insisted.
"But..."
"No. I know what's coming. I'm not stupid, Seth."
"There's no way to sugar-coat what I'm going to say, and even if there was, I don't think you'd want me to. So I'm just going to say it: I'm in love with Summer. I know that's the last thing you wanted to hear, but I can't help it. I didn't mean to lead you on in any way - I wasn't sure of it myself until tonight. So, if that helps any, I finally made a choice. That's what you guys have been wanting me to do since day one. Someone had to get hurt, you knew that. I didn't want it to be you - I didn't want it to be anybody, but that's just not possible. I know you're going to be mad at me, but on the bright side, there's no more confusion. I still love you very much. I want you to know that, whether you choose to speak to me after this or not."
Anna was silent a moment, her chin tucked to her chest. When she looked up, her eyes were wide and shining with tears, and Seth had a moment of severe mental masochism. He had never seen her like this - vulnerable. Hurt. To think that he was the one who had caused it...
"You're right," she said, so soft it was almost a whisper, and he had to lean closer to hear her. "On several counts. You can't change what your heart wants. Not ever. It just gradually wears off. So yeah, I'm gonna be mad at you. You can't expect me not to be. I probably won't be able to talk to you." Seth hung his head. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on Anna's shoulder, and rested his hands lightly on her waist. A parting embrace.
"For about a week," Anna continued. "Then I'm gonna get bored and need to kick someone's ass at Final Fantasy. And I'll miss your jokes and your smile and your horrible fashion sense..."
Sensing where this was going, Seth pulled back so that he could look at her. "There's no need to stoop to the 'Your Mama' level," he teased, in reference to the clothes comment. She smacked him lightly on the arm.
"Shh!" she commanded. "I'm not done. I'm going to hate you. And then I'm going to miss you. And then I'm going to hate myself for missing you. And then I'm going to hate you some more, and I'm going to hate her, too. But I'll get over it. It'll just take time. 'Cuz while I do, I'm gonna be a mess. Crying, yelling at you for no reason. I don't take things lightly - you know this about me by now. Are you prepared to deal with that?"
She looked him straight in the eye. He knew what the question really meant; it meant: "Will you grovel and let me insult your girlfriend behind her back?" It meant "Will you still hang out with me just as much as you used to?" It meant "Will you still make me feel like you need me?" And the answer, of course, was:
"Ready, willing, and able." Anna was something special. He wasn't willing to let her slip away over something as stupid as who he was dating. Because then where would he be if he and Summer broke up (assuming they were going to get together in the first place)? Ryan was awesome, but he was no relationship expert. He wasn't the person to go to if he needed a shoulder to cry on. He wanted Anna to be that person. And he wanted to be that person for her. He wanted everything they already had, minus the kissing.
Seth hugged Anna tightly to him. She hugged him right back. And when she let go, she just looked at him. She didn't say a thing as she turned and walked away. But he could let her. Because he knew she'd come back.
Seth made his way back into the throng of people in search of Summer.
Angelus angelus1317@hotmail.com
See first chapter for disclaimer, etc.
~*~
Seth Cohen could probably count on one hand the number of times in his life he had been rendered speechless. Hell, he probably didn't even need a whole hand. Words had never been a problem for him; if he couldn't think of the right ones, he could still open his mouth and words would come out. Maybe not the most appropriate ones, maybe not the most coherent ones, but words nonetheless.
Times like these, however, he just could not seem to make a peep; times like when his best friend was standing in front of him, her eyes big and blue, professing her very un-friend-like feelings towards him. Well, maybe it wasn't the feelings themselves; no, he'd known those were there. It was her casual tossing around of the words "I love you" that petrified him.
She loved him? She...loved him. The information, those three little words...they were alot to process. Only trouble was, he didn't even know how to begin processing them. Did he love her? He tried to imagine himself holding her hand, kissing her lips...he could imagine them easily, but the problem was that he just couldn't bring any non-platonic feelings to the surface.
Anna was hot. He wouldn't deny her that. She was also sweet and smart and funny and an incredible kisser. Plus, the fact that she was into him immediately made her much more attractive. But at the end of the day, well...
She wasn't Summer. No matter how many times Ryan reminded Seth that there were, in fact, other fish in the sea, he was still head over heels for Summer Roberts. You didn't just stop loving someone - especially not after more than a decade. So she wasn't perfect, and she wasn't exactly right for him...but something had made him fall in love with her so very long ago, and as long as she was going to be around him, that something would still be there. *She* would be there. And at the end of the day, right or wrong, Seth Cohen was in love with Summer Roberts. He cared for Anna deeply, but he wasn't going to let himself get involved with her just because she loved him. Especially not now, when there was the possibility that something could be happening between Summer and himself. He just couldn't lead her on like that.
"Anna..." he began. She cocked her head to the side and gave him that *look* - the one where she seemed to look right through him.
"Don't," she insisted.
"But..."
"No. I know what's coming. I'm not stupid, Seth."
"There's no way to sugar-coat what I'm going to say, and even if there was, I don't think you'd want me to. So I'm just going to say it: I'm in love with Summer. I know that's the last thing you wanted to hear, but I can't help it. I didn't mean to lead you on in any way - I wasn't sure of it myself until tonight. So, if that helps any, I finally made a choice. That's what you guys have been wanting me to do since day one. Someone had to get hurt, you knew that. I didn't want it to be you - I didn't want it to be anybody, but that's just not possible. I know you're going to be mad at me, but on the bright side, there's no more confusion. I still love you very much. I want you to know that, whether you choose to speak to me after this or not."
Anna was silent a moment, her chin tucked to her chest. When she looked up, her eyes were wide and shining with tears, and Seth had a moment of severe mental masochism. He had never seen her like this - vulnerable. Hurt. To think that he was the one who had caused it...
"You're right," she said, so soft it was almost a whisper, and he had to lean closer to hear her. "On several counts. You can't change what your heart wants. Not ever. It just gradually wears off. So yeah, I'm gonna be mad at you. You can't expect me not to be. I probably won't be able to talk to you." Seth hung his head. Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on Anna's shoulder, and rested his hands lightly on her waist. A parting embrace.
"For about a week," Anna continued. "Then I'm gonna get bored and need to kick someone's ass at Final Fantasy. And I'll miss your jokes and your smile and your horrible fashion sense..."
Sensing where this was going, Seth pulled back so that he could look at her. "There's no need to stoop to the 'Your Mama' level," he teased, in reference to the clothes comment. She smacked him lightly on the arm.
"Shh!" she commanded. "I'm not done. I'm going to hate you. And then I'm going to miss you. And then I'm going to hate myself for missing you. And then I'm going to hate you some more, and I'm going to hate her, too. But I'll get over it. It'll just take time. 'Cuz while I do, I'm gonna be a mess. Crying, yelling at you for no reason. I don't take things lightly - you know this about me by now. Are you prepared to deal with that?"
She looked him straight in the eye. He knew what the question really meant; it meant: "Will you grovel and let me insult your girlfriend behind her back?" It meant "Will you still hang out with me just as much as you used to?" It meant "Will you still make me feel like you need me?" And the answer, of course, was:
"Ready, willing, and able." Anna was something special. He wasn't willing to let her slip away over something as stupid as who he was dating. Because then where would he be if he and Summer broke up (assuming they were going to get together in the first place)? Ryan was awesome, but he was no relationship expert. He wasn't the person to go to if he needed a shoulder to cry on. He wanted Anna to be that person. And he wanted to be that person for her. He wanted everything they already had, minus the kissing.
Seth hugged Anna tightly to him. She hugged him right back. And when she let go, she just looked at him. She didn't say a thing as she turned and walked away. But he could let her. Because he knew she'd come back.
Seth made his way back into the throng of people in search of Summer.