DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto
If you want more, just say so. I'm willing to post whatever my mind has cooked up. This is for GaleSynch's love for Uchiha's. Warning. Completely dialogue. I'm literally just testing out different writing styles. You are my guinea pigs. Muahaha
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You don't choose your friends...your friends choose you...
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"What's on your mind?"
"Oh, you know… this and that. More of that then this though."
"That made…no sense."
"Well you did just try and strike up a conversation with a widely known psychopath."
"Ah. I'll not make that mistake again."
"Then why are you still talking to me?"
"Because everyone else is dead."
"Oh, I wonder why."
"Shut it. I don't want to hear it. I know what I did…"
"And yet you continue to pursue word garbage. Listen, Uchiha, two words of advice. Lighten up."
"After all this death…?"
"Well, you see a dead rat on the side of the road and I don't see you getting all depressed over it."
"Did you just compare my clan to rats?"
"Yes."
"…"
"Ohhhh, that's a nasty look right there. Touchy, huh? Why did you kill them if you're going to be this hung over about it?"
"For the village."
"Pfft-ha! 'For the village' he says. Ha! You realize how completely dumb that sounds right?"
"What nonsense are you spouting?"
"You just chose strangers over family. That sounds like a pretty cruel thing to do."
"They were going to kill innocents."
"Yeah, the Uchiha clan vs. all of Konoha. That would have gone real well."
"It's better by me then by them."
"You're so morbid it's not even funny anymore."
"Are you seeking comical relief from me? Go away, before I kill you."
"I've been told that several times by several other people and I'm still here and I'm always going to be here. Now, you need to rethink your options…"
"I'm joining them."
"Bullshit. You join them there's no coming back."
"I deserve it."
"Oh, so that's what this is about. Some form of repentance? Oh! You're hoping to get killed by the organization, missing nin hunters, or your brother, right? Haha, I nailed it!"
"Shut up. I don't wish to speak with you on the matter."
"Yeah, funny thing is, I'm not going to shut up anytime soon. You might have a problem on your hands."
"I'm aware."
"Uchiha, you're talking to a bloody flipping cat. Pull your head out of your ass and think! I've already told you how I got here and why you must form a contract with me. Now help me save you or so help me I'll piss on your shoulder."
"Black cats are supposed to represent bad luck."
"Psh, your bad luck levels are already full."
"…"
"…god damn it…look, mister emo, I've been with you since you were born. You can trust me on this. I know the future, alright, and some pretty messed up shit happens. You already know this. We've been planning for years. Why are you suddenly messing everything up?!"
"…Kuro…you've been a great friend. Watch over Sasuke for me, please?"
"I will bite you. Don't pull that shit on me, I will bite you!"
"Then what would you have me do? Simply stand here and wait for the next six years to fly by?"
"Who said anything about waiting? Get off your sulking ass and do some training. Forget the stupid Akatsuki, their full of people like me. You'll lose your mind. Just don't."
"Why do I always seem to forget you were a crazed murderer in your last life?"
"Because I'm a good kitty now. But that's not that point! Prepare for the future! Kill some missing nin, become a badass, kill that roach of a snake hiding somewhere in his hole, and save the god damn world with me!"
"…how?"
"…you seriously just asked me that? I just told you how! Train! Eat vitamins! Get some wisdom! I don't even fucking care if you meditate with the monks! Just do something so we can save lives!"
"I'm talking about Sasuke."
"Why am I not surprised…? It'll be fine. He'll just try to kill you a hundred different ways. Just be cool and uh…not die. That's a good start."
"You're not helping."
"Itachi, you're asking advice from a cat. Of course it's going to be shitty advice."
"Heh, I suppose not…you always seem to know what to do when the situation calls for it."
"Because I'm a smart kitty. Meow."
"You know I hate it when you do that."
"What? Meow. I'm not doing anything meow. It must be all in your head. Me- OUCH, you mother fucking dirt bag, did you just pinch my ear!? That fucking hurt like a bitch, ow!"
"Hn."
"Don't just 'hn' me, you jerk! My ears are sensitive! ...damn this body…."
"I actually like the thought of you as a cat. The idea of you being human at some point is concerning."
"Watch it. I'm still within range of maiming you with my claws."
"Of course."
"…hey, where are we going anyway? We've been walking forever."
"Far away from Konoha. Far, far away…"
"…in a galaxy, right?"
"What?"
"Uh, never mind. You wouldn't get the reference…"
"Hm. I plan to pay a visit to the land of sound."
"Oh, shit, are we really…? Tell me we're actually going to…? Hell yes! Woohoo, we get to kill people!"
"Not people, a person."
"People will still be in our way. Oh, I haven't killed someone in forever! This'll be great!"
"One moment it's saving people…then its killing them…I can never understand you."
"Don't even try. You'll get a headache."
"Fair enough. Will Konoha ninja be after me?"
"Duh. They're sneaky and evil and manipulative like that. What a great place to vacation…"
"Focus, Kuro. How many?"
"I don't know. A few teams. They know they can't catch you their just doing it to appease the people. Their kind of, well, angry. You know, at you."
"…ah…"
"Hey, you did just murder your entire clan-and might I add without the help of Obito thanks to muah-and you didn't have to return to that smelly old root guy. It's all A-Okay on the psycho team!"
"Psycho team? I can't say I'm surprised…"
"Fits like a glove. A really sweaty and stinky glove."
"Imagery, Kuro. Now, you mentioned someone who may be willing to help us…?"
"Oh, I'm sure there are lots of people who want that snake dead, but we're just going to focus on the northern hideout for now. A word of warning, a lot of cursed seal patients there…"
"I'm aware. Who's our man?"
"His names Jugo. Just Jugo, don't ask anything more. Bright orange hair, really buff, complete psychopath when in cursed seal form, tree hugger when he's not. The whole nine yards."
"I see. Will this plan work?"
"Just work your Uchiha charm. He'll be asking you to bear his children when we're all done."
"Kuro."
"Oh, what, getting nervous? Sorry. Should have taken in account your womanly pride."
"I will pinch you again."
"Please don't."
"Hm. Who else will we rescue for the mission?"
"Well, unless you want a healer the Uzumaki is out. If we want the fish guy we're gonna have to pick up this huge ass sword on the other side of the damn country."
"So Jugo then…"
"Speaking of fish, I'm hungry."
"You're diet amazes me. How have you not gone insane yet? Oh, wait…"
"Watch it, Uchiha. This kitty is hungry and this kitty wants its food now."
"There's a river up ahead."
"Good. You might want to find your inner peace too or something when we get there. Sit under a waterfall and chant to Mother Nature."
"Why?"
"Jugo is gonna beat the shit out of you. Might as well be indifferent about it."
"Kuro, you don't make any sense."
"Itachi."
"I know. Psycho path."
"Good boy. Well, it sure is a nice day to walk away from a massacre…"
"For a moment there I thought you were actually going to say something nice."
"Sorry to disappoint. Not."
"Whatever. What is this place…?"
"Oh. Valley of the End. Fitting name for the Uchiha and Senju rivalry, huh? You're ancestor sure got owned by that guy…"
"They face each other…it seems so strange…"
"What? That their meters away from picking their noses?"
"No. That it almost seems they…respect one another. It may be a jutsu form for battle, but the way they are looking at each other…"
"I see…I see! I totally see it now!"
"What?"
"They're in love!"
"…"
"Yikes, that's a nasty look. Alright, alright, I'll explain. Madara and Hashirama were friends at some point in time, you know, when they were sweet innocent kids and they didn't know their clans liked to kill each other.
Then reality smacked them in the head and they were divided by their families. Push came to shove and Konoha was born. Except, Senju wanted all the leadership and Madara didn't like that so he waltzed on out and right back in with the Kyuubi. Got his ass handed to him and Hashirama's wife sealed the nine tails away like a bad ass. Madara is now dead, but Obito is posing as him. That poser."
"I see."
"I just spilled a bunch of S-rank secrets and all you say is 'I see'? Ugh, Uchiha's…"
"Why is this here?"
"Why not? It's the battle between the two of them. Might as well build a huge fucking statue to preserve the horrible memory."
"You said something about this place before…Sasuke will end up here."
"Yeah, not anymore, so you don't have to worry about that. As long as we kill Orochimaru. Which we will. There is no 'if we don't' because we most certainly will."
"I thought you'd like a psycho like him."
"Ew. Just no. Orochimaru is an antagonist I'd like dead, please. No one experiments on children. That's just sick in the head. He could give me a run for my money…"
"You're actually comparing yourself to other psycho paths?"
"Why not? I'm already insane. Might as well pave the road with gold."
"Again, you're making no sense Kuro."
"I shouldn't have too. I'm the comic relief you clearly need, mister dark and depressing."
"Depressing? Says the one who speaks highly of death."
"Watch it. Trying to understand my mind makes me angry. I will bite your ear."
"And I'll pinch yours."
"Touché."
"Heh…what a strange friend you are."
"I'm your only friend, nut case."
"Indeed. Now, about this summoning contract…?"
"Huh? Oh yeah! Right, I need you to make it."
"…make what?"
"Because I can't be a ninja pet or whatever if you don't sign something in blood. So get a damn scroll out, I'll infuse it with my chakra, you do the same, write your name in blood, and chant the jutsu. Hopefully I'll just poof."
"Hmm…"
"Wait, I want to eat fish first. If I die, I want to do it with a full belly."
"Fine. Do you need help?"
"I'm a cat. I love fish. Leave me alone. Go practice your jutsu or something."
"It's more entertaining watching you flail around in water."
"Asshole."
"…Kuro."
"Yeah?"
"…Thank you."
"Wha- For calling you an asshole? Holy shit, did you hit your head or something?"
"No. For helping me."
"Oh. That. Heh, well, I guess I am pretty generous huh. I could be giving this information to someone else but I chose you. Don't you feel lucky?"
"Not particularly."
"Go drown yourself."
"You seem to be doing that on your own perfectly fine."
"Agh! Screw you, this isn't-ugh- as easy as it looks! Stop squirming and let me eat you!"
"Kuro, I can use a senbon-"
"No! I can do his on my own! It's just some dumb fish…"
"That you still cannot catch. I wonder who really the dumb one here is…"
"Shut up! Ha! See, I can catch a fish! And it tastes great!"
"Congratulations."
"Okay, I'm ready for this contract now."
"Here's the scroll. Shall we begin?"
"Hell yeah. Let's do this."
"…Kuro, how do you plan on signing your name?"
"I- uh, well shit."
"Will it work if I sign it?"
"Sure, I guess, just prick my little baby paw like the horrible murderer you are…"
"Kuro, be mature."
"You just stabbed a kitten. You monster."
"Hm…alright, I'll infuse it with my chakra now. Stand back."
"The worst that could happen is it bursts in to flames."
"It worked."
"…phew, I was really worried there…!"
"You made me perform a jutsu you didn't even know would work?"
"H-Hey, don't sweat it! Now just do the summoning jutsu and let's move on with our lives!"
"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"
"…whoa."
"How do you feel?"
"Like I just got twisted between two places in the span of two seconds. In a word? A-fucking-mazing."
"What was on the other side?"
"I didn't look. I think I peed myself a little…"
"That's…great…"
"Don't you worry your pretty little head. Now that we're satanically bonded by blood, we can do jutsu's together!...Legally!"
"What elemental affinity are you?"
"Lightning and water."
"Pff."
"Shut up. Kitty has claws, remember weasel?"
"I hate the nickname."
"Deal with it. You named me Kuro. A black cat Kuro. You have no creativity."
"Whatever. We'll practice on our way there. We have many years to practice our tag team. I doubt you'd be very useful now so please try to stay out of sight and mind."
"Asshole."
"I will handle Orochimaru."
"And Jugo will handle Kabuto."
"He's the medical ninja you warned me about…"
"That prick's got like fifty lives, I swear. He could give me, a cat with nine lives, a run for my money…"
"You've said that already."
"Shut up. Let's go."
"Alri-"
"No wait!"
"W-What?"
"Land on Madara's head."
"Why?"
"I'm going to pee on him."
"Kuro, no."
"Kuro yes."
"We're leaving. Try and keep your bladder under control."
"No promises."
"If it makes you feel better, I can get you a litter box."
"Hisssss!"
"Heh…"
"Stupid Uchiha! Gah, this is why you all have issues…!"
"I apologize."
"Forgiven. I encourage that behavior anyway."
"Ha…what a day…"
"We accomplished so much. From killing people to signing our names in blood. I'm getting teary eyed just reminiscing the memories."
"Focus, Kuro."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Save the world."
"Good kitty."
Not sure if Itachi was OOC or not but I literally researched everywhere and there was nothing about how he handled the death of his clan. I'm sure it hurt and I whipped this up as a sort of appreciation post. A lot of you guys like chapter two. Thank you!
Words: 2,351
Pages: 11
Motivation: I'm obsessed with cats when my avatars a wolf wtf is wrong with me
Review.