I don't own Criminal Minds, and I'm in no way making any profit off of this story.

Summary: Penelope has a secret and Derek thinks he knows what it is…maybe he does maybe he doesn't .

Way not beta read! I am human, I make mistakes

Secrets of the Heart and Other Parts

Chapter Name: My Time

Penelope lead against her apartment door and let out a deep breath, Home Sweet Home, she thought to herself. It had been one hell of a day. First her conversation with Derek, then Kevin calling and calling, trying to corner her every chance he got, plus the new case. And on top of all that, Derek tried to talk to her again before he had to go wheels up. Maybe he will call tonight, she hoped. All she wanted was a hot bath, and sleep, lots of sleep. But unfortunately all she had time for was the sleep. Just grab a few hours and then right back to the office, incase her team needed her. But first alittle me time.

Grabbing her diary, she sat down on her couch and began to write.

**Today, what a day. Kevin was acting weird , nothing new there. But still, its like hey dude, you made me cry, I'm really not in the mood to talk to you right now. Derek and I had a heart to heart. God what he does to me. He somewhat growled and I had to bite back a moan. He is just so damn sexy. With all those muscles and the tight shirts he wears. He is just so very lickable. But he was a heart too. I remember when he showed up at my door in the pouring rain. The team had just finish a real hard case that involved children, it had hit him pretty hard. He walked right in sat down in the middle of the couch. I sat down next to him and said his name. he didn't answer me, just looked right at me with tears in his eyes. He laid his head on my chest, right on top of my heart and said "Just hold me together, Penelope please, hold me together." I wrapped my arms around him and rest my cheek on top of his head. I rocked him alittle and whispered " I have you, you are alright and you are safe." over and over again. If he didn't alright ready have it, he would have stolen my heart right then and there.

And that is the problem Derek has my heart and doesn't even know it. I am starting to think that Kevin was right. Morgan will only even see me as his best friend. And there is nothing I do about it. I just need… something. I need to do something but I don't know what. What am I lacking?

Confidence

That's what I am lacking . If I had more confidence, I could go what I really wanted. I would walk right up to him, right in the middle of the BAU, and tell him that he was coming over of to my place. I have everything ready, 100's of candles would be lit with soft music would be playing in the back round. I would have on my navy blue silk rode over my navy blue chemise with cream colored lace trim. I would look and feel sexy. I would answer the door, and there he would be, as beautiful as ever. I would kiss him, not one of those 'you're my best friend' kisses we shared once. But I would kiss with a hunger that would set us aflame, letting him know exactly what I wanted. I would lead him by the hand to my bedroom and then…

What?

What do I know about pleasing a man? Especially a man like Derek, who has been with plenty of women. Women that are sexy and knew what to do with a man. Not that I don't understand what sex is. I just don't know what to do, I've some heavy on top of the cloths petting but that's all. Hell even then I wasn't even sure if I was doing it right. I just want to please him if the time ever comes.

Maybe I need to do what I should have done years ago 'you just have to knock it out a few times, then you will get the hang of it.' is what the girls back in high school use to say before I left. That's I should do, have sex a few times, get the hang of it and I would get some confidence, then go after what I really want. Would that make me a slut? No, I don't think so. I mean its just what some people do. Tons of people. What's the big deal if I do it.. Find some Radom guys have sex with them and that's it.

God I do sound like a slut. But I am just so tired of being alone, of feeling empty and unloved. And if I have to have the opportunity to be with Derek that way, I want to know what I am doing. I don't even want him to regret being with me, I don't think my heart could take it. **

Closing her book, Garcia got up and walked in to her bathroom. Just enough time for a quick shower then bed. As she finish undressing, she stopped and looked into her full length mirror. Looking over her body, she though why the hell not. Get some, she giggled, confidence and get maybe just maybe I can get want I really want, one Derek Morgan. It's my time.

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