Chapter Three: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Jasper and I were sitting in the kitchen. It was finally nice to be able to control myself enough so I could be in his company once again. The rain was running down the windows and the skylights like waterfalls. It was actually kind of soothing. I was reading through some letters that came in the mail this morning.

Even though the vampire community on a whole decided to give me a wide birth, we still received quite a few requests for help. Normally, they were little squabbles, but lately there has been a few werewolf attacks. These were reported from different parts of the world. I furrowed my brow at the letter now in my hand.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Jasper asked. Apparently, he could feel my worry.

"Nothing." I said still engrossed in the letter.

"Liar." Jasper smirked.

"Fine, Mr. Smarty-pants!" Brothers "I didn't know there were werewolves in Sri Lanka."

"They travel, Bella."

"I guess."

"Why do you bring this up?"

"Because I've gotten four letters about werewolf attacks over the last month."

"So?"

"Nevermind." I got up to put the letters in the garbage. Carlisle and Eleazar came into the kitchen talking softly between them.

"What's up, Carlisle?" I asked.

"Nothing."

I looked over at Jasper and thought Liar. He laughed. Carlisle didn't seem to notice. I was just guessing that they were strategizing for today. I ran up to my room to get my coat and when I came back down they were already waiting for me.

"We need to go a little further east. Bella seems to be depleting the grizzly population too much." Carlisle said.

"Hey you're the one who keeps making me go." I said defending myself.

"As it were…" Carlisle continued. "We are going out further, so let's get in the car."

"Road trip!" Emmett bellowed.

The black Suburban pulled up to the side of the road after the three-hour drive. I never knew Emmett knew so many bad jokes.

"Stop me if you heard this one…" Emmett said.

"Stop." I cut him off.

"But I didn't even say anything yet." Emmett pouted.

"Emmett…" I looked at him and pointed to my head. Emmett started to sulk.

"That's an old one anyway." I rolled my eyes.

"Wasn't old when I was alive." He said quietly. Emmett was such a baby sometimes. I just rolled my eyes at him.

"Stupid know-it-all she vampire…." I heard Emmett mumble under his breath.

I unfolded myself from in-between Edward and Emmett. Carlisle and Eleazar started conversing again near the tailgate of the SUV. I decided it would be rude of me to eavesdrop so I butted out. Although, all the whispering was really starting to get annoying.

I went over and sat on the ground and waited for them to finish. I picked up three golf ball sized rocks. I was bored so I focused my mind and then they started flying in an orbit around each other. They started looking like a model of the atom.

"Hey Edward, next time we go back to school, do you think I could enter this into a science fair?" I asked absentmindedly.

"Yeah Bella, but only if you can invent an antigravity generator to explain why they are floating in mid air."

"Party-pooper." Edward rolled his eyes at me and I caught it out of the corner of my eye. "I saw that." Then I sent on of the rocks flying at his butt with just enough speed for him to feel it.

"Would you stop hitting me with stuff?" Edward asked.

"Nope!" I said with a laugh and took off into the woods and he was hot on my heels.

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The day was pretty much uneventful. I dropped another grizzly after a few meager attempts on my life by it. It really was starting to be more of a chore then anything. Edward, Emmett, Jasper and I were walking back in the direction of the car. Emmett kept boasting about taking down a bear the fastest. Jasper, Edward, and I just kept quiet letting him have his moment of glory. Carlisle and Eleazar were hanging back still talking between themselves. The wind shifted direction suddenly and I snapped!

I took off at top speed in the direction of the scent. The beast inside my chest was tearing and ripping, violently trying to get out. I was salivating like a wild animal. Venom filled my mouth. My senses were going crazy. I couldn't think clearly. I was mad with hunger and it was the most delicious scent. I felt the beast bust into my mind and wiping away whatever human thoughts I had left. It took control, and I was lethal.

Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle were screaming at me to stop. They were running right behind me, but they couldn't catch up.

"Bella, NO!" Edward screamed but I couldn't understand him. My mind was not working properly. The only thing that I could focus on was killing the prey that held that amazing scent. I would rip him open. It was so simple to break them. The struggling that I anticipated, only fueled my lust. I was envisioning sinking my teeth into his neck, puncturing him to release the blood. The blood! I wanted, no needed, that blood and there was nothing getting in my way.

"Eleazar, Now!" Carlisle shouted and then my body went numb. I dropped to the ground like a stone and slid on my side in the mud. I was frantic to get up but I couldn't feel anything. What the hell was happening?

Edward and the others stopped running a few feet from where I fell. They were staring at me with pity. This just enraged me more. I was not to be pitied. I was to be feared. I was lethal, deadly!

Just then, Eleazar walked into my view. It must have been him. He was stopping me from getting the blood. I roared at him and focused my mind to send him flying against a boulder a few feet behind him with an extraordinary force. He collapsed on the ground and I was free. I got up and started towards my prey once again, when Edward, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett landed on top of me.

I was struggling to get them off of me. I needed to hunt! The beast was thrashing violently. Why were they stopping me? I was irate! Hatred and violence were consuming me, burning my insides! I pushed as hard as I could, trying to throw them off. I roared, but they just pinned me harder against the ground.

"Bella, think!" Jasper spoke in a calming tone.

"Try and clear your mind." Carlisle added.

I continued to struggle. I got one hand loose and sent Jasper flying. He slammed into two trees before he finally landed on the ground. Eleazar came closer to help them pin me down, but Carlisle told him to stay away. He was afraid I would touch him. I didn't blame them. I sent Eleazar flying again back into the forest, further this time. I didn't want him to be able to numb me again. I needed to break free!

"Bella, please fight it!" Edward voice was pained.

Just then a clean breeze filled my nose. I began to think clearly once again. I could hear the thoughts of a human in the forest. He was fishing at the lake near by. He would have been about Charlie's age. Then the thought of Charlie flashed through my mind. I broke down right there under the pile of my family. Despair rocked me to the core. All this time I thought I was getting better, strengthening my willpower against my blood lust, but I was no better off now then I had been in the beginning.

"Edward," my voice was weak and broken, "get me out of here…please." I felt the others get up and Edward picked me up into his strong, protective arms. I closed my eyes, and buried my face in his chest. I cried there in his arms as he ran out of the forest.

The ride home had been completely silent. I sat out on our balcony with my back up against the wall, my knees pulled up into my chest. The rain was still coming down. It was a moonless night, the worst kind of darkness. I felt hallow inside.

One step forward, two steps back.