Affection

I thank you for still reading! x

Now, this one shot is based on a request, but I have split it into two parts, because it grew kinda long :-D
I hope you will enjoy it Anyway, and here is part one ^^

(Still don't own anything.)

The confession, part one

"I can't believe you did that! You could have asked me first!" Alec was mad - no, he was beyond mad - he was furious. He sent Magnus a cold, deathly glare and the warlock looked down for a minute, guilty. "Alexander, if I had asked you first you would not have accepted" he tried to explain, but Alec was too angry, "I agreed to be in this relationship with you! I changed who I am for you! the least thing you can do is to wait for me to be ready to go public! Have you any idea of what is going to happen? My parents will be so disappointed,"

"wait, you agreed to be in this relationship? What the hell is that supposed to mean, if I may ask?" Magnus' head snapped back up to stare at Alec. For a moment Alec went blank, had he just said that? Magnus carried on without waiting for answer, "because, as far as i'm aware, you agreed to be in this relationship - because you love me, am I correct?" he demanded. Alec sighed. He did not want to cope with this. He was not ready, how could he be? Of course he loved Magnus, more than he ever thought he would, but his parents... the Clave, Izzy, Jace, Clary and Simon... How would they not react? This was not normal, shadowhunters weren't gay. An yet here he was, arguing with his boyfriend. Magnus and him had been secretly dating in now two months. Alec loved every little bit about his warlock, he really did. Magnus had wanted to go public with it pretty fast, but Alec had explained that he was not ready to do so - Magnus had accepted it and said they could confess it all whenever he was ready. But apparently, two hours ago, Magnus had called Isabelle and told he and Alec had something to announce tomorrow, and she should bring along Jace, Clary and Simon - their friends. he had not asked Alec for permission, and that was what hurt him the most.

"I do love you," Alec said as a matter of fact,

"then what's the problem? Did you think you could just hide it forever? Or worse, deny it? Because you can't Alec, you can't because we are two people in this relationship - not only you, and i know in my heart that I love you, I know that I want the rest of the world to know, that you are mine and i'm yours, and how the hell am I supposed to do that, when you don't feel the same way!"

Magnus was shouting, and that's when Alec realized it. Magnus was hurt. Of course he was! He was hurt of the fact that he did't want to admit to their friends they were dating, as if he was ashamed that he was dating a warlock, a male warlock. He was hurt because he made it seem like he didn't love Magnus enough to let the world know. He was hurt of the fact that he loved Alec so much he had been ready to go public the very first day, and Alec didn't feel the same way - like Alec didn't love Magnus as much as he loved him. now he could see it, see how it must have been for his boyfriend. Like Magnus didn't feel Alec thought he was worthy. The pained look in Magnus eyes killed him.

"I feel the same way, Magnus - you know I do. And I want to tell them... i want to, but... but i'm just, i'm afraid I guess," Alec sighed and felt like the biggest coward in the universe. Why had he been so selfish and worried about himself? All this relationship-stuff was still kind of new to him. Magnus shook his head and slipped down to sit on the couch. "I know you are, but they will not judge you - not even Jace, you parabatai, you know that, right?" Alec sat beside him. He didn't know what to say. He knew his family would never judge him, Clary and Simon would neither. It was the rest - his parents, their friends, the clave - it was Idris' reaction he feared. It was not like you were being haunted or banned, but he knew people would talk, and all Alec wanted was to be anonymous.

He was not angry anymore, just confused and frustrated. He hated himself for making Magnus feel like he was not worth the trouble, because he was! There were a lot of things Alec wanted to say. he wanted to say that he was sorry and ready, but he didn't - he was too scared and no words came out. "I know they won't judge me, I just don't think i'm ready..." Alec finally said, and the hurt look in Magnus' eyes made his heart twist. Why couldn't he just suck it up and be a man? Magnus rose, "I see, it was wrong for me to just call Isabelle without your approval, I did not mean to push you into something you are not ready for. It's my mistake and i'm sorry,"

before Alec could say anything, Magnus turned around and headed for the door, "i'm gonna take a walk - and Alexander?" Just before he left he lifted his head to catch Alec's eyes, "think about what it is you have to sacrifice, and ask yourself "is he worth it" because if the answer is "no", then I have absolutely no idea of what it is we are doing or why you are being with me," and then he turned and closed the front door. A shudder ran through Alec - he could not blame Magnus for feeling this way. It was not his fault, that his boyfriend was a pathetic shadowhunter who didn't have the guts to stand up for who he truly were, and instead kept hiding. Magnus deserved better.

"is he worth it?"

Magnus is the only one who is worth anything, Alec thought. He became mad at himself, they had been together for two months, no wonder Magnus had become impatient. Alec had just lived in his own little, save, bubble of love, hoping it wouldn't pop - but it just had and if wanted to make sure Magnus didn't leave him, because then he couldn't see any point of living, he had to turn things around and grow up.

Magnus was his life now, and if he lost him because of him being all whiny and self-pitying, he would never forgive himself. Magnus had asked him if he was worth it, and the answer was yes! it was yes and would always be yes! Alec grabbed his coat and ran out the door to catch up with his boyfriend to tell him, he was ready. Ready to make it official - it was time.

Im so sorry if this was too long, you see why I split it in two? ^^

So how was it? Did you like it? I swear the next chapter will contain some sweet make-up hanky panky in an alley (now you are warned, don't like it? don't read next chapter) and the boys' confession to their friends :-)))

Leave a review and make me happy! ^^

kisses xx