Cullen's stride was paced as he scoured the village for any troop members not assigned to a task or ones he could pull without much consequence, he depended on people who could sift through the remains of clan Lavellan for any survivors. He was steps away from leaving through the entrance of Haven when he passed a disgruntled looking Lavellan grasping her hair with one hand. His heart caught in his throat as he halted his march, hand automatically seeking the pommel of his sword. The fact of the matter was that she had not been told about the loss and no one wanted to give the news, already aware of how stretched she was with this to begin with. He swallowed his fear as he caught up with her, deciding he had the most experience giving out bad news. He cleared his throat before calling her name. "Lady Lavellan? A moment?" The question was not a question, more of a request and it paused her gait. "Ser Cullen? What can I do for you?" she inquired, although her tone was far away. At this rate she would be holding her hair for forever. "It's better if we discuss this in private." His words tender, like he wanted to cushion the blow anyway he could. She hesitated and directly stared into Cullen's eyes, trying to determine intent but was unable.
She huffed before turning up the path to her borrowed house and pulling the door open for the commander. He ambled in, idling around the middle of her room before realizing where all the elfroot had gone because the scent engulfed the entire room. Lavellan tied a thick braid as she envoked a fire in the hearth and put the kettle on to boil. She dragged the desk chair to Cullen and motioned for him to sit down before grabbing the stool for herself. He wavered, sputtering that he was more than comfortable using the stool and this was her space. She fanned him down saying that this borrowed house was her home and he was a guest. He reluctantly sat down and she matched him before standing up almost immediately to tend to the fire and gather mugs for tea. "Tea?" She called, back facing the commander while she poured the hot water into a mug. He tensed at the hospitality of the elf before mumbling a decline and not wanting to be a burden. She waved him down again, "Non-sense, non-sense.." She chided before setting the mug in his hands and offering a box of tea before him.
He could feel heat gathering in his face, although he wasn't sure if that was from the fire or from the kindness upon him. He gingerly took a bag at random, smelling it before dunking it within the confines of the mug. Lavellan smiled at the action and took a bag of tea for herself before setting the box back and taking a seat again. He began to give her thanks for the tea when she stood up once more, disturbing the flow of how he wanted to deliver the news. She returned to the hearth to take something down from the mantle, "Honey?" She asked lightly, her voice easing from frustration. Cullen hummed a questioned tone before an absentminded yes crossed his lips, "Hm? Yes?" It was the silence that caused him to glance, her still waiting for an answer. He was definitely blushing at this point, trying to recover what he considered to be a fumble on his part. "Oh! Honey, no. No thank you, Lady Lavellan." He stammered once again. Under his breath he whispered 'maker's breath' before running a hand through his hair. Satisfied she took her seat again and Cullen started once again, his eyes never leaving hers.
Everything slowed after that point, he gave the news and had to witness with agony at all of her reacting emotions across her face. She denied everything, even the notion that this was true. Panic welled up in her chest as his demeanor did not change and she realized that he would not give such grave information without being entirely sure of the situation. "Some of Leliana's agents found your keeper's staff among the remains of them.. I can have it given to you if you need validation of the situation." His voice was a controlled calm, despite the chaos of events he was relaying to her. She finally burst into silent tears and croaked out a question, had they suffered? It was a question he could not fully answer and she ran a hand down her braid, clutching to herself. He could feel his heart breaking for her, desperately he wanted to take her into his arms to give comfort because words could not do justice. She recoiled into herself, before whimpering "I had a dream lastnight.." She paused to look into his golden eyes. "I had a dream that my clan got attacked and everyone died.." She winced and trembled before crying into her arm.
Cullen rose from his seat, rubbing the back of his neck, "I will give you time alone" he whispered with undertones of warmth. Two steps away from the door his ears caught a whimper to him, "Please don't leave. I shouldn't be alone right now." He stood still as stone. "I don't know what I'd do if i'm left alone." She added and Cullen faltered. He wondered if this was appropriate or the right thing to do, but he could only feel the tug in his heart that told him to stay. He slowly slipped his coat off, returning to the elf's side and laced Lavellan in the jacket. The gesture surprised Lavellan and the fur tickled her nose, yet she marveled at the remaining warmth that was left from him. Cullen's eyes found hers and they shared collective agony for a moment. Her hair was stringy and unkempt, her eyes listless and puffy from tears, all the color from her face had drained. He swallowed his thoughts before changing his attention to the fire which had died down and left the room in a chill. She buried her face into the softness, dripping tears carelessly while she clutched the coat to herself and curled inward on the chair. They sat in silence, Cullen staring at her while she gazed off with a distant look in her eyes. It was only when he heard the little change in breath that he realized she had fallen asleep, tears still falling as she slept. He stood and scooped the elf up, she didn't even stir while she was tucked into bed, still wrapped up in his coat. With that he tended to the hearth and created a bigger fire again.
Hours passed and she awoke later from her own sobs, he raised his head from the book he had come across in the room and met her gaze before getting up to move the chair closer to the bed. "How are you feeling?" His question was tentative and his tone was warm while he rested the book on his leg. She relaxed at the sight of him and sniffled while wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "I feel nothing." Voice was void while her eyes dimmed and she avoided eye contact. "Everything I know-knew is all gone.. I have no home." Her words held cracks of pain. Cullen refused to say that he could relate because he truly could not, instead he listened intently. There was absolutely nothing on his half that could ease her sorrow other than being there and hearing anything she had to say. It was when she asked him, or rather begged him to do her a favor that he spoke. "Will you help me cut my hair? It's silly now, but I was going to earlier today because well, everything has been so turbulent and cutting hair is a tradition for renewal and change." she paused before biting her bottom lip "But, it's especially relevant now that.. They're gone.." Cullen didn't even blink as he answered with a firm yes, and she could feel something in her chest lifted at the help. He added only under the condition that she ate some food because it was past supper time. She agreed with a weak curve in her lips before laying down again.
Cullen stepped at the threshold of the house, turning back to glance at the woman. He smiled lightly before saying he would be back, to which he received a nod. The door eased shut softly and he was gone. With his coat still on and him out of sight, she willed herself out of bed and put a pot of water on to boil by the fire. She pulled out the desk and dragged it to the center of the room, brushing the papers off and clearing space. She pulled the stool up and waited for the templar. It wasn't long before she heard the rhythm of boots outside followed by the door opening to indicate his return. He skillfully held a plate in one hand while the same arm held the other and he was gripping two bottles of wine with his other hand. His smile sheepish as he shut the door behind him, using his feet. He placed the bottles on the new dining table and rested the plates down next to them. They ate in silence first before the commander poured some wine into the now empty tea mugs. It was gradual but they both eased into genuine conversation with the assistance of the social lubricant and, other than the tinge of sadness that gripped her, it was pleasant. They talked of war reports first, followed by regions the reports were from and then it went wild from there.
A stray question opened the doors to travels with her clan and him in his journey as a templar. She listened with intrigue about the preparations for becoming a templar, while she shared the methods for getting her Vallaslin. She admitted that she struggled to choose the right mark for her, and it was only until the night before the ritual that she had a dream of Mythal. She trembled with a cringe while recalling the ritual itself, calling it painful was a gross understatement. This fact was over shadowed by the knowledge that they had to remain entirely silent the whole time or they would be deemed not ready for the burden. Cullen listened keenly with his hands laced together over his plate of food, he had heard the fact that they were required to remain silent the entire time but he just brushed it off as rumor. He shook is head and rested his hands on his lap as he cringed at her recollection. He shared the first time he took a draft of lyrim and how it made him sick, and the templar in charge almost declared him unfit but he managed to pull it together.
He spoke of the knight commander Meredith from Kirkwall, how he admired her constitution and determination but ultimately how she mislead and denigrated an entire group of people in fit of paranoia rage. He saw where he could have landed and it woke him up from the realities of being a templar. Lavellan spoke of the blight and the emergency that over took the clan, how they passed the Brecilian forest weeks before the other elven clan passed through and were ravaged by the werewolves of the forest. That the keeper took Lavellan's words when she said they should not stray here. A decision that would ultimately save them more lives than she knew. A great pause over took Lavellan as she wandered through memories of her keeper. She chuckled as she told the templar how eccentric the leader was, that she refused to find a first and when other clans would offer mages to try out she would pass them along to another clan. Despite not being a mage, the keeper always looked to her and took effort to include her in the mage studies. This was how she knew so much of their language and history.
Exuberantly she told of when she came across an abandoned wolf pup, sick with infection and how she tried to nurse it back to health. When the clan uncovered her sneaking around, she burst into tears for fear of them striking the pup down. After mulling over the decision the keeper talked the rest of the clan down, and they healed the pup before releasing it back into the forest. Months later she recalled how the camp was woken to the sound of guttural screams, the hunters sprung into the forest to trace what ever was making the noise. They found a Elven woman from the clan huddled around a dying wolf and the corpse of a shemlen man with bloodied ropes not too far away. The woman had gone into the forest to relieve herself when the shemlen man appeared and tried to steal her away, her shouts called forth the wolf who viciously mauled the man to death. The shem however had managed to deliver a killing blow into the wolf's stomach and the creature laid dying. When the keeper and her arrived on the scene, they were astounded to find this was the same wolf they had saved. As the creature slipped away, the clan sang a song for Falon'Din to collect the wolf and deliver him home. The wolf was given an honored burial and the beast of a man was put in a shallow grave. Cullen's eyes followed hers, bewildered at the story. "How.. Did she know that the wolf would..?" His thoughts unconnected and intangible but Lavellan answered regardless. "When I asked her if she knew that the wolf was going to repay it's debt, she just smiled and said 'one day you'll realize not all wolves mean trouble, just a few that have lost their home.'"
The words captured Cullen and he was filled with quiet while she took another gulp from her mug of wine. Cullen examined the handle of his mug closely while he spoke of the first creature he killed on accident, the hint of shame lingering in his eyes. It was a common garden toad when he was a young boy, and he wept until his mother had to collect him from the garden and have him explain what happened. His mother used it as a lesson to prove how sacred life is and even now it gave him pause before he delivered a killing blow to his enemies. But he did what was needed, and prayed that the maker would forgive him.
A blush crept on her face as she recounted her first kiss. She was sixteen and caught the lingering gaze of a similar aged elf boy from a passing clan. Both camps settling not far away from eachother for the night and her mind kept circling back to the boy. In the morning while she foraged they spotted one another and they engaged in a game of tag before they both stumbled upon one another. They held eachother in laughter and she felt so much joy for life, like it was going to burst out of her chest any moment. With giggles still pouring out of her, she reached up and cupped his cheek before giving a swift kiss on the lips. When they parted to their own camps the boy sputtered a goodbye and wandered back to his camp in a daze while she was giggling on her way. Cullen laughed before an unfiltered mouth slipped out that any man who was lucky enough to have kissed her would definitely walk away dazed.
The comment caused them both to blush and her to hide a giggle from him, she would chalk it up to the wine making him loose but the comment did not feel wrong when she received it. He rested his cup down as he told of his first kiss, it was just after he completed the rite to be in the templar order and he was sent to the circle tower in Freleden. He was to give the killing blow to who would turn out to be the hero of Ferelden. He was, he made a point to clarify, infatuated with her and he was also very young. After the harrowing she pulled him away and, once again he was very adamant about this, she kissed him. Lavellan cackled profusely at this knowledge and how tender footed he was with it, he followed suit with laughing and said that it was true. He added that she is - or, well, was a very lovely woman. With that addition, the mood in the room fell, his hesitation confirming unresolved feelings for the Hero.
Cullen rose and rested a hand against the back of his chair to keep from swaying, "Are you ready for that trim?" His voice light and kind, wanting to put the subject to rest. From his weapons belt he pulled a polished dagger, it was in immaculate condition and she questioned if it had even ever been used. The blade was sharp and curved, the teeth gleaming silver, the grip made with fine antivan leather and the pommel was hand carved from glistening silver into the shape of a lions head. He grinned at her fixation to his dagger, it was not something he typically used but found that the knowledge that he had it calmed him during close quarter fights.
She pulled her attention away from the knife long enough to describe what she envisioned her hair to be like and Cullen faltered slightly, adamantly saying that he was no professional at this. She scolded him and told him to get on with it, this made him chuckle at her commanding nature. A passing wonder in his mind asked if there were other areas at which she would be like that too. Mortified to have even thought that, he furiously shook his head and tried to clarify and convince himself that he meant in regards to the inquisition, only the inquisition. To distract himself from the internal conflict, he focused on relaying stories to the woman. Before long he eased into the second time the Hero visited the tower after she had completed her joining to the Grey Wardens. Specifically when she found him trapped behind a magical circle and the awful things he said about mages. He paused in anguish as he recalled that day, he regretted saying those things and worked towards not harboring any hate towards mages now.
Lavellan bit her bottom lip and after moments of thoughtful silence, she admitted that when she had returned from her trip to the conclave she was to be bonded with another. Cullen blinked in surprise, even pausing his trimming to lock eyes with the woman. She further explained that she was the last one of her age not bonded to a partner and despite the keeper's efforts, the clan pushed for it. After this journey she would be considered a full fledged adult and need to contribute to the clan. Cullen's voice raised as he asked tentatively if they ever married out of love. Lavellan's face burned with a blush as she huffed and answered that of course it is always preferred by everyone if that happens. But in her case she never found anyone there. They both held silence before he started trimming again.
She gave a hollow laugh as she said that it wasn't much of a problem now and it caused Cullen to cringe. "I can't say that I relate or what I've been through is similar but.." He wavered, questioning his professionalism by sharing these memories but the wine dulled the urgency of it. "After the blight, my family was forced to flee to south reach and.. Well, my parents did not survive the journey." The pain was still palpable in his chest over that fact, even ten years later. "It was weeks after the fact that I found out. I was never able to attend their funeral." He trailed off, his throat started to burn.
"Cullen, we don't have to talk about this, if it's painful." Her words were gentle against his hot ears and he felt his feelings solidify as he decided this was alright for him to share, that she made it okay. He trimmed around her ears and moved closer in to inspect his work. "No, no." His words were firm with intent but soft with proximity, "I just want you to know that I'm here for you." He paused, heat rising to his cheeks and he could spot Lavellan's ears begin to turn red. He recoiled, realizing the effect of his words. "I mean - just as the rest of the advisors are as well, we're all here." He floundered, whispering a line of the chant of light to himself.
"I think.. well, I think it's done." Cullen pulled away to allow her to stand. There was a sea of hair at their feet, he offered the dagger to her so that she could see from the reflection. Her eyes grew with light as she grinned, brushing a hand over the new cut. There was silence for a few moments while he waited for a reaction. "It feels so strange." Her voice so soft he strained to hear it, but it was followed by a roar of giggles. "I love it, thank you so much." He felt pushed to the brink of intoxicated at the noise of her laughter and praise, truly nothing so beautiful had ever graced his ears before. He willed himself out of the stupor he was under and chuckled, "I'm glad you like it, Lady Lavellan."
She faced him and noted the heat that radiated off of his face and the blush that climbed with it, but most of all how his eyes held such happiness. Something In her chest stirred at the sight and she felt a buzz in her fingertips. When she saw the scar that struck down his face, she cupped his cheek and moved forward to inspect it without much thought. He immediately tensed and carefully watched her, something in his chest churned at her touch. Her hands felt so soft against his cheek and he was close enough to see the flecks of gold in her green eyes, but he really couldn't keep his eyes off her lips. Plump and as red as the wine they had enjoyed together. His heart reached out but he would not allow his body to do so.
"What happened here?" She asked and he could feel the exhale of the words on his lips and he almost closed his eyes in rapture. He willed himself to break his stare and to peer into her gorgeous eyes. A smile cracked on his face, he could feel her thumb brush past his lips with it and it caused him to shiver. "It's a story for another time, perhaps." His voice was lower than he had anticipated, words strong and dipped in confidence as they left his mouth. How easy it would be to just lean forward to brush against her lips, even just once. Would they feel as supple as they looked, did she taste like elfroot tea, how would she react to a strong arm encircling her waist and pulling her against his chest. His own absent thoughts jarred him as he struggled to retain what professionalism he had left.
He gently recoiled from her touch, "Lady Lavellan, you should get some more sleep.." he suggested tenderly. Maker what was he doing, he questioned himself in both aspects. Verses from the chant of light were all he could hear as she pulled away. She nodded and climbed into bed while he tried to calm his heart down. His internal berating began when found a broom and swept the sea of hair to the outside of the house. He allowed himself a moment of fresh air before he returned and cleaned up the table before pulling out paper work from his inner pockets. He fished out a pen from the other breast pocket and looked up to discover she was still watching him, a lazy smile on her face and eyes fighting sleep.
He couldn't help but chuckling to himself before returning to reports. It was sometime after she had fallen asleep and the fire had gone low that he finished all of his paper work that he had. He was left with nothing but blank papers and a full bottle of ink. He finished off the last of the wine before starting to write to Lavellan. It was a simple report of all the information he just recovered from his previous reports. He felt troubled after he wrote everything necessary, he didn't want to stop and his heart pleaded him to continue. With the start of a hesitant hand he wrote about the things they talked about, the basic details of how he got the cut on his lip. He felt more confident until he realized there was not enough room for what else he wanted to say, panicked he tacked on questions in the hopes that she would still respond and in that time between he could think of actual things to talk about rather than reports. He folded up the letter before taking a block of wax from his pocket and his seal, marking and closing the letter.
He woke up slumped over the table, the light of the morning still navy blue but growing lighter. As he raised his head, he brought a field report up with him, it being attached to his lip via drool. He grimaced and slapped the paper away before giving a suspicious look around hoping no one had been witness to that, but found the room to be empty. He felt the slip of his coat cascade to the floor as he stood, he stopped with wonderment as he could not recall getting it back before he fell asleep last night, then his face gained color as he realized it was from Lavellan. With the garment loose over his shoulders he peeked outside of the door, only to find the chill morning air and the sun not even in the sky yet. He rubbed the back of his neck until he saw Cassandra making her way to the borrowed house. "Ahh commander, you are awake. Lady Lavellan mentioned that you watched over her last night and were still sleeping." The woman spoke with authority and could see the question in his eyes. He choked as he tried to explain what happened but the woman cut him off before he could start. "She has decided to start the expedition to the Hinterlands today and is finishing preparations." Cullen was surprised by the news but pleased regardless. Cassandra turned and headed to the chantry before giving him a look over her shoulders "You should be there to say farewell." He couldn't tell if the tone was coy or honest, frankly he could never tell with that woman.
He stepped back into the house to put on his shoes and gather his paper work, along with the letter for Lavellan. He slipped on his coat and ran a hand through his hair before stepping out of the building and heading to the proving yard. It was there he saw her, leaning against the pillars of the entrance while beaming at him with wide playful eyes. "Good morning Ser Cullen, I hope you slept well?" She teased as he approached, coaxing a laugh out of him before he sighed nervously. She was awash in the blue morning light and the words radiant could not do her justice.
"I wanted to apologize if anything I said or did last night crossed the lines of professionalism." He spoke quickly and eloquently, "Furthermore, I-I believe the wine was to blame for some of it-" he stumbled on his words before seeing the lush eyes of the woman and the curve of her smile. "Cullen, it's fine. It's exactly what I needed. I just wanted to.. Well to thank you actually, for staying with me last night, for listening and taking care of me." She did not look away as the heat gathered in her cheeks and he felt his heart jump. "It was really no problem, Lady Lavellan." He interjected eagerly, keen on making it clear that it was not a burden. There was a awkward pause that engulfed them both and he scrambled to keep her in his presence. He fumbled in his breast pocket and handed over the letter, followed by taking the lion head dagger off of his weapon's belt and offering it to her. "Please take this with you, it's not like I use it often enough anyway." His words were low, and he felt a rush as she accepted the dagger and letter. "Thank you Commander." She spoke, her voice light and waiting. Neither of them didn't know for what, but they both reached for something they were too shy to approach yet. She departed with a smile on her lips to tend to her hart. He watched her leave, hand on his pommel and he could feel fear build in his chest for her, however he brushed this aside as a troop member approached him with more field reports.