October 19

I still trick or treat, even at 18.

but this halloween my mind was on something else.

SOMEONE else.

Sarah refused to have an abortion. flat out refused. she claimed it was her parents, but since she was hiding anyway i figured she could have had an abortion in private and never had to tell her parents, but she said she didn't have the money by herself.

I didn't either.

I'm always broke.

i also think she might want to keep the baby just to keep her mind off jimmy.

She is still going to school, and she just walks home to double d's house afterwards.

i decided to pay her a visit.

"Hey sarah. you going trick or treating?"

she was sitting on the couch in the ever empty house, looking bored out of her skull.

"can't. there's a chance mom or dad might see me."

"you could wear a mask."

"i'm not going. i'm 16 for god's sake. and you're even older. take responsibility for your goddamn actions, eddy."

It took me a moment to realize she was talking about the baby.

"this is mostly YOUR fault, Sarah."

"the fuck it is." she didn't even look at me.

sarah's even more of a swearer than me, and that's saying something.

"well, it is. you were drunk and on top of me."

"exactly. i was drunk. you WEREN'T, EDDY. YOU FUCKING WEREN'T! AND YOU STILL WENT THROUGH WITH IT!"

she was screaming now, holding her stomach and pointing her finger in my face as she stood up.

i knew it was my fault. i freaking knew she knew that i knew. i felt my face heat up.

"YOU COULD HAVE AN ABORTION, YOU KNOW!"

"I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, GODDAMMIT!"

we were both hysterical, screaming at each other.

until double d walked in.

"WHAT IN SAM HILL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!"

we both stopped shouting for a moment.

i think we both knew it was pointless to continue this argument.

we didn't have enough money. she was trapped.

i trapped her.

i know i did. i let my emotions get in the way of clear thinking. she was DRUNK FOR GOD'S SAKE.

"fuck you you fucking molester."

"MOLESTER?!" i screeched.

Double d got between us.

"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!"

I screamed fuck you and then slammed out of the house and into my red sports car.

i heard sarah break into tears and my heart broke.

i screeched off, trying to get away from everybody.

Ed was sitting at a little cafe with may.

i grinned.

"Hey lumpy!"

Ed looked up, embarrased to have been seen with May.

May, however, grinned and waved.

I walked over to them, and saw that ed was drawing something on a napkin.

"will you be my girlfriend of the seven mutant mashers, may?"

he had written. i gave him a thumbs up and left them alone. still wanted to be alone.

finally i caved and went back to edd's house.

sarah deserved an apology from me. i knew i wasn't drunk. i f-ing knew.

Sarah's POV

as soon as eddy left i broke down crying. every boy leaves me. i guess i'm just unlovable.

double d put a comforting hand around me.

"now what was that all about?"

i give a shuddering sigh, not really wanting to talk about it. i was drained. i needed to throw up.

i ran to his bathroom, shoving him out of the way as i went. sue me. he's very pushable.

i almost laughed to myself as i threw up.

"pushable edd! buy yours now! he really falls over!"

he slowly came into the bathroom, and held my hair back for me.

when i was done ralphing, i turned to him.

"you don't have to be this nice, y'know."

"first tell me why you're upset."

"eddy..."

"what about eddy?"

i shrug, not wanting to let on any more.

"oh..."

and then the whole story comes spilling out of me. every detail. the night at nazz's party. the spiked punch. the handsome eddy. the bed. my drunkeness being overwhelming. the brunch proposal. the illness. the fainting. the baby. the paris lie. here.

he sits, listening to me talk, in this super neat and orderly bathroom.

i finish, with the big blowout eddy and i had, and he stands up.

"sarah... there's something eddy should have told you a long time ago, and i think it's something he should have told you, but he hasn't, and it's time for you to know."

"what? what is it?"

"well..." he lets out a breath.

suddenly his front door slams open.

"EDDWARD, ARE YOU HOME, DEAR?!"

edd jumps.

"you have to hide!" he yelps, pushing me into the spare bedroom.

i nod, scared out of my skull.

there's a little old woman standing at the base of the stairs, staring up at both of us.

"now, who's this, eddward dear?"

he gulps and stops pushing me.

"er... this is... uh... i um..."

i walk downstairs with confindence in my air.

"Sarah Hill, pleased to meet you."

"oh, isn't that nice, darling." she smiles at me, and edd walks downstairs too.

ms. doubterty, as that is her name, has a voice like fire trucks. i like that in a girl. she's got fire, like me. (anyway)

we go and sit down at the table, edd still completely embarrased. he's even more embarrased when she asks the big question.

"so eddward, are you and sarah friends?"

the emphasis. oh god not the emphasis.

"fffffffffrrrrriiiiiieeeeeennnnnddddssss?"

i suddenly stand up.

"ms D, could i help you with those dishes?"

she nods.

"you haven't answered my question, eddward..." there's a twinkle in her eye. NO!

he takes a breath.

"er... we're just friends."

"oh, suuuuure you are dear. would you get the laundry for me eddward deaaar?"

he rolls his eyes at her.

a direct violation of an adult order? who are you and what have you done with edd?!

"we really are. we were just doing homework together and anway she's eddy's girlfriend."

A LIE!

seriously, who are you. where is edd.

Eddy's POV

i get to edd's house. crap, ms doubterty is there.

well, whatever. i barge in through the front door.

"eddy sampson, remove your shoes at once!" ms doubterty yells. i shrug and grab sarah by the arm.

"what are you doing, fathead?!" she mutters,

"doing what i should have done a long time ago." i say lowly.

i shoves her into the sports car, and we drive out of the cul-de-sac.

"eddy..." she whispers my name.

we drive to the top of one of the cliffs that overlooks the city. teenagers usually hang out here and have bonfires, and watch the fireworks from lake garcia in the summer.

"sarah."

i turns to look at her.

"i'm so sorry i put this on you. i never wanted you to get pregnant. i'm really sorry. all i wanted to do was kiss you, and that was for a stupid bet-"

"YOU KISSED ME FOR A BET?!"

"well, more like a dare."

oh great, now she's mad.

she grabs me by the shoulders.

"you better explain, fast."

Eddward Marion Vincent

i watch eddy and sarah go, and i'm sure eddy has something to say. i step outside, telling ms. doubterty to do whatever she pleases while i'm out. she wants to know where i'm going, so i give a brief explaination of "just going to get some fresh air"

not true.

i'm specifically going to see my blonde friend.

nazz van-

"ahahahah! that's so choice, nazz!"

i stop short.

kevin.

kevin's with nazz. of course he is, i tell myself. they're best friends.

i step up to nazz's fence, knocking lightly.

she stops giggling.

"oh, hi double d!" she says, in an average delighted nazz voice.

i melt.

"um.. hello nazz... i was wondering.. i-if you would... talk to me... alone.. p-perhaps?"

kevin shrugs, though his outward angry face is making me nervous.

nazz grins at me.

"ok, let's go!"

i take her back into the backyard while kevin waits outside.

"nazz... you've toyed with the idea of being with me... and such.."

oh, what an awful start. but this has to be said. to make sure she has feelings for me or doesn't.

she stops smiling.

the gentleness is still there, though.

"double d... as much as i think you're a good friend... i can't..."

she lowers her voice.

"you know i love kevin. i'm waiting to tell him and i'm sorry if i hurt you."

i don't think i'm hurt as much as i should be in this situation.

i naturally expected this.

giving her a nod, i walk off. kevin reenters the backyard.

she looks sad.

well, she just wasted her oppertunity to have me.

i'm about to go back to ms doubterty, but suddenly everything is black.

"hey, oven mitt. guess who?"

i stand perfectly still. maybe i'll dissapear.

she takes her hands off me, thankfully.

"why the long face, sockhead?"

she's heard eddy use the nickname and picked it up herself.

i sigh and turn away.

"oh, same old. nazz is dating kevin now, i guess?"

she gives me a sour look.

"why are you always wasting your time on airheads like nazz?"

i turn back to her, giving her a grin.

"well, no more. enough was enough."

she smiles at me, and it's a real smile, not an evil one like she'd usually do.

she looks sad for a moment though.

then i remember.

i pull the model car we've been working on in woodshop.

i've decorated it with blue, green, and purple stripes, and the axel works now.

"you fixed it?"

she's honestly suprised.

marie's very interested in cars, which is good because when we talk at least we can talk about something other than her and her sisters behavior...

"of course i fixed it."

when the teacher paired us up for woodshop, the other kids really didn't have any chance. with her expertise and mine put together, we were the best team.

i also pull out a subscription card to "hubcap digest."

"happy birthday, marie."

her mouth drops open.

"you... remembered."

"of course i remembered."

she hugs me.

breathe, eddward.

"double d..."

she murmers, still hugging me.

i instinctivley pull away from her.

she lowers her gaze.

"sorry."

is... a kanker sister... actually apologizing?! TO ME?!

and then i realize.

marie's changed.

but she looks beautiful. i realize also she's one of the only girls i can talk to without dying.

i watch her closely.

she wants me to hug her.

obviously.

but, wouldn't that be reverse psycology? aren't i not supposed to do that? my own methods are working against me. again.

so i do what only rational, teenage boys would do in this situation.

i hug her. i don't want to seem rude.

i ALSO don't want to give her the wrong idea.

her face has lit up.

"um... hey, if you're not doing anything, you think we could go to the junkyard?" she wants to know, shyly awaiting my response.

well.

i am really not doing anything better with my time. and this could prove to be interesting.

she picks up a rusted old computer chip.

"you ever wonder what this stuff was like in it's prime time? i mean, i've seen stuff that looks like it could be really cool if put together."

i grin at her.

"you're holding about 3 megabytes of computer storage in your hand right now. i could rewire that into a new computer, i bet."

no, i am not gloating.

am i?

i would never gloat just to impress a girl!

she grins.

"i don't even know what a megabyte is."

"well, you far surpass me in your vast knowlege of auto parts."

"right, like that's gonna get me any farther than ed's garage."

"oh come on, if we were stranded and our car broke down, do you really think i would be of any assistance?"

she looks at me funny.

"um... 'we?' 'our car?'"

i laugh nervously.

"did i say that? i...er..."

she starts laughing at me.

her blue hair falls over her face, as she doubles over in laughter.

"admit it! you've thought about us being together too!"

we're both suddenly silent.

she slaps her own forehead.

"and, i just made it weird."

"no, really marie, i have."

she chokes.

"excuse me?"

i shrug, liking that i am now in control of this conversation.

"i mean, i always just assumed that we'd end up together. hadn't you?"

pulling the full on "i am so innocent i have no idea what you're talking about" look, (as i am capable of doing, i'll have you know,) i grin at her.

she blushes, still not making out clear words.

"i.. uh... what?"

i almost feel bad for her.

then i remember, i am edd. she is marie KANKER. i am a weakling. i should not be teasing satan's child like this.

"i'm terribly sorry for teasing you, marie. can you forgive me?"

i am trying so hard not to smile.

she blinks.

"so have you, or have you NOT thought about us being together?"

"well... i... yes... i suppose i have."

admiting this for real is harder.

now we're both blushing.

we sit in some old tires, marie smirking at me.

"so, Mr. Eddward Kanker-Vincent, how many kids we havin'?"

i fall over in shock.

"we're hyphanating the last name?"

she groans at me.

"answer the freaking question, sockhead."

"1."

"3."

we say at the same time, then burst out laughing at each other.

"let's compromise, 2."

"agreed."

we talk late into the night, when mother is probably worried sick about where i am.

oops. my phone's battery must have run low.

lost track of the time.

i'm looking up at the stars, pointing out orion, leo, the big dipper.

it's quiet for a long time.

"am i boring you, marie?"

"huh? whuzzat? i'm awake."

she stretches and yawns.

"alright. let's get you home."

she smiles weakly at me.

"no, i was listening to... to.. you..."

i stand up, giving her my hand so she can stand as well.

"and what was i talking about?"

"constellations," she answers broadly as we walk to her house. only the porch light is on.

i give her a grin.

"goodnight, marie."

she opens the door to the trailer.

am i supposed to kiss her? what should i do? give her another hug? a handshake? a salute? a wave?

she makes the choice easy and leans down to kiss me.

she's putting herself on the line.

if i don't reciprocate, well-

but i do.

i don't know why. every brain cell is screaming at me, "WHY"

her arms are around my neck.

i can count this as my first kiss, right?

it's infinately better than my real first one.

this was a good way to spend halloween.

yes. marie's birthday is on halloween.

i used to take this as an omen that she was bad luck.

now i'm not sure that's the case.

a light is switched on, and we're caught.

"yo, lovebirds."

marie pulls away from me, embarrased.

"hi, lee."

may pops out from behind her.

i probably have lipstick all over my face.

lee only gives a laugh.

"happy birthday, marie. dad came over, but you weren't here."

her face falls.

he did?

"i'm sorry, marie, i should have taken you home earlier, i-"

she gives me a hug.

"this was way better than any birthday where dad shows up, drinks all of mom's brandy and passes out on the couch."

i give her a gap-toothed smile.

"you're welcome then."

the door closes, and i can just make out may screaming,

"big ed asked me to be his girlfriend!"

marie and lee laughing.

i walk through the october air.

sarah's asleep when i get back... I peek in her room to check on her. EDDY is asleep with her.

i put a hand to my mouth.

they look worn out. i'll let them be.

i fall asleep with dreams of marie.

Sarah 6 hours earlier

he kissed me for a bet.

that was all it was. he doesn't like, or even care about what happens to me and this baby.

"you better explain, and fast."

i almost strangle him.

he shakes me off, which he normally wouldn't be able to do.

"ok. so here goes."

i stand with my arms folded.

"alright. so you know the night of the dance?"

i sarcastically roll my eyes.

"no, i had completely forgotten about that entire episode!"

he glares at me defensivley.

"well, ed and double d and i were playing truth or dare before the big party."

"so?"

i'm not in the mood to be patient.

"so they dared me to kiss you."

he earns a slap across the face from yours truly.

"and you did." i say reproachfully.

"only because i liked you, and they knew it. so they dared me to kiss you." he holds his face, still talking in that calm manner.

it's strange when he talks like that to me.

"you. like me."

"i have since we were kids. i was so jealous when you started to like sockhead instead."

Eddy

the whole thing comes spilling out of me.

how i didn't stop her when she was drunk because i wanted her. i wanted her so badly i didn't care if she was drunk as long as she held me.

i apologized. so many times.

i told her how sorry i was for all the mayhem i'd created. i had destroyed her life.

her and jimmy were going along fine, when i showed up and destroyed their relationship.

i destroyed her family life, by forcing her to lie and say she had to leave them.

i destroyed her body. now she was carrying this extra.. thing. i apologized so. many. times.

she sat quietly, listening to me beat myself up.

"fuck you eddy."

i expected this. i expected her to be mad at me.

the words still stung.

"fuck. y-you fucking a-"

she sits down on the grass, crying.

i sit next to her.

she doesn't push me away.

"eddy..."

she leans over and hugs me.

"look... just stay with me. stay by me. i'm going to be a mother... be the dad. please."

so she's not mad.

"of course i'll stay with you. who wouldn't?"

"jimmy would. you would."

i ask softly,

"would you have prefered jimmy?"

she gives me a wan smile.

"to be honest... you're the only one i could have in this circumstance."

what does she mean?

"..."

she gives me a bigger smile.

"i love you too, eddy."

she rests her head on my shoulder and we watch the sun go down.

"would you... be my girlfriend?"

i ask lowly. i hear her sharp intake of breath.

"eddy... i would marry you right now if i could."

we go back to sockhead's place.

ms. doubterty questions us at dinner.

"where is eddward? why are you over here eating his food?"

sarah stares at me.

we should tell her, or she'll go about the neighborhood yelling about it.

so we tell her the whole story again.

when we finish, all she can say is;

"you youngsters are putting a lot of extra stress on yourselves that don't need to be there."

i laugh.

"it's my fault anyway."

sarah puts her arm around me.

"come on."

she leads me to the bedroom, and i sit in her beanbag.

"look, sarah, i'll get a part time job. we can do this. i'll support you."

she gives me a smile.

"i know you will."

she sinks into her bed, and i think she's fallen asleep.

so i lean over her, whisper goodnight, and start to head home.

i hear her voice.

"wait..."

she pulls me onto the bed with her.

holds me.

"stay.."

i'm tempted, but i can't.

"my mom will kill me if i'm not home."

she leans up and kisses me.

it sends electric shock waves all over my body.

"no, sarah."

she knows i'm wavering.

"please..." she breathes.

i can't. her voice lures me in.

she lays her head on top of my chest, and falls asleep that way, breathing in and out.

i may have ruined her life...

but she's just made me the happiest man alive.

i can only hope she's happy too.