Harry wants to be able to love Dougie without feeling like he's taking advantage of the boy.
Tom wants Harry to leave off holding Dougie so much until Dougie is stable enough to make his own decisions.
Danny wants Tom to keep out of it because if Harry kissing Dougie will make Dougie alive then Harry can do whatever the fuck he likes with his lips.
Dougie wants to remember what it feels like to look at someone and feel like they're not a million miles away.
Jazzie wants a chocolate biscuit.
Mummy, she says, I want a chocolate biscuit, but Mummy is sitting at the kitchen table with empty bottles in front of her
Ten green bottles, sitting on the wall
Mummy, Jazzie repeats, but Mummy seems to have well and truly passed the point of no return and so Jazzie climbs up on to the kitchen counter, reaches for the blue and pink tin
Ten green bottles, sitting on the wall
but her arms aren't long enough and she reaches further and there's a puddle of alcohol on the surface and she stays silent as she slips
But if one green bottle should accidentally fall
and stands back up and stumbles back up to her room with bleeding knees and a bruise on her face and no Mummy but it doesn't matter really,
There'll be nine green bottles, sitting on the wall.
because she didn't deserve the biscuit anyway, because she is fat.
Tom's stomach is filled with that feeling of dread he's come to associate with the Poynter household as he knocks on the door. There's no answer, why doesn't that surprise him? Because Dougie will be sitting in the shower and Dougie's mum will be drunk in the back garden and Jazzie will be God knows where doing God knows what. So Tom walks in and wipes his feet and doesn't look at the stains on the carpet as he makes his way to the bathroom.
He's right, the shower is on, and that wouldn't faze him normally but the steam floating up from the door is steam that doesn't appear unless water is scalding so he kicks open the locked door and wrenches open the curtain. And Dougie is sat, knees under his chin, skin bright red, claw marks in his shoulders, and Tom is sweating from the heat.
He doesn't waste time as he hauls Dougie up and out, wrapping a towel roughly round his shoulders and pushing him back to his bedroom. Dougie complies, partly because he's so fucking tired and partly because he's scared when Tom looks so angry. Dougie falls face first on his bed and doesn't move and Tom sits next to him and stares down at his soaking wet, bright red friend.
"What the fuck are you trying to do?"
Dougie briefly considers explaining that he was trying to melt himself down the plughole but figures that won't sit well with his friend so replies, 'Taking a shower,' and Tom starts crying.
And that's not right.
Dougie is supposed to be crying, not Tom.
Tom's sister isn't dead. In fact, Tom's sister is on her way to a life much like her brother's- fame, fortune and fans- because she's a singer and an actress and a ball of personality and ambition and there is no way she's going to be hanging herself any time soon. So Dougie doesn't know what to do now because what does one do when one's friend is crying for no reason?
Tom says, 'I don't want you to kill yourself.'
Dougie says, 'I can't.'
Tom looks up, eyes red and bloodshot. 'Can't?' He echoes unsurely.
Dougie nods, repeats himself; 'Can't.'
'Why can't you?'
Dougie is lost now, unsure what Tom means. 'I wouldn't know how.' He says slowly, and then Tom goes pale and he attempts to salvage the situation by ending with 'I think you need to have energy to kill yourself and all I want to do is sleep.'
And Tom swears and puts his head in his hands and sobs more because Dougie won't kill himself- but it's not because he doesn't want to. It's because he can't be bothered.
And Tom thinks, what happens when he gets the energy back?
Because he really doesn't want to be the one who finds the cold, lifeless body of his littlest friend.