How to Charm a Witch
by ChatterChick
Summary: Colin Longbottom wants nothing more than to impress Lily Luna Potter. Unfortunately he has all the charm of your typical Longbottom male.
Chapter 4: Share Her Pain
Colin, Hugo and Lily were escorted back to the Potters' home, and the three of them were squished together on one of the couches in the sitting room. Being caught in Madame Umbridge's home by Harry and Ernie had sobered them up rather quickly. At least Harry didn't decide to completely scare them and take them to the holding cells at the Ministry. For a few tense moments, Colin thought his parents would have to come pick him up from the Auror Department in the middle of the night.
Harry excused himself to send out a patronus to Colin and Hugo's parents, leaving Ginny Potter to supervise them. There was complete silence as they waited for their parents to arrive and to learn just how much trouble they were in.
"He's just going to get my dad, right Aunt Ginny?" Hugo worried. If there was one person in the entire wizarding world who Hugo didn't like to anger – as much as he pushed her buttons – it was his mother. "There's no need – "
"Where is he?" A voice from the kitchen shrieked.
The three of them sunk into their seats at the arrival of Hermione Granger-Weasley. Her bushy brown hair, usually controlled by beauty potions in the daytime, seemed to come alive with anger. Her grey outer robes barely concealed the baby blue striped pyjamas bottoms peeking out from underneath. It looked like she had been dragged out of bed to come deal with her wayward son. Which, given the time, she probably had been.
"Uncle Harry," Hugo whined, pleading with his uncle for mercy. "She's going to kill me!"
"Trust me, Hugo Arthur Weasley, when I'm done with you, you're going to wish I had killed you instead," Hermione seethed, "Dolores Umbridge? You broke into Madame Umbridge'shouse?!"
Ginny had a suspicious sounding cough that was probably her attempt to cover up a laugh. "Sorry," she sheepishly grinned when Hermione rounded on her.
"Normally I would make them apologize to Madame Umbridge and do some chores for her, but given her history – " Harry shared a pointed look with Hermione.
She seemed to pick up on whatever silent message Harry had conveyed, and said, "No, we can't really send them over. I'll have a little chat with Umbridge when she returns from Spain. I'm sure she'll find it in her heart to forgive some harmless teenage stupidity."
Ginny walked away in a coughing fit the moment Hermione said 'heart', leaving Harry and Hermione to deal with the three of them. Colin found himself wondering just who Dolores Umbridge was and why the adults seemed torn between amusement and horror that they had accidentally broke into her house. She sounded like some big-shot at the Ministry. He hoped she didn't get them into too much trouble over it.
Hugo, who never could resist himself, asked, "And will you find it in your heart to forgive some harmless teenage stupidity?"
The glare he was given from his mother immediately silenced him. There was still a higher authority Hugo would have to appease, and she was much stricter than the law.
They were interrupted by the fireplace turning emerald green and Neville emerging from the flames. Colin felt his stomach sink. While Hermione might yell at Hugo, Neville rarely yelled at him. His was more a quiet anger. This time, Colin couldn't tell what his dad thought of the situation. His face remained neutral as Harry and Hermione filled him in and tried to think of punishments for the three of them. Colin dryly supposed that since Harry was Head Auror and Hermione was Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, they were being punished by some of the highest legal authorities in the British Ministry for Magic.
Unless they wanted to put them in front of the entire Wizagamot for some drunken antics. That was a bit excessive though.
"There are always things to do on the grounds," Neville suggested, "Hagrid's getting on in age – "
Hermione shook her head, her bushy curls flying back and forth. "Hagrid's too soft on them, he'll just have them drinking tea and eating rock cakes by noon."
"I think eating rock cakes are punishment enough," Lily quipped. She fell silent again at the disappointed look Harry gave her.
"They'll spend the week at Hogwarts as punishment," Hermione decided, "Running whatever errands the professors need. That should suffice and I doubt Madame Umbridge could argue they're getting off lightly. The Ministry rarely punishes teenagers for being stupid."
"If that's decided, I'm going to take Colin home so we can get some sleep. Ten o'clock tomorrow on the grounds?" Neville confirmed with Harry and Hermione before escorting Colin to the Floo.
"The Green House," Colin said as he tossed the Floo powder into the fire. Although he was still terrified of the conversation that awaited him at home with his parents, Colin was grateful that he was a little closer to going to bed. As he had started to sober up, a pounding headache had formed in his head and he could barely keep his eyes open any more.
There was a tense few seconds while Colin waited for his dad to come through the Floo, wondering what he was going to say. When Neville appeared, he actually cracked a smile and started laughing.
"I didn't think I could keep a straight face much longer and I didn't want to laugh in front of Hermione when she's worked up like that," Neville explained. "I imagine that's why Ginny left the room?"
"She kept laughing every time this Umbridge woman was mentioned - is she someone important?"
"She was our old Defense professor," Neville off-handedly explained, "no one really liked her much. Just how did you three end up in her house?"
"Lily got lost," Colin mumbled, cheeks burning, "and she lead us to the wrong house. She thought it was her cousin's place. Wait, so you're not mad?"
"I can't say I'm happy, but no, I'm not mad," Neville calmly replied. "I don't mind the drinking, I reckon you're going to do that anyway, but the lying and sneaking around I could do without. So next time, just come home and go to bed."
"Really?" Colin asked, a little excited truth be told. He could do this again without having to worry about getting caught by his parents. Maybe Lily and Hugo could work something out with their families too.
"If you come home throwing up, your mother and I won't be impressed," Neville said with a tired grin, "and we expect you to use better judgement in the future. Now off to bed, I think tomorrow's going to be a long day."
xXxXx
The next morning, Colin was abruptly woken by the sound of the magical vacuum just outside his room. Colin winced as he collapsed back into his pillows. There was a dull throb in his temple and his stomach protested at any sort of movement. The noise continued, keeping him from drifting off to sleep and further irritating the headache. Every so often, the vacuum would be repeatedly whacked against the wall, as if it were trying to get a speck of dirt just in the crack where the wall met the carpet.
Annoyed, Colin rolled out of bed to confront whoever had decided to vacuum at the ungodly hour of seven am.
"Good morning, love." Hannah cheerfully smiled at him. "Did I wake you?"
It was then that Colin realized that this was going to be a very long and very bad day.
Hannah Longbottom was bloody terrifying when she was upset. She never raised her voice. Instead she got this disappointed look and just sighed a lot. Like she had expected better of him and he went and dashed all her hopes and dreams. He would have preferred to be yelled at because at least then he didn't have to feel like he had crucio'ed a puppy in front of her.
She was particularly ruthless when it came to household chores that morning. Alice and Grace were given the task of organizing the pots and pans, something both did with a sense of glee as they dropped them and provoked the pounding headache. Colin's chore that morning was especially unpleasant.
He gagged as he scooped up the owl pellets. The smell of the bird cage made bile rise up in his throat. He had had difficulty keeping his stomach settled all morning and had eaten very little at breakfast. This just might do it. "Can't you just vanish the owl droppings? I'm going to hurl."
Gilly, the Longbottom owl, hooted reproachfully from the windowsill. Apparently she agreed with Hannah's choice in punishment.
"Maybe next time you'll think twice before drinking that much," Hannah tittered, hands on hips. She eventually took pity on him and vanished the owl pellets before putting fresh straw down for Gilly.
With that, he felt a little hopeful that his mum was starting to soften. So Colin asked, "Do you happen to have any hangover cure in your potions closet?"
"Nice try. You're working that off the Muggle way."
After that, Colin was allowed to spend the rest of the morning recovering from his hangover. By the time it was ten o'clock and he was expected to go to Hogwarts, there was only a sharp pain in his head if he moved too much and his stomach no longer felt like it was doing somersaults. He was exhausted from only sleeping four hours, and was hoping the day would pass quickly and he could go home and nap.
He was in much better shape than a groggy Hugo and an irritated Lily, both looked like they had just been hauled out of bed. Lily was wearing a large pair of sunglasses and hissed like a vampire the moment they walked outside the Longbottom house. They had a half-hour walk to Hogwarts where Neville let them onto the grounds and directed them to the greenhouses.
"This is like detention," Lily grumbled as Neville unlocked the Greenhouse Four, "in the summer!"
"There's no difference in my world," Colin muttered. Being grounded by his parents or serving detention with his parents amounted to the same thing. Cleaning bedpans or weeding the greenhouse.
"This can't be legal."
Neville chuckled. "Punishing your kids for misbehaving? Definitely legal. What's not legal is breaking and entering, or drinking hard liquor underage for that matter."
"You can't prove the latter," Hugo smugly informed him, "we could just have a really weak tolerance for butterbeer."
"You're right, but I can suspect it."
Neville left them alone for most of the morning, and Colin suspected that his dad was just humouring Hermione's punishment with no real intention of making it hard. They finished the weeding within an hour and spent the next just sitting in the shade behind the greenhouses, sharing stories of what their parents said after they went home.
"Mum just yelled a lot," Hugo shared. "I tuned her out after a while. It's a bit rich to hear her tell me I'm not supposed to lie to my parents when she's the one who wiped her parents' memories and sent them to Australia for the rest of their lives."
Hugo liked to compare his current life to his parents' past adventures to remind them that he wasn't that bad. It had gotten worse over the years as they learned more about their parents in History of Magic.
"Dad was pretty chill about it, said he'd rather I be honest in the future and not sneak around. Mum wasn't impressed that we got that smashed, but she can't stay mad for long." He had the more laid back parents of the three of them. Working at the school with hundreds of teenagers had made them fairly calm. Chances were that any trouble Colin had gotten into was something they had already seen before to some degree.
Lily shifted her hands so they blocked out the harsh sunlight. "Dad just lectured me and told me to be more responsible next time. Oh, did either of you see the Daily Prophet this morning?"
Hugo blearily shook his head. "I was barely functional when Mum shoved me in the fireplace, never mind taking a look at the paper."
"Mum was having kneazles at breakfast over it," Lily snickered, pulling the paper out of her handbag. "We're on page seven!"
She passed it to Colin and Hugo, and both quickly flipped to the Lifestyle section where gossip was commonly printed.
Young, Wild and Troubled?
by Rita Skeeter
Harry Potter. Ginevra Potter. Hermione Granger-Weasley. Ronald Weasley. Neville Longbottom. These highly influential war-heroes in our world seem to have it all. Successful careers, marriages and children. But at what cost?
In the early hours of this Saturday morning, Harry and Ginevra Potter's daughter, Lily Potter, along Hugo Weasley, the son of Ron and Hermione Weasley and Colin Longbottom, the son of Neville and Hannah Longbottom, were caught breaking into Dolores Umbridge's home after an evening of underaged drinking (along with rumours of other illegal substances). They were apprehended at the scene by Head Auror Harry Potter himself.
"It's clear to me that these children are acting out for attention from their parents," Dolores Umbridge told the Daily Prophet when she was contacted for a comment earlier today. "Of course I found it in my heart to forgive them."
Indeed, these are busy parents. Last month, Ginny Potter clocked many late nights here at the Daily Prophet while her husband is often called away to work odd hours. One can only speculate how this has lead to their daughter to acting out to seek their attention. It was almost as if she knew her father would be on call that night...
The rest of the article was not-so-subtle digs at the parenting skills of the Potters and Weasleys. Ginny Potter was the Quidditch Correspondent for the Daily Prophet while Rita Skeeter wrote news and gossip. The two witches have had an on-going feud for years, especially since the Potters and their friends were some of Skeeter's favourite people to generate gossip about. This article in particular was a slap in the face to Ginny.
Lily grinned as they read it, "I'd watch my back if I were Skeeter."
At around noon, Neville came back to check on the work they had done. "Excellent, you were much faster than I expected you would be."
"So are we free to go today?" Lily asked. "We, ah, learned our lesson."
Neville looked amused, "And what lesson is that?"
"Something about drinking responsibly," Lily airily responded.
"Yes that was probably the root of your trouble," Neville dryly remarked, "But you're not free to go just yet. Hagrid's prepared tea and sandwiches, you're expected for the afternoon."
"I thought we weren't supposed to see Hagrid," Hugo smirked. "Mum said he'd be 'too easy' on us."
Neville laughed. "Just don't tell your mother I let you off so easy. I still think that as long you three aren't running student rebellions under my nose, you're doing fine. She might not see it that way."
"Don't give us ideas," Lily cheekily responded, "we still have three years left."
"I think Hugo's Army has a very nice sound to it. We could call it the Herbology Association so no one suspects a thing."
Neville rolled his eyes and sent them over to Hagrid's hut for the rest of their 'punishment'.
"Lily, Hugo and Colin," the old half-giant beamed at the three of them. "Yer dad said yeh might be stoppin' by."
Being half-giant and half-wizard gave Hagrid a rather prolonged life. Colin had seen pictures his parents had taken over the years, and it seemed that Hagrid hadn't aged much in the twenty-some years since his parents finished Hogwarts.
They spent a rather enjoyable afternoon having tea with Hagrid and telling him just want they were being punished for, much to Hagrid's amusement. And Hagrid might have accidentally given Hugo some new dirt on his parents. A rather interesting tale about a dragon named Norbert...