(A/N: Sorry for the slight delay, you guys. There were some issues at home-me and my parents aren't on good terms and I spend most of my time in my room and away from the computer. But that's neither here nor there, because in a few months I'll be in college and out of their life forever, yay!
Sorry about that. A writer's life should never intefere in a story, so you won't be hearing anything more about THAT. Here's the next chapter. And it's a pretty angsty one, too, with a special guest appearance or two.)
Banished to the back of her mind with all the other thoughts of things she's putting off until later is the fact that she-they-will have to face Him sometime. She knew He was in the castle, valiantly battling below and steadily gaining ground, yet she barely let her thoughts stray to Him. She'd even met Him once, briefly, appearing as her Other and telling Him to embrace the darkness in His heart. But He is a trivial detail compared to the everyday bliss of being with Sora; there is so much to do and see and be with this boy she admires so and the other boy is merely a skeleton in the closet she would get around to opening sometime.
The first indication of Him drawing near is the appearance of DiZ, an imposing figure that she suspects has more to hide than just his face. It is like de ja vu to stand awkwardly before an unfriendly figure, to flounder for excuses and struggle to determine if their intentions were noble. This time she was questioned intensely about Sora-why he was still here, why his memory was corrupted. It had not been a long interrogation but uncomfortable nonetheless, with DiZ promising he would keep a vigilant eye on the two of them and a parting warning to be on the lookout for him.
Only days later he walks into the room, and Naminé isn't sure who is the most surprised among the three of them.
Riku.
Riku, the oldest of the little trio from Destiny Islands, strikingly handsome with silver hair and mint eyes to accentuate his subtly-changing body. The competitive, adventurous explorer who would be more than content to live the rest of his days outdoors. A bit misguided, maybe a bit rebellious, but a good friend deep down. Loyal, of course, to both ends of the worlds. He has an air of sadness about him, maybe from the childhood that is ending too soon, maybe the inner pain he feels for selling his soul for a little dark power. This boy has suffered the most, perhaps unfairly, but still takes it quietly, a mark of a true martyr. A strange balance, this sinner slowly drawing back to the light.
The two boys regard each other with the utmost of caution, each waiting for the other's move-is this another trick? they think, remembering the Replica and Cloaked Schemer individually. Will this be another disappointment, and, if so, how many more times can they withstand this sort of pain? But maybe, maybe…
She doesn't dare move, holding her breath with mixed feelings, but realizes it is pointless. She, like everything else around them, is now invisible. She might as well be part of the wall. Sora breaks first, as she knew he would, ever the curious optimist.
"Riku?"
The older boy blinks. Breathes-she is not the only one that was afraid to exhale, then. His mouth finally twitches in the corners, a smile that likely hasn't crossed his face in many weeks. Naminé allows herself the small luxury of being momentarily relieved.
Ten minutes pass without either one acknowledging her-not that she minds; Sora's radiant smile could placate her for hours. The boys hug with a little discomfort, then relent to just grab each other's arms and compare battle scars, figuratively and literally. Both look so content together-so natural-that she feels perfectly at ease being the third wheel until she flinches at the implications.
"Naminé." His voice chases away dark thoughts like the sun as she turns to face his grin and Riku's appraisal. The introduction is uncomfortable-or perhaps it is only her that feels it, the first signs of guilt curling up in her chest-and she cannot meet his cool gaze more than once or twice. She can almost feel the older boy's smile thin little by little into a thin line of distaste, noticing Sora's longing glances and praises directed at her and his obvious avoidance of mentioning another.
But he doesn't interrupt, keeping his thoughts silent until the end. His question is for Sora, but the accusation in his tone is only for her.
"What about her?"
"Her?" Both of the boys' eyebrows narrow, one in confusion, one in rising anger.
"The one who is most special to you," Naminé breaks in quickly, soft enough that she hopes Riku won't catch on.
"But Naminé," Sora says, his voice matching hers in softness and with maybe a hint of hurt in it, "I thought you would have realized by now that you're the one most special to me."
The blush that threatens from this unexpected declaration is dispelled as the silveret steps between them, leaning in to practically hiss at Sora, "What did you say?"
"Riku, it's…complicated," Sora mutters, running his hands through his hair.
The older boy crosses his arms, eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm listening."
This reunion is suddenly not quite as pleasant as they all had hoped it would be. She leaves without excusing herself, unable to excuse herself as she closes the door quietly behind her and sits uncomfortable against the nearest wall. It's not her place to get in the middle of these two impossible forces, so different but so desperate for each other.
It's not her place to be with them at all, she tells herself.
Sora's voice, being the higher of the two, is easier to hear and she can just barely if she presses her ear to the wall. Riku's is harder because in addition to being in a lower octave it seems that he is also half-trying to keep her from eavesdropping on their heated exchange. She cannot do anything but lay there, catching snatches of sentences, curing herself for her inability to either stand up for Sora or prove Riku right.
Why do you stay? she hears. What makes her so special? he says, all her inner demons spewing out of the silver-haired boy's mouth. It is hard to keep silent, to keep her eyes dry, and she settles on biting her knuckles to bear the pain.
I didn't want to forget this…I didn't want to forget her. She needs, me Riku. And I need her too. Just try to understand-
They hedge around the Kairi topic for quite a while, it finally hit as an apparent last resort for the argument going nowhere but in circles.
"What about the other promise you made? How are you taking care of her if you're worlds away with another girl? You've got her charm; does it still mean anything to you?"
"Of course it does. And she does, too…but some things have changed, Riku," Sora says uneasily.
There is a long, uncomfortable stretch of silence and Naminé feels as if all the air in the castle has been sucked out, closing her throat.
"If she's still special to you," the older boy says flatly, "why have you not called her by her name once?"
"I…" the long syllable echoes through the corridors. The pale girl rests her forehead against the wall, her stomach suddenly queasy. "I've forgotten it.
"While I was battling in the castle, the Organization took most of my memories and kind of…twisted them to try and control me. So I've forgotten about a lot of things, including her-I mean, I know there's a girl waiting for me at home on the islands and she gave me this charm, but that's about it. So the less I think about her right now, the better."
Silence.
Then the explosion.
"You WHAT? You practically have amnesia and you're okay with it? You're trying to forget about her? The girl you were crazy for, the girl you lost your heart to save? You're just going to throw her away…for a girl that isn't supposed to exist?"
He has a valid point, and she knows he only says it because he cares, because he's frustrated…but she still flinches. Maybe this is what will finally change Sora's mind-
"If you care so much, you take her." It is the coldest thing she has ever heard the younger keyblader say. "You protect her. You promise her something. I just can't anymore."
The door is pushed open so forcefully it swings wide enough to hit the wall adjoining it, assuredly leaving a bruise-like mark as it collides and then retreats. Riku breezes past, hatred and fury rolling off him in waves. He sees her cowering on the floor, obvious having heard most of the altercation, and stops her only long enough to stab her with a brusque "thanks."
Thanks, Naminé. Thanks for continually causing Sora misery. For tearing two best friends apart. For separating true love by time and distance.
Meek determination takes her back to face the brunet. She doesn't know what to say-don't listen to him? Yes, Sora, he's exactly right? But she pauses before parting her lips to speak, watching the boy that was overjoyed an hour ago now sitting alone and struggling with his conflicting desires. His pain draws her literally to him, knowledge rising in her as she extends a hand: whatever he wants next, she will give to him. Her own happiness is one thing, but his is far more precious to her. She will let go of a happy Sora before she will hold on to an empty one, no matter what the circumstances.
She expects angry tears for her benefit, even steels herself to the possibility of him physically pushing her away. But when she uncurls her fingers and offers her palm, he grabs it almost roughly, using the momentum to press her body to his. She should feel something-excitement, embarrassment, but only concern appears. Sora turns his face and places it against her shoulder, a gesture giving her despair in the stead of hope.
"He's wrong," he mutters. But she isn't sure if he says that to comfort her or reassure himself. There's nothing she can say, so she settles on wrapping her arms around his shaking shoulders and holding onto him as long as she can.
What Riku goes through in the next few days could very well be compared to the medically recognized Cycle of Grief. Even though no one is dying and it is usually only experienced by the one faced with the harsh unexpected reality of death, he virtually goes through the same steps-for, after all, isn't deep loss all alike? He hasn't had to bury Sora, but he will soon have to say goodbye to him again, will have to forever lose the parts that were affected by his unchained memory.
Due to his internal strengths and external limitations, he goes through the cycle all in less than a week, though it could very well take a normal person months to do the same. Riku is very physically unable to run away from this problem and, like the warrior he is, has no choice but to face this monster.
In the beginning there is denial, the mind-numbing fog that says this can't be true. After the first violent confrontation, Riku wanders off for a time before finally coming back, noticeably calmer. He doesn't waste away too long in it, not a disillusioned boy by any means. Then it is straight back to anger-at her, at Sora, at himself. It is almost an illogical reaction, now that it is almost too late to change anything, but the unfathomable odium is there, directed at this injustice. Thankfully this doesn't last long either, but it hangs around enough to cause the boys to clash with words and maybe even fists once or twice. And when he's not yelling, he's pacing furiously on one of the halls on the floor directly below, muttering to himself.
Next comes the bargaining-attempting to cheat fate, in a sense. The silveret approaches Sora (who holds nothing against Riku because it's in his nature and this is his best friend and he'd probably be doing the same thing if their roles were reversed) and offers anything he can-and some things he can't really-give. It is a true test of endurance for the boys and one of patience for Naminé, she biding her time in the next room with a monster named Anxiety. Though it seems that at any time the younger boy will give in, Sora eventually wears his friend down into truly understanding that he is going to stay at the castle and no, he doesn't want his true memories back.
The sadness is by far the hardest to watch from a distance. Riku retreats again, no doubt quietly mourning the parts of his best friend that he's losing. The demons attack on this one, clawing at what should be the memory witch's conscience. But she, for reasons she'll never know, manages to push her feelings away and concentrate wholly on Sora.
Since he's hugged her, she's noticed, he has become slightly less reluctant to touch her. Anything from holding her arm, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear, one time even taking her hand in his for no special reason. Of course it thrills her, bright red streaking across her cheeks, but she can't help but let her thoughts linger on wondering what his sudden motivation is. It could be that he's reassuring himself-that she's just as much of what he wants as the girl back home. Or maybe she's putting too much thought into this and she is setting herself up for needless heartache.
He seems content, maybe just a little melancholy now that he is being haunted by a silver-haired ghost. But the girl can tell that knowing Riku's okay, even if he's not on the best terms with him, has brought a small sense of peace to Sora; it is a small prayer answered and something has finally worked out. She tries not to let either one of them dwell on this, trying to once again fill his days with stories and smiles and shy hands reaching for one another.
The girl is more than a little surprised and wary when Riku comes to her in the midst of the last stage, acceptance; he knows he can only say goodbye now. Up until this point he hasn't talked to her during the cycle-if anything he had pointedly avoided her-and dealt with Sora exclusively or himself. But even as he's tried to put distance between them, she has heard almost everything that has left his mouth, from yelled accusations to his soft whimpers when he thinks he's all alone.
It is early morning and Sora is sleeping as they sit side by side, doing nothing but listening to one another breathe and wonder what the other is thinking for a long while. She wouldn't dare break his silence-she has no idea what to say to him; everything that comes to mind would in all probability push him away. Even as he inhales deeply and begins to talk she is reticent to speak, to come between him and the words he needs to get off his chest.
"I can't really be mad at you," he begins, studying the floor, "I guess I'm just…confused." He sighs at his inarticulation and she realizes that she, of all people, is making him uncomfortable. It is a small magic that astounds her-the one who had always been the clumsy side of a two-way conversation.
"Sora means…a lot to me. And I'd like to think that I know him well, but this-" he gestures vaguely around him, "-isn't like him at all. Maybe he's changed more than I thought…." He breaks off, his eyes glazing over in contemplation. He finally shakes his head and resumes.
"But that's not my point. When I left Sora and told him to take care of Kairi-" his voice catches on the name but he rushes to finish the thought, "-I did it because I was sure I was protecting him. And making him happy."
He sighs again but now looks at her, freezing her with eyes full of something she cannot name. Could it be desperation, tiredness at always fighting for things that are always just out of his grasp? "I just want Sora to be happy, and if he is now-with you, with most of his memories gone-I guess…I can deal with it." He looks away, running his hand through his hair. "I mean, I don't like it…but I can deal," he repeats softly, almost to himself.
She looks down to fiddle with her hands. "I just want him to be happy, too," she whispers.
"I know."
"I didn't want to change his memories…And I gave him the choice. And he chose this."
"I know. He told me."
"I think he's happy here…" she finishes very softly, not daring to provoke him. Riku is of noble character, yes, but everyone has limits-and he could hurt her very, very badly at best if she went past them.
"He seems…content to be with you. And if I took him away from this now he might forgive me eventually, but I'd always feel guilty. So…he'll stay here and I'll leave later this morning with DiZ."
She is surprised, but finds his thread of logic. If Riku stayed, still in touch with his past, it would be too much to play along with Sora and her, to patiently explain things that had "slipped" his friend's mind, to ignore what is so obviously wrong in his unaltered world. To believe the lies and go along with his best friend as less than he originally was and pretend that Kairi was just a dim, passing thought.
"Someone has to fight the darkness while Sora and his friends are here. I'll see if I can come in from time to time to check on things, but I think I'll do it when the two of you are…occupied," he says delicately.
He was buying them time. He still thought little of her and disapproved of her past but was still going to give her and Sora one less thing to be concerned about.
"You are a good friend, Riku," she says quietly. "Not many could do what you are doing."
He turns his face to an angle so that she cannot see it. "No, I'm not," he mutters darkly. "I betrayed him when he needed me most. I owe him. I still owe him."
"He forgives you."
"Because he doesn't understand," he growls, agitation in his voice. She notices as his hands clench in fists of frustration, but she can't stop talking.
"You should hear him talk about you. You haven't done wrong in his eyes."
"I can't believe I'm arguing about this with a-" he turns, ready to cut her fresh with a sharp insult, but for some reason stops. He looks at her for a long minute and then turns back to looking at the floor.
It takes her a moment to convince herself when she realizes that Riku is crying. In front of her. His body trembles slightly and she watches as one tear slips down his pained face. She scrambles for an apology. She had expected everything but this.
"I'm sorry, Riku, I didn't mean to-"
"You…remind me of her," he says almost gently, an edge to his voice attributed to his emotional state. "It's not just your smell…it's your eyes and your voice and...everything," he shakes his head. "I just don't understand," he says brokenly, hands coming up to cradle his head.
It hits her then. She might only have memories from Sora's point of view, but it's so obvious. The teasing, the long looks, the competition…even going so far as to reach out to the darkness. What has reduced him from the strong, cocky boy to this overwrought young man crying on a castle floor in the middle of oblivion in less than a year.
"You loved Kairi too."
He stiffens and she knows she has hit the mark. Riku had gambled for her Other's love and lost and the stakes had been higher than just a simple broken heart. No, he had lost his mind, body, and soul and would forever be haunted by the monster he had become, a monster that could never have Kairi. Sora, who had pursued her through other-purer-means, had won.
And now he was throwing her away. Throwing Kairi away for Naminé. A luxury Riku would do anything for.
"Loved?" The laugh that comes out has no humor in it. "There is no past tense. There will never be a past tense. How can he just say 'you protect her' when he has no idea what that does to me…" he breaks off, unable to continue.
Just like this, she has opened up the enigma that is Riku, no paper or colored pencils necessary. And, in doing so, she feels more guilty than she ever thought possible. She knew the consequences as far as Sora was concerned, but she had no idea that the repercussions would extend this far.
"I'm sorry." It is no consolation, she knows, but she can't just sit here and say nothing.
And like that, the mask snaps back into place. A quick wipe to his eyes, and the boy stands up suddenly, detached and apathetic once again. "It's not important."
"I-"
"I've stayed too long," he says dismissively, taking the first step away.
"I could help you," she blurts out. It's not exactly what he wants, but…"With the darkness in you. If you slept…I could keep Ansem from coming back. You could forget what happened and be free of him. Seal away the darkness." She had planned on offering it to him differently, with more elaboration, less frenzy in her voice, but such is life.
He turns to her and shakes his head with a rueful semblance of a smile. "Maybe if things were different," he reasons, Sora now the top priority again and his sufferings covered up and smoothed over. She would almost believe he was okay…if it wasn't for that look bordering on the edges of his eyes.
"Riku…I won't tell. I promise," she says lowly.
Promises-how many have passed between her and the two boys? How many have been broken, how many have been kept in the dark, where they belong?
He must catch the irony as well, for his shield is down again, just for the briefest of moments, and he gives the most heartbreaking of smiles. "Thank you, Naminé."
And with that, he walks away, thus ending the first and only conversation she will ever have with him.
It is only a short time later when the two boys stand together to say goodbye, now with DiZ and Naminé on either side waiting patiently to take them back to their two separate worlds. There is a blinked-away tear or two, a long hug, and broken smiles as they tell each other unlikely promises and half-hearted jokes.
"See you soon, Riku."
"I'll miss you, Sora."
"Be good."
"Don't do anything stupid."
They finally separate, Riku turning to leave when Sora tosses him something. The tiny five-pointed charm fits easily in his palm and he closes his long fingers over it, eyes closing in pain only the girl can identify.
"Protect her…protect Kairi," Sora order with slight difficulty. The silveret looks like he wants to say something but stops himself. Opens his eyes and nods.
This time he turns and keeps walking and the other boy does the same. Sora gently takes the witch's hand in his and squeezes it, then walks back further into the white corridor.
She will give him today to be sad-to miss Riku, to block out the memories of Kairi that are slowly entering his mind, to once again think about what he has chosen. She will give him one day, and then she will wake up tomorrow and make him smile.
Now she understands a little bit more, how lucky she is. How much like Riku she is, too.
Because, just like him, she just wants Sora to be happy.
Thanks to reviewers Broken Juggernaut, SlashLover93, Karin Ochibi-chan, Christopher Scott, HopeReincarnated (I love that name, btw), and Annocat, and all the story favorites and watches. They definitely inspire me to write better and update faster. And I promise there won't be a delay last time; sorry for that again, folks.
Also, I'd just like to add that KaiRiku is another favorite pairing of mine that's underloved. Which you can kind of tell, if you check out one or two of my other stories.
So, see you next week, when I have to actually write a full chapter. I wrote the first four chapters and another chapter (which I'm saving for the end chapter) almost two years ago, but now I've actually got to come up with some new material. I think we'll be seeing a fairytale theme.
See you next Friday, and please keep those reviews coming!