Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: Whoo sorry for the wait, November was a CRAZY month for me, I went to visit a Grad School and had to work double shifts to make up for my ten days off. The holidays are coming up so hopefully I'll find more time. I'm doing my best I promise. This chapter is EXTRA long and as a warning this chapter is M rated!
Anonymous Reviews:
sinopsiswww: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it!
Anara: hehehe you'll get your wish for flashbacks FOR SURE
Kristin: Thanks so much, I'm enjoying writing Jane and Dani's interactions, make for a cute scene but it won't be easy for him to just win his daughter over
ilovetea: It has to be slow but Jane is well aware he has a time constraint as you'll see in this chapter
noan-3105: Awww thanks, I loved that fic so much, I had to finish it.
Chapter 4:You're All I Taste at Night Inside of My Mouth
Through the Red John investigation I learned there are many types of pain. A lot of it was mental, as the weight of carrying on a lengthy case that seemed to twist in on itself and the people I loved nearly destroyed me. The worst physical pain was undoubtedly when I was shot by Agent O'Laughlin, but that wasn't the worst pain I went through. It was an enduring pain, the kind that destroyed you little by little and piece by piece. It was the grind of going to another crime scene with the knowledge that there was still so much we didn't know; we didn't have a name, a face, or even a fingerprint.
The worst moments are hard to describe. Perhaps the time I almost was killed myself. But somehow I think finding me cold and still and covered in blood was more terrifying for Jane. Then there is when Jane was put on trial himself – I'll never forget those hours as I wondered if a jury would convict him for life or death. It was one of the few times I prayed for an exoneration. But if I were honest with myself I would say the most painful moment was when it was all over and everyone I loved went their separate ways. For the first time in a decade I was truly alone.
From Tyger Tyger by Teresa Lisbon
Lisbon decided to revise her imagination of hell from one of fire and brimstone to white taffeta and rash-inducing tulle. She hated wedding dresses, always had. They were overpriced torture devices that were marketed for desperate women as the gown of gowns when it was nothing more than a piece of fabric she would only wear once. So why the hell was she standing in a dressing room putting on a white a-line skirt with silver accents and a Bataeu neckline?
Oh right, it was all Kate's fault.
"Remind me again why I can't wear a real dress?" Lisbon grumbled over the dressing room door.
"Because if I'm going to wear that fabulous bridesmaid dress I picked out then you are going to have wear something that will upstage me," Kate said.
Lisbon rolled her eyes. "How modest of you."
"Will you just come out so we can see you?"
She heaved a big sigh before stepping out of the dressing room and walking up onto the little pedestal before the row of mirrors. She heard Kate and Annie gasp with delight, like every woman on any rom-com did when their friend stepped out in a bridal gown. But it was little Dani who actually spoke first. "Mommy you look beautiful!"
Lisbon had to smile then and held out her hand for her daughter step up onto the pedestal with her. "But not half as beautiful as you."
She meant it. Dani looked like a little angel in her flower girl dress. A beautiful confection of a matching a-line skirt with a chiffon split front and cap sleeves. It was the easiest task Lisbon had had during this wedding and the one she found most enjoyable.
Kate and Annie were wearing matching bridesmaid dresses: strapless dresses with a pleated bodice and a sweetheart neckline in satin the color of lapis. They looked great, no doubt because Kate had great taste. But Dani outshined them all in Lisbon's opinion.
"Beautiful," the sales rep said stepping forward. "But perhaps a little long? I'll go talk to our tailor."
Lisbon was left to stare at herself in the mirror. Everyone was gushing about how lovely her wedding dress was and she agreed, the dress was quite beautiful. It was simple and did well to play up her assets and hiding her flaws, it was modest enough but classic. But she simply wasn't comfortable. Wearing the dress was a reminder that the clock was ticking in three weeks she would be getting married. She should be happy about that, but really all she felt was unsettled, the knot only tightening in her stomach. The knot that had twisted the day Jane had come back into her life.
Kate noticed the way she was looking at herself. "Is something wrong with the dress?"
"Huh? No! The dress is fine," Lisbon said quickly.
"Fine?"
"It's perfect, gorgeous, the most beautiful dress I've ever worn," Lisbon expounded, having to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."
"The psychic and the fiancé are meeting tonight," Annie explained.
Kate gasped. "Oh right, I forgot about that."
Lisbon was surprised that Kate had forgotten about the dinner she was going to have that night with Jane and Chris and the past. But perhaps she shouldn't have been, she'd done everything she could the past few days to avoid anything with Jane. That included making up excuses to try and keep him out of her home. Her phone was full of voicemails from him asking to see Dani. She knew he'd come by the house too, but she'd been doing what she could to keep Dani busy so as to avoid that scenario too.
Unfortunately, that didn't mean Dani had forgotten about her father. Just the night before she'd asked softly if her daddy had left again. It made Lisbon feel ashamed, she'd been so busy trying to protect her daughter that she hadn't thought about how Dani would feel about not being able to see him. In this instance she'd been the one to hurt her daughter first. That just made it all the more unsettling now that she was going to meet him and Chris for dinner.
"Where are you going?" Kate asked, genuinely curious.
"Bottega Louie," Lisbon told her.
She raised her eyebrows. "Nice place, you're going to waste that on this?"
"It's important to take this talk seriously," Lisbon explained, "that means some place that doesn't have crayons on the table."
"Crayons?" Dani piped up, looking around for the drawing instruments.
Lisbon blushed while Annie started snickering. "There aren't any crayons here, you can draw when you get home."
Dani pouted a little, disappointed to have her hopes dashed. She started spinning around in a circle to watch her dress float up around her, ignoring the adult conversation once more. Lisbon watched her for a moment, entranced by her innocence and beauty once more. But Kate pulled her out of it. "So what are you going to do?"
She sighed. "Chris and I are going to be professional about this. Jane has rights but it isn't that simple. He doesn't live here; he has no real job or any way to support Dani and no proof that he can provide a stable home for her. We're going to offer to let him see Dani on a limited basis unless he can prove otherwise."
Annie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I can see him getting on board with that arrangement."
"You hush," Lisbon told her. Kate looked a little amused and Lisbon continued. "Annie thinks that Jane will want more."
"He calls and comes over every freaking day," Annie reminded her, "of course he'll want more."
Lisbon shook her head. "We don't know that. Once he has more time—."
"He's had a week," Annie pointed out, "Don't you think if he was going to freak out and run he'd have said something already?"
"No," Lisbon replied, "I don't think it has sunk in enough yet for him to decide to run off."
"How much more time does he need? He's seen her, he's played with her."
"What are you suggesting then?"
"That you are trying to bury your head in the sand," Annie told her, "Jane isn't going anywhere."
She glared at her niece. "Why is it that you keep siding with him?"
"Because you aren't doing anything right," Annie said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're hurting DJ and yourself."
Annie rolled her eyes. "You're such a bad liar." She picked up her dress so she didn't trip over it and marched back to her dressing room so she could change back into her more comfortable jeans.
Lisbon watched her leave and shook her head. "I don't know what her problem is."
"Well…you are a bad liar," Kate told her.
Now it was Kate's turn to walk away smugly while Lisbon glared at her retreating form and began to rethink her choices for bridesmaids.
Lisbon had to scour her closet later that evening for something to wear. It wasn't an easy decision, since she wanted to look good, but not like she was trying to look good. She considered her dresses and skirts and dismissed them- if she wore something like that then Jane would know for sure she'd agonized over this. Not that he probably wouldn't know already, but she wasn't going to give him any freebies.
So she settled on one of her nicer pantsuits with a dark blue blouse that always set off her skin but was subtle enough to keep Jane's eyebrows from being raised. It didn't stop Annie from scrutinizing her appearance though as soon as she stepped downstairs.
Dani was in the living room playing Clue Jr. with Annie; it was her favorite board game, which shouldn't have been surprising considering who her parents were. Cho had sent the gift on her fourth birthday along with a note about how she could use it to get ready for when she filled her mother's shoes. Lisbon had rolled her eyes but there was no denying her daughter's skills.
Annie looked up from the game and eyed her aunt. "How long did it take you to decide on that outfit?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Lisbon asked, looking down and second-guessing her choice for the millionth time.
"You just spent all that time getting dressed as if for a date with someone you actually liked," Annie pointed out calmly.
"It's not a date," Lisbon corrected her, "It's a war meeting."
"So that's what they call it these days."
She glared at her niece. "Stop being petulant."
Dani looked up then; her own green eyes alit with curiosity. "Where are you going, Mommy?"
She knelt down next to her daughter. "I'm going out to dinner with Chris."
"And the contributor to your existence," Annie added.
Dani was obviously confused by that while her mother threatened to kill Annie with her eyes. "I don't understand," Dani said.
Lisbon sighed. "What Annie meant is that Chris and I are going to go meet your daddy."
Dani got excited then. "Daddy is still here?"
She nodded. "Yes, he's still here and he wants to see you again. That is why Chris and I are going to have dinner with him. We want to discuss the future between him and us."
Her little girl smiled happily. "I'll get to see Daddy again?"
Lisbon sighed and nodded. "Yes, you'll see Daddy again."
The look on Dani's face was absolutely breathtaking, the kind of joy that only comes from someone hearing news that they have prayed for. It was the look of joy that Lisbon had felt once…the night Jane first came back, ever, and told her what she'd longed to hear. Yes, the pain that followed when he hurt her was heart-wrenching, but she'd never forgotten that joy.
Dani stood up and stepped over to her mom and hugged her. Lisbon wrapped her arms around her daughter and hugged her back; she knew why Dani was doing this. It was the gesture that meant she was thankful.
The knock on the door informed Lisbon that it was time. She released her daughter and smiled, kissing her head before standing up to go to the door. Chris gave her a meager smile. "Are you ready?"
She nodded. "Yeah, let me just say goodbye first."
He followed her back into the living room. Dani spotted him and smiled. "Chris!" She stood up to give him a quick hug.
Chris smiled back and patted her head. "I've missed you, Dani."
"Missed you too."
Lisbon watched the scene with a soft smile. Chris had always been amazing with Danielle; he did love her daughter so much. He would be a great stepfather to her daughter; he would never leave or hurt her. That was something she was certain of.
Chris stepped away and took Lisbon's hand. "Come on, we don't want to be late."
She nodded and knelt down to hug and kiss Dani once more. "Bye, sweetheart. I'll be home later. Listen to Annie while I'm gone."
"Okay, Mommy," Dani said.
Lisbon was reluctant to let her daughter go, but she did what she had to do.
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The restaurant was busy, like it would be on a Friday night, but Lisbon had wisely made reservations. The maître d' showed them to their table, which was still empty- well, they were early. She and Chris sat down on one side of the table together and waited. Chris seemed rather calm, telling her in the car that they would put on "a united front" and it would be over soon. She wasn't as certain as he was.
Lisbon fiddled with the silverware in front of her, toying with the edge of the fork that was still rolled up in the napkin. She couldn't stop fidgeting- she felt like a restless child in church or a kid about to go on stage for the school play. If only it were that simple, she would gladly jump up on stage in front of an entire school and do a two-step rather than sit at a table with Patrick Jane and her fiancé to discuss the future of her child.
And then suddenly there he was.
She held her breath when she saw him, her heart beating even faster- damn her body for still reacting that way. He looked beautiful, not at all like the hobo he'd resembled when she'd first saw him again. No, he was clean-shaven, hair trimmed, and was wearing clean clothes. Damn, if he was still wearing that same cologne then she was in trouble.
"Hello, Lisbon," Jane said, greeting her cordially. She stood up ready to shake his hand but was surprised when he leaned closer instead to give her a warm kiss on her cheek. She made the mistake of breathing then, yep, still the same cologne. Why did God hate her?
Chris was frowning while Jane just smiled. "And Chris Jennings, it's nice to meet you again." Lisbon wondered if Jane was just that good of a liar as both men coolly shook hands. All she knew for sure was that this evening was going to go very badly.
They all took their seats and pretended to suddenly be very interested in the menu. Lisbon wasn't sure if she could even choke anything down. Chris ordered a bottle of red wine for the table and as soon as her glass was full she drained half of it. But it was going to take a lot more alcohol to calm her down.
Jane was the only one who appeared comfortable. He was even joking with their waiter a bit and asking her questions about how Cho, Grace and Rigsby were doing. How the hell did he do that? Somehow she strung a few sentences together, updating him on Cho's marriage- the baby was due in February-and how Grace and Rigsby's brood was running them both ragged. He was wise to stay away from the more difficult subjects- for the moment at least.
They waited until the waiter left to deliver their orders to the kitchen before letting the silence eat at them. It was Jane who broke the ice first. "Well, you're the ones who asked for this meeting, let's talk."
Chris took the lead. "We need to set some ground rules if you want a future with Teresa's daughter."
Jane raised some eyebrows at that comment. "She's my daughter too."
"Biologically."
"Which is the standard definition of fatherhood," Jane pointed out, "it means legally I have rights to be in her life, rights I would like to use."
"No one is denying that you have rights," Lisbon finally spoke up, "but you have to understand that neither one of us is comfortable with you just walking into our lives and announcing that we will share custody, especially when I can't be certain you'll stay."
"How many times are we going to have this conversation?" Jane asked her. "I'm not leaving."
"I've heard that song before," Lisbon told him simply, "you'll have to give me more than just your word."
"Then you'll have to give me time to prove it."
"I can't just drop my daughter off at whatever hotel you are staying at and leave her there. She barely knows you."
"That's not my fault or what I was suggesting," Jane replied, "but you cannot keep me from my child."
She folded her hands over the table. "Well that all comes down to what you are able to give."
Chris reached over to take her hand. "The fact is that right now you are a stranger in Dani's life. I've been with her for a year now, she knows me as the one who will be her father."
"Except you are not," Jane cut him off. "You are not her father and you never will be. At most you will be her stepfather but Dani has always known that I'm her father. Not you."
Lisbon stiffened. "He has been more of a father to her than you."
"He's had the opportunity."
"You would have had that same chance if you hadn't left," Lisbon told him.
His eyes sparked. "Is keeping Dani from me just about revenge? That's rather low, Lisbon."
"Low? You want to talk to me about the 'lows' you sunk to in our past?" Lisbon shot back, "And you know this isn't about revenge. This is about protecting my daughter."
"Our daughter," Jane corrected. "And our daughter knows who I am and wishes to get to know me even more. Rest assured the feeling is mutual. Or do you want to deny that Dani has been hurt this past week by keeping us apart?"
She looked down at the table, her cheeks flushing with shame. There was no way she could lie, not when her daughter's tearful questions were still haunting her thoughts. It took a while for her to meet his eyes. "What do you want then?"
"I want to be in my daughter's life."
Chris shifted in his seat. "We have some ideas on how to manage that."
Jane's eyebrows quirked up. "Oh really?"
"Yes," Chris told him. "You can't deny that you haven't led a life that is stable enough to support a child. What are you going to do, spirit Dani all over the world while you ramble it idly?"
"I wouldn't call it idle rambling." Jane said petulantly.
Chris ignored him. "Dani needs a real home, something that Teresa and I can offer her. But we are willing to let you come and see her when you can. Holidays, a few days in the summer, whatever you can give."
Jane stared at Chris for a long time, studying him really. Lisbon knew that look, she knew it wasn't good. "No," Jane told him straight. "I don't agree to that."
"It's fair."
"For you," Jane pointed out, "don't think I don't recognize how it works out in your favor. I keep my rights as her biological father but living with you and Lisbon ninety-nine percent of the time would mean that before long the person she really recognizes as her father is you. That is not what I want, not by a long shot."
Lisbon shook her head. "I can't share custody with you. Not yet. It's too soon, I need more time."
Jane turned to look at her. "I can give you that, the question I have is how much?"
She shrugged. "I don't know how much time I'll need."
"But we are on a limited schedule," Jane reminded her. "My suggestion is that we do a trial run until your wedding. We can reevaluate everything once that is over."
She was a bit curious about why he was focused on her wedding, why he had that mischievous smile on his face. She knew that smile. It was the one he gave her right before he forced her to pretend to be his wife. Or that time he got them locked up in a damn box.
"Three weeks," She mulled over that, "and what if we don't come to any conclusion?"
"Then we'll have to continue after your honeymoon."
It was a fair deal, at least as far as the time commitment. Lisbon nodded her head. "All right, what other terms do you have?"
Jane smiled over their plates of food. "I need to see Dani."
She eyed him. "You cannot see her without me there, at least for the first few times. No more sneaking to my house and tricking your way in."
"I can play by the rules," Jane told her.
Lisbon rolled her eyes as if to say 'sure you can'. Chris was the one who brought up another point. "We don't have to agree to this, Teresa. He can't take care of Dani, he's basically a nomad. He doesn't have the job or the means."
Jane looked amused. "Oh that's not true."
"You get a job recently?"
"I have other means," Jane explained simply. "I was well paid in my previous life as a fake psychic, I had quite a bit of money tucked away. Money that has remained virtually untouched for the past fifteen years or so."
Chris turned a dark shade of red but Lisbon was actually calm. It wasn't something that she was all that surprised about. "You want to impress me with your fortune?" Lisbon asked dryly.
"Not at all," Jane told her with a grin, "just explaining to your fiancé that he shouldn't have to worry about Dani living in poverty. And to assure you of her future, I've already set up a trust for her college education. As for child support, I'm certain we can agree to an amount."
She nodded her head. "Anything else?"
"I'd like to be able to talk to her about us."
Lisbon was surprised by that. "Us?"
Jane eyed her softly. "It's important to me that Dani know that our relationship was meaningful. It wasn't some one-night stand or emotionless fling- it was a real relationship. Yes it was temporary…but it was built on mutual trust…and love. Real love, a love that conceived our child."
She just stared at him, her mind whirling with those words. Any time Jane said the word 'love' it hooked her in like a fish on a line. It took her a moment to realize that he was softly stroking her hand on the tabletop: gentle, feather-light caresses that sent sparks shooting through her veins. Lisbon pulled her hands away and dropped them in her lap, breaking the spell-but not soon enough to hide the gentle blush on her cheeks.
"Then we are at an agreement," she said, clearing her throat to hide the husky sound of her voice.
Jane nodded. "I will see Dani tomorrow." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact.
Lisbon nodded. "All right, you can come over in the afternoon."
He leaned back with a smile. "Well my dear, I believe this is the start of a beautiful relationship."
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Chris didn't say another word after the dinner bill was paid and they said their goodbyes. But Lisbon knew him well enough to see that he was not happy. He clutched the steering wheel so tight he looked like he would strangle it. She tried to ignore it but as she stared at the window she saw how fast they were going.
"Slow down!" she told him. "You're going to get us killed." Chris glanced at her and did ease up on the gas pedal, at least marginally. "What is wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You don't normally drive like you're on NASCAR," she pointed out, "so something has to be bothering you."
He didn't say anything for a while, just stared out at the road ahead. Then she heard him mumble something. "What?"
"I said he is an arrogant prick!"
Lisbon looked away, actually biting back a smile for once. Jane could still drive people crazy, what else was new? "You read my book, you knew he would be like that."
"I didn't know he would act like that in front of me!" He glared at her, "The bastard was practically panting all over you."
Now she rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous."
"He would have jumped you if I hadn't been sitting next to you."
Lisbon let out a fake laugh. "That is stupid."
"Why?"
"Jane left me," she reminded him, "he chose to go away. He doesn't want me. If he really did then he would have stayed."
He looked over at her. "Maybe you pushed him away."
She shook her head. "No. I gave him every chance, I gave him time, space, love, everything I had to give. He took it all and then…then he just left." She stared out the window for a long time; thinking back to those horrible days when she knew Jane would never come back. It felt like she cried for days, then sank into some dark hole that she couldn't crawl out of…not until she realized she was pregnant and that forced her to claw her way out.
Lisbon finally turned her head to see that Chris was watching her. "What?"
"Are you still in love with him?"
That question shocked her.
"No," her answer was fast and automatic, even though her heart pounded in her ears and her palms began to sweat.
When she finally dared to look at him, she saw he was marginally relaxed but not entirely sure either. She pushed forward. "I'm marrying you, Chris. I'm marrying you because you are my guy, not Jane. He's…he's my past. You're my future."
"Some people can't escape their past."
"Jane is one of them," Lisbon agreed, "but I'm not. It's over between him and me, and soon enough he'll be gone again. Because just like you said…he can't escape his past…and Dani isn't a part of that."
That statement made Chris relax completely and the rest of the drive to her home was at a normal speed. But Lisbon's heart still raced as she swallowed those lies down and hoped to God that the more she repeated them, the truer they would be.
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When Lisbon stepped through the door to her home, she wasn't surprised to find Annie waiting up for her, but she was caught off guard to find Kate sitting next to her. "What are you doing here?" Lisbon asked, eyeing both of them with displeasure.
"I thought Annie needed to work tonight so I came over to watch Dani," Kate offered with a gamine smile.
"Uh huh, and the fact I didn't call to ask you to watch her didn't tip you off?"
"I…I was being considerate."
Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Please, you are here to find out what happened at the dinner."
She looked a little ashamed, but not enough to stop her from admitting it. "All right, I confess. Now tell us!"
Lisbon kicked off her shoes and flopped down in a chair with a sigh. "Jane has until my wedding to prove that he is serious about sticking around and being in Dani's life."
Annie raised an eyebrow. "Who set that schedule?"
"Jane."
Now the younger woman smirked. "Hmmm, now that's interesting."
Lisbon looked at her, annoyed, but dismissed her niece's gloating. "We'll reevaluate if I need more time after my honeymoon, until then, Jane will come over and see Dani and if he decides to leave…well then that's that."
"You still think he will?" Kate asked.
She nodded. "Jane isn't very good at sticking around."
"What does Chris think about all of this?" Kate nudged gently.
She sighed again. "Chris doesn't like that Jane is around, he…he has a hard time believing that Jane doesn't have feelings for me anymore."
Annie snorted. "Probably because Helen Keller could see that he does."
Lisbon glared at her. "Jane is more interested in Dani. He probably just wants to keep someone off his 'territory' so to speak. He's childish like that," She sighed heavily. "Things will be all right, I'll marry Chris, Jane will disappear and everything will be back to normal."
Annie stared at her as if she was insane. "You're an idiot."
"Annie!"
"You worked with this guy for ten years," Annie reminded her, "you know him better than anyone. Since when was it ever that simple with him?" She threw up her hands. "You're living in a fantasy if you think it will be over."
Annie didn't stick around after that, just left Lisbon to gape at her in silence. She didn't say a word and in the end, Kate was the one who said the truth. "She's right. It isn't going to be that easy."
Lisbon couldn't look at her. "I know."
The next day Jane was feeling very good about the dinner the previous evening. He knew he'd been something of an ass to Lisbon's fiancé but envy was an annoying feeling that unfortunately he was prone to. Besides, he was under no obligation to be necessarily kind to the man who was living the life he truly wanted…even if he had walked away from it. But that was different, he was walking away from a woman who deserved better, he hadn't known about the child. If he had…well it might have been different.
But it was no use thinking about what might have been when there was no way to know for sure. For now he would work on the future, whatever that might be, that included getting to know his daughter. Jane calmly knocked on Lisbon's door, glancing around the outside of her home idly. He liked her home; being by the ocean was beautiful. He could easily see why she had fallen in love with this house. He was still thinking about that when the door opened and now he was looking into Lisbon's eyes. He smiled at her, noting her pinked cheeks with satisfaction. "Hi."
"Hi," she replied, ducking her head nervously. "I…I guess you should come in."
"That's normally the polite thing to do." Jane teased her.
She game him a familiar stern look before stepping aside and letting him in. "Dani is in the living room," she told him.
"Did she know I was coming?"
Lisbon nodded. "She's excited."
He grinned. "Then we shouldn't keep her waiting." Jane let her lead him towards the living room. He knew her home pretty well now-at least the downstairs- but a part of him still wanted to study the photographs that lined her home. He knew, though, that it was even better to see his daughter in the flesh.
As soon as they walked into the living room Jane saw what Dani was prepared to do that afternoon. It was fairly obvious from the little table set right in the middle of the room with a plastic tea set and frilly tablecloth what was going on. He stopped short and he heard Lisbon snicker quietly. "You aren't getting out of this one," she whispered.
He grinned. "What makes you think I want to?" Jane whispered back but kept his attention on his daughter. She looked adorable, wearing a plastic tiara with her curly hair, a slightly-too-large pink dress with big bulbous sleeves and white, elbow-length gloves. An overly large plastic pearl necklace and bracelet completed the ensemble.
Dani stared at her father with large wary eyes; she didn't smile, but instead remained back shyly. It was Jane who took the first few steps forward. "Hello, Dani, it's wonderful to see you again."
Her lips curled a tiny bit but she was still a little wary. "You were gone a long time."
"I know," Jane said sadly, "But I came every day, we just kept missing each other." He said the last sentence rather pointedly because he knew Lisbon was to blame for this week away from each other. He also knew that Lisbon was probably looking a little shame-faced herself- well, she deserved at least that much. He knelt down onto the floor so he was just a foot away from his daughter. "But we are going to be spending a lot more time together now. I promise."
Dani looked happy at that comment. "You promise?"
Jane put his hand over his heart. "Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye."
She wrinkled her little nose but giggled. "Daddy, don't die."
He grinned back. "I'm not going to die, sweetheart. I have too much to live for."
Her smile was soft then and she finally crossed the distance between them, surprising Jane when she came over and wrapped her little arms around him in a real hug. "I'm happy you came, Daddy."
Jane held her closer. "I'm happy I'm here too." He squeezed her one last time and then let her go to look into her green eyes. "Well, I see there is a tea set, is there tea as well?"
Dani nodded exuberantly. "Mommy said you love tea."
"Oh she's right, tea, comfortable couches, my daughter," Jane threw the list out there with a grin, "not necessarily in that order." He turned and caught a soft sweet expression on Lisbon's face. "Will your mother be joining us?"
"Yes!" Dani shouted while Lisbon immediately looked unsure.
"Oh, I don't know, I have a roast in the oven and…" One pout from Dani sealed Lisbon's fate- apparently his daughter had inherited his manipulative skills as well. "All right, I'll take some tea as well."
Lisbon moved to sit on the opposite side of the small table, sitting down on the carpet. She picked up a child-sized cup, but was quickly admonished by Dani. "Not yet! You aren't ready!"
"I'm not?" Lisbon asked.
"No!" Dani told her as if she couldn't possibly understand how her mother had missed something so obvious. "You aren't dressed!"
Lisbon looked down at her clothing: simple jeans and a comfortable shirt. Some things hadn't changed in the past few years, and that included Lisbon's attire, but that didn't bother Jane, he liked the comfort of the familiar. "Okay, what are we going to wear?"
Dani thought for a moment- she had her mother's cute little frown when she was thinking heavily. She walked over to the plastic tub that had several stuffed animals peeking out. She started throwing things this way and that before surfacing with a few possibilities. Jane noticed that Lisbon had a pretty wicked grin now herself. "Dress Daddy first."
Ah, so she thought this would be funny.
But Dani took her mother's advice; she selected a bright pink feather boa and brought it over to her father. "Wear this, Daddy."
Lisbon was looking like the cat who got the cream but she was in for a disappointment. Jane happily accepted the boa and slung it around his neck as if he normally wore such travesties of fashion. "Well what do you think?"
Dani grinned while Lisbon barely held her laughter in. "Oh it's so you, that color is perfect." She was biting her lip and grinning at the same time.
Jane smiled back. "Now I guess it's your turn."
She frowned then; oh she'd forgotten that part obviously. But Dani sure hadn't. "Wear this, Mommy," she held out a white hat fringed with pink feathers, the matching part of Jane's boa.
Lisbon looked at the thing distastefully but was a good sport, jamming it on to her head. Now it was his turn to try not to laugh at her ridiculous appearance. But he managed to regain his composure. "Now, when will we be served tea? I'm rather thirsty."
Dani quickly got into order, rushing over to her tea set to pour the imaginary tea from her pot into the cups. Jane smiled and took his teacup, holding it delicately and pretended to take a sip. "Delicious." Lisbon followed suit, taking a sip of her own "tea" and nodded her head in agreement.
What followed was a rather fun and silly faux tea party. Dani was very imaginative, needing no encouragement to start making up gossip about pretend friends. Jane was all too happy to throw in a few faux acquaintances or just play along with her own stories. Lisbon might not have the flair for imagination as Jane or their daughter did, but she did throw in a few ideas and always tried to keep up with the two of them. Jane saw that she enjoyed simply watching her daughter have fun. He could understand that entirely.
They were still having good fun when the sharp sound of the ringing phone interrupted their play. Lisbon quickly stood up and threw her hat off to rush to answer it, leaving Jane and Dani alone in the room. He attempted to keep the game going but Dani was a little less comfortable without her mother there. She was quieter, still talking but more with her dolls than with her father.
So Jane took a cue from Lisbon: he studied his beautiful daughter. He had the features of her face memorized but there was always more to admire. Her hair curled around her shoulders, a riotous mass that was exceptionally beautiful. It did pain him to notice how much she resembled Charlotte- there was no way around that fact. They had the same curly hair, same tan skin, the same sweet lips and smile. Looking into her eyes helped remind him that this was not Charlotte but another creation.
He was surprised that the guilt wasn't there. Not that he didn't think about it-if he could have felt guilty he would have-but he couldn't work his way up to that particular emotion. He never had. Any guilt Jane had felt over leaving Lisbon had been for the pain he'd undoubtedly caused her and the sadness at not being able to become the man she deserved, but he'd never regretted their brief time together.
And now with Dani being a product of it he could only be grateful for it.
Dani must have noticed his staring, because she blushed like her mother. "Daddy, why are you looking?"
"I'm watching you," Jane told her honestly.
"Why?"
"Because you are beautiful," He replied, "And I can't get tired of looking at you." She blushed again and ducked her head, shy like her mother too. He just grinned at her. "You look like me, you know that?"
She nodded her head. "Mommy showed me a picture of you, she said I look like my daddy and my sister."
Dani caught him off guard by the mention of Charlotte; he'd just been thinking that himself and here it was out of the mouth of a babe. "You do," Jane admitted, "you look so much like her."
"Do I make you sad?"
"What?"
She looked away now, fiddling with one of her little teacups. "Mommy said that thinking about my sister made you sad. If I look like her…you think of her so…so I make you sad."
Jane stared at her, amazed by her maturity and devastated by her assumptions. He knew he couldn't deny that he thought about Charlotte…but he couldn't let his daughter believe she hurt him.
"No," Jane told her quickly, unable to stop himself from reaching over to stroke her hair. "You don't make me sad. You could never make me sad." He gently turned her chin up so she met his eyes, dark green meeting light. "You look so much like Charlotte but it doesn't hurt me. It makes me so happy because you remind me of what I have again. That's why I never want to stop looking at you, you…you make me feel whole."
Dani smiled, her eyes sparkling with real happiness. "You're not going to leave me." She didn't ask, it was a statement.
Jane shook his head. "No."
"Good," she said and surprised him once more by throwing herself into his arms. Jane held her close, relishing the feel of having his daughter in his arms. He finally got the opportunity to hold her tight, to feel that comfort in knowing he had a child, one that was alive and so very beautiful.
He grinned and kissed the top of her head, breathing in the sweet smell of her shampoo. Then he set her back to smile down at her. "I could never get tired of looking at you. I only wish I'd seen you as a baby."
Dani grinned back at him and then leapt to her feet. "I know!" She scampered over to the couch and hopped onto it before crawling over to the far end that rested against the large cherry cabinet nearby. To Jane's concern she attempted to climb up on to the low shelf of the cabinet but before she could stand up on her feet her father was already there, picking her up in his arms to keep her from falling.
"What do you want?" Jane asked her, "I'll hold you up so you can get it."
"That one!" she pointed at an oxblood leather bound photo album. He lifted her up a little higher, not difficult at all since she weighed little more than a feather, and she managed to grip the album in her small hands and her father safely lowered her to the floor again. As soon as her feet her down she scampered to the middle of the room and plopped down on the carpet to open the book in front of her. Jane took a seat next to her; all to eager too take a look at the photographs.
The first page was right where he expected it to start, the hospital where Dani was born. There was his second child, still wet and red faced from crying, a tangle of gangly limbs she still didn't know what to do with. But she looked beautiful taking her first breaths of life, he only wished he had been there.
Next to it was his favorite immediately, Lisbon sitting up in the hospital bed looking exhausted but smiling with real joy as she held her baby girl in her arms. He wondered who took that picture, was it the dogmatic Kate or perhaps one of her brothers? He'd have to ask her later if she would be even willing to offer up that information.
Jane turned the page to find some of Dani when she was a few weeks older. Now she was smiling with a toothless grin wearing a little pink onesie, he had no doubt this picture was taken by her mother. Many more followed, some were posed professional shots and others were the shaky but spontaneous pictures taken by her mother's or someone else's hand. He immediately preferred the few that had Lisbon with their daughter, there was something even more breathtaking about seeing her so incredibly happy with Dani.
He noticed that Dani was no longer looking at the pictures but was instead studying his reaction to the album. Jane couldn't help but have a little fun. He perused the photographs, as if scrutinizing them before making a face and shaking his head. "No, that can't be you."
"It is me!" Dani protested.
But Jane refused to believe that, at least so she thought. "No, it can't be. Where's your hair?"
"It's there!"
He held up the pictures for her to see. "Do you see any?"
Dani grabbed the album to look over them carefully and became a little disheartened after a moment. "I don't know what happened to it." Dani admitted, "Maybe it went away."
He chuckled and decided to let her off the hook. Jane pretended to look over the pictures carefully again before nodding his head. "No, you are right, this has to be you." He turned to look at her meaningfully, "because it is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen."
Dani giggled and was happy once more. Jane continued to flip through the photographs, watching, as Dani grew progressively older. There she was crawling around on the floor, then toddling down the hallway, all dressed up by the Christmas tree and surrounded by presents. He stopped at the one that must have been her first birthday, the cherubic baby grinning with a face smeared with cake and icing. "When is your birthday?" Jane asked, a little sad that he honestly didn't know that answer.
"March third," Dani declared proudly, "I'm gonna be five!"
He nodded and did some quick arithmetic in his head, not really surprised by the result but that would be something he would keep to himself at least while his daughter was present. Instead he asked her a few questions about her birthday before getting back to the photo album. But after a short while he noticed that Dani was fidgeting. Little girls had short attention spans and no doubt flipping through photos was boring for her. Jane set the album aside for later, he was determined to memorize every one. But right now he would focus on her.
"Would you like to play something?" Jane asked gently.
Dani thought about it for a moment and then her eyes lit up. "Clue!"
He raised an eyebrow at her choice. "Did Cho buy you that?"
"Yup, Mommy said he gave it to me to be funny."
"She's right." Jane could imagine Cho's reason for the gift, probably as an excuse to train Dani to be a cop at an early age. Not that he was opposed that idea, if she turned out exactly like her mother than she was certainly on the right path.
"Will you play?"
"Of course," Jane said, "but I want to be Professor Plum."
"It's Peter Plum!"
"My mistake," Jane replied and happily helped her to her feet while he rose to his much slower, he wasn't as fast as a four year old anymore. But he gladly followed her up the stairs to her room.
He'd seen her room only once in the darkness, staring down at the sleeping child that had immediately changed his life forever. Now he took the time to admire her room, the light lavender that was the theme. He had no doubt her favorite color was purple. A ragged orange giraffe sat lopsided on the bed by her pillow, the same giraffe she'd had tucked beside her when he first laid eyes on her.
Dani immediately grabbed the obviously much loved board game from the low shelf and happily ran back down the stairs. Jane smiled at her exuberance and followed her again, giving one last look around the room and noting the photographs adorning her bedside. There was one of her mother and her, an obvious choice. One of him that shouldn't have surprised him but did, it felt a little strange that his daughter was so partial to his life but he'd been left in the dark. The one that stunned him was the picture of Charlotte, he didn't know how Lisbon had found that picture but he was sure she had her ways. He could imagine their little girl quietly asking her mother for a picture of her sister, no doubt from her mother's explanation of family. This only served as a reminder of how amazing Danielle truly was…he needed no reminder to assign that same adjective to her mother.
Jane made his way back downstairs to find Danielle already spreading out the game board and selecting the pieces. She was going to be Polly Peacock while he was given the purple piece designating his choice of Plum. Apparently this was a childish version of the classic game, suitable for her age group but the rules were essentially the same. This would be easy.
"All right," Jane said and then gestured to the die. "Ladies first."
Lisbon was forced to endure a lengthy phone call from her soon to be sister-in-law, endless tirades about the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony, apparently she needed to make a decision about the final menu for said dinner as soon as possible or the world would come crashing down. It ended with her promising to make a selection off she emailed the list, knowing full well "making a selection" probably meant giving the list to Kate to decide.
Finally she managed get off the phone so she could return to keeping an eye on Jane and Dani. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jane with the little girl; it had more to do with her fears over what might happen. It was the unknown, there was no way she could predict what he would do in the next few weeks. He could leave tomorrow or next week and a small part of her actually wondered if maybe this time he would actually stay. Maybe that was stupid, how many times was she going to be Charlie Brown to his Lucy?
So she walked over to the living room with some trepidation, not entirely sure what she would find. Lisbon knew she shouldn't have been surprised that Jane and Dani were getting along so well but it did catch off guard to find them cozily enjoying a board game. Dani was still wearing the dress and pearls while Jane had discarded the boa but they were enraptured by the game.
Lisbon didn't enter the room, just stayed quietly in the hallway to watch the scene unfold. Dani suggested that Wendy White had taken the backpack and hidden it under the porch and Jane gave her the same wicked grin he'd had when he'd displayed a hand full of aces in an office poker game. He gladly showed Dani the Wendy White card and snatched the die from her to take his turn, making Dani laugh good naturedly, she loved a competitive game and it appeared she'd met her match.
She moved away from the room quietly, deciding not to disturb the scene between father and daughter. Instead Lisbon went back to the kitchen so she could take it all in. There was she could deny how much it affected her to see the two of them so happy, the kind of image she had dreamed of for a very long time but had long since stopped believing in. It was hard to accept that it was happening now and a part of her mind rebelled, wanting to be angry at Jane for being so late in all of this. But another part of her mind, the one that was connected with her heart, reminded her that it would never be too late, she was always going to wait for him.
Lisbon shook her head, angry for even thinking about that. Waiting for Jane was no longer an option since she would be getting married in a few weeks. She stuck to busying herself rather than think about the father of her child coming back into her life. She had a dinner to put together and some sides need to go along with the roast simmering in the oven.
It was easy to toss some salad from a bag into a bowl but adding some mashed potatoes would take a little bit of time since she didn't trust the flakes they passed off as instant these days. So she had to peel and boil the potatoes along with mashing them, Dani liked lumps so she didn't whip them, Annie could deal with that all she liked. She also let some baby carrots simmer in a bit of cinnamon and sugar; it would add some nice color and vitamins for Dani's plate.
But finally that was done and Lisbon felt a sense of relief, it was time for Dani to eat, which meant it was a reasonable time for Jane to leave. She took a deep breath before heading over to the living room to interrupt the game, it appeared like Dani was about ready to make another suggestion, or perhaps even solve the puzzle. Lisbon wondered briefly if Jane was letting her win…or maybe their daughter was even smarter than him. She wouldn't be surprised either way.
"Dani," Lisbon said, drawing both father and daughter's attention, "its time for supper."
"Yay!" Dani exclaimed, always thinking with her stomach. She abandoned the game quickly and rushed over to her mother, her big green eyes turned up with excitement. "Is Daddy staying?"
Lisbon wasn't prepared for that question and she was determined to keep some distance. "I'm sure Daddy has other plans."
"Nope," Jane said, his grin wide with amusement. "I'm free as a bird."
Lisbon wanted to smack that smile off of his face but she wasn't about to do that in front of their daughter. She wanted to come up with some suitable excuse to say no but her daughter was faster. "Please, Mommy?"
Damnit, why did she have to be so good at begging?
She sighed heavily and shrugged. "Yes, Daddy can stay." But then she gave Jane a warning look, "as long as he promises not to make fun of my cooking."
Jane smiled and winked at her. "I would never insult the cook."
Lisbon wasn't so sure but gamely led Jane and Dani to the kitchen. Dani rushed over to the table and Lisbon was a bit touched as Jane helped her into her booster seat, just like any father should. She glanced away and settled on preparing Dani's plate of food with a good portion of the meat and greens along with her requisite cup of milk. Jane was smart to assume that he should serve himself; she certainly wasn't going to play Donna Reede for him.
Both adults sat down at the table, across from each other, with a pull plate of food. Dani beamed at both of her parents before bowing her head and lacing her fingers together. "God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food. By his hands we all are fed, give us Lord our daily bread. Amen."
Lisbon smiled at her daughter before digging into her meal. She might not be a four star chef but at least the roast was edible. She did catch Jane's eye with a warning look. "Not one word."
He held up his hands in surrender. "I was planning to compliment the chef."
She rolled her eyes. "Just eat the food."
Jane grinned and tucked in, Dani and her father continued their playful banter with Dani asking numerous questions about his life. Jane was happy to fill in a few blanks, sharing some fun stories of life growing up in the carnival. Lisbon kept mostly silent but had one ear on the conversation; she knew some of the tales herself but not all of them. She was also aware his childhood was darker than he wanted his daughter to know about, then again, Dani wasn't aware of her grandfather's abuses either.
Dani and Jane both helped clear the table when they were finished with dinner, the promise of ice cream ensuring that Dani finished all of her vegetables. Annie came in on the domestic moment of Dani sitting on the counter while Jane fed her ice cream out of the carton, much to Lisbon's chagrin. "When did you become the Cleavers?" Annie asked, earning a glare from her aunt.
"Very funny," Lisbon replied but Annie just smiled at her aunt's displeasure.
"God, I'm starving, did you make anything good?"
"Roast."
Annie wrinkled her nose. "Guess its pizza with Jenna after all." She took off her jacket that had her nametag pinned to it, turning her attention to Dani. "Hey DJ, having fun with Wonder Boy here?" She teasingly tossed her jacket onto Dani who giggled from underneath the fabric.
Jane eyed her with amusement. "I do have a real name, if you recall."
But Annie merely gave him a challenging look. "I like Wonder Boy better."
"Well I'd prefer Superman, but I'll take it," Jane shot back, earning a smirk from the young woman.
"I don't think Clark Kent ever knocked up a woman and didn't know it," Annie replied.
"Okay!" Lisbon said intervening quickly, "remember there is a child present."
But it was too late for that. "Mommy, what did Annie mean?"
Lisbon closed her eyes and groaned before turning a scathing look at her niece. "Thank you for that."
Annie chuckled and mussed of DJ's hair. "Remain in ignorance, kid. You'll appreciate it." She was still laughing a little as she left the kitchen, heading for her room upstairs.
Jane was watching her leave, still amused. "Your niece is quite a character."
Lisbon rolled her eyes. "She's a whole book of characters." She walked over to her daughter who was still sitting on the counter, her mouth slathered with melted ice cream. "Look at you, messy face," she said sweetly, before tearing off a paper towel and dampening it with water. She wiped her daughter's face, tapping her nose with affection once it was clean before lifting her off of the counter.
Annie came thundering down the stairs and shouted, "I'm leaving!" as she headed for the door.
Her aunt took a few steps towards the hallway. "Don't stay out too late!" But Lisbon knew well that it was a useless statement, Annie could and would do as she pleased. She sighed heavily and shook her head, turning back to see her daughter and Jane. "Well, it's just us tonight, Dani."
"And Daddy," she pointed out.
Lisbon flinched a bit but nodded her head a little too. "Yes, and Daddy."
Dani was quick to grab Jane's hand and tug him back to the living room probably to finish their game. Lisbon followed slowly, she didn't have a place in that game and wasn't entirely sure how she felt about this whole day. She entered the room and found Dani already giggling on the floor with Jane grinning, that smile of complete happiness, they were trying to get back to the game but it appeared they were too enraptured with each other to bother.
Lisbon stepped over the photo album and then turned to pick it up in her hands. The page it opened to was Dani's first birthday, she remembered that day completely. Kate had brought a small cake that Dani had happily played in, covering herself with sweet butter cream frosting. Tommy and Annie had made the trip to California, they had laughed with her as her daughter made a mess. She'd tucked her little girl into her crib that night, watching her breathe in and out with exhaustion and contentedness. Then Lisbon had gone back to her own room, wrapped herself in Jane's shirt and cried that night for hours, cried because he couldn't see that beautiful innocence, cried because she was afraid he'd destroy it.
She still was.
Dani and Jane had fun for another hour or so while Lisbon silently kept an eye on them, both touched and concerned about this moment of bonding. She occasionally flipped through the photo album, smiling down at the pictures of her beautiful daughter; it was easy to see why he'd been looking through it too.
Finally it became a respectable time to get Dani ready for bed. "Come on, Dani," Lisbon said, standing up, "Time to brush our teeth and get ready for bed, tell Daddy goodnight."
She scampered across the floor, not caring about the game, so she could jump into Jane's lap. "Goodnight, Daddy," she said, giving him a big hug. Lisbon was a bit surprised that her daughter had warmed up to him so quickly. But Jane looked relieved and elated, holding her against him with one hand tangling into her curls.
"Good night, Dani," Jane told her, "I love you."
Lisbon waited to see if Dani would repeat his words and wasn't sure exactly how she felt about her daughter's silence. On one hand it felt natural that her little girl still was being wary, it was good to know that perhaps they were keeping some distance at least. On the other hand she felt a little sad that Jane hadn't gotten the reassurance that his daughter loved him too, but she did, Lisbon didn't need to hear her say that to know. It was written in her smile.
Dani pulled away from her father and took her mother's hand as they went up the stairs. She smiled at Jane, waving goodbye with her little hand. It was a bit of a hassle getting Dani dressed into her nightgown and brushing her teeth. Eventually Dani was tucked into bed, listening quietly to her mother's voice as Lisbon read her another chapter in The Secret Garden. It didn't take long for her little girl to fall fast asleep, curling up on her side already, soon enough half of the covers would be on the floor.
Lisbon turned off the light and tucked the blankets in around her before leaning down to kiss her temple. "I love you Dani, my gift, my hope, my everything." Then she made her way out of the room quietly to go downstairs. She knew Jane hadn't left; there was no way he would actually do something she wanted; besides he undoubtedly wanted to have another talk.
Sure enough, Jane was sitting on the couch in the living room with the photo album in his lap. He looked up when she walked in, his eyes were shining and his lips relaxed, a soft happiness that she could only remember seeing in the moments when they had been free from responsibility and pain.
"Mexico," Jane said simply.
Lisbon was definitely caught off guard by Jane simply naming a country like that. It took her a few moments to let that sink in. He was looking at the photographs of Dani's first birthday and in a minute she realized the significance of the name. She nodded her head. "Mexico."
She'd done the math once her doctor had told her exactly how far along she was, it wasn't like she had a lot of options either. Dani had the distinction of being conceived in a rundown falling apart hotel room in Mexico, not exactly a great beginning.
Jane sighed and flipped another page in the book. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, it was the time when we weren't very clear headed and threw caution to the wind."
She frowned at his tone. "You hoped otherwise?"
"Yes." Jane told her, " I would have preferred a time when we weren't so wild and angry. Like the last time."
Lisbon shook her head, taking a seat in the club chair. "I'm glad it wasn't the last time."
"You preferred ferocious lust?"
"Over pity love making that was your way of saying good bye?" Lisbon replied sharply, "At least what happened in Mexico was real, even if it was rash."
Jane shut the album and met her eyes. "Every single time was real, Lisbon."
"No, they weren't," she replied, "In Mexico we were actually honest with each other."
"Screaming insults," he reminded her, "You think that is a nice story?"
"Nothing about our story was ever nice, why should the conception of our child be any different?"
"You say that like it's over," Jane pointed out, "but clearly our story is still being told. Our child is proof of that, amongst other things."
Lisbon sighed and shook her head. "Jane this is not our story anymore. Our story ended when you left me. This is mine. My story, mine and Dani's, not yours."
He didn't like being told that but she wasn't about to lose ground on this point. Jane had been a huge part of her life, he had consumed her for over a decade and he had given her a daughter. She would always be grateful to him for that but she was not going to surrender herself to him again.
Jane sat up straighter. "Dani is my child, I will be a part of her life."
"So you say."
"You don't have any faith in me at all do you?"
"None," she told him simply, "you've lied and left me far too often."
Jane was silent for a moment before sadly nodding his head. "I deserve that." She didn't reply but studied his face as if looking for a lie. "But you know how I feel about my children, if you think I haven't changed then you have to believe that is still true."
Lisbon sat back into the chair, wrestling with his words. "I believe you love Dani, I'm just not sure how much that love matters."
"Don't insult me by saying I love Charlotte more."
"You can't deny that there was a difference between how you loved your wife and how you loved me."
He looked at her seriously. "There is a difference."
"You're right, you're relationship with your wife wasn't based on hurting her."
"That isn't it and you know it."
"Then what is it? That you never abandoned her?
Jane hesitated on speaking. He didn't know if he could say what the real reason was sighing he decided to take the other route. "You wouldn't understand."
"You're probably right. Even after almost fifteen years I still don't understand you."
Jane got to his feet to head towards the door before saying over his shoulder. "She freed me. You saved me."
Lisbon was a bit surprised by his words; she scrambled out of the chair so she could follow him. "You have a really terrible way to show it, Jane. And just because you say I mean so damn much to you doesn't erase the fact that you kicked my heart around for ten years."
"No," Jane agreed, his eyes were bright with a bit of displeasure. "And neither does it erase the fact that you were going to raise my child with a complete stranger."
She crossed her arms over her chest, stiffening up. "My marriage to Chris has nothing to do with us."
"It has everything to do with Dani's future and right now Dani is us," Jane replied calmly.
"Then what do you want?" She asked him, "Chris is a good man, you've met him. You know that he won't hurt her or me. He's stable and kind and doesn't disappear for six months at a time."
"You don't have to highlight his attributes," Jane told her, "I'm well aware that he would outscore me in almost every area."
The way he said "almost" with a smirk and a heated gaze sent a shiver through her body, one she knew he noticed. "It's not a competition, Jane. I'm marrying Chris."
Jane leaned against the doorframe casually. "I do find that a bit unusual."
"Why?"
"Well you've had your experiences of being engaged before, you normally think things through and avoid rushing into anything. Especially when it comes to relationships."
She raised an eyebrow. "Because it took us ten years before we slept together?"
He smiled then, amused by her comment. "You were dating him three months before Cho's wedding, correct?"
"Yes," she replied, of course Jane would know that.
"How long afterwards did you get engaged?"
Lisbon wasn't sure where Jane was going with this but she didn't see any reason not to be honest here. "About seven months."
He nodded. "Leaving you five months to plan the wedding, rather tight schedule huh?"
"So what if it is?"
Jane looked like that annoying kid in class who always knew the answers. "The Teresa Lisbon I knew would never marry a man she knew little more than a year. Not unless she was madly in love which you certainly are not—."
"Excuse me?!"
"Or you are trying run from something yet again," Jane continued, "Would you like to hear my guess?"
"No."
But he ignored her entirely as usual. "Seeing me at Cho's wedding frightened you. You realized that we are still connected despite all of your attempts to break it, you put your relationship with Chris on the fast track to try and cut yourself off from me forever."
Lisbon glared at him. "Bite me."
Jane laughed. "I'll take that as confirmation."
"Shut up. Believe it or not, Jane, my relationship with Chris has nothing to do with you."
He continued to chuckle, smiling right at her. "Do you even love him?"
Lisbon stared right back at him but didn't speak. She told herself that she simply didn't want to play his game anymore but the knot in her stomach warned her that she was lying to herself. Either way she knew she was giving him satisfaction; there was no way out of that.
Jane grinned smugly. "I'll see you and Dani tomorrow." He turned to leave, opening the door and stepping outside. But then he stopped and turned around, a wicked look in his eye. "As much as I rejected Mexico, I do have to admit that those memories kept me warm at night." He winked saucily before heading to his car, leaving Lisbon alone with pink cheeks and a pounding heart.
Lisbon went about her normal routine, keeping the light on for Annie and hoping she was sober enough to unlock the door whenever she finally came home. She changed into a long shirt, brushed her teeth, put on some night cream and went straight to bed. It wasn't easy for her to slip into sleep, not after that long talk with Jane. It was all frustrating but she was determined to ignore Jane and his mind games.
Finally she drifted into sleep to stare only to dream. But it was not a real dream, it was a memory.
"Get out of here dammit and don't come looking for me again!"
But she just stood her ground, she was the one with the gun after all and she knew very well that Jane wouldn't hurt her, at least not physically. "No, I came here for you. Now stop being a stubborn pain in the ass."
"I'm the pain in the ass?"
Lisbon just levedl her eyes with him. "Of course you are and it's time you finished moping. Red John is dead, congratulations. Now come back for good."
"No."
"God dammit, Jane what do you want? You come back to fuck and that's it?"
He looked her right in the eye. "I want you to leave."
Lisbon planted her feet firmly on the frayed carpet. "Well I'm not leaving."
"Get the hell out of here before you regret it." Jane never swore at her like this, either he was really afraid or really mad.
She didn't care, she found his threats ridiculous. "How will I regret it? You can't do anything to me you selfish bastard."
"Don't push me."
Lisbon scoffed at him. "Empty threats, that's all you have."
"Screw you."
"You do screw me on an irregular basis," Lisbon reminded him, "but I'm done being just a girl in your port. Either come back for good or don't come back at all."
"A girl in my port? You chose to be that." Jane pointed out calmly.
"No I didn't have a choice." She told him honestly, looking straight at him with a firm unwavering glare. "It was out of my hands from the moment you ever thought of me as yours"
Jane stared at her, she wasn't sure if he was touched by her words or not. He walked over towards her with a cold look on his face. "You have wanted to fuck me from the first day."
Lisbon slapped him across the face. "Go fuck yourself you son of a bitch." Now she did turn to leave though that was something she'd sworn not to do. But Jane was quick, grabbing her around the waist and pushing her up against the wall. Lisbon struggled against him, even when she felt his lips roughly kissing hers.
"No, stop," she said still fighting even as she felt the damp heat spread. Jane just grabbed her hands and held them over her head, his fingers biting into her wrists. He kissed her hard, his tongue delving into hers without any permission. Not that he needed any, she was quickly pushing back, arching against him to push her body closer.
She moaned when his teeth found her ear lob, biting and then soothing. "I hate you," she hissed at him.
"I know," Jane said back, now finding her pulse at her throat.
"I love you," she told him, her voice was hard but she was being honest. "I love you…and I hate you for that."
Now Jane stopped, pulling back to look into her eyes. "I know." He let go of her wrists then and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling at his hair to bring his lips back onto hers.
Lisbon thrashed in her bed, hovering in that place between dreaming and being awake. She couldn't break free, didn't want to really. The memories were too potent and in this state it was like experiencing it all over again.
Something she wanted.
Jane was already working at her pants, undoing the button and pulling the zipper down before jerking it down her legs. She stumbled out of them, almost falling over but Jane righted her by pushing her further against the wall. He started to unbutton her shirt but she underestimated his impatience, Jane tore the shirt apart, buttons flying on the floor and one sleeve was ripped at the seams.
Lisbon didn't have time to be shocked, he just unclasped her bra, thankfully not breaking that garment. He might have gone for her panties but her bare breasts distracted him, he had to stop and take one nipple into his mouth, biting down to make her squirm with pleasure. They'd never been like this before, so unbridled and frantic, then again they'd never had angry sex before either.
She found the button at his pants, gently lowering the zipper before easing her hand inside. Jane let out a strangled sound in his throat when her hand wrapped around his hard length, she was firm in her grip, intending to drive him crazy. Her success was obvious when he snatched her hand away. Lisbon heard the sound of more fabric ripping when Jane took her panties off. His pants and boxers dropped to the floor, his dress shirt stayed where it was. He pulled her thigh over his hip, bringing his cock up to her wet folds.
Lisbon wrapped her legs around his waist and Jane thrust into her immediately. It was almost painful at that angle but she didn't care, this wasn't about being sweet and tender, this was a hard fast fuck. Jane started a steady pounding rythym, pushing her up against the wall every time he surged up. She dug her fingernails into his back, marking him as hers for once, there was no need for him to do any branding, he knew very well whom she belonged to.
The bubble in her stomach grew, expanding out to fill her body with liquid heat. Jane's skin felt good slick with sweat, his moans and grunts loud in her ear. "More," she whispered, groaning when his already impossible pace became even harder. Her muscles tensed as she got closer, her arms tightening around him when she finally fell over the edge with a loud moan.
But Jane kept pounding into her, drawing out waves and waves of intense heat as she climaxed. She was trembling when she finally came down from that high and completely drained, she barely noticed that she was no longer against the wall. But she knew when Jane pulled out of her roughly, still hard as steel.
Lisbon grabbed the bed sheets in her fists, her bedspread long since kicked onto the floor. She was sweating and writhing, no longer sure if she was even really asleep. She was just trapped in memories and her core ached for more.
She found herself thrown onto the ratty mattress that smelled of mildew and dirty linen. But she wasn't thinking about how long ago the sheets were cleaned, not when Jane grabbed her hips and pulled her onto all fours before slamming into her from behind. Lisbon gasped; her head falling down onto the mattress as he started his bruising pace again.
He was deep, filling her completely, igniting fires within her until she was filled with an inferno. Already she is close again, so close to falling as if she'd never come already. His rhythm is still fast but erratic, she knows he won't be able to last much longer either.
His breath is warm against her ear as his chest molds against her back. "Mine," he almost growled out. She felt herself spasm then, her walls clenching around him once more, falling even harder this time. Jane gave two more hard thrusts, her body still clenched in release before he finally found his own.
Lisbon loved this feeling, this moment of feeling his warmth fill her entirely. She hated it too though…because just like Jane it was gone far too soon.
Her eyes finally snapped open and Lisbon sat up in her bed. Her shirt was sticking to her skin, the bed damp with sweat and her desire. Her body throbbed and her arousal was actually painful. She wanted to end it, wanted to reach down and finish the job but she also knew that wouldn't be enough.
Instead she rolled over and let out a small scream into her pillow, a harsh cry of frustration and anger over all of this. Then she got out of bed, awkwardly making her way to the bathroom so she could strip down out of her useless shirt and panties. Cool water helped her heated skin and her fragrant body wash would disguise the scent of her need.
But it wouldn't disguise her thoughts.
She leaned up against the tile, letting the water cascade over her body as she breathed in and out.
The wall, then the bed, followed by the floor, the bed two more times, the shower and then the bed once more.
They had been all over each other for hours, taking out their frustrations and anger on each other. Angry vicious sex then more poison words, leading to more sex. Sleep came much later, when they had both been too drained to fight anymore and pretend that their anger wasn't a thin veil disguising their intense love.
Lisbon slapped the shower off and pulled a towel over her body, flinching at how sensitive she still was. It would take more time to calm down unless she decided to actually give in to her needs.
She could. She could call Chris right now or just surprise him at his apartment, engage in a little engagement sex that no one would find inappropriate. Lisbon considered that option as she combed her wet hair and dismissed it quickly, telling herself it was the late hour but knowing the truth. Sex with Chris was fine, he knew what to do and saw to her needs, playing by the "ladies first" rule as a good southern gentleman would.
But Chris would never push her against the wall, never have wild angry sex, never dominate her with a rousing passion that frightened and thrilled her. He was solid and dependable…but predictable. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't exciting either.
Lisbon shook her head, she'd had ten years of excitement and it had ended with her lying on the floor like a crumpled ball of paper, abandoned by everyone she loved. She didn't need excitement again; she needed to get Jane out of her system once and for all.
A/N: I don't smoke but I might need to start after writing that scene LOL I hope you guys enjoy it. next chapter I'm going to bring up some more of Kate and Lisbon's little friendship while the rest of the gang finally learn just who Dani's father is.