Chapter 4

Next time I opened my eyes, it was bright. Really, really, bright. Okay, I decided, back to sleep. Unfortunately, my mind decided that no, it wasn't tired, no it didn't want to go back to sleep, and it wanted to know what all the distracting noises around me were.

After a few more moments of battle, I sighed, conceded defeat, and prepared to be blinded.

Cracking open one eye, I was greeted with the sight of Quatre's head nestled next to my hand. Cracking open the other revealed to me Heero slumped over a chair on my other side. The distracting noise was Quatre's snoring. I wanted to laugh. Who knew little Quatre could snore like that?

I felt really touched and I just smiled a goofy smile at them until I heard another noise.

Trying to crane my neck to get a better view of the room did not yield satisfactory results. Ouch.

While I attempted to placate my screaming neck muscles, Chang Wufei walked into view. With a bowl of something steamy.

My stomach chose that moment to remind me I had been neglecting it shamefully for the past few weeks. I blushed.

Chang Wufei smiled at me. That brought me up short. I stared at him suspiciously for a moment, and then decided it must've been a fluke. And the food seemed far more important then, than any of my silly misgivings.

He levered me up gently – gently! – and proceeded to spoon some of that stew into my mouth. I glared at him, swallowed, and opened my mouth to object. Vigorously. Only to be stopped by another spoonful. I intensified my glare. Now I knew what poor Quatre felt like.

It went on like that for another five or six spoonfuls and I was about ready to explode. Chang Wufei just looked more and more amused.

I was on the verge of throwing a fit, when he nodded at the two people slumbering next to me and brought a finger to his lips.

I froze. Then it hit me. That...that...bastard! That's blackmail! At that moment, I really, really wished that looks could kill.

He was laughing at me. He had that funny little glitter in his eyes and he was biting his lip!

I growled at him. I couldn't help it.

And that did it. He just lost it, right there.

I looked away because if I kept staring at his grinning face, I would punch him. Hard. My eyes were ensnared by two blue ones, and I saw the telltale glimmer in Heero's eyes. He thought it was funny!

Powerless in the face of those blue eyes, I could only look at him helplessly.

So I did the only thing I could. I glared at both of them with equal disdain, stuck my tongue out, and stuffed my head under the covers.

Chang Wufei was really going at it now. I narrowed my eyes and wished spitefully that the bowl of soup would spill over onto his clean white shirt.

Quatre finally woke up, and I'm sure he found the scene he was in very disturbing.

"Duo!"

Oops. I'd scared him. He probably thought I'd accidentally suffocated myself or something.

I dared to lift my head up.

He just stared at me for a moment, and then squealed, I'm serious, he really did, "Duo! You're awake! After four days!" Four days? I stared at him, eyes big as saucers. I slept for four days?

Looking at me fearfully, he asked me anxiously, "What's the matter? Are you alright?" He was talking so fast I was kind of lost. "You were shot in your left shoulder and thigh. Do they ache? Do you need to change bandages?" I just shook my head at him. And then, of all the questions he could've asked, the next one was, "Are you hungry?"

I groaned. Wufei was totally hysterical by then, and Heero was actually eye-grinning! Grinning!

While gaping at Heero's grin, which was incredible, might I add, Quatre somehow managed to get Wufei to relinquish his hold on the stew. Then, he...stuck a spoonful of stew in my mouth!

Okay, see, that was really mean. I sent him a thoroughly outraged and humiliated look.

I gulped it down and sealed my lips, refusing to open it. I gave them a defiant stare, daring them to try to pry it open.

Heero poked me in the stomach. I squawked indignantly and got another bite of stew for my pains.

Quatre began grinning evilly, and with a dawning horror, I realized that glint I saw in his eyes was a thirst for revenge.

He smiled sweetly at me. "Don't worry," he assured me, "we'll let you eat by yourself in a couple of days."

While I stared at him, horrorstruck, Trowa walked in.

"Don't torture the poor guy," he chided. Yes! Salvation!

"But-" Quatre began, "but..."

"He just woke up," Trowa went on serenely, "and I'm sure he's not really hungry right now. Why don't you tuck him in and feed him later when he wakes up?"

I was horrified. Tuck me in? Feed me later? The traitor! I sent Trowa a look of unadulterated terror.

Trowa smirked at me.

"Wait...you guys..." I said weakly, "I'm fine, really. You don't need to do that. I-I..." I trailed off and looked at them imploringly.

They just grinned at me.

I made a split-second decision. "Okay, y'know what I'm really tired I think I'll go to sleep right now good night!" I dove back under the covers and began snoring, just for good measure.

Wufei started up again. My snores faltered for a moment and then Quatre started giggling.

I felt horribly betrayed. Really.

Though it was really nice that they were all smiling and laughing together.

I couldn't help a tiny secret grin. Then, with a surge of righteous anger, I turned it into a frown. I still felt dreadfully, undeniably betrayed. Really.

I fell asleep with visions of pouring soup all over tiny little Wufei's and Heero's and Quatre's and Trowa's that shrieked in high-pitched terror while I cackled madly, parading in my mind. That's why I had that smile on my face. Really.

Quatre held to his word. For the next two days, they treated me like some kind of infant, and nothing I did, threats, glares, not even begging, worked.

I think they derived some sort of twisted satisfaction from gleefully spooning food into my scowling face.

The doctor was long gone, called away on the third day for some emergency case. Since all I'd had to deal with was a cracked collarbone and a hole in my thigh, as well as severe blood loss, from which I was recovering nicely, I suppose I can't blame him. After all, Gundam pilots heal a lot faster, and a lot better than ordinary people not pumped full of strange chemicals.

At least I won one fight.

When Wufei approached me with a bright yellow sponge in the shape of a duck, and a bucket of water, I was prepared for anything than what he actually said.

After he offered to sponge bathe me, I sputtered for a whole two minutes. He grinned through the whole thing and I had the bizarre thought that he'd asked me just to watch me flounder.

Finally, I just told him, point-blank, no. And again. And again. And pretty soon, I ended up sputtering again.

And he, the bastard, just sat, and watched me like I was the funniest thing in the world.

In the end, I grabbed that stupid ducky sponge, threw it at his head, and ordered him to get the hell out.

That's when I realized I had an audience. The other three guys were standing in the doorway, and I just knew they were laughing at me. Again. What was it with people laughing at me lately? I glowered at them.

Wufei got up gracefully, bowed, and said very politely, "Yes, sir."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was making fun of me, wasn't he?

Halfway to the door, he paused, and said, "Would you like me to come back tomorrow?"

I didn't really have anything to say to that, besides a loud, emphatic, "NO!"

Then, I went back to sulking under the covers. I swear, I could hear them laughing even out there in the hallway.

But, today was the third day, and that meant I could feed myself, I could wash myself, and I didn't need someone helping me to the bathroom.

God, that's got to be the most humiliating thing in the whole world.

I savored the feeling of a spoon in my hand, and the rush I got when I, not anybody else, placed the spoon in my mouth, was unbelievable.

Then, I decided to take a shower. I was in Duo heaven. I exulted when the water washed the dirt away from my hair, and I felt like I was cleansing my soul or some sort of that crap. Unfortunately, heaven collapsed around my ears when I stepped out of the shower and exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I put the stupid cast back on my collarbone, which I totally did not need. Of course no one listened to me.

I dried my hair and decided to leave off braiding it until I could actually look at things without seeing double. I passed over the nightgown, thank god, for a regular pair of jeans and t-shirt.

Then I wobbled my way back to my room, where Quatre was waiting for me. When he saw me, this really concerned look filled his eyes, and like a flash, he was there, supporting me.

We got me settled comfortably into bed, and then I could see all the signs of a full-blown Quatre lecture.

Hoping to forestall it, I said, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." I sounded like a really grumpy kid.

Quatre subsided ruefully, and said, "I know, Duo." He tried again. "It's just that, you're still too weak-"

I interrupted him, "I'm fine, really. I just need some rest." I scowled at him. "Why do you guys keep fussing over me like that anyway?"

He looked at me kind of sadly, and said, "It's just that, when you collapsed that day...there was just so much blood..." He shuddered.

I felt sort of chagrined at that pale-faced look he was currently sporting.

He looked up at me, "You know you're our friend, right? You keep us all together, you know that?"

I stared at him, and he seemed to take that as a sign to continue. It poured out of him, like he'd been wanting to say it for a long time.

"I mean, Wufei might've not liked you before, but he really does care, something just clicked after he saw you, all bloody and coming to our rescue, and Trowa too. And Heero cares about you like he cares about no one else and when he saw all the blood I thought he would...I dunno...do something and he was so pale it was scary. And you're like my older brother. I've never had an older brother. Do you mind?" He looked at me hopefully.

I was kind of dazed after all that. Wufei cares? And Heero really looked so pale it was scary?

I grasped my scrambling thoughts, which were prodding at the startling revelations, and managed to say, "No, no, of course I don't mind." I smiled at him, and leaned forward, as if sharing a secret. "You know what? I kinda think of you as my little brother too."

His eyes widened, and widened, and widened some more, and then he looked like he was going to cry.

Before I knew it, he was hugging me again. Then he let go just as fast and wiped at his eyes furiously and gave me a wobbly smile.

"Can...can I call you big brother?" He looked at me with such hope in his eyes I couldn't have denied him my right arm if he'd asked for it.

"Sure." I smiled warmly at him. "Don't mind if I call you little brother, then, hmm?" I nudged him playfully.

The joy in his eyes was almost painful to see, and that smile certainly looked like it had to hurt; it was so freakin' wide.

We just sort of sat in an easy, brotherly silence for a little while, and then he left, saying he had to fix dinner.

I was left to ponder on those things he'd said. Keep them together? As if, I scoffed. That'd be Heero, he's our leader after all, or maybe little Quatre, with his sweet nature. Or even Trowa with his reliability. More likely to be Wufei with his good sense (usually), than me. I shrugged off that. He was probably exaggerating.

But that part about Wufei had surprised me. I'd known that Wufei and I had crossed some hurdle after that disastrous affair at the Oz base. Proof of that was that I actually called him Wufei, and not Chang Wufei.

I'm not really sure why, though. I gnawed on that for a moment. I pictured his eyes. I do that a lot now, since I first used Heero's eyes to figure out why I was so freakin' scared of him.

Yes, there was something different about Wufei's eyes. What was it? And I remembered, all of a sudden, how I had wanted respect from him so long. That was it...there was respect in his eyes. I grinned foolishly. Duo Maxwell succeeds in another lost cause.

Heero cared about me. That just brought this warm, fuzzy feeling to my chest. I hugged it to me, and fell asleep with the happy weight of his regard covering me warmer than any measly, old blanket.

God, that was sickeningly sentimental. I stuck my tongue out at my sarcastic voice and ignored it.

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking at the door.

"Mmmm?" I said sleepily.

"Dinnertime," Heero's voice came from beyond the door.

"Oh right," I yawned. "Gimme a sec."

Pulling back the covers, I stretched and rubbed at my eyes. "Okay, 'm coming."

Opening the door, I grinned at Heero, and realized with a slight sense of shock, that he was only an inch or so taller than me. He seemed so much bigger. I marveled at that fact for a moment, before noting the way he was just plain staring at me.

"Is something wrong?" I ventured.

"No," he was quick to reassure me. "Let's go to dinner."

"All right," I said agreeably.

The pleasure I felt at being able to feed myself hadn't lessened any, and I relished every bite with joyful abandon.

After clearing half my plate, I finally looked up, only to catch Wufei and Quatre shooting me the most peculiar looks. I pretended like I hadn't seen them, and then noticed Heero and Trowa looking at me weirdly.

After another five minutes of catch-the-strange-looks, I couldn't resist asking.

"Guys?" I said tentatively.

They looked at me inquiringly.

"Is there something wrong with me?"

They all looked so...astonished at the idea that I laughed.

"Why...why would you think there's something wrong with you?" Wufei said, as if it were the weirdest thing in the world.

"Well, it's just that..." I poked at the chicken with a fork, feeling terribly embarrassed about the whole thing now.

"Yes?" Quatre prompted.

"Well, you guys keep looking at me funny."

When they just stared at me, I said defensively, "You do. I look up and Wufei's staring and then he looks down and then Trowa's looking at me and then he looks down and then you and Heero start staring..."

I trailed off. Now I sounded like some kind of paranoid freak.

I sighed heavily and resumed mangling the food on my plate.

"Duo..." Quatre's voice broke my concentration and I looked up.

He looked unaccountably discomfited.

I stared at him, willing him to spit whatever it was, out.

"It's just that, well, we've never seen you with your hair down," he indicated its unbound state with the end of his fork.

Instinctively, I reached for my braid, and found, to my surprise, that it wasn't trailing to my butt in a smooth coil of rope.

Trowa cracked me a tiny grin. "You look rather nice with your hair down," he said comfortingly.

I blushed, and couldn't help noting Heero's almost invisible nod of agreement.

"And, well, you looked so happy while you were eating." Quatre added.

"Is there something wrong with that?" I was back to being defensive.

"No, no. It's just that you looked really happy." I swear, his cheeks were practically pink.

I raised my eyebrow.

"What he means," snickered Wufei, "is that you looked like you were having s-"

Trowa clapped a hand over Wufei's mouth.

"It's all right," he smiled at me warmly, "I'm just glad you enjoy it so much."

"Well, he doesn't need to enjoy it that much..." Wufei grumbled.

"And whose fault is that?" I snapped.

He looked at me, and all of a sudden, we were both remembering the terrible – for me, anyway, times they handed me, and my totally ineffectual objections.

I started blushing again. I couldn't help it. And he started laughing again, that laugh that I'd really grown to hate when I couldn't move without someone pouncing on me and trying to make me 'as comfortable as possible.'

That hadn't changed. I still wanted to wipe that annoying grin from his face.

I scowled at him and pointedly looked away.

Trowa was grinning again, and Heero looked amused. The traitors.

Quatre ignored it and dove right into a question that just kind of burst out of him, "How did you do it?"

"Eh?" That kind of confused me. "Do what?"

"Everything!" He exploded, waving his arms around in an arc to emphasize his words, "the whole act, and rescuing us and everything. You shouldn't have even been able to walk!" He looked at me accusingly.

We all sobered up pretty quickly after that, and I thought about it. Did I really want them to learn about Shinigami, the other me? It's not really something you talk about casually; he's the kind of thing you only share with close friends, and only the ones who won't call you crazy and ring up the asylum for a straitjacket.

But then Quatre looked at me with that pleading look in his eyes, and like I said, I couldn't have denied him the world.

"Okay, but let's go to the couch, huh?" If I was going to tell the story, I was going to tell it somewhere squishy and comfy.

He nodded, and we all migrated over to the coffee brown sofa, and I settled myself firmly into one of its plump cushions.

They stared at me expectantly.

I tried to go about it the less direct way. If I said it right out, they'd definitely think I was a raving lunatic. "Well, you remember the laughing?"

Quatre shuddered. "As if I could forget."

"It was kind of me, and kind of not."

That didn't quite cut it, and they obviously had no clue what I was talking about.

I tried another tack. "Do any of you guys have another kind of you, that you call up sometimes?"

They looked at me, incomprehension written on their faces, so I plowed on.

"Well, I told you I call myself Shinigami, right? God of death and all that crap?"

They nodded.

"Well, there's me, Duo, and then there's Shinigami. He's kinda a part of me, my dark half, you could say," I gave them a wry look. "When I fight, sometimes, I let him take a bit of control, because he's not afraid of death, and funnily enough, stays alive better because of that." I shrugged at them.

They were all listening to me with these intent looks in their eyes. I eyed them warily. I hoped that wasn't the look people gave somebody they thought was a loony bin.

"Yeah, so I just sort of let him take over my body for a little while, and he didn't really mind the pain or anything so that's how I could move..."

Then I took the plunge. "And...he really does kind of like killing. He likes having the power over life and death, I guess."

I chanced a look up and they were staring at me again.

When they still didn't say anything, I knew I'd lost them.

"I'm sorry," I apologized in a tiny voice, "I know you're probably all disgusted-"

"NO!" They exploded.

My head shot up from my knees to look at them, and suddenly they were there and Quatre was hugging me again.

"But...but," I protested pathetically, "he..."

Quatre said firmly, "We don't care. You're still Duo, you're still our friend, no matter what."

"You don't understand," I said a bit desperately, "he's a part of me. He's like my darkness, and he's cruel and evil-"

Trowa bopped me on the head lightly and stopped mid-rant to look at him indignantly. "Hey, it's all right, Duo. We're all kind of weird. We're not going to throw you out just because there's a part of you that's a bit crazy." He grinned at me.

Wufei snorted. "That's not the only part of him that's a bit crazy," he muttered.

Quatre scowled and smacked him in the arm.

I could barely believe it. They didn't mind! But what about Heero?

He'd been quiet so far, and when I looked at him, he seemed rather thoughtful. I searched him frantically for some form of...I guess, forgiveness, and no one was more amazed than I when I got it.

He reached out with one hand and I found myself watching its progress with wide eyes. When he took my hand, I couldn't still the shiver that ran through me and I was so proud of him I thought I'd rupture something. This was the first time he'd reached out to me, instead of me to him.

They'd forgiven me for housing a...monster. I wanted to cry.

I grinned at them all, and blinked my eyes furiously. When the pricking behind my eyes had diminished, I just looked at them and couldn't say anything.

"Duo Maxwell, at a loss for words?" Wufei struck a dramatically astonished pose.

I giggled; it escaped from my mouth even as I tried to force it down.

They were all smiling at me, in their own way, and things just suddenly seemed seriously surreal. Before I got shot, when we weren't too exhausted to talk, Trowa barely opened his mouth, and now listen to him! Wufei hated me and now we were joking like old pals! And Heero, Mr. Stoic, was actually smiling! It wasn't just an eye-smile, if you can say 'just' about that, and his mouth was twitching upwards!

Well, I thought wonderingly, I'd have gotten shot so much sooner if I'd known this'd happen!

That thought just struck me as wildly funny, and I started laughing, and pretty soon, I was laughing so hard that I could barely breathe, collapsing into a pile of shivering giggles.

"Duo?" "Duo?" I was going to freak them out if I didn't stop soon.

I opened my eyes and forgot to breathe when I found three heads right above my face.

"Yaaaah!" I scrambled up to a sitting position, and they stared at me, totally mystified. "Guys," I sighed, "do you know how scary it is to open your eyes and see a three-headed monster?" I frowned at them sternly.

Now they were puzzled, with a good dollop of fear.

"Never mind," I waved it off. Then I realized something. "No missions?" I breathed.

I looked at Heero, and he said firmly, "No. No missions. I notified J of our conditions and he agreed. Until you've fully recovered from your injuries, no missions."

I whooped. I wanted to do a little dance too, but apparently, I really was still recovering, and my body decided at that moment to shut down.

So, I just went with the flow and burrowed into the couch, hugging a pillow to me.

Dimly, I could hear them talking about something, and someone picked me up. I cuddled into his chest.

"Mmm..." At first, his warmth tempted me to relax and let everything go, but then I recognized the fact that I was being carried, and made a token protest. "I can walk, don' need to carry me."

He chuckled, and I identified him as Wufei. Opening my eyes, I growled meekly at him, belatedly noticing Heero walking beside us.

"Heero?"

"Go to sleep, Duo." He eye-smiled at me again. I was ecstatic. That was how many times in the last hour?

Dreamland was calling, though, so I succumbed to its siren call with barely a struggle at all.