A/N: You guys are so sweet! Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing :) Also, I'm really surprised by the number of Story Alerts :O thanks!
Hum...just try not to kill me after this chapter, please.
Disclaimer: I think my readers will hate me after this, so I'll have to stop writing. Real writers don't stop writing when they have this amazing characters to play with.
March the 2nd, 2013
Castle,
I need to get out.
Remember that guy, Carlton, that I told you about? Remember me telling you that he didn't come down here very much but that when he did he was quiet? Remember me telling you he wasn't the worst of them?
It only took him five extra minutes here two days ago to prove me wrong.
He came in while I was sitting on the bed and I immediately realized he looked different. His blue eyes were glazed and he had this twisted smile on his face, as he put the tray with the food on the table next to the door and told me to get up. At first I was reluctant and I pretended I didn't hear him, but he kept repeating it, rougher every time and then he was calling me names. It's been a year but sometimes I still have to remind myself that I have no power in here. I'm just so used to being in control, you know?
When I finally got up, his twisted grin increased and he came closer, his hands were sweaty as he roughly grabbed my arm. "They're all out" He said. "I can do whatever I want to you without having people interrupting us." He put an arm around my waist, pushing me heavily against him. I struggled to stay as far from him as I could, but he's tall and strong and I felt so weak, so tiny.
"What do you feel like doing, you little slut?" His eyes where crazy as he leaned his face forward. I turned my head to my right side but still I could feel the alcohol in his breath. He was so close now, I remember I closed my eyes tightly with repulse, but he wouldn't move away. Suddenly, his hand was on my face forcing me to look at him again. And then his lips were brushing mines and he was whispering stuff that I couldn't even understand. Or probably I wasn't really listening. I moaned with rage and tried to pull away as he opened his mouth, but one of his hands was strong on my back and the other was grabbing my chin so roughly that I couldn't fight it. I tightened my lips but he persisted. And then his hands were all over me, grossly making their way under my shirt and he wouldn't stop, so I spit in his face. I don't know what I was thinking, it could have made things so much worse, but you know I'm not (at all) the kind of girl that gives in without putting up a fight. You know what he did? He let me go. Although I was terrified, I didn't move and looked him in the eye as he rubbed his hand on his face to clean up. There it was again, that twisted smile of his, but he wasn't holding me anymore, instead he was making his way to the door and I let out a deep breath. He heard me and turned around, "I'm not done with you yet." He said.
When he left I felt sick, I just wanted to kneel in front of the toilet and throw up until I collapsed.
This is terrible. This feeling. Every time I hear footsteps I crawl in my bed like a child and I pray for it not to be him. Every time that door opens I'm afraid to look, I'm afraid to see him.
This isn't me, Rick. I'm not this scared little girl. I am strong. I am tough. I used to be.
I probably would never really tell you this. It would kill you, wouldn't it? It hurts me but it would kill you to know someone did these things to me and that you weren't here to protect me. It's not your fault of course, but you'd blame yourself anyway, wouldn't you Castle? That's just who you are. But it's okay, you are helping me in a certain way, just by existing. I'm writing to you. This is the only thing that keeps me going.
I need to get out of here.
Dear God, whoever you are, if you even exist please just let me get out of here. I promise I will make everything right this time. I promise I will let go of the past.
I promise I will let him take care of my wounds. Just get me out of here before it's too late.
(Oh, now I'm praying? I never even believed in God before!)
Rick please. Find me.
And bring my gun. I'm gonna need it.
With love,
Kate
A/N2: Okay pleaseee forgive me for doing this to Kate. But before you beat me up, let me tell you that what happened here won't go any further, or I'll just burst into tears while writing. Also I promise better things will come up with time. Don't worry, everything will eventually get better.
Will you try to forgive me? :$
Clara