Chapter 4

Four days passed. Cragen was released from jail and told he could return to his position, but he'd decided to take some personal time off. Olivia couldn't blame him, especially after the trauma he'd just been through. Captain Stephen Harris had been released now that SVU wasn't being watched as closely, and Munch offered to be in charge until Captain Cragen returned from his leave. Munch insisted he'd taken charge the captain's position before and was perfectly capable of keeping SVU in an orderly fashion. Captain Harris had other places in the force that needed him.

Olivia's head just hadn't been at work since she'd left the hospital. She hadn't been back to visit Cassidy, which she felt somewhat guilty about. Though, she had called him last night and talked to him from her apartment before going to bed. He told her that if tests came back positive, he was supposed to be released today. She'd told him to call her when they were about to release him and she'd be his ride home. However, she had neglected to ask him where home was, as he'd been undercover for three years and hadn't mentioned where he'd been residing during that time.

No one at SVU had said a word about Amaro's walking in on Olivia and Brian sleeping, not even Amaro. Olivia didn't know if that meant that Amaro hadn't told anyone, or if nobody had the guts to confront her about it. Surely if Munch had caught wind of it, he would have said something to her about it. It just wasn't in his nature not to say something.

She was sitting on her desk reading through her cases, hoping something would click in her head to help her solve her latest case. It was a challenge when the words just blended together on the page. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she'd been so out of touch with her job. Her job was her life, so if she was out of touch with her life, then that meant she was out of touch with her life.

As she sat at her desk, she found herself questioning if this was the desk she was going to have until the rest of her life. Every single day for what seemed like forever, she couldn't remember life before SVU, she would go to sleep knowing where she'd be sitting the next morning. There was no question about it. The only variation she'd ever had in her schedule was when she went undercover or that short period of time she worked computer crimes.

Is this really where she was going to be for the rest of her life?

What about when she grew old? She'd have no family to take care of her. She'd work until the day she died because her pension certainly wouldn't be high enough to survive off.

Was that what she really wanted?

By now, her mind was far from her cases. That was when she felt a hand on her shoulder which caused her practically to leap out of her chair. She looked up and saw Rollins holding a piece of paper in her hands.

"Sorry, Benson, I didn't mean to startle you there. I just had a piece of paper I thought you'd be interested in… Benson, are you okay? You don't look so hot. I mean no offense or anything."

"I'm fine, just a little drained. Aren't we all? What's the paper you've got for me?"

"Things have actually been pretty quiet around here within the last 24 hours. I actually got a full night's rest last night for the first time in a long time. Didn't you go home last night and sleep?" Rollins looked a little puzzled. Olivia didn't respond. "Is something going on, Benson? You know, if you need someone to talk to woman-to-woman, I'm here. I know it's gotta be hard working on a force with predominately men for all these years. I'm glad to add some woman power to SVU. But seriously, if you need to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks for the offer, and I'll seriously take it up if I need it, but everything's fine." Olivia forced a smile, and before she could ask Rollins about the paper again, her phone started to ring. Immediately she pulled it out, "Benson."

"Hey, Liv! They're just about to release me from the hospital in about an hour. Is your offer still there to be my ride?" Cassidy's deep voice spoke into phone.

"Sure is. I'll be there in a few," she said. Rollins gave her a perplexed look.

"Okay, I'll see you then. Bye."

"See you then."

She placed her phone back in her pocket and looked at Rollins, "Sorry, I've got to get to a client. Just set the paper on my desk and I'll look at it when I get back."

"Okay."

Just as she was leaving, she passed Munch and Amaro.

"Where are you going?" Munch asked.

"I'm meeting with a client in fifteen minutes, I'll be back later."

"A client? Really, Liv. That's not terminology you normally use. Who's this client? Is it a victim?" Munch said. "You've been acting disorientated the last couple days, don't think I haven't notice. My vision might be getting poor as I get older, but I'm not blind yet."

"Why's it matter?"

"It's Cassidy," Amaro volunteered, slyly.

"Brian Cassidy?" Munch looked at Olivia.

"He's getting out of the hospital and I offered him a ride home," Olivia said. She looked at her watch. Five minutes had been wasted. "And if you don't mind, I really should be going. I told him I'd be there right away."

"Actually, I kind of do mind," Munch said. "I need details here. Why didn't you just say it was Cassidy? Wait, you two aren't…"

"Yes, they are," Amaro insisted.

"Aw, I always thought you two would be cute together," Munch teased, which gave Olivia a slight uncomfortable feeling. Amaro's face went pale as he witnessed Munch's approval. Olivia was just waiting for Amaro to bash Cassidy again, but he didn't. He curled his lip under his teeth.

"Well, I've got to go." She rushed past Amaro and Munch, got in her car and began heading toward the hospital. She didn't know why she cared so much about whether or not the squad approved of her and Cassidy's relationship. Maybe it was because Cassidy was formerly a SVU detective and knew Munch and Cragen well. Also, she knew that Amaro wasn't fond of Cassidy, and she felt like he'd lost some respect for her since that day in the hospital room. Olivia liked to feel like she was in control.

The problem was she cared too much about the people she worked with. They were her family. If they didn't approve of who she was dating, then her life was made hell. That was the case in any family unit, wasn't it? If your parents, brothers, and sisters didn't like your boyfriend, then it made for painful family reunions.

Olivia Benson felt weaker than she'd ever felt before. Becoming part of SVU had strengthened her and made her a strong, independent woman. Was she about to lose all the strength she had built over the years for a man who she barely knew anymore? She'd known him once, but whether she liked to admit it or not, Amaro had a point. People change over time. All Olivia could do is get-to-know the man she was on her way to pick up.

Even then, could she really say she knew him? People only let you know so much about them. After all, as Foster had told her, all people have their secrets. All Olivia's just happened to come out so easily.

This was the reason she feared committed relationships.

Author's Note: Thank you everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story so far! It's hard to believe that I'm just posting chapter 4 when I've actually begun writing chapter 8! I've been writing on and off throughout the day like crazy. Hopefully I'll keep up this pace. There are definitely some twists and turns to come! FYI, Amaro pissed me off in the season premiere, especially when he pointed a gun to Cassidy's head. So, that might explain why I've turned him into a total ass for the sake of this story.