Jane gasps, and then freezes for a second, staring at the scene in front of her. Sister Bernadette and Doctor Turner were standing incredibly close to each other. And kissing. At her gasp Sister Bernadette whips around and they stare at each other for a second, one set of eyes full of fear, one confusion, before Jane turns and returns to her room. Her quick footsteps echo along the corridor of the convent and but the slam of her door shuts it out.

She paces the room before sittting on the edge of her bed, her thoughts whirling. She cannot have seen what she thinks she did. She can't have. She's got it wrong. She must have. Doctor Tuner can't have been kissing Sister Bernadette. She sits, it might just be for a few minutes, it might be a long while, she doesn't know, wondering what she should do. If anything. She's not religious. Although she'd gone to church almost every sunday of her life, she'd never felt any connection with the words she said or sang. She'd never felt God within her, only an aching emptyness that came of not being able to connect with anyone. Until now. She felt she had found her home in Nonnatus, a convent, and Sister Bernadette had been the kindest of them all, gentle, but persistant in her efforts at being a friend to Jane. She knew she wouln't betray that kindness by telling anyone what she had seen but at the same time it was hard to reconcile the image of Sister Bernadette in Doctor Turner's arm with that of the nun with the beautiful voice that she so loved to listen to. She's startled out of her revery by a knock on the door.

After Jane leaves, Doctor Turner and Sister Bernadette turn to face each other again, standing further apart now.

"I -"

"You-" they start to speak at the same time.

Sister Bernadette turns away from him, unable to face him now that she's been broken out of the trance she was in before, afraid of the fact that all she wants is his arms back around her.

"You first," He says. She feels, rather than hears him step up behind her and touch her lightly on the arm, and she has to fight against her bodies urge to rest against him.

"You should go, I need to talk – I should – Jane. And then I have my rounds. Mrs Leigh is close to her due date and-" She rambles. She can't see his face, so she doesn't see how it falls, how the light leaves his eyes.

"Yes. Of course. I'm meant to be on call later." He replies, but doesn't move from where he is standing, leaving his hand on her arm. "I'm so sorry."

At this she turns around, and they're back in almost the exact same stance that Jane found them in. In her heart she is shouting that he shouldn't be sorry, that it's not his fault. That she loves him. But she can't bring herself to do it, because she's sorry as well, so all she says instead is,

"Yes, well." And after a small pause and a sharp nod she turns from him and leaves the room.

Walking along the corridor she doesn't have a desitnation in mind, except the vague thought of Jane. Would she say anything? She wouldn't would she? She had to talk to her. But should she? Jane could be as quiet as a mouse, and hated starting conversations. She wouldn't bring up anything she had seen. But despite all this Sister Bernadette found herself wanting to talk to someone. And she felt Jane had become a friend in the short time she had been at the convent. As much as a friend a nun could have.

This is how she finds herself standing in front of Janes bedroom door. She musters all her courage up and knocks. There is no response and she's about to turn away when the door opens and Jane's shy, but enquiring face appears in the small gap. They stare at each other for a few seconds before Jane pulls the door open full and steps back, inviting the nun into the room.

Jane closes the door behind her and for a moment they both stand staring at each other, neither eniterly sure what to say.

What happened still hasn't quite sunk into Sister Bernade's mind. He kissed her. On the lips. And she can't make herself feel guilty, as she knows she should. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world, and it's all she wants to feel forever. His hands holding hers and seeing his smile every day are all she wants. But that is conflicted with the feeling of saftey she feels in the Convent, the chapel and her Sisters. Giving them up would be one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do. Almost as hard as deciding to join them.

"I won't tell anyone," Jane eventually announces when Sister Bernadette doesn't say anything.

"Thankyou." Sister Bernadette replies. They stand in silence for a while longer, even through Sister Bernadette knows she should leave.

"Do-" Jane pauses, hesistating because she's never been someone's confidant before, "Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.

Sister Bernadette pauses for a moment, her anguish plain on her face, tears brimming in her eyes. Jane takes her hand and puts a hand on her back to guide her to the bed. Sitting down besides her she holds her hand and waits for the nun to speak

"I don't know what to say," she says finally, letting out a mix between a sob and a laugh.

"Do you love him?" Jane is uncertain, but this seems to be the only explanation she can think of to explain what she saw in the kitchen.

"Yes."

"Does he love you."

"Yes. I think so."

Silence.

"He wants to marry me."

"Do you want to marry him?"

"Yes."

"Is that possible?"

"I'd have to leave the order. I think it's possible. It would take some time. There's paper work and-"

"Do you want to leave the order?"

"No! Yes. I don't know. But I don't think I can carry on living like this."

They sit in silence for a while longer, Jane doesn't have any good adivice for her and she doesn't think Sister Bernadette wants it anyway.

"I'm thinking of going on retreat. I'm due to go anyway, it's just been so busy...it would give me time to think."

There's a slight pause while Jane considers what she should say, if she should say anything. But she wasn't the only one who had noticed Sister Bernadette's increased time in the chapel.

"Forgive me Sister, but isn't that all you've been doing? Thinking? You spend so much time in the chapel, when you're not at work."

"Yes, I suppose that is true. But i'm still not closer to knowing what I should do." Her voice shakes as she speaks.

Again there is a lingering silence before Jane points out something Sister Bernadette might never have thought of.

"Rather than think about what you should do," There is a pause here, Jane still wondering if she's going to far, but decides she might as well keep going, "Maybe you should think about what you want."

Sister Bernadette pauses, taking that in, still faced with the problem that she doesn't know the answer to that either. Seeing this confusion written on the other womans face, Jane speaks once again.

"When I used to be confused, or scared at the..asylum, I would list the things I know to be true. That would help to get my thoughts in to order and then I could think more clearly."

Sister Bernadette considers Jane for a moment. The woman who had come to them who could barely speak a sentence and the woman who sat on the bed next to her were two completely different people. Contemplating her words, the two women sit in silence before Sister Bernadette speaks, her voice no longer shaking, but steady.

"I love him. That I know to be true with all my heart."

A/N Okay, so I know it's been AGES since I updated this, and I know this chapter didn't really advance the story line much at all...but I hope someone still reads and enjoys this..and I'll try and come up with another chapter a bit quicker this time!