"Turn off the lights and turn off the shynesscause all of our moves make up for the silence. And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase like I'll never be the same."Of All The Gin Joints In All The World – Fall Out Boy
Back At Your Door
Chapter Four
When he is allowed back home again, he does not meet your eyes and his nostrils flare when he mumbles what apparently happened to him. Jamie gives him a confused look and he just smiles at him through the pain. "You remember my motorcycle, buddy? Yeah…don't ever fall off one of those." Shane winces dramatically, pretending to be in a lot of pain. You tense when you see an actual flash of pain go through his face but he wipes it away quickly as he attacks the unsuspecting child. "Plus, it's better to fly." He laughs as Jamie gasps loudly. You take a deep breath in when Shane brings Jamie up to his mid waist, allowing him to fly.
"Shane!" you say sharply but Jamie's giggling swallows your words.
"Higher, Uncle Shay!" The little boy yells, laughing as Shane starts twirling him around. You feel your heart jump in your chest and you quicken your pace to reach them. Shane's smile flickers when you give him a strong look. "Hey, Mitchie." The boy waves, his eyes happy for the first time in a little over three days. You tear your eyes away from Shane and your heart melts at the little boy. "That's what Uncle Shay calls you, isn't it, Aunty? Mitchie!" he calls out loudly, holding out his hands to reach for yours. You take breath out slowly before grabbing Jamie.
The little boy wraps his little arms around your neck tightly, his legs coming forward to wrap around your waist. You immediately put your arms around him. "Sorry, buddy. But Uncle Shay just got these nasty little stitches put on him and if he breaks them, he could get hurt. You don't want Shane hurt, do you?" you say, as your heart beats harshly in your chest. You feel so guilty as the little boy moves in your arms to look at you.
Caitlyn didn't like it when people held Jamie.
"Okay." He says simply before hugging you and laying his head on your shoulder. He yawns and his fist tightens around your blouse. You freeze, as you just stare at this small child before glancing up to Shane. He has his hand lightly on his lower back in some pain, and once again, he does not meet your eyes. The little boy wiggles again in your arms and you hoist him up better. Jamie's eyes start to close and he snuggles into your neck.
You rub his back softly before turning around. For a second, you consider going straight to the car and just leaving Shane. A motorcycle accident? You really doubt it. It isn't like you want to blame him or even connect him to Caitlyn and Nate's accident, but you know when you are being lied to. More specifically, you know when he is lying.
You always have.
xx
"What are you doing?" you asked amusingly, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. He jumped, a gasp immediately leaving his lips and he broke out of your embrace.
You skipped backwards, surprised at how fast he separated from you. "H-hi." He stuttered, his eyes wide and with a hint of fear in them. "What are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with Caity today? Why aren't you with her? Go be with her." He rambled, before coming forward and blocking the view behind him.
You frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Shane?" you say pointedly, and he gives you a weak smile. "What are you doing here?"
His eyes shift and he looks away from you. "Just looking for a bracelet to get my mom." His nostrils flare and he looks at your shoes, almost glaring. You do not answer him. You just stare at him, a shiver going through your body. He forces himself to look up and laugh."Funny that we ended up in the same store on the one day we were supposed to be apart; it isn't like Caitlyn was supposed to keep you away today or something. How about we go eat? I think I saw a Chile's at the mall's entrance." He says in one breath. You continue to just stare at him until he physically grabs your arm and makes you turn around. "Come on, Mitchie. Walk." He orders, his voice defeated.
"Sir, I thought you wanted to look at our en-" A man calls out from behind you and Shane basically pushes you out the door of the little Tiffany and Co. shop in downtown Beverley Hills.
xx
It was not too surprising when he didn't end up buying his mother a bracelet. Shane never changes. Although, sometimes, he also gets sweaty palms. "Motorcycle accident, huh?" you say, when you are alone again. You had just tucked Jamie in the guest room's bed. You feel bad that the child had to sleep on the couch.
You see him wipe his hands on his jeans, trying to be inconspicuous but failing. He sighs. "Fine." He mutters. "It wasn't a motorcycle accident." He says, looking up sharply. His eyes are dark and stern when they meet yours. You open your mouth, coming closer to him. Your eyes flash with worry and curiosity and fear all at the same time. "Let it go, Mitchie." He says, cutting you off. His eyes stay on yours as you close your mouth. "It's nothing important, okay? I got into a fight with someone and it happened. Whatever. We have bigger things to worry about then the stupidity I bring on myself. Please let it go." His eyes never waver and you have to wonder if he finally got it that you can tell by his eyes if he is lying or not.
You gulp. "Fine." You say tensely, although you do not step away from him. "But you're okay? This person you got into a fight with? They will not attack you anymore or come after me or Jamie, will they?" you say, searching his eyes. A shroud of pain covers his eyes and he looks at you despondently. Then, you understand. "Nate." You whisper softly and he looks away. He closes his eyes, swallowing the bile that is coming up his throat. You feel tears come to your eyes.
xx
"I'll get it, Mom." You said, quickly going down the stairs. When you opened the door, the bright sunlight blinded you for a second but the curls were the obvious clue as to who it was. "Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!" you spat out the second you saw him. Your eyes flashed with anger and you crossed your arms.
He leans against the doorway, not meeting your eyes. "I came to apologize." He says calmly in the way only Nate Grey could. You flinch and lower your stance. You pause and sigh before stepping back.
"Come in." you said, running a hand through your hair.
"Thank you." he nodded softly before stepping inside. You watch him as he takes off his blazer, folding it over his arm. "Can we talk?" he asked politely. You raised an eyebrow and he bit his lower lip. "I'm not going to yell at you anymore." he takes a deep breath. "I think…No, I…Look, I thought I knew my brother, but it turns out…I mean, I don't know, Mitchie." He doesn't say anything else and you just stare at him, tears gathering in your eyes as you try to stay strong. He sighs deeply. "I know he loves you. Maybe it was just a mistake, Mitchie. A onetime thing, you know? I mean, you two have been together since you were teenagers. Maybe…" but he trailed off, because even he knew that wasn't a good excuse.
"So, it's okay to cheat on someone because they're the only person you have ever been with? What? He needs to experiment or something? Get with a couple more girls? Have a three-way? Fuck every girl he can find to prove something to a buddy? Please, Nate." You shake your head, wiping a tear that fell. Nate stays quiet, gulping somewhat. "We aren't in high school anymore. It isn't Joey boy screwing around Mary's back. It isn't even a long time boyfriend mess with another girl. Nate. I can't forgive him, especially if his excuse is that he hasn't been around the block enough. If that was the case, why did he even…?" you trailed off, trying to hold it together.
Nate looked at you sadly. "Because he loves you. And I'm not saying he did, because God, I don't know who's telling the truth anymore, but maybe, just maybe, it was just a mistake."
xx
"I don't want to talk about that." Shane says, his voice breaking a little. "Please." His eyes are brightening with tears. You nod sharply before taking a blind step backwards. He immediately shoots up, ignoring the pain from his back, to stop you. "Mitchie." Is all he says, and you blurt it out.
"Did you cheat on me?" He blinks, taking a step back. His eyes widen and time almost stands still. He gulps, opening his mouth lightly. You don't even know why you asked, but at the same time, you think it's actually the first time you asked him it. You always just assumed. "Did you? Once and for all?"
His eyes soften and he comes forward. He puts his gentle hands on the side of your face, looking straight into your eyes. "I would never do something that would purposely hurt you. I love you from here to the stars. I want everything with you. I always have and I don't want to let you go, okay? I'm sorry for what happened. We both hurt each other. We didn't listen and all we did was hurt ourselves. Please believe that I would never hurt you." his voice is soft, calming.
You just stare into his soft brown eyes, your heart going a mile a minute. He brings his thumb to the side of your mouth, softly trailing the side of your lips. You lean into his touch, tears falling down your face before pulling away slightly. "I know you wouldn't, but that isn't what I asked…Was it a mistake, Shane? I mean, I saw you kiss her. I saw that Shane. At Caitlyn's birthday party. But even before that, for at least two months, I lost you. You wouldn't talk to me. You would barely come home sometimes, and you would spend your time out there on the balcony and you wouldn't even touch me. God, I would even understand if it's because you can have…because you could have kids with her or something. Just tell me. I'm tired of lies. I'm tired of hurting."
He is looking passed you, but he offers no further explanation.
"Did you sleep with her, Shane?" you ask in a different way, putting your soft hand on his scruffy chin. You make him look you in the eyes and he gulps again. You watch his Adam's apple bob slightly and he bites his lip. You feel your heart break again, and you sniff loudly. The pain is painted on your face and he scrunches his up as well. He grabs your hand to stop you from leaving his room.
"No. I wouldn't do that to you…I…was hurt though, Mitchie." You give him a confused look and he backtracks. "You left me, and when I went to talk to you in Texas, you slammed the door in my face. I was hurt. Did I cheat on you while you were away this summer? No. Did I cheat on you back in March? No. I don't even like her, Mitchie, but that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt and just wanted someone to at least pretend they cared." It doesn't really make sense to you what he is saying, but you know he is contradicting himself.
"So, you didn't, but you…wanted to?" you lower your eyebrows and he sighs. He runs a hand through his hair roughly.
"I didn't want to. I wanted you. I want you. But you don't get it, Mitchie. She knew things. She held stuff over my head." He takes a deep sigh, closing his eyes as you look to him confused. "Okay, I'll explain, but don't interrupt, because it does sound wrong but God, Mitchie, I do love you. Just know that." He says, ending fiercely.
You press your lips together. "Did you sleep with her, Shane?" you repeat and his shoulders sag.
"No. Just listen to me, okay? Please." He begs, tears in his eyes. "Please. Just let me tell you everything. I wanted to protect you. I told you she was…Please. Just listen." His fingers dig into your hips and his skin touches yours, and you are hit with a million memories.
xx
"Don't stop." You gasped loudly, barely able to talk. Explosive - that was the only way you could describe what you were feeling. And electrifying. "Oh, God."
You were both rocking your hips so quickly against each others'. You can hardly even think as he sinks his teeth into your collarbone before kissing your neck frantically. "That's my girl. Come on, baby." He moans softly in your ear. It was so new, so weird. The nakedness and the vulnerability and the sweat and the nerves. Everything is so new.
And full. So full. Complete. And scared. "Shane!" you jerk forward, arching your back. The cold air hits your sweaty back as he links his arm around your back and connects your lips. He throws you over him, and suddenly you're on top. He quickly brings his body up to sit up, never disconnecting your kiss. His arms pull you close to his chest and you groan loudly as you start to ride him, purely on instinct. His hands go to your hips to help you, as his lips go everywhere at once. "Oh, God." You whimper, your head falling in the space between his shoulder and neck.
You freeze, jumping slightly when his fingers trail down your body to reach that spot. It doesn't take him long to get you there, and he's quick to follow.
xx
"I don't know what it was about her. She is beautiful, sure, but that wasn't a factor. I just…she listened to me. I felt…I feel like such a failure. I couldn't even keep a record label afloat before it crashed down so badly. I know I told you that I was okay…but it hurt and I just…I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to disappoint you. Plus, we were trying for the kid and it was so hard and we were getting nowhere." He gulps, running his hand through his hair again. "She manipulated her way in. I let her. And then, she had things against me. She had secrets I've never told anyone but you. Like, the fact that I had that little stint with coke when I was seventeen? I told her that. She had me, Mitchie. I told her so many things, and I don't even know why. It was just nice to talk to someone who had no idea about who I was, who wouldn't have an opinion because she wasn't there."
"That's why you get a shrink, Shane. You don't turn to the leggy blonde across the street from your brother's house." You drop your face in your hands.
He sighs. "I don't know. You wanted me to be her friend, and then, I just wanted a friend. I only have you three…which I guess now I only have you. I just wanted someone else, but she saw an opportunity and she took it. There's a train of guys getting on magazines for fucking up and all along she just wanted me on the next cover in order to get a huge payroll. She took advantage of me, of you, and I shouldn't have let it happen, but I did. I didn't know how to get her away, and she wanted money from me or she would spill and I didn't know how to tell you. I felt so stupid and it felt wrong and I felt horrible."
You nod, looking at him slightly. He takes a deep breath.
"So, I shut you out because I didn't want to admit to anyone, much less you, that some little bitch was going to ruin our careers. In hindsight, I should have just done it. But I was scared and you were so excited and then you were in so much pain. I did not want to cause more. So, we're at the party, and the only reason I've been hanging out with her at that point was to make sure she wouldn't tell you, and just as I see you come in, she pulls me to her. God, I can still taste that disgusting watermelon lip gloss on my lips. I didn't want to kiss her, Mitchie. I promise." He looks you, his eyes sad.
You look away for a while. Neither of you say a word, and eventually you sit down on the bed. He follows suit, before hesitantly brushing a strand of hair back behind your ear. You lean into his touch and he brushes a tear away. "So, now what?" he asks, his voice hoarse. "You believe, don't you? Please believe me." His voice is desperate again.
You search his eyes. He looks sincere. "Okay." You finally whisper and his shoulders relax.
"Thank you. I love you. I wouldn't sleep with her. Not her…it's just you." he comes forward and goes to kiss you, but you pull away.
It hurts you, but you do it anyways.
"I don't know if I forgive you yet. I mean, I guess I do, but I guess…where does this leave us? Huh? Back to being super couple? I go back to your side on the bed and sleep with you and be your wife? I don't know if I can do that, Shane. You still lied to me and you kept things from me and you hurt me. You really hurt me.…but I know it's my fault too…I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I was so angry and I just wanted to escape, but all I did was push everyone away. So, I admit I was wrong, but I can't just go back to normal, Shane." You choke out. "I don't know how to anymore."
Shane sighs. "We'll get there, Mitchie. The thing is I'm not just gonna let you go again. I refuse to. I want you. I want us."
Xx
The next morning, you wake up Jamie with a small tickle attack. You do want him to be happy. If anything, and this maybe a little selfish, but you want him to be happy because you cannot handle him sad. You don't know how to help a depressed three year old. "Stop it." he giggles and you lightly slap his butt.
"Come on. I made breakfast." You tell him with a smile. He laughs and his eyes look so clear that it makes you warm inside.
That's when you take a deep breath. A deep breath.
When you let it out again, Jamie is looking at you curiously. "Are you okay, Mitchie?" he giggles at the name, still taking advantage that no one is correcting him. You bite your bottom lip and pull his feet so that he comes closer to you, before tickling his sides again. "No! Stop it! Stop it!" he laughs loudly, squirming under your touch. He eventually escapes and manages to run out of the room.
You take another breath before closing your eyes.
When you open them again, you have a small smile on. You are tired of being sad, and you are ready to move on. It helps that you are starting to believe Shane. Yes, it's still a little weird, but you are remembering how much he loves you again and that makes a difference. You hesitate at the doorway when you see Jamie and a tired looking Shane conversing. You still do not know if you can trust Shane - at least not with your heart or body, but that needs to be put in the backburner. You and Shane have to at least kind of work together for Jamie.
"Hey." Shane says softly, walking towards you as Jamie goes excitedly to the bathroom to wash his hands. You give him a small smile again and Shane gives you one back. "So, how are you?" he asks, clearing his throat slightly. You shrug your shoulders, finally exiting Jamie's room and going more towards the living room.
"Sleepy. Scared." You say vaguely before laying down on the couch. You blow your bangs up in the air as Shane furrows his eyebrows. He comes over to you and you raise an eyebrow as you see him think something over quickly. Suddenly, he goes forward, lifting your legs gently. You freeze as he pushes them up and sits down on the couch and then lets them fall on his lap. He puts his hands lightly on your thigh before squeezing your knee.
"Why are you scared?" he asks, tilting his head to look you in your eyes. You press your lips together as you mind screams at you to tell him to stop it. He could hurt you again; he could hurt you even worse. Stop him, it yells. He can see the hesitance in your eyes and he frowns. He moves forward and brushes your hair behind your ear. "Come on, Mitchie. Talk to me. We can at least be friends, can't we?" he asks, his eyebrows lowering.
Your eyes soften and you bite your bottom lip. "I don't know if I can move into Nate and Caitlyn's house. I'm scared." You admit, and he sighs softly, looking for a solution but knowing there isn't one.
"I don't think you can get out of it. Unless we just totally disregard Jamie and keep him here. Go grab his stuff or whatever." He says, his fingers making patterns on your knee. You shiver but do not stop him. You can feel your reluctance wavering, but you can still hear your heart telling you to kick him off. He's only going to hurt you again.
"We would be class A assholes if we do that, Shane." You say with a frown. "The kid just lost his parents and now is going to lose the only home he has ever known? Plus, me and him cannot keep alternating on the couch." You remind him and Shane squeezes your knee again before letting his fingers softly travel up your inner thigh. "Shane." You mutter, knocking his hand away with your own.
Frowning, he slips his hand back to your knee and then off completely. "Sorry." He mumbles just as Jamie comes back into the room. "Hey, bud." Shane says, putting on a smile. Jamie giggles at your position. "Hey, buddy, you want to hear some music?" he smirks before bringing his hands to your flat stomach and lightly tapping on it repeatedly.
Jamie laughs and you whimper. "Like drums!" the boy says, coming forward as Shane stopped.
"Exactly…although you know what would be more fun?" Shane says, the same smirk on his lips. You freeze when you feel Shane's fingers itch under your shirt and then go to your sides. "I heard you screaming for mercy before. Want to make Mitchie beg?" he taunts and you roll your eyes, trying to pretend you're still in control. You go to push Shane's hands away but Jamie already got the hint. You whimper again as Shane starts tickling you and Jamie laughs and joins him. You squirm as the little boy tries to tickle you but really just pokes you repeatedly.
You can feel shivers go up and down your body, and you realize Shane is hardly even tickling you. He is just trying to touch as much of you as possible. You take a deep breath, trying to still laugh for Jamie's sake, as Shane pushes your shirt up more. "Okay, stop!" you say, pushing Shane's hands down but he's too strong. You look up to make him stop his and Jamie's attack on you, but Shane's eyes are completely clouded. His eyes are wide and you can tell the memories are coming at him so quickly.
Jamie laughs again and stops poking you. "Okay. Can we have breakfast now?" he asks, losing interest fast as he runs to the kitchen. Shane lets go of you, and you practically push him off. You don't even realize how hard you are breathing until you are walking to the kitchen. Right before you get inside, Shane grabs your wrist and pulls you backwards. You grunt softly as your back hits his strong, hard chest.
"Tell me you don't feel that." His voice is hoarse. You shiver and gulp softly. "God, don't you miss me? Like, on a different level? On our level? I miss touching you." he mutters, his hands running up and down your sides slowly. "I miss being with you. Making love to you. Being on top of you. Screaming into a pillow. Don't you miss that? I miss that. God, I miss that." His breathing hard as well.
You can feel him getting hard against your lower back. You shake your head and push him away, shaking roughly. "Stop it." you croak out, your cheeks pink. "Stop, okay? I told you that I won't just jump into bed with you again, Shane. So, just stop. Just…" you trail off and close your eyes, leaning against the wall.
"I'm sorry." He says, his eyes softening. He moves close to you again however. He cups your face and leans his forehead against yours. "I just miss you, and with you so close to me, I just want us to go back to normal." He comes close to you, putting his lips to your ear. You take a ragged breath. You hate that he can do this to you. "I love that we would always wake up at like three am just to get each other off. I love that in the mornings you would let me take you in the shower. I miss that, Mitchie. And I want you." he whispers the last part, lightly nipping your ear.
"Mitchie? Uncle Shay?" Jamie calls out, confused from the kitchen. You both jump and separate slightly. You can see Shane is coming back to the surface as he blinks away the passion slowly. You clear your throat and he takes a step back.
"Wow. I'm sorry." He says, clearing his throat as his cheek slightly reddening. "I just…every time I'm near you…" he trails off, and he looks away. "I just miss you." he repeats, before stepping away from you.
Xx
The problem with him - or at least the problem you have with him - is that he truly is a good looking man. From his very beautiful green-ish eyes to his strong chest, he is just attractive. The other problem with you two is that you've always been super sexual with each other. At first, it was difficult to break the ice and be completely free, but after a couple months or so, you found your rhythm. You wanted to learn everything about each other, and much more than that, you wanted to never stop. Maybe it was just the newlywed's stage, but you just never wanted to let go.
You understand why it is so difficult for him to stay away from you. It's the same reason for you. The only difference is that he doesn't have his heart and mind yelling at him with every touch. You want to believe all he did was kiss her, and more than that, that she kissed him. You want to believe in his innocence, but you also don't want to be fooled again.
"So, maybe I could move in with you guys. That way I'll be there to help with Jamie and you won't be alone in their house." He tells you later. You bite your lip but do not answer. "Do want a shot?" he changes the subject. You look at him and hesitate before nodding.
You and Shane had sent Jamie to school after breakfast and then went your separate ways. You went to Tess's house, because really, who else can you go to anymore? Your two best friends are dead. You really have no idea where Shane went, but he stayed gone way into the night. You were tucking Jamie in when Shane arrived. He gave you a small nod before slipping outside to the balcony. After a while, you made up your mind and followed him.
You didn't notice the liquor bottle until he held it up in the air. "For Caity and Nate." He says, after he poured your shot. You raise the glass and clink it with his, before shooting down your throat. You immediately cough and he pats your back, laughing slightly. "So what did you do all day?" he asks, sitting across from you on the floor.
"Visited Tess. You?" you answer, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged, tilting the glass into his mouth again.
"Went to see my mom. She's still out of it." he says, frowning slightly. You close your eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier." He whispers. You shrug, feeling hot in the humid Californian air. You thrust your glass out and he pours some more. You drown it as well. This goes on for a little while - shot after shot of liquor. "You get it, don't you? It was always like, no matter what, even if the world was burning outside, we always had that. We were always good at that. At getting lost within ourselves. Do you remember that time when we went to the Bahamas?" he says, laughing a little.
You smile, the tequila already getting to. "I don't think we saw the water once."
He pauses before getting on his knees. He puts his hands on your outer thighs. "You remember our honeymoon? The night we first gave ourselves to each other? I didn't ever think anything could be as amazing as being inside of you." his voice was slurring a little as well.
"Shane." You moan, squeezing shut your already closed eyes. You can feel your heart and mind yelling at you, but the liquor is shutting them up. He's your husband; technically, you're allowed to have these feelings about him.
"Come on, Mitchie. We're amazing." He says, pushing himself up. You can feel his warm body slide on top of you and you finally open your eyes. He looks incredible. His eyes are dark and smoky, and the black shirt on him makes his muscles bulged. "You're amazing. I don't know why I didn't come to you. You're everything." He whispers, his breath hot.
Your fingers squeeze his sides as he finally reaches your lips.
The kiss is everything you have wanted for a long time. You almost start crying as his tongue slips into your mouth. You have missed his taste. He kisses you roughly but yet treats you gently. He makes sure your head is comfortable before pulling himself more on you. "Baby." He groans, his fingers pressing into your inner thighs. The moment his hand cups you, you cannot help the tears. "Hey, hey." He says, his eyes confused and concerned. He kisses your forehead. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I shouldn't have done that." He says as you cry harder and harder.
He holds you tight against his body. Your senses are on overload. His smell is so good and his body feels so nice and warm and hard.
It feels like you are about to explode and he's the one setting up the bomb.
XXX
Wow. I'm so sorry! That chapter was so overdue. I've just been struggling with finals. Tomorrow for example, I have an exam at 8am on math. I haven't even had time to study!
I'm so stressed right now. But thankfully, I get out on Friday. Actually, this Thursday is Taylor Swift Concert Day so YES! And then Friday is my not so PG party with my best friend haha. Let off steam. Don't recommend to the young kids, however.
So, story! ahh they're married. No one got that haha. Everyone's like they are engaged or promise ring. Only one or two people got it right. They were trying to have kids! Haha that's a clue…but then again, I could see how you would think they were just together since she still has her maiden name. Remember, though I haven't mentioned it much, she is famous too. She kept her stage name. But tell me what you think! Tell me do you think they can keep their hands off each other? Tell me what you want to see in the story as well.
Again, sorry for the lateness. And I haven't finished responding to reviews, but I will before Sunday! Promise.
Next chapter at 140! Thanks XD
Btw, do you like that's coming out to be more M?