.....
"Tonight I would like you to make a list."
Snape slapped a foot of parchment and a quill down in front of Harry. It was after class several days after their first detention. The potions master had decided that it was high time someone helped the boy deal with his emotions and whatever horrible events were clouding his judgement.
"A list, sir?" Harry asked in confusion.
"Yes." Snape stood straight, glaring down his nose at the boy. "I want a list of every significant event that has taken place in your life. Only the ones that have negatively impacted you - I do not care what wonderful things transpired at that god awful muggle household you have grown up in."
With those simple instructions, Snape turned on his heel and went to his desk. He began to mark essays and potions. Harry blinked in shock for a moment before drawing the writing utensils towards him.
"What if I refuse." Harry felt his insides turn cold as he waited for a response.
Snape was silent for a long moment. "Then there will be nothing I can do to help you, Potter." He answered.
Harry swallowed hard, but took the quill in his hand and began to write. He had to trust Dumbledore. Hand shaking slightly, Harry began to list the life of horrors no one knew was kept locked tight behind his green eyes. Before he knew it, the front of the paper was covered with tightly spaced lines so he turned the paper over and continued to write. By the time it too was filled, Harry had barely made it to his third year at Hogwarts. He put down the writing instrument and looked up at the front desk where Snape was bowed over a dwindling pile of papers.
"I've run out of room." Harry felt that the words were small and hallow in the oppressive silence of the dungeons.
Snape made a quick motion with his wand and another, empty, page appeared before Harry. Twenty minutes later, he was finished. As he pushed the papers away from him, Harry felt a sudden exhaustion settle over his muscles. It felt like he had run a marathon. A sharp ache between his shoulders indicated he must have been tense, though he could not remember it being that bad. He exhaled heavily and waited with growing tiredness as the hours wained.
"Very good, you may go now."
Harry jumped in his seat. Snape was standing next to him, holding the papers he had written and giving him a pointed look that seemed to say 'go to bed before you fall into a coma'. Harry slipped out of the chair and headed for the tower. He had never been so sleepy in his entire life.
Snape watched him leave with raised eyebrows. Turning back to his desk, the professor looked down to read what the boy had written. It had certainly surprised him when Harry had asked for more paper, after all, the boy was only a teenager. Just how many unsavory events could he have partaken in? Severus brushed long dark locks behind his ear and read.
.....
Chocolate eyes stared at the stone wall in shock, mouth open slightly, and eyebrows drawn near the hairline. Severus Snape could not believe that the boy had been though so much. It was impossible and yet, he knew that there had been no deception. The entire thing was too matter-of-fact.
Harry James Potter, bane of his professional life, had been horribly abused. The list was almost more than he could bear to digest. The teacher slumped against the back of his chair as he tried to comprehend the paradigm shift that had taken place in the last several seconds.
No more certainty existed in his mind. There had never been fawning or praise or mindless showers of gifts for the poor boy. Only hardship and loneliness. It hurt Severus to know that his best friend would have to learn of this from beyond the grave. Lily was going to kill someone when she found out.
Lily. Severus squeezed his eyes closed and gasped in a sharp breath. How could he have ever let his hatred of James Potter blind him to the harm being done right under his nose...to none other than Lily's son. His heart constricted painfully.
There would be no redemption, but he could try to make the load easier for Harry to bear in the future. The boy seemed almost well adjusted in his day to day life, but now Severus knew how strong that facade had become over the years. Perhaps by necessity. That knowledge almost sent the man to tears.
Bars placed over windows.
Starved for two weeks.
Threat to kill Hedwig.
Chamber of Secrets.
Fight with Basilisk.
The Tri-Wizard Tournament.
Cedric's death.
Fight in the graveyard.
Vision of Sirius being tortured.
Fight at the Ministry.
Death of Sirius.
The list went on and on. Most of it appeared to be in chronological order, but some seemed added as an afterthought - as if the boy had forgotten! Snape shook his head, wondering how that was possible. At least Harry had held nothing back. Every event, no matter how small, seemed to be listed in a tight, scraggly scrawl.
There would not be enough time to go over each event, but Snape knew that eventually Harry had to feel comfortable enough to discuss them when he needed to. So far, the boy had only suppressed and ignored his feelings - or so the teacher assumed - and that was about to change.
.....
"Tonight you will talk with Mr. Bangle, I assume you know of him?" Snape greeted his young charge.
Harry slid into his customary seat in the front row of desks. "Yes. He is one of the counselors."
"Correct. I have arranged for him to meet with you for several hours this week.
"What!" Harry jumped out of his seat, anger flushing his face. "You can't make me talk to him!"
Snape raised an eyebrow and folded his arms over his chest. "Mr. Potter, you sorely underestimate my ... motivation on the matter."
Harry felt confused. He clenched his jaw and took a step towards the door, prepared to leave and face the Headmistress' wrath instead of staying. He knew it had been a bad idea to trust in the spy. Not even Dumbledore would have forced a student into counseling.
"You're only doing this to torture me!"
Snape almost laughed in the boy's face at the sheer absurdity of his claim. As a Death Eater, Severus had been part of real torture. It twisted victims, filling their souls with a black despair that took years to dissipate. Harry Potter, of all people, should know what true pain felt like. He had felt it in the past, the list of written trespasses against his personal liberties were proof of that.
"You will sit back down and hold your tongue, young man." There was no room for argument. "Now!"
Harry sat back down, slumping in the seat with an unreadable expression on his face. He waited silently, watching the Potions Master collect himself. After a moment Severus explained.
"It is my duty as a responsible adult to see that your emotional needs are met. You are not willing to voluntarily undergo necessary treatment so I am taking over guardianship of you until further notice."
Harry's eyebrows shot up under the fringe of his hair, but he remained silent. Snape seemed taken aback by his silence and it took a long moment before the man continued.
"The Headmistress has signed the proper papers and until such time as I see fit to release you from my care, you will do as I say in matters concerning your health. Do you understand?"
Harry nodded, his face stony and dark.
Severus felt his stomach clench anxiously. He could not tell if the boy wanted to curse or cry, but either would have been preferable to the lack of reaction. Perhaps he had gone to far by yelling at the boy, maybe he should have been more patient.
"Well, what do you think, Potter?"
Harry drew in a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "I think this isn't going to work out, sir, if you can't even go five minutes without screaming your head off. I'm not a child, I'm not an adult - I am a teenager. You would do well not to forget it."
Snape was struck speechless by the boy's cheek.
"We will talk about this tomorrow." The teacher was able to choke out. "Return to your dorm."
Harry felt confused. He had only just arrived. "But-."
"Now! -I mean, now, please, Mr. Potter." Snape's voice had lowered, but not softened.
.......
"He's done what!" Ron cried, spraying a mouthful of scrambled eggs across the table.
"Eew!" Hermione exclaimed in disgust, pulling her book to her chest in time to save it from being splattered by the half-chewed food.
"Ron, honestly." Harry shook a piece of the debris from his robe with a frown. "It's not something you have to announce to the entire school. Besides, I'm only half-sure he wasn't joking. I'm going to speak with McGonagall after Transfiguration class."
"Professor McGonagall, Harry." Hermione corrected as she continued to glare at Ron.
"Whatever. My point is, that there is no reason for us to get all....gross....without knowing for sure." Harry said, directing his words to Ron.
"What?" Ron asked around a large mouthful of toast, baffled by their reproof. "I'm just saying."
"Yes. We've seen that." Hermione agreed with a wrinkle of her nose.
"So, you're really alright with this, mate?" Ron asked uncertainly.
Harry snorted. "Hardly! I just feel it would be better to save the really childish tantrum until I have no choice."
......
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Minerva asked the boy who was waiting in the doorway as the rest of the students trickled out.
Harry walked forward until he was even with the front row of seats. McGonagall was behind her desk, organizing the papers that had just been turned in to her. The Boy-Who-Lived felt strangely uncomfortable in her presence. It was almost like she had put on Dumbledore's persona like an old robe. It was unsettling.
Harry cleared his throat. "Is it true that Snape has guardianship of me now?"
Minerva cast him a sharp glance. "He's told you, has he?"
"Yes."
She sighed and folded her hands under her chin, fixing him with a look of worry. "If I had more time, I would do it myself, but Albus did wish you and Severus to ... come to an understanding. I thought it would be best to heed his last wishes. Don't you, my boy?"
She was looking over her glasses at him and for a moment Harry could have sworn she'd grown a white beard. He shook his head and the image disappeared. Perhaps he did need to see a therapist after all.
"Will I have to live with him? What is going to happen to me? Do I have to do everything he says? Is he adopting me?...Why?" His torrent of questions ended with that one, small word. Spoken in a soft almost-whisper.
Minerva closed eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose she tried to think of an appropriate answer. The boy was so fragile already, maybe she had done the wrong thing by forcing him into a position where he would have to be supervised by an self-described 'cranky old bat'.
She opened her eyes.
"No, dear, you will not be expected to live with him. You will have to obey him the same as any teacher, but you are always welcome to come to me if you disagree with anything. There will be a choice for you, my boy."
Harry's shoulders relaxed at this news. He felt a little better, but Snape was still, well, Snape.
"As for adoption..."
Harry blushed furiously, embarrassed that he had even asked in the first place.
"...A guardian is more of a mentor than a father. A role model, if you will."
Harry raised a sardonic eyebrow. "I am suppose to look up to Snape as a role model? Doesn't he have the dark mark?"
The teacher smiled softly. "Yes, but he's not the only one to have been marked by the dark lord."
The boy's hand automatically went to his scar. "Oh."
"Indeed. Now, if there is nothing else, I have things to do and you have a class to attend."
Harry nodded and turned to leave. He paused for a moment. "Professor?"
"Yes, Mr. Potter."
"Please, don't tell Snape that I asked about the adoption thing."
"Of course."
Unable to meet her gaze, Harry left without looking backward. He started to run so that he wouldn't be late for Potions.
.....
(AUTHOR NOTE: Once again, I will go back and edit/fix this story once it is finished so, please, do not flame or point out meaningless errors that will be gone from the next draft of this story)
I hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to review and let me know what you think. Thanks! 3