Mid-air
Standard disclaimer appliy
"Is that Blue Nile?" she suddenly asked him.
They were sitting by the window today, watching and sheltering from the rain. From beyond the glass window, one could see the downpour and the cars, blinking yellow lights all over the streets and people under the tiny protections of their umbrellas running through and forth and all this contrast of different colors.
And yet here they are, sitting across each other and he could see the curiosity in her eyes.
"Yeah. Well, it's Paul Buchanan. Same difference."
She was wearing her hair differently today, tying it and combing it to her right side as it opens up a different aspect of her face, and her white neck. It's funny how when girls tried different styles with their hair and it suddenly made them look different. It's at times like this when she does feminine stuff which reminds him of the fact that Akiyama Mio is a girl. A beautiful girl he might add. He doesn't really know how to put it, but she has become more beautiful in the three months since he know her.
"May I?" she asked him, pointing to his headphone.
He just smiled and offered her, "Sure,"
She took it from his hand and wears it on her left side and her eyes wandered as he resumes the song.
It was at that moment of quietness as she stares outside and a smile on her face that he couldn't help but stare at her; her eyes, dark and her hair, contrasting to her pale skin and her slender neck that he couldn't help but noticing the whiteness of her collarbone. Her fingers, long and as she placed her cheek on her palm and her eyes staring beyond the window, underneath the accent of low lights and the café as its back drop, she was seriously beautiful it's unfair.
It was then when she noticed his prying eyes and offered him a smile.
"It's a nice song," she told him in which he replied with a small laugh.
"It's Paul Buchanan. Of course it's nice."
She smiled at him again, that same smile and underneath the dim lights and the café as its backdrop, he had to wonder why that one simple smile made his heart aflutter and his cheeks burst but at the same time causing his heart to drop and ache, just a tiny bit. But maybe, just maybe, it's enough for now.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Damn it, Kou. I know you heard it the first time. Don't make me say it again."
The girl was Chika Ishinomori, his classmate and one of his few friends in the school. They were sitting beside each other in the Gazebo within the school compound where you can see the cherry blossom tree at the center and the whole school building. He only had six close friends in that school; including Akira and during lunch time, the six of them would always go there, far from the prying eyes of teachers and other school mates.
It is the only place in the whole school where he could think properly. But it was then, sandwich in his hand as he sips down his ice lemon tea, when all their other friends went to the toilet and the both of them were talking about something silly; something they normally do, and as simple as that she suddenly said, "Kou, I'm in love with you."
He was taken back, surprised even. Chika, since he first knew her five years ago has always been someone who somehow hated his guts. In any other normal days, Chika would shoot down anything he said with cynicism and snark. But then, in any other normal days, she wouldn't say that she was in love with him.
She was a bit rough, tomboyish in her nature. Short brown hair and bangs that complement her face nicely and sharp dark eyes; she has always been the athletic type, having led their school basketball team to the interstate finals, she's the favorite among the team and coach. And due to her sport nature, she was rough but there's no denying that sometimes, her feminine nature shows up, complemented by her long lovely legs.
But the fact that she suddenly confessed to him was one fact he never thought would be possible.
"Oi," she suddenly said, her fingers fidgeting and her face low as she tried to cover her reddening cheeks. "Say something."
He felt the pace of his heart increases. "Well, what do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. Maybe; I love you too, sorry, not interested or piss off loser, get out of my life?"
He had to laugh at that last one, "I didn't say that, I would never say that!"
She could only let out a timid smile, "Yeah,"
He scratched the back of his head. This is mighty awkward. What will he say, what can he say? There's this attractive young women whom he has known for five years, in which he build a weird rapport of trust and hate and she suddenly said she has a thing for him. In that moment, he was certain that someone somewhere is having the time of their lives with his weird quandary.
There's this cowardly part in his brain that thinks he should just keep quiet, let it slide and stall until the rest of their friends arrive. There's another part of him that says he should just go out with her. She was cute and he knows her more than he knows other girls and that this is the natural progression of any friendship. But there's this small part in his brain that resounds similarly in his chest that somehow screamed he should not do this. This is unfair to both him and her and their friendship.
"How long have you had this, affliction?"
He could hear her snort, "This isn't a sickness, you dick."
He begged to differ. The fact that somehow she could fall for someone like him definitely means she was sick somewhere.
She lets out a long and heavy sigh as she buried her face in her palm, rubbing her face and nose. "Since last cultural event, I guess."
"That was like eight months ago,"
"Yeah. Eight months ago."
He wants to ask the how and why but he couldn't. He was afraid. As she stares at him, her eyes searching for answers, he wondered to himself whether he have the same expressions whenever he looks at Akiyama. And a part of his brain couldn't help but subconsciously compare her to Akiyama. She had a different beauty to the quiet Akiyama. Where Mio is calm and gentle, hers was bold and confident in a way that speaks louder than words.
He scolded himself for thinking so as she saw her brown eyes again.
Taking a deep breath, he never thought that words could be so heavy.
"You're a dear friend to me, Chika." He said; the words escape him like it always did. "I'm sorry for not loving you the way you love me."
He could see her eyes dim and a breath escape her lips. The words are now out, hanging in the air and there's nothing he could do to take it back. But then, she just smiled. It was forced but it was bright and it cuts like a knife.
"Yeah," she breathed. "I guess as much."
In her sad smile and his pathetic ones, as he heard footsteps of his friends coming along and she burst in her normal visage, scolding them for being late, he wondered whether he should say it differently; find kinder words, anything to soften the blow.
He was seventeen then and that was the first time he broke someone's heart.
The rain drops just as he reached the bus station. It's a weird feeling; this close shave and the rain was heavy the way it usually did this time of the season. There's barely anyone here so he took a seat, staring at the dull drops of the rain, wondering when it will let up.
It was then when he heard someone called his name. He turned to his right and saw Chika, standing under a yellow umbrella.
"Must you look so pitiful, just sitting there?"
He was a bit surprised. She was actually talking to him. After the incident then, he just naturally assumed she doesn't want anything to do with him after all.
"Come on, I'll walk you home."
"No, it's okay. I'll just continue sitting here, pitifully."
"You don't have to run from me, you know?" she suddenly said, her smile, sad.
It was a simple word but the meaning stung him more than it should have. Of course, she was one of his longest friends. Even after all is said and done, she was still his friend. Even if he tried consciously to avoid her, it will never change the fact that they are indeed friends.
As he took the umbrella from her and they brave the rain together, he wondered if his avoidance of her was for her sake or his.
They talk, the way they normally did like any other day. They talked about the weather, television shows, his band, her club and all other normal things they talked about it. But he felt it. He's certain she felt it too, that there's a wall between them now. Whenever the topic would inadvertently lead to romance and love, he noticed that how quickly she changed the subject and how quickly he joined her.
It's a bit suffocating and sad and the yellow umbrella that's too big for either of them suddenly felt too small.
"Why did you fall for me?" he suddenly asked and he saw how her pupils dilated.
Her step paused and they stop, a yellow umbrella too obvious in the middle of the damp street and rain.
Her fingers fidget again and she rubbed the back of her neck as she offered a desperate smile "Is it even important?"
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, you know."
"It's not that weird, Kou. People fall in love every time."
"Yeah, but not with me."
She turned to him with this look he didn't know how to describe. "Why do you always bring yourself down, Kou?"
The question stung him more than he would admit.
"Why do you say that?"
"You see, whenever we talk and the topic comes to you, you would always brush it off as if it's unimportant."
"Because it is unimportant,"
"You are not unimportant!" she raised her voice; not loud enough that the whole streets could hear them but suffice enough to take him by surprise. "Not to me, so don't say that. Never say that."
He tried avoiding her eyes. Her stare is too clear and too honest it almost breaks him. Letting out a tired sigh, he finally spoke. "Chika, for such a wonderful girl, you really have a shit taste in men."
The girl let out solemn smile, "Who knows. You can't really help you fall in love with."
He had to laugh at that.
"But," she continued, her smile bright, "For all intent and purpose, I'm glad it was you."
He didn't know what to say. Here in front of him was his friend, one of the most wonderful girls he had ever known despite her rough demeanor. Part of him was glad, happy the somehow there is someone like her that appreciate his company, regardless of how insipid it might be. But another part of him felt sad. Why did she have to waste her emotion for someone like him? Wishing that he could love her as much as she did him is unfair to both him and her so he wished for something else.
He wished deeply in his heart as her friend that someone will love her wholeheartedly and bring her happiness.
They've finally arrived in front of the café, slightly wet from the wind and water. He offered to treat her coffee but she declined.
"Also," she offered, slightly nervous, "I don't think I'm ready to meet this 'Akiyama' person."
Ah, crap.
"Where the hell did you get her name from?!"
"Akira. Well, you know how he is once a while." She smirked.
Kou inadvertently burry his face in his palm, his cheeks flushed. Kid doesn't know when to shut up!
"So, give it to me straight. Is she the reason you rejected me?"
He began massaging his eyelids, his temple and his cheeks as if it can throw away his embarrassment before coming to the conclusion that it was stupid and let out a heavy sigh.
"One of it, at least. Sorry 'bout that."
The girl let out a small smile before shaking his head. It was then in a single moment, in a simple instance, she reaches for him and land a small kiss on his left cheek.
"What was that for," he asked both in surprise and embarrassment as he tried to hide his reddening cheeks. That is the first time a girl ever kissed him.
Chika let out a playful smile, "For being kind, I suppose. For not blowing me off after everything."
He could let out small, "Ah,"
"Also," she continue, "At least I win something against this Akiyama."
"This is not a competition, Chika."
"Tell that to your cheeks."
"Shut up,"
The girl let out a laugh before she bid him off. Holding the yellow umbrella, she went through the rain and wind and he find himself smiling as he went inside the café.
It was warm, dim and welcoming, the way it always did ever since he was young and by the glass window, he can't help but laugh as he saw Akiyama, wiping her wet hair with a dry towel; a hot tea in front of her and a look of utter annoyance in her eyes.
"What," she asked, her eyes judging him.
He just shake his head and make his way to her, pulling the chair the opposite of her.
"You forgot to bring your umbrella?" he asked.
"Why do I have the feeling this won't end well," she sighed.
"Hey, I didn't mean anything. Just a keen observation."
"Yeah, well unlike you I don't have the proper protection of a yellow umbrella." She smirked.
"Ha-ha,"
It was nothing at first before slowly, his brain began to register the facts and he began to think.
"Wait, you were sitting here."
"Yup,"
"By the window,"
"Yup,"
"The whole time,"
"The whole time,"
Heat began to rise up to his cheeks as he finally saw her full smirk as she put the wet towel on the table.
"She was cute,"
His head fell flat on the table and he groan, his head fill with thoughts of how it must have looked.
"I didn't know you have a girlfriend,"
"She's not. And no, I don't want to talk about it!" he manage to groan with his face flat on the table.
He heard her small laugh before suddenly he felt the touch of a warm towel on his head and a soft hand. It took him a while to realize that Akiyama is currently drying his hair.
"Akiyama,"
"Ichinose,"
"What are you doing?"
"Drying your hair, silly. You're going to catch a cold if you leave it."
He didn't say anything as he felt her fingers and her hand and the towel moved across his head as she wipes his hair dry. It was a strange feeling, a warm peculiar feeling. He never had anyone did this to him before, not since his grandmother.
"I used to do this to Ritsu when we were kids,"
"Really?"
"Yeah," he heard her laugh. "She used to play in the rain and when it gets dark, she just stopped by my house all wet. I had to force her to take a bath and dry her hair. And she would be angry with me all night even when we went to sleep."
"Sounds fun,"
He heard her laugh again, "Yeah, I guess it was."
It was a different feeling, this. Even with the towel, he could feel her fingers, long and gentle. Maybe it was the heat of the moment, maybe because it was the first time in a long time that someone did something like that to him that he felt like crying or maybe it was the Chika, with her courage to confess to him all the things she represents that drive the fact to his thick skull compels him to grab her hand as she wiped his hair.
He could hear her gasp as he felt the coldness of her fingers subside and his warmness spreads on her skin.
"Akiyama," he said, his head is still down, "Let's go out tomorrow."
And then there was a pause. He could practically heart the pacing of his heart and the blood rush to his ears as he felt his arms palm sweat. She must've noticed it too, she always did.
"Well," he heard her start, her tone apologetic. "Tomorrow I have band practice"
"Ah," of course. It was actually true; she always had band practice on Thursdays. Silly him, maybe he should've planned this beforehand, rather than jumping the gun like he always did, him and his stupid mouth. If there's one thing he wished he inherited from his mother is the ability to think before he acts, rather relying on gut feelings or instinct because time had taught him again and again that his gut has shit for brain.
"How about Friday?"
"What?"
"Yeah, Friday. I don't think I'm doing anything on Friday."
His eyes shot up, looking at her eyes as he saw her cheeks flush just slight pink.
"You serious?" he stood up.
"Ichinose," she looked at him of utter betrayal, "You're the one who brought it up."
"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head, "I guess I did."
She let out a long sigh before giving him a smile, "So, it's a date then?"
He couldn't help but smile back, "Yeah, it's a date."
"Also, Ichinose?"
"Yup,"
"Can I have my hand back?"
It took him a moment to finally register what she was talking about and pulled his hand.
"Sorry,"
But the girl only smiled.
It was raining outside. Sheltering from the wind and rain, underneath the small light of the café that seemed to accent her blushing feature, his mind drifted again to Chika and her confessions, his own reasoning of not accepting her and her anger towards his own incompetence and his own standing amidst everything.
But then Akiyama smiled and his breath stuck in mid-air, he thought to himself that maybe, just maybe, this is enough for now.