Beckett still couldn't grasp the fact that the man she once was madly in love with, was dead. It was the second case that really got to her inner core. Her emotions were all tangled up and they were impossible to straighten out. On the outside she looked together, even when she wanted to curl up in her bed and never leave.

Royce helped her get out of the dark hole that swallowed her after her mother's murder. Who would help her now? Josh wasn't good with advice and helping people out of tough emotional problems. He was only good at being a kind, smart doctor. But the real answer was in Royce's letter that he left for her.

Castle. Castle went to L.A. with her so she wouldn't be alone. Castle got in trouble with the LAPD with her without caring. Castle made sure she was okay after catching the killer. Castle was always there.

She knew her strong feelings for him needed to be confronted, but she was beyond scared. This fear always stopped her whenever they were alone.

Once her cell rang, with Castle's name on the screen, she quickly erased her thoughts.

"Hey Castle," she answered while holding her breath.

"I'm almost there," he replied with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Okay. I'll meet you outside," she responded and grabbed her purse before walking out of her apartment.

It was a warm morning with a new hope blowing in the wind. A hope that Beckett gladly inhaled. It was also perfect weather for Royce's funeral. She couldn't think of anyone else to take to the funeral, at least nobody better than Castle. He met Royce and got to know him a bit. Bringing someone that never knew him would put them in an uncomfortable position.

The cab finally drove up to her and the closest door opened. Castle peeked his head out while motioning her to come in. Once in the cab, she could feel the tension in the air. Tension that made absolutely no sense. She wondered if she was the only one who could feel it. And by the looks of it, she was. Maybe it was from Royce's letter or when she went back to the room to find that Castle went to bed. In that moment she was ready to admit every feeling she had towards him, Josh or no Josh. But it was understandable that he left because she basically rejected him.

She looked over at her partner who was looking through his phone as usual. A smile crept over her lips because she loved the geeky acts that he does daily.

They arrived at the church a little late and patiently waited for Mass to be over. Once it was over they rode with Esposito and Ryan. Nobody spoke because they had nothing to say and didn't want to say the wrong thing. Beckett was shocked that her boys didn't say a smart remark about her and Castle sharing a hotel suite. But she was glad because today was about Royce and Royce only.

The burial was the hardest part. She would never see her training officer, her friend and her first true love again. She couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks.

Castle could see that vulnerability in Beckett. He brought his arm around her waist and when she didn't pull away, he pulled her closer. Watching her cry broke his heart in a million pieces. He wanted to know she was going to be okay, but they didn't need words to figure out that she wasn't.

Once everyone dispersed and they were the only people there, he took his arm off her. She turned towards him and hugged him. He was surprised as he held her close. They stood this way for a few minutes until she pulled away. She looked up at him and for a second, he thought they were going to kiss, but she started to walk away. While he watched her kneel down near the gravesite, he thought about the trip to L.A.

If only he went in her room. If only he took the moments where they could have kissed and really did it. If only he kissed her just now. If only he could admit his feelings towards her.

If only...

AN: I know it's short, but I haven't updated in a while. There are probably a lot of errors in here. If you find any please tell me and I will fix them. I have no idea what to write next. I think I'll wait for the next episode. Reviews are appreciated as always.