My next move was to observe the girl who is Sailor Moon. I wouldn't have found her, but I noticed her talking cat in the streets, muttering to herself, and she led me right into the enemie's base.

I wasn't prepared for what I found. It was hell. It made a bad day in the Dark Kingdom look like a holiday resort. I don't understand.

Although it really explains a lot about her attitude.

So, I watched her. She took a bath. I liked to see how it did her good, relaxed her all over. Maybe we should have bathtubs in the Dark Kingdom, too, I could name a number of people who'd I'd like to see in that... man, this mission was really distracting.

And then she cried. Really heartbrokenly cried. I hadn't expected that. I mean, her life had looked so peaceful and happy. Why would she cry like that?

"I gained weeeeeight!"

Yes, Sailor Moon, you did indeed, I could see it very clearly, and it was adorable. It's called female curves, to say it politely. Why would anyone cry about it? Her dad was diplomatically trying to tell her that it's really okay for men to see some boobs on women, and I was momentarily proud of him. Until the rest of the family started making fun of the girl's physical development, and the coward caved in and joined them.

Of course Sailor Moon was devastated. I was too, to be honest. Why doesn't she want boobs? And why wouldn't her family like to see her eat? Isn't raising a child all about getting them fed and well? Maybe her parents were insane, and this would perfectly explain the girl getting out at night to get into nasty fights which is definitely not a sign of sanity either.

For the first time since I met her, I felt a bit sorry for her. Even the talking cat insulted her for craving any food at all, and that cat sure doesn't miss a meal and even begs for more food at the table.

Trapped in a family of sadistic psychological abuse... I watched her starve herself for days. I couldn't believe her mother who spends so much time preparing meals for her let her get away with it.

It turned out that all the girls at her school were talking about getting thinner to each other. I did some research, and found out it was all too common.

First, I was shocked.

Then, I was determined.

I set up a plan. This girl was an enemy to my missions, but that just showed how much she needed help from the Dark Kingdom.

First of all, I gave all my assistants in the Dark Kingdom the week off and bought them a huge cake to celebrate. I really needed to see women with curves have fun with food, and I told them how happy I was they liked it. It was touching to see how such a little gesture can make the world so much friendlier. It was almost embarassing to see how grateful they were. They really shouldn't have had to do me all at once just for that, but they insisted, so who am I to spoil their holidays?

Then I found the most fashionable and succesful gym in Sailor Moon's neighborhood and became an instructor there. My collegues there were so nice. They showed me everything, just everything about their job, about fitness, about their bodies, they even let me try out that bathtub they had (aaaah!), they were so generous I couldn't stop myself from giving them some jewellery in return. I know, old mistake. But they were loving it, and we were off for a really good partnership on this mission.

It turned out they were fully agreeing with me that they hated nothing more than kids who just came in to starve themselves out of any curves, while they should be looking after their health (what DO these kids learn at school?) and they were supporting my plan whole heartedly.

It was easy to lure Sailor Moon and many of her diet crazy friends into the gym. Their teacher did it for me. You are reading right. Their teacher. Wow, I knew the world needs the services of the Dark Kingdom, but I didn't know they need us so badly.

I was so lucky. The plan worked perfectly. The girls joined out of their free will for a lesson of "You'll never set foot into a gym again when I'm finished with you". I already had noticed they were all a bit slow on the uptaking, so I made the lessons as clear as possible. Humiliation, futile exhaustion, and looking ridiculous on machines built for much bigger people. They were really slow, so we had to enforce the lessons a few times. They surely would have gotten the message now.

I was wrong.

The girls were still not hating me from the botton of their hearts, they stilll weren't insulting me, throwing things at me and leaving the gym swearing. The lesson hadn't been successful yet. But on the plus side, I got to see Sailor Moon use the gym's bathtub (I still rerun that tape a lot, knowing your enemy is vital for every mission!).

As sad as I was that the girls still weren't gone, it allowed me to bring on another valuable lesson. They will thank me for it all their lives, hopefully passing it on to their children and grandchildren. The lesson is called "If a stranger takes you to a dark basement and shows you his collection of phallic toys, you must run out and save yourself immediately, no matter what he promises you."

I made this one really, really obvious. I made the toys disturbing, glared at the girls maliciously, told them I'd hit their bodies with unknown radiation. They almost fell over each other, crying "Me, me!" even when I offered to add in some bondage and exposing them in lightened acrylic tubes. I was a bit at a loss at what else to try on them. I've seen a lot over the years (we do throw interesting parties in the Dark Kingdom), but at that age? Maybe it had been a mistake to wear that pants that my fantastic collegues at the gym told me would look good on me. But no, it's too easy to blame onesself when others make mistakes. I was responsible to teach those poor girls how to keep themselves safe.

I would just have to repeat the lesson often enough, and they would finally get it. Okay, I wasn't really certain about that, so I started cheating, I took some of their energy to break their self deceipt faster. Better they slightly got hurt by a well-meaning man than falling for a real danger later.

Queen Beryl loved the plan. She even smiled at me when I reported. Queen Beryl. Smiled. At me. Me, Jadeite. It was almost too much - and then she even praised me! I almost fainted from excitement! She told me to collect more energy, and I scraped together all my courage and smiled back at her. Most inappropriate, but she didn't punish me. Could it be she liked it? Would have liked to ask Nephrite for his opinion, but he's still cranky about not having been there when we had had the cake party, and I couldn't ask Zoisite or Kunzite as we hardly ever get to see them. They are always so busy for the benefit of humankind. I hope my efforts can match theirs one day.

In the meantime, I will work on my suggestive hand moves. They're such a big hit everywhere I go. I'm working on including light effects, too. Sometimes, you just have to use magic to bring a bit of beauty into the world and nothing else.

On her way home, another guy told Moon she should eat more, because guys like boobs. Really, girls should sometimes just listen some more.

Argh, I take it back. Rose guy interfered again and told her she should NOT eat the first meal she had that day. And the cat told her once more how fat she would become. What is it with this cat? Didn't hear her say no when the boob lover offered her an extra meal, but she is mean to Sailor Moon for eating? Probably the cat wants her food, too.

Then her cat told her how worrying it was that the teacher had become so thin. Hello, cat? Wasn't this just what you had talked Usagi into? So it's okay to be underfed for a girl that's still growing, but bad for a fully grown woman? I have yet to see the dimension in which this makes sense.

Really, this mission is starting to depress me. Luckily, my lessons seemed to have at least one little effect, Sailor Moon wasn't listening to her evil cat, but came back to the gym. Maybe she would want to take another bath?

Unfortunately not, but somehow, I don't know how, my lessons, even if she doesn't seem to get them, have a reassuring effect on her when she's in distress. Maybe deep down, she knows this is good for her.

I left her to my great instructors and spent some time with her teacher. She, too, comes back for more lessons, especially for those in the basement. Since I have made it clear to her what a bad teacher she is, she comes for punishment. She really wants this to better herself, it helps me bring forward my mission, and Queen Beryl gets energy out of it. There's only winners.

I should have paid more attention to the stupid cat - she lured Sailor Moon into the situation (Sailor Moon, dominated by fluffy little kittens, what an enemy). What is it with this cat? Please, to all cats who are reading this: Don't force kids to see what grown-ups do when they want to be on their own for a while.

Of course, Sailor Moon wasn't ready for it, and deeply shocked. At least one kid that still has some innocense left. Well, not any more. Thank you, kitty.

I decided to speed up the lesson "This really isn't the place for you", and let the other instructors chase her out of the gym. It's their place after all, and I can understand how they were fed up with her now. She beat them up, guys three times her weight. Not for banning her from the gym, or being a bit rude about it, or running an adult service in their basement - but for their jewellery. Wait, what? And then cried heartbrokenly because she hadn't become thinner from this, because she obviously likes her enemies to be really a lot heavier than her.

I abandoned the mission at this point, I couldn't have done it any longer. The nerves.

I was afraid I had disappointed Queen Beryl. But she was very understanding, more than I deserved.

Now Queen Beryl, she has curves! And she has no problem with them, and why would she? She even congratulated me on the mission. Wow. It gave me so much confidence that I smiled at her again. Twice in one day. I must be out of my mind. I just can't help it.

And then I went and got more cakes. A huge one, for my lovely assistants, one that I entrusted Thetis to hand over to Queen Beryl, and one for Nephrite and me. I have a feeling these cake parties are becoming a new classic here.