Tony had no idea how he was supposed to carry on. Gibbs had said and proved that it could happen eventually. Jethro had said would but Tony understood could. He did not think he could move on. He was not strong enough to move on. He just was not. He wished he were stronger. He wished that he could die.
"I want to die." Tony sobbed.
"I know you do." Gibbs replied.
"No you don't you did not die. You were strong. I am not." Tony sobbed.
"Tony I felt the same way in those first days, first years really." Jethro reminded.
"I am not as strong as you." Tony insisted.
"Tony" Jethro whispered.
"Not strong enough." Tony sobbed.
"Nothing more can be done." "Hope is gone." "You can always pray but you may not get the answer you want. I am sorry." Those were the words the Palmer's woke up to. Tori deteriorated further through the night. To the point where she just was not strong enough. She was too weak to go down for her MRI but she was not responding to any stimuli. They were not ready to turn off the machines but knew that the time was coming. They called their closest friends to say goodbye.
"I can't believe this is happening." Jimmy sobbed.
"I know" Breena replied.
"I am not ready." Jimmy sniffed.
"How long do you think it will be?" Breena asked.
"Could be minutes could be hours but I don't see her lasting to evening." Jimmy replied.
"Are you sure there is nothing more they can do?" Breena asked.
"There is more they can do but she is weak. Too weak for treatment." Jimmy explained.
"It's not fair." Breena sobbed.
"I know" Jimmy agreed.
Tony managed to barely keep a bowl of plain broth down. Gibbs insisted that he start eating. He choked down the soup. He tried a couple of crackers but could not manage to choke the dried squares down. He spit them onto the floor. Gibbs did not say a word. He just cleaned the mess. Tony tossed down the ceramic bowl, causing it to shatter into a thousand pieces onto the floor. Again Gibbs did not say a word. Though Tony was fairly certain he had cut his former boss that time. Before Gibbs could finish cleaning either mess Tony ran from the kitchen. He flew upstairs and tore into the guest room. He dove onto the bed. He was gasping for air and dry heaving. He felt miserable. He could not catch his breath, he could not vomit, he could not even cry. He just lay on the bed gasping, heaving, and wailing.
"Help me. Help me." Tony gasped.
Jethro swept the glass and spit out crackers off the floor, into a dust pan. He then dumped the pan into the trashcan. This was not the Tony he knew an loved. This was the Tony who was broken by the death of his only child. Jethro knew they would never get the old Tony back. In the current moment he was not sure what would be come of Tony. He told Tony he would recover. In truth he could not make that promise. He could not promise that Tony would be able to carry on with this much grief, and that broke his heart.
Victoria Elizabeth Palmer died around two in the afternoon. Less than forty eight hours after Tali DiNozzo. Just two days but they felt like an eternity. Jimmy had gone from mourning for his friend's daughter and worrying for his friend. To mourning for his own and worrying for himself. He needed to be strong for Breena and for Tony but he was not strong. He tried and failed to be brave. He broke down in the elevator. Breena took him into her arms. Breena had not stopped crying since their only daughter left.
"What do we do now?" Breena asked.
"I don't know." Jimmy replied.
"Why did this have to happen to us?" Breena questioned.
"I don't know." Jimmy replied, it seemed to be all he could say anymore.
Jethro's heart dropped when he got the news. Two of his closest friends had lost their little girls. Two friends going through one of the greatest tragedies. Two friends he desperately wanted to help but likely could not. His heart broke for Jimmy and for Tony. He hated that things had happened this way. He hated how much hurt there was in this world. He hated most of all when it fell for the ones he cared most about.
"Tell Jimmy and Breena I am there any time." Jethro said speaking for the first time since Ducky broke the news.
"They know. How is Anthony?" Ducky asked.
"Bad" Jethro wheezed.
"Should I come over?" Ducky asked.
"Stay with the Palmer's. Tony still just wants to be left alone." Jethro replied.
"Very well. I will call you later." Ducky replied.
"I am going to check on Tony." Jethro replied.
Tony heaved and sobbed, heaved and sobbed. He wished that he would just throw up already. He knew that he needed to. He was sweating profusely and his stomach was churning like crazy. He gagged and spat but only hot spit came out. He groaned and gagged, groaned and gagged. He felt dizzy, his heart was racing. He fell from the bed to the floor, the world spinning a million miles around his head. Bile finally began to raise in his throat. He used the last of his strength to turn over and pull himself up off the floor. He heaved and puked all over the guest room floor, before collapsing into his own vomit. His head throbbing and his heart breaking. He had never collapsed into his own sick before. Not even after the most wild of frat parties, but this was not a party. This was his own personal hell.
"HELP ME! HELP ME!" Tony cried.
A/N: How will Tony take the news about Tori? New chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and please review.