Chapter Four: Hiatus

Tommy POV:

Two Months Later…

Well, that was an interesting year. No boyfriend, no job, a crappy place to live. Adam didn't kill me, we were just friends now… I'm sure it was awkward for everyone, not just us. I was living on Isaac's couch for a while, then I got a small one room apartment that I could barely pay for… my landlord was gonna kick me out in six days… but I'd have to worry about that later… for now, our whole group was going out to dinner at an expensive restaurant called La Norandie. I don't know how I'm gonna pay for that…

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"Tommy Joe! I've missed you sooo much! Where do you live now?" Cammie was sitting next to me and squeezing my hand like I was gonna run away and she was holding me here.

I looked at Adam. I didn't want him to know. "I live close by…"

"Where?" Monte leaned forward, clearly interested…

I sighed. "The apartment complex on Mason St."

"That shitty place?"

"Yeah, Cam. I have no job, so I can't really afford much." I glanced at Adam again. I really didn't want him to know that…

Cam engaged Monte and Isaac in a conversation as I awkwardly caught Adam's eye.

"How are you, Tommy… really?" Adam reached across the table and gently touched my arm. He tilted his head down and looked up at me… What a jerk… he knew I loved that look… I pulled my arm away.

"I'm fine."

He dropped his gaze, probably sensing I was lying…

""""""""

The waiter came back with my credit card. "I'm sorry, sir, but your card is not working."

"Oh," I fished in my wallet. "Try this one." the waiter walked away, but returned shortly.

"I'm sorry, but this one won't work either…" ok, that worried me… I frantically searched my wallet again, but Adam pulled out a fifty.

"I got it." he stated, the waiter walked away before I could protest.

"Uh… Thanks…" I muttered awkwardly.

"No problem…"

"""""""

I actually did have a nice time… except for the immense awkwardness of catching Adam's eye more that once. Yes, I was staring… but only because he looked so different… his eyes looked tired and he had dark circles underneath from lack of sleep… he didn't bother to dye his hair again, so I could spot his natural red. He also didn't bother to put on eyeliner… which is the one thing he doesn't leave home without… He did a crappy job of shaving and even when he was talking and laughing with the others… I could still see the emptiness inside of him…he was skinnier too… he must have stopped eating… he'd barely touched his steak! I kept thinking 'Did I do that?' These were the thoughts that crowded my mind as I walked home.

Yes, walked. I don't have a car anymore… I had to sell it.

A silver Camaro pulled up next to me.

"Need a ride home, kid?"

I looked into his blue eyes. Why is he doing this? What was he planning on doing? Maybe he was gonna kill me… I shook my head and kept walking. Adam wouldn't take no for an answer… he was gonna get me home somehow… the stubborn man parked his car and walked beside me. I sighed.

"What do you want?"

"I just… I wanna know if your ok… something's wrong… what is it? Come on Tommy… I can't spend all my time worrying about this!"

"Worrying? Don't. I'm fine."

He stopped grabbing both of my arms. His eyes burned into mine. "Tommy. What's. Wrong." my phone rang. He let go of me and I answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I'm in Adam's car, he was supposed to drop me off at home, then he saw you and told me to hop in the back… what's he doing, you ok?"

"I'm fine, I don't need a new refrigerator, thank you for asking, goodbye." I hung up. Why would Adam leave Isaac in his car? To follow me…? It was all just coming at me too fast… I was tired, and I had a headache… I couldn't handle this now…

"Could you just…" I walked away. He stood on the sidewalk alone… motionlessly watching me. I felt the familiar heaviness of his eyes on me. I started running…

""""""""

Finally, I was alone in my apartment… I had two messages on my home phone. I pressed the flashing red button.

"Hello, Mr. Ratliff. It's Bill, the landlord. The deadline for your check is in six days. Please don't forget." *click* Greeeeaaaat…

"Hello, is this Tommy Ratliff? This is Brad Bell, a friend of Adam's. Several months ago, I went to one of Adam's concert and I couldn't help but notice you're amazing bass skills! Adam tells me you're in a tight spot with finances right now, so I was wondering if you would want to play for me in a music video I'm doing for a sponsor? You'll get paid, of course. They gave me the music and asked if I could put together a small band. I looked at the parts and realized the bass part was perfect for you! Please call me back." I wrote down the number and called back.

I knew who Brad was. I'd seen his YouTube videos. He did sponsor videos now?

"Tommy! I was expecting your call! I want you to meet me at the studio on Tenth Avenue. I'll pay for your cab, sweety, so you don't need to worry about that… thank you sooo much, darling I love you, good bye." *click* I didn't even get a chance to say 'hello'.

""""""""

"Hello, Darling!" Brad hugged me. This was the first time I had ever seen him! I already knew he was gay, so his designer clothes didn't surprise me. A tall, dark figure stepped out from the corner.

"Tommy, hi."

I froze… shhhhhhhit! Adam stood next to me smiling warmly. I nodded uncomfortably to him, not wanting to talk to him…

"This way, Tommy. I want you to read the lyrics and tell me what you think!"

""""""""

So, why is Adam here? Well, I'll tell you. He's not here to play an instrument, sing, or act. No, he's here to watch. Yup. That's it. I know, right? That's ridiculous! He claimed to be here for Brad, but I knew the truth. I was accompanied by a keyboardist named Ben, who was also gay. So here we are, four gay men, making some music, singing, or watching.

Yay.

""""""""

"Alright, its time for a lunch break. Adam, dear, take Tommy out to lunch, will you?" he pushed Adam and me out the door.

"How about we go to Tony Roma's? I know you like that place…"

"Ok, you can stop…"

"Stop what?"

"Being… Y'know… being nice to me… I know you must hate me now… for, well, for leaving…"

He looked into my eyes and I leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms. "I don't… no I don't hate you… I don't hate you, no, I.. I don't blame you at all… I would leave you if you did that to me… I'd… well, I'd probably kill myself…"

I thought about that for a minute. "Are you telling me to kill myself?"

He looked into my eyes again. "If you killed yourself… I'd starve myself to death…" I leaned forward off the wall and walked away.

"That's funny… for a second there I actually believed you…"

He sighed and followed. Tony Roma's was across the street, no need to take a cab, but the walk seemed longer than it should have been. It was quiet… very quiet…

""""""""

"Tommy, its and emergency! Please could you come over right now and watch little Danny for a few hours?" Isaac's voice begged frantically into the phone.

"Danny, you're little cousin?"

"Yeah! Please?"

"Of course, I'll be right over."

"Great thanks, thank you sooo much! Oh, and please don't hate me!" before I could ask why, he hung up. I slipped out the door and headed over to his place. Thank god I live three blocks away.

"""""""

"Tommy's Heeeere!" little Danny ran over to me and hugged my legs. I lifted him off his feet.

"Hey buddie!" I held him upside down and he laughed… a cute, little, boyish giggle. I put him down on his feet.

"Uncle Adam, Uncle Adam, Tommy's here!" Danny went running down the hall.

Uncle Adam? Oh shit…

"Yes I see that! Hey Tommy… how are you?"

"Uh, I don't know…"

"Lets watch Blue's Clue's!" Danny grabbed my and Adam's hands and pulled us to the living room. "Make it work, Uncle Adam!" Adam turned the TV on.

"Well," I said standing. "I should go…"

"Don't leave, Tommy."

"Yeah! Don't leave Tommy!" I looked down into his little blue eyes. His tiny hand held onto mine for dear life. "Please stay?"

I sighed. "Anything for you…"

"Yay! Tommy's staying, Tommy's staying! Tommy, could you make me a milkshake?"

"Sure, kid."

I entered the kitchen, Adam on my heels. He watched my every move as I made Danny's favorite milkshake. He got real close to me and gently pushed me to the counter top. Lifting me and setting me on top, he kissed me. Yes, yes… I kissed him back… I know I shouldn't have… I didn't want to lead him on… but I missed this…

"Uncle Adam? Tommy?"

I pulled away quickly. "Um… hi hun, here's your milkshake." I hopped off the counter and handed him the cup.

"I will leave you two alone." he said puckering his lips and adding a cute little wave. When he was out of sight, I punched Adam in the arm.

"Are you nuts?"

"I'm sorry… I just-"

"No… don't ever do that again!" I brushed passed him.

"""""""""

It was eleven o'clock. Danny just went to bed. I went to the kitchen and sat on the counter. Adam walked in.

"I put the little man to bed."

"Good."

"At least you kissed me back…"

"I didn't kiss you back! I was… I… well, I was…"

He nodded. "Yeah, yeah…" we sat in silence for a few minutes. "Doesn't a little guy like Danny make you want one for yourself? I mean I don't know about you, but I-"

"You know what, Adam? I really don't wanna talk about this right now… especially not with you.. you have made this week as awkward as you can and I'm kinda tired of it! So could you just… stop popping up everywhere? Just… please?"

"I'm not trying to! You don't understand, I'm still in love with you! And I know you can't possibly still be in love with me…"

I raised my hand, like I was gonna slap him, and he flinched. But I wasn't gonna slap him… I was gonna show him… "You see this ring? You want the truth Adam? I'm still in love with you too…"

He stared at the promise ring on my finger and unconsciously touched his own. Then, he shrugged. "So where do we stand?"

"I don't know… I just don't know…" my phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, man, I'm picking you up, and were gonna go to the mall. Where are you?"

"Oh, hey, Blake. I'm at my friend Isaac's place." I gave him the address.

"Be ready!" he hung up.

"That was… that was Blake. He's picking me up. Were going to the mall."

"Why do you hang out with him? He's a stoner kid!"

"He's a great guy with an awesome personality! He's one of my friends!"

"Sounds like somebody's gotta crush." he teased.

"Ugh…"

"I'm just concerned is all…"

"Well, you should stop…"

"I don't want you to get pulled into drugs again, Tommy… and I want you to know, if you ever need a friend… if you ever wanna talk, call me… I'll be your friend…" he leaned forward and kissed me again. This time, I didn't kiss him back. Well… not at first…

"Really guys?" Danny popped up again.

"Danny, aren't you supposed to be in bed?" Adam asked, a little on the annoyed side.

"I was thirsty!" He complained. I got him some water, then sent him back to bed.

"Friends don't kiss each other, Adam… God, you didn't have to snap at him…"

"Well, you didn't have to snap at me!"

"I didn't!"

"Oh really? 'You know what, Adam? I really don't wanna talk about this right now… especially not with you.. you have made this week as awkward as you can and I'm kinda tired of it! So could you just… stop popping up everywhere? Just… please?'" he imitated me perfectly.

"I'm sorry…" I heard a car honking outside.

"Tommy!"

"That's Blake… gotta go…"

He grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Can we just… go out sometime? Please? There's this

little place… just, please?"

I sighed. "Adam I-"

*beep, beep!*

"Tommy!" Blake called again.

"I guess so…"

"Great… I'll pick you up at eight… Friday."

"Uh, yeah, sure." I grabbed my coat and walked out the front door.

""""""""

"Well, you seem quiet today!"

"What? Oh, sorry…"

"What's on your mind?"

I sighed. "Is it wrong, is it really, really wrong to go out with your ex boyfriend?"

"Well, I guess there's no rule against it…" he laughed. "Not able to take being single, I

see?" he adjusted the radio on the red G-6 he was driving.

"Well… I miss it… I miss waking up to the smell of bacon, Adam always knew how to make my eggs perfectly. I'd hear him humming and he would always greet me by saying: Good morning Glitterbaby… Chinese and Pizza… the way he smells… a hand to hold while watching scary movies… a strong arm around me in bed… I just… miss it all."

I explained to him what went on in Isaac's house. He listened and pulled into the parking lot of the mall. We didn't get out yet though…

"You know what you need?" he asked starting the car again.

"What?"

"Were going to the Hiatus Club…"