Author's Note: Was requested to give you a little bit of Wash and Taylor dealing with a baby Gracie.
Disclaimer is as usual – no profit, not mine, just borrowing.
Four Months Later
Returning from placing a fed and sleeping Gracie in the small crib in an alcove of the office, Alicia says, "Nathaniel, I…"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I said so, Lieutenant."
She arches an eyebrow at him and crosses her arms across her chest, both at his reason and at his use of her rank. "That's what you're going with?"
He assumes a mirror pose, leaning back against his desk. "You do realize that this is one of those military times when I get to call the shots, right?"
She narrows her eyes at him. "And you do realize that Elisabeth fully cleared me for active duty six weeks ago, right?"
"I do. I saw the report on my desk. And I've let you take over the hand to hand training sessions with the troops in addition to your weight training and cardio. But I'm not letting you go OTG yet. You're not ready." He levels a hard look at her.
"It's three hours, Nathaniel. It's a quick resupply to the closest outpost. Mira and I can go and be back in three hours." She walks up to him and places a hand on his very tense arm. "I have to get back on the horse at some point, and this is a perfect run for that. And you're wrong. I am ready."
"I get to be the judge of that."
She frowns. "You're being a horse's ass."
He stands up straight. "You're pushing it, Alicia."
She rolls her eyes and withdraws her hand. "Fine. You're being a horse's ass, sir." She turns on her heel and heads for the door just as Guz comes in.
"Where do you think you're going, and what about Gracie?" He calls out from behind her, clearly irritated.
She turns back with a glare. "Since I'm apparently not fit for duty, I figure I don't belong here. Gracie is asleep, and you know what to do if she wakes up. If she's hungry, I've been stocking the freezer here. Sort it out." Without waiting for his reply, she turns again, totally ignoring Guz, and storms out.
"Sir?" Guz gives Nathaniel a puzzled look. "What just happened? And why isn't Wash fit for duty?"
Nathaniel throws his hands up in the air. "I never said she wasn't fit for duty!"
Guz comes further into the room and closes the door behind him. He smirks. "Glad to hear it, sir, because if she's not fit for duty neither am I, considering how easily she kicked my ass yesterday afternoon."
At Nathaniel's questioning look, Guz goes on, "Taylor, we've been working out five days a week since the doc cleared her for hand to hand. The first week was tough for her. She tired easily, and her reactions were slow. Less than three weeks after that, she was taking two out of every three from me. For the last week, I haven't even been able to take her to the mat, much less take a round from her. She's at least one hundred percent. She may be in better shape than she was before the baby."
"She wants to go OTG."
Guz nods. "I know. She and Mira were planning a trip out to the closest outpost. She told me she was going to talk to you about it." He hesitates. "Taylor, she's got crazy bad cabin fever, and she's starting to feel a little useless. She wanted to wait to bring it up because she knew you'd push back, so she thought if she was one hundred percent, you'd be OK with it."
Nathaniel blinks, and then he looks even more irritated. "Why do you know that and I don't?"
Guz holds his hands up. "I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to anyway. Sir, she knows you're still going to be protective, that everything that happened scared the hell out of you. You've been so damned happy, she didn't want to mess it up. And frankly, even if she underestimated your reaction to her request to go today, I didn't. We didn't have a meeting scheduled, so why do you think I'm here right now?"
"Guz…" Nathaniel's voice takes on a warning tone.
"Taylor, all due respect, but you need to let her get back to work for real. It's who she is, just like being protective is who you are. Wash can take care of herself, and she's more than ready. The issue here isn't that she isn't ready. The issue is that you aren't ready. And I get that, sir, but if you're going to push her on it, you at least need to respect her enough to be honest about it, with her and with yourself."
Nathaniel looks pissed for a moment, but Guz doesn't look away or back down. Eventually, Nathaniel sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I lost her once, Guz, and then I almost lost her again. I can't…"
Guz steps over to him. "Taylor, I know. Believe me. But you need to talk to her, and to be fair, she needs to talk to you. And you need to realize that this is who she is – and last time I checked, you were pretty fond of her – I'm assuming that means you don't really want to change her."
Nathaniel nods. "Can you stay here and keep an eye on Gracie? She should nap for an hour or so, and there's milk in the freezer."
"On it, boss. Try the gym, and if she's not there, the training course. She's probably working off a little steam." Guz gives him a knowing look.
"Thanks, Guz."
A few minutes later, Nathaniel enters the gym, and he immediately spots her at one of the punching bags. She's attacking it rather viciously, and he's suddenly reminded of another time, way back when the colony was in the planning stages. He'd upset her then too, and she'd gone and taken it out on a bag, just as she is now.
He sees Reynolds and two younger soldiers nearby. The gym is otherwise empty. Nathaniel goes over to them. "Give us the room, Reynolds."
Mark nods. "Yes sir. Is she OK?"
"Not sure. Keep others out too, Reynolds. And thanks."
The young man looks as though he's going to say something else, but he holds his tongue and just leads the other two out. Nathaniel watches them go, and once the door closes behind him, he walks over to his clearly angry wife. He knows she's aware of his presence, but she doesn't stop her assault on the bag. He just steps up to it and holds it for her.
After a few essentially killing blows, she finally looks at him. Unfortunately, her look is, at best, an icy glare. "What do you want, Nathaniel?"
He cocks an eyebrow at her. "Aren't you going to ask me where Gracie is?"
"No. I know you'd leave her with someone who'll take care of her. Because, you know, I actually trust you."
Her inflection isn't lost on him, and he can't help but sigh. "Alicia."
"You made your feelings very clear earlier, Commander. You obviously have decided that you can't trust my own judgment about myself." She hits the bag. "So, I'm honestly not sure why you're here. It's not like my opinion matters." She hits it again, so hard that the vibrations actually sting his own hands a little.
"Alicia, stop, please." Something in his tone must get her attention, because she does in fact stop, looking up at him. "I'm sorry, Alicia."
She eyes him critically. "For what?"
"For pretending this is about you and your readiness. It isn't. It's about me."
She blinks in surprise before lifting an eyebrow. "Well, that's not what I expected you to say."
He lets loose a self-deprecating laugh. "Without Guz being mildly insubordinate, I probably wouldn't have been willing to acknowledge it." He looks down briefly, and then he looks back up at her, meeting her eyes, startling her with the pain apparent in them. "I'm the one who isn't ready, Alicia."
She pulls off her protective gloves and walks over to him, prompting him to get a small smile on his face. She tilts her head at him. "What?"
"If you start hitting the bag again, don't forget to put your gloves back on this time."
It takes her a moment before she remembers the argument they had almost ten years ago that led to her going after a similar bag without her gloves. She smirks. "Maybe you want me to. That'd keep me inside the gate a while longer."
He shakes his head. "I don't want you hurt, not at all."
"Nathaniel…"
"Alicia, I watched you die. I lost you, and then I got you back. Then I almost lost you again. I don't know how to get past this. It's paralyzing. I need you safe."
She places a hand on his face. "I know Guz, our resident busybody, has likely already talked to you, but Nathaniel, I need to get back to normal. I love being Alicia Taylor, Gracie's mom and your wife, but I need to be Alicia Washington too. That's who I am at my core. I need you to let me be both."
He reaches out and pulls her to him. Pressing his face into her neck, he mumbles. "I know."
She runs her fingers through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. "You know I'm always careful. More so than you are, for the record."
He huffs out a light laugh into her neck. "Trying to tell me something, Lieutenant?"
This time, she doesn't bristle at his use of her rank, as she knows he's not using it to emphasize his command role. She leans back from him, and he lifts his head, meeting her eyes. "Maybe. I just wonder if you realize that I don't really sleep when you're OTG. That I just toss and turn. That when I actually do sleep, it's usually punctuated with nightmares."
He furrows his brow at that. She shakes her head. "Nathaniel, just because I've never had to watch you die doesn't mean that I'm not terrified that I'll lose you one day. That something will happen to you and we'll be alone. But I knew that's what I was signing up for. I just thought you knew the same thing about me."
He doesn't say anything, and she goes on, "I know you left me behind for the eleventh because you were worried something might happen and you wanted to keep me safe. I know that's what you always want to do – but please don't keep doing this to me, Nathaniel. I need to be in the field."
He sighs, dropping his head back to her neck. "I think I had some delusional hope that you wouldn't want to go OTG anymore once you had Gracie." He looks up, and seeing that her eyes narrowed slightly again, he goes on, "But Guz pointed out that if I love you so damned much, maybe changing you is not what I want to do. And he's right. I love you, and I know this is who you are. This is my issue."
He steps back, gripping her shoulders with his hands. "You can go with Mira. And I'm sorry I was such a, what did you call me? Horse's ass."
"I'm sorry too, Nathaniel. I should have talked to you, not Guz. He's a good sounding board, but you're the one I should be talking to. I just didn't want to upset you. It had been years since I saw you this happy. I just didn't want to screw it up."
He gives her a crooked smile. "Now who's the protective one?"
She returns the smile. "Turnabout is fair play." She pauses. "Who did you leave Gracie with?"
He chuckles at that. "Guz, the aforementioned busybody."
"Good call. She likes him."
"As opposed to?"
"Well, she still resists Dunham and Reilly, though she seems to be warming up to them a little." She grins at him.
"I've noticed her pushing back on Reilly. You can tell that it really bothers her. I actually feel a little sorry for her." He watches as she gathers her bag.
Suddenly, she looks around, puzzled. "Where did Reynolds and his two trainees go?"
He shrugs. "I might have kicked them out."
She whacks his arm. "Nathaniel!"
"Did you really want anyone else to get to listen in on that conversation?"
"Fair enough." As they leave the gym, Alicia has to laugh, because Reynolds is standing there looking concerned, his two trainees standing back looking slightly intimidated, likely by the presence of the leader and 2IC of the colony. "Sorry we kicked you out. It's all yours." He still looks concerned, so she gives him a reassuring look. "I'm fine, Mark."
He nods, but he still shoots something of a warning glare at Nathaniel before beckoning to the two trainees to follow him back into the gym. Nathaniel just laughs softly as they head towards command. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Get the entire damned military and a whole lot of the civilians to be so protective of you. If looks could kill, the one Reynolds just shot me would have dropped me on the spot."
She laughs. "No idea. Apparently they just like me better than they like you."
"Ha ha. When do you think you and Mira will go?" He drops a hand to her lower back as they walk, clearly still uncomfortable with the idea of her going.
"It's already midday, so we'll wait and go tomorrow morning. I'll let her know."
"Then will you have lunch with your overprotective husband?" He gives her a game smile.
She leans up and presses a kiss to his cheek. "I'd love to. Let's go collect Gracie first."
"Sounds good."
Ignoring their usual on-duty boundaries, she reaches behind her, covering his hand on her back with her own hand, entwining their fingers. He lifts their hands, pressing a kiss to the back of hers and giving her a grateful look. She holds his hand the rest of the way back to the command center.
**WT**WT**WT**
The next morning, with Gracie in her stroller he stands next to Alicia watching some of the newer soldiers load up two rovers with supplies that Alicia and Mira, along with Reilly and two others, will be delivering to the nearby outpost. Mira and Guz are also standing by, and Guz loads Mira's gear into one of the rovers for her.
It's a cool early-winter morning, and Alicia is glad of it. The turtleneck top she pulled on against the chill does well to cover up what Nathaniel did to her collarbone the night before. She has to swallow a grin as she thinks about it. She isn't sure what triggered it, but he was in one of his "I must mark my woman" moods last night – considering he hasn't been that way in a while, she didn't mind at all.
She jumps a little at the sound of his voice in her ear. "What's that smile about?"
She turns to him and pecks him on the lips. "What do you think it's about?"
He grins. "Hope it's not sore."
She rolls her eyes. "It's not. It is colorful, though." As he laughs, she leans down and scoops Gracie up out of the stroller, snuggling her close in to her chest. One of Gracie's small hands grips Alicia's top, and she nuzzles her face into Alicia's neck. "You be good for Daddy, my baby Bug." She hugs her tight, and Gracie makes a little snort of protest. Alicia smiles at that. She knows she needs to hand her over to Nathaniel, but she suddenly finds that she can't.
Nathaniel must sense her turmoil, because he steps up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her to his chest. He drops a kiss to her neck and whispers, "She'll be fine, and so will you."
Alicia nods wordlessly, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. A moment later, she takes a deep breath and turns around. He releases her and allows her to pass Gracie to him. She still fits easily in the crook of his large arm, and he tucks her close to his chest. She blinks at Alicia and then up at Nathaniel before settling down against him and closing her eyes.
Alicia expels a breath. "OK." She leans forward and drops a kiss on Gracie's forehead. She looks up at Nathaniel, and he leans down and kisses her quickly. "We'll be back this afternoon. There's plenty of milk in the fridge at home and at the command center."
"I know, Alicia. I promise we'll be all right. And I'd wager that most of our friends will check on us at some point. Maddy, Skye and Deborah have all told me to expect them, and so has Sam and Leah Marcos' mom. Shannon and Carter threatened visits too." He gives her an amused smile. "They all seem to doubt my ability to mind my own child for a few hours."
She smirks at him, appreciating his deflection of the conversation to something humorous. "Maybe they heard about your plans for a Baby Obstacle Course for when she starts crawling."
He snorts. "Well, I always say that it's never too early to work on physical fitness."
She shakes her head and leans up to press another kiss to his lips. "Thanks for the distraction."
He just nods and follows her as she picks up her pack and another bag and puts them in the same rover Guz put Mira's stuff into.
He appears to realize what the second bag is. "You're taking your pump? You should be back in a few hours."
She turns and gives Nathaniel an incredulous look. "With my luck? No way am I depending on that. If I don't bring it, you know I'll need it. And let me be clear – when I need to pump and wait too long? It hurts."
He winces. "Good point on both. But I'm sure you won't need it."
She rolls her eyes. "Can you not say things like that? It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull named Fate." Almost automatically, she leans down and checks her pistol.
"Sorry." He chuckles, not sounding at all contrite.
"Sure you are." She grins and grabs her armor from where she had it attached to her pack.
As Alicia gets her armor on and tightened, Mira and Guz approach. As she often does, Mira still wears her regular clothing as opposed to fatigues, but she's also wearing armor similar to Alicia's. "Ready to go?"
Alicia nods. She leans forward and drops one last lingering kiss on Gracie's forehead. Before she starts to get emotional, she just murmurs, "I'll see you soon," to Nathaniel and she goes around to the driver's side of the rover.
Nathaniel calls after her, "Be safe, Alicia."
"Will do, Commander." She uses his title with a flippant tone in her voice, and he laughs and motions with his free arm for her to go.
Guz and Nathaniel, still holding Gracie, step back from the rovers as Reilly and Alicia power them up, and Alicia gives Nathaniel one last wave. He returns it, and Guz calls up to the guards to open the gate.
As the two rovers pull out, Nathaniel furrows his brow. "They'll be fine, Taylor." Guz's voice makes him start a little.
He looks down at Gracie and then at Guz. "I know. It's just different than it used to be, you know? There's so much more at risk now."
Guz puts a hand on Nathaniel's shoulder and squeezes. "I do know, sir. You two will be fine too, by the way."
"Need help with anything?" The two men turn to see Jim and Zoe walk up, and Carter is right behind them. Zoe, out of school because it's a Saturday, goes over and takes command of the empty stroller, putting a stuffed toy in it and pushing it around in a circle.
Carter smirks as he and Jim get to Guz and Nathaniel. "Not that we think you can't handle it or anything."
Nathaniel just exchanges a look with Guz and, ignoring Carter and Jim, turns to head towards the command center. "Miss Shannon, would you like to push the Bug in the stroller?"
"Yes sir!" comes her excited reply.
He settles Gracie in the stroller, and says, "OK, with me then, Miss Shannon. Not too fast and look out for bumps." He still is pointedly ignoring Carter and Jim, and Guz is laughing at the irked looks on their faces.
Without ever acknowledging the two of them, Nathaniel leads Zoe towards command, asking her about school. As he walks, he hears Jim ask Guz, "What just happened?"
Nathaniel swallows a laugh at Guz's reply. "Gee, Shannon, I wonder if he's a little annoyed by everyone's clear assumption that while the man can lead a colony and beat anyone you throw at him in hand to hand, he can't take care of a baby for three hours?"
"Commander Taylor, sir?"
Zoe's voice gets his attention again. "Yes, Miss Shannon?"
"Dad and Mister Carter think you need help, but I don't. I think you can do anything."
He grins. "Thank you, Miss Shannon. And you know, even though I don't need help, I was wondering if you'd like to play with Gracie some today?"
"Really?" At his nod, she says, "I would! I can play with her and change her diaper, Mom showed me how, and I can even give her a bottle if you want!"
He smiles. "That would be very nice, Miss Shannon. You can be our helper for the day."
"Cool!" She chatters as they walk towards the command center, telling him and Gracie what they'll do today. He can't help but smile, even as he wonders why so many people expect him to be incapable of taking care of Gracie on his own. He can recognize that having Zoe there will help but will also require him to watch not one but two kids.
Guz catches up with him, and he has a knowing smile on his face. "Trying to prove something, sir?"
As they trail behind Zoe and Gracie, Nathaniel laughs. "I've become really easy to read, haven't I?"
"I don't think Shannon or Carter noticed, but I've known you a long time, Taylor. And as far as I'm concerned? Genius. Proving a point and still getting help, executed with military precision. Well done, sir. You and those ladies have a good day."
"You too, Guz, and not a word to Shannon and Carter."
"Secret's safe with me, sir." With a slightly mocking salute, Guz heads off.
"Commander?"
He hears Zoe and catches up with her, where she now stands with Elisabeth. "Doc. What can we do for you?"
Elisabeth is wearing a smile similar to the one Guz was just wearing. "Jim just called and said you'd taken off with Zoe. Since it's an extra mouth for you to feed, I thought I'd offer to have lunch with you and the girls here. Thought maybe we could meet up in the market? Zoe was supposed to see Leah Marcos at lunch today anyway, so her mom said she'd meet us there too."
He lifts an eyebrow at Elisabeth, and she just smirks. He can't help but laugh and shake his head. "Sounds good, Doc. We'll be there. Noon?"
"I'll let Leah's mother know. See you then. Zoe, you behave for the commander please." Elisabeth actually winks at him and walks away.
He has to admit it's amusing. It's clear that he's going to be taken care of whether he wants it or not. As he follows Zoe up the ramp to command, he figures he might as well just go with the flow. At least it's keeping his mind off of Alicia being OTG, and it'll be a funny story for her when she gets back this afternoon.
"Commander?" At his questioning look, Zoe asks, "Can I be Gracie's first official babysitter?"
He smiles. "I think that's an excellent idea, Miss Shannon. Consider yourself official."
"Cool!"
The smile she gives him in return is so bright that he actually considers getting her a badge or something made declaring her official babysitter status. He makes a mental note to talk to a market vendor he knows could create something, and he watches as Zoe spreads Gracie's quilt on the floor and settles down with her there, surrounded by toys from the little alcove on the office.
He goes to work on some requests from colonists while listening to Zoe explain each toy to Gracie, who kicks and squeals happily at the attention. He suddenly wishes that Alicia was here, if only to hear Zoe explain the difference between "good dinosaurs" and "mean dinosaurs" to a five and a half month old. His eyes stray to a photo on his desk, a picture of Alicia holding Gracie, and he softly repeats the words he said to her right before she left. "Be safe, Alicia."