"I'm thinking of breaking up with Dean." I blurted while were in the middle of reading.
"Not that I'm sad for bagboy, Mar but why?" He asked, his attention now on me.
"I love Dean but I don't think I'm in love with him. Not the way true love should be." I tried to explain.
"The Romeo and Juliet kind?" He volunteered not so innocently.
"Not that I have to resort to killing myself, but I think you know you really love someone when they have the ability to hurt you as much as they love you." The concept also difficult for me to describe.
"And you don't think you have that with Dean? Why?" He asked wanting me to further elaborate.
"The first time we broke up, it hurt because it was so abrupt but I wallowed and eventually felt better. When we reconciled, it was good again for a while until everything just felt routine. He was safe but I felt something missing. Like now, he's away and I should be pining for him but I'm not."
"So not missing him, means you don't love him?" he asked, catching on my thinking.
"Kind of. It means that I could live without him, that even if we break up now I won't feel as if a part of me has died. We don't have highs or lows. We have a stream of averages. And it's not the way I imagined love to be. You read great loves in books and watch it in movies and they all show that love is not something you want to be average. You could settle for a plain shirt, or even regular coffee, but love, love should be great and all sorts of amazing." I finished explaining.
He looked thoughtful with what I said, probably taking in what my monologue." Do you think you could find it?"
"I hope so." I replied in earnest.
"Do you think you could fall in love with someone like me?" he then asked.
"I can't." I replied automatically.
"Why not?" he asked with brows raised though I could have sworn he looked disappointed for a second.
"Because I don't want to get my heart broken." I reasoned.
"But isn't that the point? He countered, blue eyes challenging mine.
"Are we still talking hypothetical here?" I asked starting to feel uneasy with the topic and confused whether we were speaking realistically.
"To be fair Mary, you'd just as easily break mine too." He said, his intense eyes not leaving mine.
And for a while, I felt my breath catch and those butterflies again.